Im fucking dead

my grandfather, mother and i have lived under my stepdad's abuse for about a decade. he wasn't always like this, but after my brother was born he took a turn for the worst. he primarily targeted my mom by degrading her, insisting she does nothing despite her constantly maintaining our home and getting groceries, and gaslighting her about his constant accusations towards her. she is physically and mentally disabled, especially physically. she is primarily immunocompromised, and constantly is sick. i always do my best to take care of her. in the past three years, he has shifted to include my grandfather and i as targets. he insists that i am lazy and that i don't do enough to pay for the house despite me being mentally and even to an extent physically disabled, AND having a job. he calls me a "fat, lazy piece of shit" behind my back constantly to my mother. he says i don't do enough, that my mother "promotes laziness." he insists that my grandfather doesn't pay enough rent and that he needs to do more, despite him being VERY physically disabled to the point that a decade ago, he was FORCED to quit his job. lately, my stepdad has taken to deliberately sleep-depriving my mother who already struggles with sleep by waking her up to, i kid you not, chicken-bocking. he drove her out of the house over this, to the point she could only get sleep by driving elsewhere and sleeping in her car.

he is no stranger to physical abuse. he has tried to hit my mother many times, and while she can physically defend herself and has successfully put him in his place, the fact that he will attack unprovoked is upsetting enough. unfortunately, this year he has started attacking me as well. there was a moment where he shoved me against my door after loudly screaming at me. there was a moment where he shoved me out of the way as i was getting water for our dogs because my mom was too physically ill to get up. he will stomp and yell to prevent not only me, but my grandfather and mother from getting sleep. he does this especially when i have work the next day. he beats on my door to tell me to "shut the fuck up" at 7 or 8pm because he has work, and i would be speaking at a low volume.