𝖎 𝖈𝖆𝖓’𝖙 𝖇𝖗𝖊𝖆𝖙𝖍𝖊

I want to be buried next to my mom. She is the only place I will ever call home.

I want them to play MCR and The Wonder years at my funeral. No I am not kidding. Witchblades by lil peep is another option.

Tell my siblings I love them and I am sorry. That I just wasn't strong enough to withstand this year.

Tell my grandparents they should of listened when at 16 I told them I wanted to die instead of when I was 20 at the fucking hospital with an IV in my veins.

Tell my best friends I love them. and I'm sorry.

Tell College Casey I know she's stronger then all of this bullshit. SHe doesn't get to follow me

Tell Shane I'm proud of him.

Tell my dad to look after my brother more then he ever looked after me. Because he needs him more.

Tell everyone else I'm sorry I gave up. THat this fight got to much. and yeah Im writing this in advance because I cant promise that the next 48 hours are survivable.

All I can promise is I will try my hardest. But if I dont make it bury me in the Tardis dress. Not my prom one. THE blue one.

My colors are black and purple like always. For once they'll be fitting.

Serve fandom food at the wake. I don't care what prayers you read out, I'd rather my friends read their favorite poets. Turn my wake into a fucking poetry slam. It be a lot more fitting then making them all attend another fucking church service none of us believe in.

Cover up my scars. IT's not fair everyone else has to see my mothers name carved into my arm.

If I die in the next 48 hours know I tried but some wars are too heavy and some mountains too big to climb. I'm not a fucking hero. I'm not a brave person. I'm a weak fucking kid who can't handle this shit.

Who couldn't handle her moms OD at 8 or her dads abandonment for the second time at 11.

I'm someone whose sorry for all the damage I've caused. That the grenade has finally gone off. I'm sorry I fucked up so much we got here.

Just... I have no where else to put this but here. No one else to share this with but you guys. But if it ends I want everything to go to my siblings. They'll need it.

Bury me with a copy of Looking For Alaska because it's the last time I remember being inspired.

I dont care whose a paul bearer. I dont have male relatives I'm close to. But if anyone wants it they are welcome to help lower me down like Helena.

I've gone to join the black parade. I'll be waiting on the other side if I lose this fight. I'm sorry