show me where my armor ends

on May 15, 2015, during 화양연화 Pt. 1 I went to BTS' fansign at Sinchon and had a conversation with Namjoon that I, at the time, chose not to reveal for personal reasons. at that time, because of that decision, there were a lot of people who criticized me—people accused me of saying something mean to him, accused me of hiding some secret relationship between us, called me a slut, etc. I didn't say anything about it at the time because it seemed pointless, but now that 화양연화 has come to an end for real, and following the release of YOU NEVER WALK ALONE—plus, the upcoming 2 year anniversary of this extremely fateful conversation (lol)—I have decided to write about it, if only to explain a little of why I feel such a connection to the concept and so people will understand why I kept it private for so long.

I just want to go ahead and give people some warning: it's not only a post about BTS. it's a post about my life, and it contains a lot of sensitive material, like self-harm, suicidal ideation, and drug use. please bear that in mind if you decide to read it, I don't want anyone to be upset by that content.

Hello, this is Big Hit Entertainment. We are informing you that BTS member Suga will be partially not participating in the year-end stages and broadcasts. On the 20th, while resting in the dorm, Suga caught his foot on the threshold of a room and fell, resulting in an injury to his ear. He was immediately taken to a plastic surgeon, and received the expert opinion that he must avoid any activities that could be hard on the injured area. On the 21st he received a second consultation; although there is no abnormality other than the injured area,* the doctor's recommendation was that in order for the wound to heal well, Suga should not participate in choreography practice or concert stages for roughly 1 week. In accordance with this recommendation, Suga will be resting for that time period and focusing on maintaining his condition and healing. We would like to inform you that Suga will only introduce himself, without performing, at the "Nonsan Youth Year-End Concert" and "Geumsan Residents One-Heart Festival" which are scheduled for today, and that the other 6 members excluding Suga will take the stage at the year-end ceremonial broadcasts. We apologize for causing worry to those who are anticipating BTS' year-end stages, and will do our best to ensure that the BTS members will end this year and greet 2017 in good health. Thank you. - Big Hit Entertainment -

힙합하다 - Rap Monster (Pt. 1 of 3)

I was born in 1994 and lived in Seoul until I was 4. my mother and father came to Seoul without any footholds, and after suffering for a while, they wanted to settle down and when I was 4 we ended up moving to Ilsan. therefore, our family's main house is still in Ilsan. since I was young, my character was more drawn to the humanities, so rather than science and math, I had more interest in society, English, languages, and culture. since I was in elementary school, I had a very strong will to write compelling pieces. compared to my peers, I read a lot, and in particular I read a lot of classical literature and biographies. I asked my mom to buy them for me, and I remember buying a full collection of around 100 books. these days I read the books that are hot at the moment, but being able to acquire them is very different, so I've been unexpectedly feeling like I should read the classics again.

until music established itself as part of my life, I did nothing but study and play computer games. if only I hadn't played computer games, it seems like I'd be doing something completely different. it was basically a life of nourishment. my mother and father raised me well, so I didn't know what it meant to be lost. I fought with my mom a lot about doing music, but now I'm doing it respectably so of course she likes it. when I was young, I did a lot of things that could be seen as pedantic. I often received awards for my poetry and writing. I sincerely considered going into literary studies. but there were a lot of people doing that. I don't like living a risky life. so I just studied hard, and fortunately I was able to continuously achieve 1st or 2nd place, so I thought about whether to go into business administration or literary studies.

it's closed now, but there used to be a community where amateur rookies could meet. if you leveled up there they gave you gift certificates, and when I was in my 4th or 5th year of elementary school I was playing a lot of games and really wanted to get that gift certificate. (laugh) at the time I received a kind of acknowledgement there. I wrote poetry in a diamond shape. to be honest, if I think about it, it wasn't even really poetry, it was just that I creased it into a diamond shape. (laugh) if you were selected as 'this month's best poem' three times, then you became a 'green poet,' and I received acknowledgement by becoming a green poet on that site. if you became a green poet, you got a separate board to post on. if you had your own board, then the views were definitely higher. for a year, I wrote poetry and then became a green poet. I wonder if it wasn't when that poetry met music that my writings became lyrics instead.

in 2006, Epik High hyungdeul came out with "Fly" and won #1 on a music program. of course, before that Tiger JK hyung's "Good Life" had gotten #1 as well, but this in opposition to the tide, a hip hop song won #1, and the song was really good. their method of rapping was really fresh. I ended up thinking, 'ah, so people can tell their stories in this way.' in our class there were some friends who liked rap, but there was one friend who I'd been close with since I was 4 who really liked it. thanks to that friend, I ended up listening to Garion and Outsider, as well as artists like Nas and Jay Z, and it was seriously a shock. I thought, 'so there are people who tell their stories this way, and the telling of those stories can become music.'

there were a lot of things that were vaguely difficult in elementary school. because of a girl I liked, because of final exams, because of the short vacations, because I fought with my mom, etc. etc. no matter how young you are, it's just as difficult as it is for an adult. I thought that things were really difficult for me, but I felt very strongly that the song "Fly" was giving me comfort. I felt that strength. differently from connotative genres like poetry and ballads, rap is primarily progressive, and I felt a huge strength from that detail. if I had been listening for the sake of the melody until then, from that point on, I started to listen to lyrics.

honestly, at that time, I really liked ballads. it was a time when a cowboy-like singing style was popular, and people who sang seemed so cool. but I really couldn't sing at all, so I thought if I tried rap, there might be a path for me. in hip hop, the lyrics are written as if one is emptying out their entire soul. our homeroom teacher at the time was very young, so I asked the teacher about it. the teacher introduced me to Eminem, and told me that someone like this had succeeded by telling their own story. even though Eminem's lyrics weren't the kind of thing I should have been listening to at that age, they were really cool. so I printed out the lyrics and imitated them every day. even when I took a shower, I imitated them. I took pleasure in following the lyrics and showing them to my friends, and having concerts at our school festivals.

in 2007 I became a 1st year middle schooler and started community activities for the first time. there was a hip hop community that was only for amateurs. I convinced my mom and bought a mic, I wrote lyrics for the first time, and I did my first recording with a program called Cool Edit. a little while ago I looked at the lyrics I wrote during this time and I have absolutely no idea what I was talking about. (laugh) I wrote words then that I don't even know now. I think maybe I saw it in a book and wrote it. why would a 1st year middle schooler be using words like 'secondary' (laugh) so I looked it up and found the dictionary definition of the word. I think that I wanted to show these ridiculous songs really coolly. I wanted to become a lyricist like Tablo hyung… Tablo hyung and MC Meta are my role models. at that time I got a considerable spotlight from the amateur community. so I really thought that I'd become something big. (laugh) I did my first concert in 2008. after that, I tried for UMF but I failed, and at that time I realized the fact that my showmanship wasn't all that spectacular.

in 2009, I auditioned for Big Deal Records. I passed the first round, and in the second round there were 7 people. among the people who auditioned with me at that time were Yammo and Samuel Seo. at the time, the audition task was to do a concert with an artist, and I did mine with Dead'P hyung. but when I went onstage, I forgot all my lyrics… but even so, because I was young, people treated me kindly, at that time, Sleepy hyung came and gave me his phone number. sleep hyung is close with Pdogg hyung who is even now still producing music for BTS. even until that time, my parents' opposition was still strong, so I decided to set music aside and was determined to focus on studying. I shaved all my hair and decided to spend my golden period by studying. but in May, a phone call came from Sleepy hyung. he asked if I knew someone called Bang Sihyuk, and at that time 'Superstar K' was popular. he told me 'that person is searching, go try once,' so I immediately sought him out. even though I'd been determined to focus on studying, I think I wanted to do music as much as ever.

to be continued...

BTS - Interlude: Wings

take me to the sky I remember the days of my youth I had no big worries instead, I was full with the belief that this small feather would become wings and that those wings would let me fly with the sound of laughter like a bird go on the roads they said not to go on do the things they said not to do want the things they said not to want be hurt again and again you can call me stupid then I'll just sneer and laugh I don't want to succeed doing something I don't like I believe in myself word I believe in myself, what hurts my back is for wings to erupt I believe in myself, now rather than being weak the end will be a humble jump fly fly up in the sky fly fly get 'em up high this is the road you chose, kid, don't get cold feet this is only just your first flight, uh take me to the sky fluttering, if you say I can fly eternally, if you say I can escape if my wings could fly penetrate the air that's becoming heavier and fly fly, I'm flying, I'm flying higher than, higher than higher than the sky fly, I'm flying, I'm flying those ruddy wings, with all my strength spread spread spread my wings spread spread spread my wings wings are made to fly fly fly fly fly fly if my wings could fly

BTS - 2! 3! (Even So, There Will Be Better Days Ahead)

let's only walk the flower path I can't say words like that let's only see good things I can't say words like that that we'll only have good things that we won't hurt anymore I can't say those words I can't tell those lies since you're idols even if you don't hear it, it weighs on you if you don't like the lyrics even if you don't see it, it's a video if you don't have strength you'll obviously have done something suspicious but you see the things you do if there's even a little, you're screwed thank you so much thanks to your inferiority complexes I got the certification I couldn't in high school applause, clap clap, that's right, keep going, keep going we'll just be happy with ourselves good yeah I’m good it's okay, now, when I say 'one, two, three' forget it all erase those sad memories, take my hand and laugh it's okay, now, when I say 'one, two, three' forget it all erase those sad memories let's take each other's hands and laugh even so, there will be good days ahead if you believe my heart, one, two, three if you believe, one, two, three even so, there will be even more good days ahead if you believe my heart, one, two, three if you believe, one, two, three one, two, three if I say that, I hope everything changes for better days for us to be together me in the shadows behind the stage, me in the darkness I didn't want to show you my pain, but I'm still too clumsy I wanted only to make you laugh I wanted to do well so thanks for believing in the me who is like this for dealing with these tears and wounds so thanks for becoming my light for becoming the flower of our most beautiful moments it's okay, now, when I say 'one, two, three' forget it all erase those sad memories, take my hand and laugh it's okay, now,when I say 'one, two, three' forget it all erase those sad memories let's take each other's hands and laugh even so, there will be good days ahead if you believe my heart, one, two, three if you believe, one, two, three even so, there will be more good days ahead if you believe my heart, one, two, three if you believe, one, two, three if you believe, one, two, three if you believe, one, two, three if you believe, one, two, three if you believe, two, three, say it's okay, now, when I say 'one, two, three' forget it all erase those sad memories, take my hand and laugh it's okay, now,when I say 'one, two, three' forget it all erase those sad memories let's take each other's hands and laugh even so, there will be good days ahead if you believe my heart, one, two, three if you believe, one, two, three even so, there will be more good days ahead if you believe my heart, one, two, three if you believe, one, two, three it's okay, now, when I say 'one, two, three' forget it all erase those sad memories, take my hand and laugh it's okay, now,when I say 'one, two, three' forget it all erase those sad memories let's take each other's hands and laugh

BTS - 21st Century Girl

you worth it, you perfect deserve it, just work it you're glamorous, glamorous or pretty, pretty you shine, you shine, you're the truth and the reason if somebody curses at you, curses tell 'em you're my lady go and tell them, tell them what are those other guys what is this world you're the best to me, just as you are don't get cold feet no matter what anyone says, you're okay, alright you're strong you say yes or no, yes or no 20th century girls live your life live your life, come on baby 21st century girls you don't mind you don't mind that new lady tell me that you're strong tell me that you're enough let you go, let you go, let you go let it go, oh all my ladies put your hands up 21st century girl hands up all my ladies put your hands up now scream you walk by, the men say oh yeah, what's up with her, who is she their spirits leave, the ladies say oh, what's up with her, who is she oh bae, don't lower yourself okay, they can't match up to you you're mine you're beautiful enough don't worry, don't worry baby you're beautiful you you you 20th century girls live your life live your life come on baby 21st century girls you don't mind you don't mind that new lady tell me you're strong tell me you're enough let you go, let you go, let you go let it go, oh all my ladies put your hands up 21st century girl hands up all my ladies put your hands up now scream everybody wanna love you everybody gonna love you don't worry about other things everybody wanna love you bae everybody gonna love you bae you receive love, as you should all my ladies put your hands up 21st century girl hands up all my ladies put your hands up now scream all my ladies put your hands up 21st century girl hands up all my ladies put your hands up now scream

BTS - Am I Wrong

the world's going crazy how are you, how bout ya you think it is okay to me it's not really you have ears but don't listen you have eyes but don't see everyone has fish living in their hearts their names are selfish, selfish we're all dogs and pigs, we get angry so we're dogs and pigs storks vs. baepsae,* it's war every day it's a crazy world, yeah it makes us crazy that's right, we're all crazy now scream mayday mayday** this whole world has gone crazy it seems like the end oh why, oh why oh why, oh why oh why why why why oh my god am I wrong did I say something wrong? did I tell a lie? going crazy gone crazy, gone crazy crazy, gone crazy, gone crazy am I wrong am I wrong where are you going? the world is going crazy are you ready for this are you ready for this are you ready for this no I'm not that's right, asshole, you're crazy too the non-crazy thing in a crazy world is crazy all of creation on every side hell yeah online, offline hell yeah even when you see the news you say it's nothing that comment is nothing that hatred is nothing you're not normal, it's not normal this whole world has gone crazy it seems like the end oh why, oh why oh why, oh why oh why why why why oh my god am I wrong did I say something wrong? did I tell a lie? going crazy gone crazy, gone crazy crazy, gone crazy, gone crazy am I wrong am I wrong where are you going? the world is going crazy even if the world goes nuts I want to keep living I want to find it, my belief am I wrong did I say something wrong? did I tell a lie? going crazy gone crazy, gone crazy crazy, gone crazy, gone crazy am I wrong am I wrong where are you going? the world is going crazy are you ready for this are you ready for this are you ready for this

* for y'all who didn't get the memo during Baepsae, the "storks" are high society people born with the silver spoon, so to speak, while "baepsae" (Korean crow-tit) represent the working people, lower class, putting in real effort to their lives ** in case anyone doesn't know, mayday is what, like, pilots used to yell when their planes were going down. idk why and I cba to look it up right now but just know that

BTS - Cypher 4

name name sorry bae pronunciation pronunciation sorry bae diction diction diction sorry bae oh face, not an idol, sorry bae I'm breathing so I'm sorry bae I'm too strong so I'm sorry bae I do broadcasts, I'm sorry bae errthing errthing errthing sorry bae the sound I'm making now, bae could be bullshit to someone, bae let's change the pattern of mockery,* bae it'll get boring, boring bae I don't hate you now I don't hate you now, sorry bae I'll become a drum, just hit me hard that's right, try some samulnori** bae I'm a monster, my tail is too long, bae anyway I shoot you, bae the zoo is comfortable that way, bae you want it too, some space to bite, bae even if you hate me, you know me even if you hate me, you know me I like hate comments more than "no comment" I don't know you but you know my name I love I love I love myself I love I love I love myself I know I know I know myself ya playa haters you should love yourself brr I wanna get sleep time the spotlight I receive without a break ahh you wanna be my life those thirsty bastards will take my bullets see it beautifully, drag them to the stage covered with my style, all innocence, okay but I can't be satisfied, not here I'm going up that way, higher, higher, higher that's right, the method is different I'm going even if you brood on it needlework for every bead of sweat if you can't do it, it's settled it's totally impossible the pronunciation of 'give up' I love my rule, working with my bros they're the only players in their league I'm going to become the director it'll be done as I say after 1VERSE I'm gonna draw an even bigger picture try screaming forever from that place dreams come true you're not all covered in honor it's all the bottom of my foot, choo click, I'm a cat, they're all mice pick X, hit like KAWS*** I'm gonna move in next year, my house from there, my brick and high five open your eyes and look at my ambition clean out your ears and listen this'll be the first and last word I love I love I love myself I love I love I love myself I know I know I know myself ya playa haters you should love yourself brr back back to the basic microphone check call me baepsae or tough guy that's right, in the rap game I'm too generous**** the rehabilitation of the rap men who had become slack my first time's plan, hashtag sucka betta run on Instagram, gang gang that's his life and my life is every day payday paycheck a ROLEX on my wrist click clack to the bang bang click clack to the pow I'm so high, what do you covet? even if you approach me I'm too high for you to touch my hand we're too far apart, you can't even see the bean pods of your honey wagons***** after taking them all off and clutching and toying with them on the face that's become an invoice, so fly click clack to the bang you and you there's nothing I got easily and I'm always thankful my life is ambiguous why is that my fault always live like that, sufficiently sorry, but in the future I'll earn even more, so look after me please, healthily I love I love I love myself I love I love I love myself I know I know I know myself ya playa haters you should love yourself brr I love I love I love myself I love I love I love myself I know I know I know myself ya playa haters you should love yourself brr

* mockery - the verb is "to peel," which can also mean to tease or make fun of someone ** samulnori - a traditional type of Korean game *** KAWS - a NY-based artist **** too generous - 도인배 literally means a person who is too generous and lofty to care about trifling matters ***** honey wagon - 똥차 has many meanings. literally it means "poop car" (so I translated it as honey wagon, which is the truck used to vacuum human excrement up from under, like, porta-potties and stuff), but it can also mean a shitty beater car or, in the context of some conversations, it can refer to ex-lovers.

BTS - Lost

I close my eyes and am still standing here between the desert and the ocean, I lost the way I am straying as always where to go from here, yeah I didn't know it would be this much the roads I can't walk, the roads I can't walk* I never felt this way before am I becoming an adult? it's too difficult, finding this road it's really too confusing never leave me alone but even so, I believe, although it isn't believable being lost, the way to find that road lost my way in the ceaselessly raging rain and wind I passed through lost my way in this complicated world without an exit lost my way lost my way I'm endlessly confused I'll just trust in my path lost my way found my way lost my way found my way I once saw some ants going somewhere they didn't have even one way to find a path while bumping ceaselessly, crawling to find something to eat roaming for a few days you know they're useful, these setbacks I believe, we're going right along if we find it some time obviously we'll come home at once like the ants it's still difficult, knowing if this is the right road it's really too confusing never leave me alone but even so, I believe, although it isn't believable being lost the way to find that road lost my way in the ceaselessly raging rain and wind I passed through lost my way in this complicated world without an exit lost my way lost my way I'm endlessly confused I'll just trust in my path so long it's an empty hope, goodbye now so long even if it's slow, I'll walk with my own feet because this road is clearly my road even if I go back, I'll touch it sometime I never, I will never I will never lose my dream lost my way in the ceaselessly raging rain and wind I passed through lost my way in this complicated world without an exit lost my way lost my way I'm endlessly confused I'll just trust in my path lost my way found my way lost my way found my way

* there are 2 different kinds of "can't" used, one of them implies a lack of ability to walk and one implies a lack of permission to walk!

BTS - Awake (Jin solo)

it's not that I believe you I'm just trying to withstand because what I can do is only this I want to languish I want to dream more but even so it seems it's come time to leave yeah it's my truth it's my truth it will only be cuts and bruises but it's my fate it's my fate even so, I want to struggle maybe I can never fly like those flower petals there wings, like other things, are impossible maybe I can't touch the sky but even so, I want to stretch out my hand I want to try to run, just a little more I'm just walking and walking in this darkness the happy times ask to me if I'm really all right oh no I answered, no, I'm so afraid even so, I clutch six flowers in my hands I'll only be walking oh no but it's my fate it's my fate even so, I want to struggle maybe I can never fly like those flower petals there wings, like other things, are impossible maybe I can't touch the sky but even so, I want to stretch out my hand I want to try to run, just a little more wide awake wide awake wide awake don’t cry wide awake wide awake wide awake no lie wide awake wide awake wide awake don’t cry wide awake wide awake wide awake no lie maybe I, I can never fly like those flower petals there wings, like other things, are impossible maybe I, I can't touch the sky but even so, I want to reach out my hand I want to try to run just a little more

BTS - MAMA (J-Hope solo)

time travel, the year 2006 crazy with dance mom tightened her belt I went at it every day despite dad's opposition I wasn't concerned the pieces of my floating dream but I didn't know, my mother's huge help not a shortcut unfolding, but the road of this dream, holding my debt always the money's problem, my mom's result go away she went to work in a strange place by phone my mother's voice was clear what I remember is my mother's tenacity was a breaking ball to me really I decided I must succeed and those promises, one by one your son, right now hey mama have high nopes for me now, I'm by your side always hey mama what you gave to me without reservation being a support to me hey mama you can believe in your son now, you can smile hey mama hey mama hey mama I'm sorry mama I know a grace like heaven now, mama hey mama so thanks mama thank you for being my blood and flesh, mama I remember, mom Munheungdong Hiddink PC room Broadway restaurant a veteran running on both feet for her family failure is the mother of success's mother learn that passion and sincerity wanna be, wanna be now when I become an adult I want to be fertilizer for the sprouts of my children so they can be flowers, and form their own flower path you're walking on way, way, way hey mama have high nopes for me now, I'm by your side always hey mama what you gave to me without reservation being a support to me hey mama you can believe in your son now, you can smile hey mama hey mama the breath that you made which let me feel the world today of all days, suddenly the embrace I want to hold more what is is taller on this ground? what is wider under this sky? only one mother's hand is a soothing hand you are forever only my placebo I love mom hey mama have high nopes for me now, I'm by your side always hey mama what you gave to me without reservation being a support to me hey mama you can believe in your son now, you can smile hey mama hey mama hey mama have high nopes for me now, I'm by your side always hey mama what you gave to me without reservation being a support to me hey mama you can believe in your son now, you can smile hey mama hey mama

BTS - Reflection (Rap Monster solo)

I know every life's a movie we got different stars and stories we got different nights and mornings our scenarios ain't just boring to me this movie is really fun I want to shoot well every day I want to pat myself on the back I want to pat myself on the back but hey, sometimes I really really hate myself honestly pretty often I really hate myself when I really hate myself, I come to Tteukseom I just stand and with the darkness I'm used to with the people who are laughing the beer that makes me laugh the fear that secretly returns and grabs my hand it's okay, it's all two-three I have friends, that's good the world is another name for despair my height is another diameter of the earth I am my own happiness and anxiety it repeats every day, the like and dislike towards me hey, friend who is looking at the river if we brush each other's clothes do we have a connection? no, we might have brushed against each other in a past life we can't help it, we don't know who we bump against people within the darkness seem happier than in the day because they know they have a place to be only I am walking helplessly even so, blending in here is more comfortable Tteukseom swallowed by the night, to me is like crossing to a wholly different world I want to be free I want to be free from freedom I'm happy now, but I'm also unhappy so I look at myself at Tteukseom I wish I could love myself I wish I could love myself I wish I could love myself I wish I could love myself I wish I could love myself I wish I could love myself I wish I could love myself I wish I could love myself

BTS - First Love (Suga solo) 

the corners of my memory a brown piano taking up space on one side the corners of the house of my youth a brown piano taking up space on one side I remember that time the brown piano that was so much taller than me, when it led me I longed for you when I turned my face up to you when I stroked you with one small finger I feel so nice, mom, I feel so nice the keys that only sauntered where my hands went I didn't know your meaning then at that time, I was happy only looking I remember that time, near the end of elementary school the time that my height finally became taller than your height at that point I neglected the you I had yearned for atop the keys like white jade, dust piled up your neglected appearance I didn't know it back then your meaning was that wherever I am you will always be protecting that space, maybe that was why I didn't know it would be the end don't go like this, you say even if I go, don't worry because you'll do well on your own I think of the time I first met you at some moment you just became bigger you put a period on our relationship, but don't be sorry toward me whatever form I take you will see me again let's meet happily again at that time I remember that time, what I darkly forgot when I met you again I was 14 years old I awkwardly caressed you again for a moment even though I was gone for a long time you received me again without any repulsion without you I am nothing as the dawn passed, us two greeted the morning don't let go of my hand forever because I won't let you go either I remember that time, at the end of my teens I set you aflame, that's right, I saw no further than my nose, that time, crying and laughing those moments alone when I was with you now they're memories clutching my smashed shoulder, I said it that I wouldn't be able to do this anymore every time I wanted to give up you said, from next to me kid, you really can do it that's right, that's right, that's right, I remember when I'd fallen into the pit of hopeless desperation and despair I pushed you away even when I wanted to meet you you firmly stayed by my side even if I don't say it because of that, don't let go of my hand because I won't let go of you a second time my birth and the end of my life you'll always protect those things the corners of my memory a brown piano taking up space on one side the corners of the house of my youth a brown piano taking up space on one side

BTS - Stigma (V solo)

it's hidden, I tell you something only so you can keep it secret what I can't withstand anymore why couldn't you say it then at any rate I'm hurt, so what I can't withstand anymore now cry, I'm just too sorry towards you cry again, that I couldn't protect you deeper and deeper, the wound just gets deeper like pieces of glass that we can't turn back deeper, my chest hurts every day the feeble you who received punishment for my crime stop crying and tell me something tell the me who has no courage why were you like that to me, then? sorry. nevermind, what right do you have toward me I'll tell you to be like this or like that deeper, deeper, the wound only gets deeper like pieces of glass that we can't turn back deeper, my chest hurts every day the feeble you who received punishment for my crime I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry my brother even if I hide it, even if I disappear, it isn't erased are you calling me a sinner you must have something more to say I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry my sister even if I hide it, even if I disappear, it isn't erased so cry please dry my eyes that light, that light, please illuminate my crimes I can't undo them the red blood is flowing deeper, every day I think I'll die please punish me please pardon my crime please