Sober Dharma

Just as a ripple is the effect of a pebble being dropped in a pond all of our actions affect those around us. For those of you who have or have had a family member or friend addicted to drugs or alcohol you understand the weight someone’s actions be on those closest to them.

It can be extremely difficult to watch someone you love and care about be so destructive with their lives. It can be very confusing for someone who does not fully understand addiction. You probably ask yourself, ‘why don’t they just stop?’

Just as it is difficult for the addict to stop and find sobriety, it can also be very difficult for a loved one to learn and set healthy boundaries for themselves. One thing I have heard from family members of an addict is that they do not want to hurt the one they love. My response to them, which is not easy to hear, is that it is possible to love somebody to death,.

It can be a difficult task to find that line that separates help and enabling. Through communication with others with an addict in the family and found that balance of support and healthy boundaries can you find your own. Remember, you can not make someone stop using who is not ready to stop. They have to be ready and willing, then your love and support will be an invaluable part of their recovery.

In the east it is called the Monkey Mind, bouncing around, or the Elephant Mind, very destructive. Our mind is always busy. We are constantly distracted by work, television, family, social media the list can go on and on. In early recovery not only do we have to cope with, and manage, distractions but our brain is also going through a process of finding its new healthy norm. On top of all of that we are also dealing with regrets and wreckage of our past, fears of the future and our personal triggers. It can be challenging to learn how to manage all of our emotions sober.

That can all seem daunting. How can one learn to manage all it? For me it was, and still is, the practice of daily meditation. As we learn to deal with the stresses of life and learn to navigate through our thoughts and emotions a practice of meditation can help us with this. With meditation practice we place our awareness on the present moment. A good place to start with meditation is watching the breath.

Try this. Find a quite place and sit, if sitting on the floor or a mat sit in cross legged possession, if that’s not comfortable you can sit in a chair with the feet flat on the floor. Place your hands in your lap palms up and close your eyes. Keep your back straight and head slightly tucked. Place your awareness, your attention, on your inhalation as you breath in. Feel the sensation of breath at the end of your nose and the sensation of the belly rising. As the air enters your lungs mentally follow the sensation of the breath in the follow the sensation of breath as it leaves the body.