the ghost with the most

it felt so.. real. In a world surrounded by so many unreal things, dreaming something the opposite was.. terrifying.

his vision is blurred in the corners, black, fading. like something is horribly wrong, even though you both had fought before, mostly over his isolation from the others

but this time, he went too far. he pushed you to the edge, to the brink, and then shoved you off it

staring at the writhing, many-eyed mass of matter, as if you're hurting. As if you're in pain and all he can do is watch, like you're a circus animal.

And then he's awake.

He's sweating, his pupils incredibly small and he's gasping, heaving for air and gripping at his chest as if its the only thing there.

He feels it everywhere. The desperate looking around, his labored, strangled breathing, and his heart beating so harshly it feels as if his heart could be anywhere in his body all at once

Still grabbing at his chest, his other hand grabs at his head, ears folding backward in his panic, legs curling up

He feels that familiar burn behind his eyes and curses weakly under his breath, squeezing his head and heart as if he could wrench the memory, the cause of these tears, out of his body

despite how quiet he thinks he is, you hear him anyway. You always have, with how badly you care for this boy.

You walk to his door cautiously, trying not to wake the others, your hand knocking against the door and calling for his name softly

"..Jax? Are you okay? I.. heard you, across the hall, and you sound.. I dunno, distressed, I guess." There was a soft sound through the door, a whimper, which you mistook for words and pressed closer to his door. "What was that?"

"..I'm fine," the words were choked out, barely more than a pained wheeze, cut off early to save himself from it. "'M fine, dollface. Please, just.." His voice cracked, which never happens. "..just go back to bed."

For his sake, you reasoned, you were not going back. Instead, you opened the door. It seemed, almost, that he always left it unlocked for you. And then you see it, all over his face. Pupils small, fat, ugly tears rolling down his face, heaving out desperate, wheezing sobs, as if he was trying to stop the sound.

And yet, he didn't look away from you.

and then, right there, is when you rush.

Rush towards him, rush to gather him in your arms, rush to remind him that you're here and real and his.

For a bit, he's sobbing into your chest, since there's no need to bother hiding the sounds now, you're already holding him

(I'm assuming) you're shorter than him, so when his sobs die down and he's just clinging, eyes open and staring at nothing, mind numb and eyes painfully dry, you curl around him to cradle his head to your chest even more

His ears remain folded back, cowering in a way he never does, never let's anyone see, until his eyes finally close and he sleeps in your arms, your quiet reassurances pulling him back to peace

"My bad..."

"Watch where you're going, ribbons!"

You sighed when you heard Jax and Gangle a few feet away, after they had apparently collided. You took careful, measured steps, arms stretched out in front of you.

"OW!"

Jax swore again, but this time because you'd hit him in the face.

"Sorry!" You apologised.

"Do that again, (Name)," Jax sounded amused. "I like this violent side of you."

"I didn't-!"

"Yeah, do it again, (Name), but harder," Zooble's voice came from somewhere behind you.

Jax was about to say something else, when a low groan came from somewhere nearby. The kind of groan you only heard in horror movies, just before a creature from hell was revealed.

"...What the [bleep] was that?" Zooble asked.

The lights flickered on for a moment, just long enough to reveal the gaunt face of a zombie.

No, wait, a few zombies.

"Oh hell no," Zooble mumbled.

The sound of everyone scattering met your ears, and you turned in a random direction and ran right into someone. They grunted as you both fell over, your body on top of theirs.

"Now's not the time, (Name)," a familiar cocky voice filled your ears. "I know I'm irresistible, but we should really focus on-"

You cut him off by getting to your feet and rushing off.

"That's cold, (Name)!" He called after you. "Didn't know you had it in you!"

You didn't even know where you were going. For all you knew, you could be running right to the zombies. But anywhere was better than staying still and waiting for them to come to you.

"So, where are we going?" Jax suddenly spoke from beside you.

You screeched, turning and smacking him again, "Jax! Don't do that!"

"I think this borders on abuse, sweetheart."

"Shut up."

It seemed like everyone else had paired up as well, because you heard Kinger and Pomni up ahead talking in hushed whispers.

"Boo," Jax said.

They both screamed.

You smacked what you hoped was his arm, "Jax!"

He cackled, "They're just too easy!" Then he stopped abruptly, and his tone grew serious, "Okay but seriously, whoever's touching my foot like that, stop."

"Uh, Jax?" You slowly backed up. "None of us are doing that."

The lights came on, and you all looked down to see a zombie gripping Jax's leg, ready to take a bite out of him. Your eyes widened, and before anyone else could react, you kicked it in the face.

And then proceeded to beat it violently.

Kinger covered Pomni's eyes.

Jax stood there, arms crossed, his grin wide, "I'm going to marry that girl someday."

"WHAT?!"

Zooble, Gangle and Ragatha appeared behind you, arriving on the scene just as those words left the rabbit's mouth. Kinger and Pomni stared at him, blinking like they were trying to register what he'd just said.

"Nah, he's joking," Zooble finally decided.

"I'm serious," Jax glared at them.

"Good one, Jax," Ragatha laughed, though a bit nervously.

"I'm not-! I wasn't-! Forget it," he looked away.

"Forget about what?" You finally let go of the zombie, getting up again. Dusting your hands on your pants even though there was nothing on them.

Jax's glare from behind you was enough to scare all of them out of telling you what he'd said.

Except for Zooble, "Jax wants to-"

Immediately, and out of desperation, the rabbit stuck two of his fingers in your ears to block out the rest of their sentence. You blinked, then turned to look at him when he pulled his fingers out.

"What?"

"Nothing," he grinned, then glared at Zooble again, "Right, Zoobie?" His tone had a hint of a threat behind it.

"...Right," they reluctantly agreed.

Jax's grin widened, and he feigned innocence as he led you away from the group before anyone else was emboldened to tell you the truth.

A big one is nudging you. Sometimes he'll do it with his elbows or uses his foot to nudge your leg

If you bring it up he just plays it off as something else- and no he tooooootally didn't nuzzle into your neck or hand because he's gone soft and he was looking for a reason to be close to you..!

What? You're the weird one for thinking like that...! Ignore that his ears go flat when he's defensive and obviously lying

Also stands really close to you. Like basically hovering around you whenever he's got free time

He's not.. on top of you persay or glued to your skin- but he's definitely intruding into your personal bubble

Will act like he's just trying to get under your skin which.. partly, tiny tiny bit yeah but that's just... Jax being Jax... definitely doesn't cling onto that idea to make him look less.. you know...

...also follows you around...

"But it doesn't matter how much he tries to push me away and acts like an a-hole to everyone. He's my friend and will remain my friend no matter what" The rag-doll sighed as she rubbed her hands against her face, trying to grapple with the fact that you're never changing your stance on this.

"I guess I just...don't get how you can stand by him when he basically totures all of us. Do you not feel guilty?" It was obvious she was trying to make you feel guilty for remaining to be his friend, but that doesn't mean you liked his actions. She struggled to understand how close you two were before this place and how much either of you survived without each other. Yes- he has done horrible things here- but he has his own demons he's working through.

"Of course I don't condone what he does do you guys at all, hell I've even talked to him before about it but it doesn't change that much. That's just how he's coping, not an excuse obviously, but he just doesn't know how else to handle being here. He was never particularly...good with handing his emotions, let's say" You still feel the need to defend him in every way possible, not caring if nobody else likes you because of it. You live by your truth and refuse to lose a friend you've known for this long.

"Which...I haven't seen him around in a while, I'm going to check in on him, probably in his room. Later, Ragatha" You gave her a soft smile and a small wave as you headed towards the bedrooms, her mirroring your actions. You knew it wasn't just her who had these concerns- others all gave their piece about the matter- but she was the only one who seemed to have some forgiveness due to your past with him. The walk to the bedrooms was slow, you purposefully tried not to speed to his room to really think about the relationship you two had.

It changed drastically after you ended up here, as he was missing for about a week when you came along, you mourned him but somehow knew he was still alive. And he was- just not in the way you originally had intended, and now you were stuck in the same Hell he was in. But soon enough, you stood in front of his door staring at the large icon of his face on it. Taking a deep breath in, you knocked and twisted the door knob without waiting for an answer, knowing he would just say to "go away". Miraculously it was unlocked- almost as if he was expecting you.

"What do you want?" The rabbit asked in a low voice, not threatening, but simply exhausted. Exhausted from having to accept this existence and way of life and having to lose the people he truly cared about. He was sitting on his bed in the dark, staring at the floor with a blank stare. This was a side the others never saw, one only you had the privilege of seeing.

"Just wanted to check in on you, you aren't being an a-hole out-and-about so I wanted to stop in" Shutting the door and locking it to ensure you two would be alone- you walked over and sat on his bed before pulling him into a side hug. He didn't move as he allowed you to hold him, almost as if he wasn't really all there. You knew it meant he was in his own head too much, thinking too much, and you worried abstraction was slowly creeping up on him too.

"How do you keep it together? How?" He looked up with a broken face, tears threatening to spill. You chuckled sadly, sighing as you thought about how to say it.

"Honestly...I dont. I just try to hold it together in hopes of eventually getting out of here one day. If we all were to leave, would you really want the same people who you were stuck with for who knows how long to hate you for making their time here awful?" And it was true- you really didn't want your friends here to hate you if all of you suddenly escaped and you were humans again.

"What's the @%#$@#! point? Especially since none of them ever stays. One day you'll join them too, what's even the point of you being my friend?" He scoffs and shuffles away from you, trying to protect his heart and acting like you're ever going to leave him. You wouldn't dare, even if he tries to make you go away, you know he still remembers the promise. The words stung, but you never let them ruin your mood or perception of him.

"Oh really? What's the point? You push everyone away to try and not let your heart get broken again but it just makes you more of a jerk. I will defend you until the day I die but you dare and try to be an a-hole to me? You're stupid as crap if you think that's going to work" You just stared at him to make a point, not moving an inch from your spot. He was returning to his usual self- face becoming annoyed and arms crossed as if to say 'You are nothing to me and a nuisance'. A defense tactic that quickly dissolved as he sighed and uncrossed his arms. Taking a deep breath, it seemed like he wasn't ready to say what he was going to say.

"Fine, it's never going to work, knowing you. Just don't be surprised when everyone turns on you for continuing to hang out with me, then we can be the most hated in the circus together! Wouldn't it just be lovely?" Jax enthusiastically yet sarcastically exclaimed, turning around with a smile and grasping your hands in his. He always loved to be sarcastic, especially to hide his inner thoughts from everyone. You knew he wanted you to be accepted by everyone, but also didn't want to lose you at the same time, even if he never admits it.

"I don't care if I'm hated, all I care about is you...ok? That's it. I don't give two flips about what others think. I always cared about you and that's never going to change. They can all suck it" You smiled slyly, speaking the truth. Jax would always be the one you would never part with, before, during, and after being in the hellish place that was the digital circus. Gripping his hands, his face twitched with a hint of genuine care before becoming stern.

"They can suck big fat @%!#& for all I care" He then started to laugh uncontrollably and you joined in as well, knowing exactly what word he said. The mood instantly became light as the both of you laughed for a few minutes before calming down. You leaned over to him, cupped his head and kissed his forehead, which made him blush and mumble something you couldn't hear. Moving your head so your forehead was touching his, you stared at him.

"Remember? 'Live together, die together' Or did you forget that?" It was a saying you both came up on his birthday, a promise that you renewed upon ending up in here. You brought out your pinky and held it, a silent agreement.