90 days ago I decided to drink a bottle of wine to reward myself for controlling my drinking for the four days prior. That night I: shotgunned a second bottle of wine, blacked out, announced to Facebook that my nudes were for sale, drunk texted the person I was trying to not text (that was the whole reason I was trying to control my drinking in the first place ugh), blacked out, barfed a lot, passed out on my bathroom floor, and apparently got woken up by my roommate at like 6am, and then went upstairs and went to bed (I don’t remember most of this). Honestly, though, if I hadn’t completely fuckin embarrassed myself over and over again, I don’t think I would’ve tried to get sober sober again, much less work a program. I’d gone without hard drugs for months at a time before, but the longest I ever managed to go without any substances or alcohol at all was 89 days, and the furthest I ever got on my steps was step 4. My shit is finally fucking together in every facet of my life and I’m not looking back, even if I get really depressed again or if my anxiety continues to eat me alive. 90 days may not seem like a lot of time, but if you’ve followed my story for the past 5 years or so, you’ll understand how huge this is. Also I just kind of realized that I am currently living the life I’ve always wanted to live and never thought I’d have, so that’s nice, too. (at North Nashville) https://www.instagram.com/p/ByHU8tNFyOO/?igshid=205knusrygmm
I never thought I’d see this fuckin day tbh, if any of you are still on here
