LIMA LOSER? OR IS THAT SEBASTIAN SMYTHE? THEY MIGHT EVEN PASS FOR HERMAN TOMMERAASΒ IN THE RIGHT LIGHT. THEY'RE 22, BUT STILL STUCK IN WESTERVILLE AT DALTON. THEY'VE BEEN CALLED THE TEMPEST, BUT PREFER TO BE THE NATURAL BORN LEADER. MAYBE IF THEY FIX THEIR AESTHETIC AKA DRIVING HOURS FOR YOUR PERFECT COFFEE ORDER, FLICKING CIGARETTE BUDS OUT ON THE ASTRO-TURF AT THE COUNTRY CLUB, DANCING AND DRINKING YOUR FEARS AWAY & USING THE PERFUME SAMPLES IN MAGAZINES TO WIPE YOUR TEARS THEY'LL GET THEIR WAY. WORD ON THE SHOW CHOIR BLOGS ARE THEY'RE IN THE WARBLERS. SO GOOD LUCK TO THEM!
want to know more? well, ur in the right place βΒ
THE BASICS:
name:Β sebastian anton smythe
nicknames: seb, bash, cunt (both affectionate & derogatory)
pronouns:Β he/him
gender: cis male
birthday/zodiac: twenty two, july 25th - making me a gemini making me a leo.
birthplace:Β westerville, oh
relationship status: single
sexuality:Β gay aromantic
occupation: i don't do that <3
sports/clubs:Β warbler and co-captain of the dalton lacrosse team
major/minor: a junior majoring in arts management
languages: english, french, a little japanese.
social media handles: @smythedotcom on everything
PHYSICAL APPEARANCE:
height: 5'10
build: slim athletic
eye color: hazel
hair color: light brown
piercings: ear lobes
tattoos: the words 'tell me i'm your national anthem' from lana del rey's national anthem on my lower back. my favorite song,
other distinguishing features:Β a shit-eating smirk and oodles of charisma!
likes:Β trashy early 2000βs clothes & music, starting twitter drama, reading people their horoscopes from teen magazines, iced oat lattes, one-upping people, explaining the lore of degrassi; the next generation (i was diagnosed with ADHD, and my insane degrassi knowledge is the lingering remains of a six year long hyperfixation. i've now put all of his pent-up energy into glee), showing off my backflip to people.
dislikes:Β fake-deep music and poetry, desaturatedΒ colors, snitches, boring romantic period pieces (where's the sex????), people who underestimate me,Β the texture of velvet, being told that i'm 'too much', staying in on a friday night.
fears: elevators & loneliness
skills: piano, music, the remains of the gymnastics classes i took in middle school, drinking everyone under the table.
quirks: i'm a self-confessed cheek biter. the amount of times i've nearly taken a chunk out of the inside of my own face, just call me hannibal lecter.
hobbies: rewatching degrassi, taking online 'which ___ are you' buzzfeed quizzes, taking gym selfies while not doing a whole lot at the gym beyond a treadmill strut, scheming & deviously planning
music tastes: just listen to it yourself here
myers-briggs: entp
kinsey scale: 6. gay as you like.
strengths: my leadership, my extremely attractive body and face - great for seduction, and also that backflip i mentioned before.
weaknesses: not so good at person-to-person communication.
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Don't worry, Sebastian. I'll make sure #scandalsisoverparty is trending after the next Fondue for Two episode. I also promise my Halloween event will have excellent music playing all night long. There's going to be a spooktacular DJ who I think everyone will love, if his late night horror ratings are anything to go by. Plus, my band will play and we happen to do a fantastic punk version of Please Please Please and Good Luck, Babe. It's times like this though, that I'm grateful for Babes in Akron. Their DJ never misses.
I feel like if you had gone there, people would've definitely recognized you.
Thanks, Blondie. And I trust that you'll bring the good shit. And do you know if your guest DJ is single? Because I think I know who you're talking about and, what can I say, I like an emo boy. Hyped to hear the band as well, I'll always go feral for Sabrina in any context. You lucky, lucky sapphics. You guys get all the good music.
I don't think I can actively join seeing as how I can't get in even if I did want to go there, but I'll certainly still keep my distance for you Sebastian even after my birthday when I'm old enough to go.
Maybe you should set your sights on other places with better taste in the meantime, even if I'm sure the selection is rather limited in Ohio.
Oh, honey, do you really think I was twenty one when I first went there? I was, like seventeen. The bouncers are not checking for fakes, let me assure you. If you want to get in - which I do not recommend of course because of the boycott! - just tell the bouncer you want to see the drag queens.
Well, that's my current plan. I'm lucky I'll have Halloween parties to tire me over til the end of the month.
a lot of sex with old farts. tell me, do you have to mush up their little blue pills and put it in some applesauce for them, or are they still able to swallow all on their own?
they're not geriatric. they're, like, fifty. s lot of recently divorced men who just found themselves. or even men who are not yet divorced, which is always fun for me.
well, no. i'm already rich. i just like a rich-for-rich type deal.
Dude, what's wrong with Ed Sheeran? What's wrong with Mr. Brightside? Uptown Funk is overplayed by now, but I don't know if I'd call listening to it a living hell. I wasn't going anyways, so I guess I can at least still keep not going. Shameless plug though, I think the DJ at Stallionz is definitely better. But if you go to Scandals to dance, you can't really do it at Stallionz unless you're on stage and willing to bare all.
Also, honestly, I think the only Lana look I'd recognize is the Our Lady of Sorrows look she did for the Met Gala.
Um, everything? I want to dance to good pop music, not whatever the fuck he's doing. Same goes with Mr. Brightside. Like, that is just not the vibe at a gay bar. Saying that, I may take you up on your Stallionz offer. I've matched on Grindr with a couple of the other guys who've danced their before and, yeah, I'll happily watch them dance. But also do you evenknow who I am? I'm always willing to bare all.
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Okay, top five favorite movies. Go. It's honestly kind of iconic, I'm going to make Jacob watch it. So just know, I'm going to keep this bandwagon growing. Dude, seriously? That makes it like 100 times better.
I'm going to take that knowledge with a grain of salt since I feel like you should at least be able to learn how to drive then without hitting people if you're a genius. Huh, well do you know how to parallel park? 'Cause I know RuPaul just made a video on how to do that that's kind of awesome.
I'm a man of diverse film taste. And, yes, you should get everyone to watch it. It's legendary. It actually has a movie as well, which I also do love.
I'm a genius at other things. You think Einstein could parallel park? I've never needed to parallel park, I can always find another way. And I don't trust Ru to teach me anything.
i get free drinks and a lot of sex when i go there so why would i go anywhere else? and the music used to be half good so i could find some drunk straight girls to dance with to have some fun. i'm into any type of guy with a nice bank account.
Okay, the time has come for everyone to boycott Scandals. #scandalsisoverparty.
Yep, you heard me. I'm just as shocked as you are, but I have been wronged so deeply that I don't see any other option. What was meant to be a fun, harmless early Halloween themed night turned into a living hell.
Let me set the scene. I show up, I walk to the bar, I stand around looking coy & seductive until an old man offers to buy me a drink. Nothing out of the ordinary. And then it happens. The last few notes of Espresso fade out and fucking Ed Sheeran begins to play. Excuse you?! Ed Sheeran? At a gay bar? Is that meant to be the Halloween frights? I let it slide at first because maybe this DJ hit the wrong track on that Spotify playlist they call a DJ set, but then the next song starts. Mr Brightside. After that Uptown Funk. And that was my last straw. It was truly sickening.
So, until Scandals can get someone with taste, I think we should all boycott.
Side note; all of this is happening while I'm dressed as Lust For Life era Lana, a costume which no one seemed to recognise.
Is it still considered uncool if it equals getting to play dress up for another occasion besides actual Halloween? I already reserved a whole bunch of tickets, my friend. I have to admit, even I'm still a little on the fence on whether that ride was actually enjoyable (and I'm an avid fan of coasters myself) but considering the fact that it basically bears the Dalton colors, I don't see why they wouldn't wanna go on it. If not just for the experience.
Why tortellini, specifically? If you don't mind my asking.
I mean...yes, yes it's still uncool. But I'll let it slide for you. And I just think the Corkscrew's fun because I like seeing grown men in the line talk themselves up but then scream the entire time. But the Dalton color scheme is always a plus. Maybe if I wear my blazer they'll give us a discount.
My favorite type of pasta. If I was getting blinded, I'd want it to be the superior noodle. Plus I think they're more eye-shaped.
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Bring your favorite book character to real life or will you go into a fictional world?
Book character? People are still reading those? Well, regardless, I will be entering the fictional world. I'm already the main character of this one, I think I'd be damn good in any other one.
If anyone's still looking for something fun (or spooky!) to do this Halloween season, not only will I be performing at Cedar Point's annual HalloWeekends again this year but β I cannot give enough praise to the cast and crew over at the great murder mystery of The Great Spaghetti Murders at the Ohio Theatre! It's like, you're stepping right onto the crime scene. Plus, there's pasta! Who doesn't love delicious pasta? I know I do. End of shameless promo.
Blaine, everything you listed just sounds so, so uncool. But, of course, the Warblers and I will come see you perform. I'll see if I can force any of the guys to go on the Corkscrew with me while I'm there. I will not, however, be watching this pasta murder show. I'd rather shove two dry pieces of tortellini into my eyes.
Key word being 'to you'. I think it serves major cunt. It is, tragically, one of the styles I can't pull off, but when I see someone walking around the mall in a My Chemical Romance t-shirt, part of me wants to shake their hand.
SEBASTIAN: and you turn to ME because....?
SEBASTIAN: im not the captain of the warblers of anything, that's not how we work. im not even on the council.
SEBASTIAN: i would LOVE to vocally destroy you and ur generative AI teammates, but no promises the other warblers will agree.
SEBASTIAN: besides blaine, he'll kind of do whatever. he's easy to convince.
JESSE: Vocally destroy me? Please.
JESSE: Considering the very slim probability of us directly competing at Sectionals this year, I donβt see why they wouldnβt agree to a little amicable showdown below the show choir radar.
JESSE: I would instigate a set up but Vocal Adrenaline is trying to turn over a new leaf this year.
SEBASTIAN: yes, vocally destroy you. i sing acapella, i have THE RANGE
SEBASTIAN: and, for once, you do kind of have a point. it'll get us fired up for the real deal. i'll see what i can do.
Dude, you're totally missing out. What do you usually do for fun then? Okay, I'm already like five minutes in and hooked. Why does the theme jingle kinda slap?
That... is kind of accurate and kind of scary. I fear my next smoke session is just going to be me going on about this now. Sebastian... man. Do I want to know why you had to bribe your way into passing? Could you not, you know, pass on your own?
I'm going to say that I really don't think I am. I watch movies and shows for people who aren't in elementary school. And I'm glad I can get you on the Queer Duck bandwagon. I found about that show far too young and it's help make me the intolerable homosexual I am today. And here's a fun fact; that jingle? Sung by RuPaul.
Well, I am kind of a genius. And it's not my fault the roads in Paris are so narrow! If people didn't want to get hit, then they shouldn't walk to close to the curb!
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Croissants. Because you can then just fill it with whatever your heart desires. Hell, throw some fucking chocolate in it with you want. Pain au chocolat is a what you see is what you get situation. Nothing against them, just not my first choice.
But, of course, this is only referring to both of these pastries as served in France. I'm not eating any Ohio-made croissants.
What was the last solo you performed in glee rehearsal?
I gave the boys a little taste of some Heidi Montag's Turn Ya Head after one of the freshman said they didn't know who she was. Crushed it, as per usual.
