花 樣 年 華

BTS stands for Bitches That Shade (more subs here)

what’s up friends it’s juliet here! i’ve had this blog for over a year and have never done a follow forever, so now that i hit my next milestone (thank you!!) it’s time for me to show my appreciation for all the amazing blogs that i follow and also to say thank you to my beautiful mutuals for putting up with me constantly screaming in my tags and generally just being lame, you all mean so much to me ♡ ♡ ♡ everyone tagged here makes tumblr a really great place for me to be, so thank you!

AGUST D - Give It To Me

my success that not even my family could predict since it surprised even me, I’m saying something more a tough cookie that even my family acknowledges, I’m a public enemy*, full of virtue while you wring me out my hyungs all see the taste of money while saying two words with one mouth they go to the big companies what you know about me? you can’t control my shit if you’re gonna go then pick up all those words you spit and take them with you if you ask why I succeeded, there’s no one answer during that short time I slept less than you and moved more and grew still it seems like even if I don’t know the secret to success, I know the secret to failure playing like y'all do and fluttering around is the secret, I won’t live like that even if I die gi give it to me money, honor, whatever is good so bring it on fame, flash, light gi-give it to me (gi-give it to me) whatever is good so bring it on I was born from a tiger so I can’t live like a dog try and follow along, alcohol, money, that’s honor I won’t beg for it at your hands I don’t want things, whatever they are I just do what I do, the law of the jungle? fuck off, it’s the politics in the word success you just fight all amongst yourselves yeah, like that, you fuckers, like that, you’re all idiots whether you’re a waste of space or a weakling I don’t even have interest in your dick so please keep living like that don’t bother me, don’t even touch me you go to the back after making lame excuses one for the money and two for the show fame, flash, light, gi-give it to me gi-give it to me money, honor, whatever is good so bring it on fame, flas, light gi-give it to me (gi-give it to me whatever is good so bring it on ** 공공의 적 means public enemy but 적적 means “lonely” so could be a play on words

AGUST D - 724148

it hasn’t been that many years since I started saying I’d do music I tried to do well making music in Daegu, being the principal of a music academy or something, those kinds of thoughts hit me at any rate I only live life once, I’d better try to be number one the number one I couldn’t achieve through study it seemed like I’d earn it through music, around me ten to one said this moron is suffering from bullshit disease again dickhead, you look well, you guys have lost anyway I tried to do music in a little more style, first thinking I’d better get out of Daegu the powerful footsteps of this pimply high schooler fade out in front of one audition poster it said it was a rap festival held by Bang Sihyuk if it’s Bang Sihyuk then it’s that, ah, Baek Jiyoung, ah, the person, no, hyungnim who wrote Like Being Hit By A Bullet so I ended up going out in that festival with my crew hyungs first, if we wanted to make it to the finals we had to pass the preliminaries okay, that much is just rice*, whatever after plowing through the beat they told us to rap over we started to edit, look, some kid we’ll do it like this if you were me would you do it like this? I’m talking about that company, huh? they’re gonna say they hate this genius from the company’s position this luck came this vague believe, that was the sight of my success I’m saying this since it’s all in the past, but the day after the preliminaries a phone call came, the area code number was 02 November 7, 2011, my entry into Seoul Gyeongnam has nothing, the forestallment of this Daegu country boy that evening I paid coolly for everyone what the fuck, when we calculated my eyes almost fell out one month’s living expenses were barely 30, shit I knew what it was like to live with far from enough the graveyard shift part-time job I started, uh because of that the time I went to school was always different if I went to school all the kids came from rich families they spent many times my monthly living expenses just on alcohol and fuck, what, what? you say you don’t have any money shut the fuck up, assholes, shut your fucking mouths was I needy for success? No just needy for money it’d been a long time since I forgot the words ‘in style’ I practiced at night and went to my part time job at dawn then even if I dragged that tired body to school I just slept I became 20 that way, the sight of the graduation room was suspicious those assholes who cast their dice on staying up all night? they turned on imported cars for their graduation gifts, I was kinda jealous of that I was jealous, but the world isn’t fair I knew that beforehand but when you have fifteen people living in a two-room about fifteen pyeong* wide who turns on an imported car right after graduating? okay okay okay you just watch leave those questions about whether I’ll debut see me after one year, asshole, see what I’m doing I’ll be that savior, you’ll see the TV and call me * one pyeong is about 35 square feet; the average one-room studio apartment is about 12 pyeong.

AGUST D - 140503 At Dawn

severance from the world, the feeling of leaving home I hate consuming but my point of view is 19 years if I see it from there, my trainee life is basically a perfect score the social phobia that came up thanks to that, my social connections are zero I’m always preparing, if I go two places I hide the self that’s behind my defensive posture I hide myself completely like I’ve become a criminal, always I can’t even take one step outside the dorm that’s like a prison I go out being pushed the friends and family, whatever, they don’t stay, just glance at my side as they pass by my arrows are still astray from the target called human connection I pretend I’m not lonely, I pretend I’m not suffering I pretend I’m okay for no reason, meaninglessly I pretend to be strong don’t come over the wall I’ve put up in front of myself don’t throw me off this island in this wide sea

AGUST D - The Last

behind every idol rapper who succeeds there’s a weak self standing, it’s a little dangerous I fall sometimes again into depression and compulsion hell no, anyway I don’t even know if that’s the real me damn huh reality’s separation the conflict I’ve mentioned, it hurts your head it was around 18 when my social phobia began yeah, that’s right, around that time my mental state became polluted sometimes I’m afraid of myself, thanks to my self-hatred and the depression that came to play again Min Yoongi is already dead (I killed him) it’s been a long time since my everyday life became killing my passions and comparing myself with others my parents came up the first time I went to the psychiatrist they got counseling with me, they said they hardly knew me I don’t even know my own self, so who can know me? friends? no, you? whoever it is, they don’t know me the doctor asked me I said unhesitatingly that I’d been like that before a word said like habit, oh, I don’t give a shit, I don’t give a fuck those words are all words I use to hide my weak self that time I want to erase, that’s right, the memories I want to erase of that day I had that concert I was afraid of people, so I hid in the bathroom and stared at myself at that time I, at that time I I thought I could compensate for success but here’s the thing, but here’s the thing as time passes by, it feels like I’m becoming a monster my monster named success that I traded my youth for, he wants a bigger wealth the greed that was my weapon, it devours me and sometimes it collars me these things turn on my mouth, if I block it, he tells me to eat from the tree of knowledge I don’t want it, they want me to leave this hill shit shit, I get it, please stop the cause of all these issues is me, I’ll quit in return if my misfortune is your happiness then I’ll be unhappy if the target of your loathing is me then I’ll go up on the guillotine the things I only imagined are becoming reality, my childhood dream is in front of my eyes the taste of performing in front of only two people, now Tokyo Dome is in front of my nose living this one time life more brightly than anyone, try saying I’m living roughly my fans, my homies, my fam, don’t worry, I’m really okay now, damn the things that corrupted my essence are numerous my address is idol, I won’t be corrupted the agony that dug at my mental state it’s the end of wandering, there was no right answer my self-esteem that said I’d betrayed myself is now my own pride my fans honorably bow their heads, someone try as much as me, uh from Seiko to Rolex, from AX Hall to the Gymnastics Stadium the heads of many people that nod just at the movement of my hand it’s not that I couldn’t do Show Me the Money, it’s that I said I wouldn’t, shit it’s not that you guys who betrayed us didn’t do it, it’s that you couldn’t, shit this world sprinkled with my creations, I’ve tasted sweetness and bitterness and even shit from that time when I tried to sleep on the floor of a bathroom, now it’s a memory to me, it’s become a memory the shoulder that was crushed because of an accident during my delivery job the debut that I clutched onto, you guys just pretend like you’ve suffered from Seiko to Rolex, from AX Hall to the Gymnastics Stadium the heads of many people that nod just at the movement of my hand it’s not that I couldn’t do Show Me the Money, it’s that I said I wouldn’t, shit it’s not that you guys who betrayed us didn’t do it, it’s that you couldn’t, shit

AGUST D - Tony Montana

Hey gentle man wait a minute you’re praying for me to fail, aren’t you sorry i have no problem shit mo money mo problem shit i know, feel like ㅎ tony montana i know, feel like ㅎ tony montana i know, feel like ㅎ tony montana i know, feel like ㅎ tony montana i know, feel like ㅎ tony montana success and happiness, same but different my weakness is wanting more success more riches and an even bigger honor money wants to chase me, I hope I won’t become a monster who chases money I pray I decide not to hope for the failure of others my family, fans and team are first okay, let’s earn money, my lofty ambition is kind of high the world is yours, now the whole world is in my god damn hands Hey gentle man wait a minute you’re praying for me to fail, aren’t you sorry i have no problem shit mo money mo problem shit i know, feel like ㅎ tony montana i know, feel like ㅎ tony montana i know, feel like ㅎ tony montana i know, feel like ㅎ tony montana more big dream, hope, Korean dream it looks easy, one two three ain’t no rock paper scissors, official injection if you rush you gonna bleed by my feet, invest into me, put the morphine here block oh take it out, your imports, Andre swing your supercilious bat, 45 6789 cream get the money oh on my mind after one big job, liquor shot (let’s fly) like a butterfly get high, look above your heads it’s passing right by you, asshole fuck it, your soul has already passed by, your condition is groggy you’re just a hip hop nothing who’s only getting older hey, no matter what you do, hey hey hey, what are you doing, uh? you can’t look at me once, your complaints blah blah yeah fuck the system I say good bye bye I’m crushing from the bottom all the way to the top yeah fuck your belief I say oh die die Hey gentle man wait a minute you’re praying for me to fail, aren’t you sorry i have no problem shit mo money mo problem shit i know, feel like ㅎ tony montana i know, feel like ㅎ tony montana i know, feel like ㅎ tony montana i know, feel like ㅎ tony montana

AGUST D - So Far Away (ft. Suran)

saying I don’t want to do anything really sucks I know it’s pitiful to not even have an ordinary dream, I know it all if I just do what I’m told and go to university, it’s all okay the me who believed those words was a moron, I can’t die, I’m living give me some liquor, I want to get drunk today so please don’t stop me anything is good, to the unemployed drinking is a luxury but I can’t stand not being drunk, everything is changing but why am only I here everything is changing but why am I only here, everything is changing but why am only I here so far away, if you say you have a dream, if you have a dream that flies don’t far away, if you say you have a dream, if you have a dream that flies dream, we’ll be together at the end of her life and creation dream, we’ll be warm no matter where her place is dream, we’ll be in full bloom at the end of these hardships dream, rather than humble, at the end we’ll be prosperous that’s right, fuck, I can’t die so I’m living, I don’t have anything I want to do I’m suffering more than anything, I’m lonely, around me everyone is just telling me to pull myself together, they vent their anger, I am my only companion, what are you venting for every morning I’m afraid of opening my eyes, of breathing my friends and family are going farther away, as time passes they become more impatient my feeling of being alone, my aloneness now, I wish it would all disappear, like a mirage, I wish it would disappear, I wish it would disappear, I wish that the damned me would disappear like this I’m thrown away in the world, I’m becoming further from heaven in an instant I’m falling so far away, if you say you have a dream, if you have a dream that flies don’t far away, if you say you have a dream, if you have a dream that flies dream, we’ll be together at the end of her life and creation dream, we’ll be warm no matter where her place is dream, we’ll be in full bloom at the end of these hardships dream, rather than humble, at the end we’ll be prosperous so far away, if you say you have a dream, if you have a dream that flies don’t far away, if you say you have a dream, if you have a dream that flies dream, we’ll be together at the end of her life and creation dream, we’ll be warm no matter where her place is dream, we’ll be in full bloom at the end of these hardships dream, rather than humble, at the end we’ll be prosperous we’ll be together at the end of her life and creation (don’t far away) dream, we’ll be warm no matter where her place is dream, we’ll be in full bloom at the end of these hardships dream, rather than humble, at the end we’ll be prosperous so far away so far away so far away so far away so far away, if you say you have a dream, if you have a dream that flies don’t far away, if you say you have a dream, if you have a dream that flies so far away don’t far away so far away don’t far away dream, we’ll be together at the end of her life and creation dream, we’ll be warm no matter where her place is dream, we’ll be in full bloom at the end of these hardships dream, rather than humble, at the end we’ll be prosperous

there are so many important messages that suga is trying to convey to his listeners through his mixtape and im sure that if you’ve read the lyric translations, you definitely know what i mean. i am seriously blown away that we’ve been fans of bts for what, 3 years now? for 3 years, ARMYs have easily labelled yoongi as ‘lazy’, given him that ‘idagf’ image, and yet, we were oblivious to so many of his hardships. we’ve always known that he’s hardworking, more quiet than the other members, and more reflective, but this mixtape honestly blew me away because yoongi’s gone through so much in his idol career and we had no idea. 

first off, he touches on a sensitive topic that idols don’t speak openly about: mental health. he raps about seeing a psychiatrist, battling with depression, self-hate, experiencing social phobia since age 18, putting on a front, and loneliness. His entire song “The Last” really touches on this:

a word said like habit, oh, I don’t give a shit, I don’t give a fuck those words are all words I use to hide my weak self that time I want to erase, that’s right, the memories I want to erase of that day I had that concert I was afraid of people, so I hid in the bathroom and stared at myself

and in “So Far Away”:

I’m in so much pain and lonliness but people around me keeping telling me to regain my consciousness I try to vent my anger but I only got myself so what’s the point of venting my anger I’m scared to open my eyes everyday and start breathing

these lyrics from ‘At Dawn’ also illustrate this:

I pretend I’m not lonely, I pretend I’m not suffering I pretend I’m okay for no reason, meaninglessly I pretend to be strong don’t come over the wall I’ve put up in front of myself don’t throw me off this island in this wide sea 

he also talks about his struggles during his trainee days and i dont think he’s ever talked in depth about this period of his life. this mixtape gives us some insight about him moving to seoul, getting a part time job to afford the cost of living in the city, going to school dead tired after work, and still training with big hit to live out his dreams

was I needy for success? No just needy for money it’d been a long time since I forgot the words ‘in style’ I practiced at night and went to my part time job at dawn then even if I dragged that tired body to school I just slept I became 20 that way, the sight of the graduation room was suspicious

and the fact that he admits he puts up a front:

I hide the self that’s behind my defensive posture I hide myself completely like I’ve become a criminal, always I can’t even take one step outside the dorm that’s like a prison 

all of these are reasons im so moved. because it really highlights how idols only show one side of themselves to the camera, and fans can never really know them fully. we only know the version of bts’ min yoongi that he wants to show us through shows and broadcasts. 

behind every idol rapper who succeeds there’s a weak self standing, it’s a little dangerous I fall sometimes again into depression and compulsion hell no, anyway I don’t even know if that’s the real me

yesterday: