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The sad Adam Lanza that’s never talked about. I think these are really important to remembering who he was.

2008: “By 2008, when Adam turned sixteen and was going to school only for occasional events, Nancy’s e-mails describe his escalating misery. “He had a horrible night… . He cried in the bathroom for 45 minutes and missed his first class.” Two weeks later, she wrote, “I am hoping that he pulls together in time for school this afternoon, but it is doubtful. He has been sitting with his head to one side for over an hour doing nothing.” Later that year: “Adam had a rough night. He moved EVERYTHING out of his room last night. He only kept his bed and wardrobe cabinet.”

Spring Quarter 2008: The German class, in particular, is cited as a personal struggle in Adam’s life: “Schoolwork often triggered a sense of hopelessness. “He was exhausted and lethargic all day, and said he was unable to concentrate and his homework isn’t done,” [Nancy] wrote. “He is on the verge of tears over not having his journal entries ready to pass in. He said he tried to concentrate and couldn’t and has been wondering why he is ‘such a loser’ and if there is anything he can do about it.” He had been taking classes at Western Connecticut State University—for high-school credit—but he struggled there. “He wouldn’t speak on the way home and had his hood completely covering his face,” Nancy wrote one day. “He went straight to his room and won’t eat. I gave him time alone to compose and have tried to speak to him twice now, but he just keeps saying, ‘It does not matter’ and ‘leave me’ ‘I don’t want to speak of it.’ ” Two months later, Nancy recorded his despair when faced with some coursework in German: “He finally and tearfully said that he can’t complete the German. He can’t understand it. He has spent hours on the worksheets and can’t comprehend them.”

Late January/February 2010: Adam’s parents express concern to each other about his mental state as he approaches adulthood: “In early 2010, when Nancy told Peter that Adam had been crying hysterically on the bathroom floor, Peter responded with uncharacteristic vehemence: “Adam needs to communicate the source of his sorrow. We have less than three months to help him before he is 18. I am convinced that when he turns 18 he will either try to enlist or just leave the house to become homeless.”Nancy replied, “I just spent 2 hours sitting outside his door, talking to him about why he is so upset. He failed every single test during that class, yet he thought he knew the material.” Later that day, she wrote, “I have the feeling when he said he would rather be homeless than to take any more tests, he really meant it.” Nancy said that Adam had been pretending to go to classes and passing his time in the library.”

August/September 2012: Nancy tells Peter that Adam cannot see him, citing that Adam has had a “bad summer” and admitted he was a shut-in: “In early 2012, Nancy said that Adam had agreed to see Peter in the spring, but nothing came of it. Nine months later, Peter protested that Adam never even acknowledged his e-mails. Nancy wrote, “I will talk to him about that but I don’t want to harass him. He has had a bad summer and actually stopped going out.”

To preface, this is my opinion, NONE OF THIS IS CONFIRMED TRUE!!

(I’d also like to add I’m making this post because I’m really bored but really tired so I’m sorry if I’ve gotten any information wrong and correct me because it’s 4:30am im kinda tired)

His opinions on culture

One of Adam’s most renowned opinions (besides his p3doph!lia take) is how he viewed culture. He felt as though culture traps us. He felt that no matter what it was, it all came down to culture and we are stuck no matter what it is, including life itself. We have to be stuck on this earth and it’s considered ‘selfish’ to want to leave. Living is not a privilege; it’s a trap. He also believed that kids were put in an even more vulnerable spot. They are born and put with a family that control them their whole life, who wants that life? He didn’t think it was fair at all, and that everyone needed to stop having kids because it isn’t right for a child to unwillingly be born and be apart of stupid rules that are decided at the beginning of life and honestly just living itself.

Travis the chimp

We’ve all seen it: the clip of Adam on Anarchy Radio talking about Travis the Chimp. He talks about how Travis was brought up as though he was a human child and how he attacked his owner’s friend in a violent outburst. He brought up culture once more. He argued that Travis’ outburst wasn’t just any old wild animal attack, but rather an attack based from his sickness of civilisation itself. This chimp had grown up as a child, and technically thought like one, and he acted out in such a violent way after one thing not going his way. To Adam, I think that meant a lot more things than to the average person.

Overall

I think, in Adam’s eyes, he was Travis and his mother was his owner. He felt he related to Travis a lot. He felt trapped, and he had finally reached his pressure point. He didn’t want to live. I believe that shooting nancy was his recreation of Travis mauling the women’s face off, and that’s why he shot her in the face and forehead specifically. He then got in his car and went to the elementary school. I think he aimed specifically at kids to save them from growing up, trapped in this bubble of culture and having to live. I think he shot the adults both to get them out of the way, but also because they were continuing civilisation; they were teachers in a school, the most well known thing most kids have to endure throughout the whole of their childhood and teenage years. When he was in the school, a child yelled that he ‘didn’t want to be there’. Adam responded with “well you’re here.” I think this was another way of him once again feeding back into how culture does nothing but damage, because if school wasn’t so normalised, that child wouldn’t have been there. But because adults decided to make schools a common worldwide thing, really they are the ones that failed the poor child. I feel like not only did he think killing those children would ‘save them’ from life and the teachers to once again ‘save children’ from society as we know it, but also to break himself personally from the shackles of life’s ways. He did something that the world could finally look down on. It finally wasn’t something society tried its hardest to push down our throats.