étinceler.

“Suji.” he almost snorts as he sighs aloud with her name on his tongue, that large head of his, full of silky brown locks – but messy, just borderline messy, shaking from one side to the other while the tips of his fingers align precisely to pinch at the bridge of his nose. something he did an awful too many times whenever she were involved, or put him in whatever kind of inconvenient situations could possibly come up with on spot. the snort he now thickly swallows back down had originated from the thought of how serious he sounds when he calls her by her actual name, every time, and the fact that he were sure that this damn girl was actually attempting her best — was admittedly doing pretty well at telling the worst fib she’d every told a soul in her life, surely. firstly, everyone knew that if an unmarried couple lived together and people found out, especially the federal police, it would be some trouble for the both of them no matter who was in the wrong, especially one with an age gap that fits a walking toddler. and secondly, he didn’t believe the police would truly give a single shit about some angry lady’s problems with her boyfriend – ‘least not enough to leave their comfortable positions in their offices to come all the way to the given address to take him away just because he’d infuriated her. really, jagiya, has the winter weather already gotten to your brain? 

“they won’t be taking me away either way, i have proof to what you’ve done to me first.” he chides with much sass, purposefully.

he wouldn’t even allow the police into his home whether they liked it or not. and it would be to protect not himself, but her. she knows that she’ll end up the one getting taken away for staying with him without a legitimate ring on her finger, so calling would only bring danger to their time spent together. “i’ll tell them all about how you messed up my hair after i got a haircut, and also how i did it back to you for revenge.” he teases, though with a small frown that barely lasts as his lips twitch in threat of incoming laughter, index finger outstretched and pointing towards the said mess laying above his forehead like a dead cat. “and you ended up getting angry and called for their help. you loser.” then he’s taking the phone from her grasp, holding it up over his head where she can’t reach at all while he unlocks the screen to quickly punch in a number with his finger before she can see. his own number.

“yes, hello officer. i would like to report noise harassment? yes, there’s a lady living here and she’s making so much noise right now. i don’t know what she’s doing but it sounds like an evil ritual so please help. thank you.” not too long ago had he successfully managed to escape her little reaching hands, which lead to him now crouching onto the kitchen counter with the phone between his ear and shoulder while he fights her off. “you’re going to get caught. hohoho.~”

the trickster had been out tricked. bae suji, the one always competitively scamming her boyfriend had finally been one-upped. if you would’ve said he was acting she would’ve called you a damn liar too, his performance that switched the tables directly back around on her was too good to be just some giant lie. but at the same time, she was lucky that it was. they didn’t need the involvement of authority around them, she knows she would end up feeling too uncomfortable in such a situation that would most definitely have questions of confrontation. and because of this, and her belief that he indeed had gone too far, she was running away. it was no use to keep jumping up and down to reach the cell phone that was clearly out of her grasps so she had to result to plan b, aka: gently kicking his leg and making the first bolt away that she could. through the kitchen, stealing mango juice from the fridge on the way, and back around up to the room that they slept in at night. no, she wasn’t going to pack her things and legitimately leave, she was going to camp out in the closet. if he was going to be cruel and call the cops, fine, go ahead, but don’t come crying to her when a certain someones credit card is being used to purchase online games. a girl has to entertain herself somehow, right?

and from that tedious journey she ended up sitting in the corner of the walk-in closet, her feet hugging up close to her body while she sat and sipped away at her mango juice so casually it was almost as if this was a regular thing for her to do-- to attempt to trick her boyfriend, unknowingly get tricked back, and hide out in a closet until it all went away. it was a wild scenario to say the least, which was why she vowed not to leave her position until the coast was legitimately clear.     that or she needed to use the bathroom, she refused to hold that in. 

in a way it was kind of comfy too, she pulled down some of his winter coats and used them as a giant mix of a blanket and pillow to curl herself up into, her feet receiving their warmth from the oversize of his slippers she had managed to snag too. but hey, it seems like if he ever wanted to play games with her again ( as if she wasn’t the one always playing them ) she had a new hide out to indulge in, and a noted few places she could hide some snacks if it got to that point. and ah, as if on cue from that thought alone her stomach was grumbling, her body tossing around in the pile of messy coats, and her fingers reaching out for her phone to ask for a favour. yes, from jaeho himself. and yes, she was playing with fire.

okay, so first things first — “First of all…” why in the world did she use a sock, “why cover my eyes if you were just going to lead me to the Christmas tree…” what kind of trick was this now? another one of her usual pranks that were almost always lead to great success because of his lack of actual restraint and ability to say no when it comes to her? ah, right, possibly, more than likely so. and he were quite the fool for letting it happen even while knowing damn well that she always had the tendency to reach too far sometimes, too far, especially when it came to him since he let her get away with most of it at any time of the day, any day of the week and every week of the year. didn’t matter whether he had emerged from it with a broken wrist, exaggeratedly, because he’d still forgive her… eventually. though he doubted she’d ever let it get so far to actually hurting him, especially on a holiday, so he were a little less wary right now. the small bean was smart enough to choose her jokes wisely, harmless in every aspect. after all she were someone who often called themselves a ‘pwincess’ for gods sake. baby talk, and shamelessly, too. sheesh. he couldn’t imagine her ever intending malice. not in this life.

but let’s get back to what was happening right now. “Second of all, you’re so damn extra with all these boxes…” those which he suddenly couldn’t care any less about after his returning vision catches onto the small piece of mistletoe pinched between her small fingers. it’s about damn time she’d pulled that thing out from wherever she were hiding it. and yes, he’d been searching for it before. kisses were just that essential… so shut up, don’t tease about it. “Merry Christmas to you too, pest.” damn lovely pest at that, the brightest light of his life, his moon and stars and everything wonderful laying beyond. “I mean, jagiya.” only a bit does his nose scrunch up to give off a teasing expression alongside his spoken words, the tone he uses clearly pitched and mocking and enough to wipe off that annoying smile from her lips until she’s cringing at him instead. but he doesn’t give her enough time to do as such and takes the open initiative to step towards her as usually done on his part whenever they’re alone, warm broad hands soon cradling from her jaw up to her cheeks as he gently guides and angles her head in the proper position, brown eyes staring back into her burning gaze. thank you, for all of this.

“And, shiiiit,” he almost snorts at his own antic, ruining the short lived sentimental moment, that accent though, though doing a shit job at keeping his chuckle to himself as he briefly folds his lips inward for that familiar idiotic smile of his to curl into place.

that which only lasts for so long because soon he’s dipping his head, then is murmuring the sweetest, most genuine, “I love you, too.”’s she’d ever heard before against the warmth of her little soft, rosy mouth before he’s claiming it entirely for his own with just a subtle flutter and tight seal of his eager lips,  his caressing thumb smoothly stroking against the hued apple of her cheek in between.

of course he would only focus his attention on that one particular little plant, she knew he would do that. it had her snorting afterwards too, snickering between the repeated kisses while she tried to take him seriously. really, how can someone receive an abundance of gifts just to not even inspect what they were first before diving into something else? only jaeho would, that’s why. it was cute though, and gave her something to tease him for after their little kissing session. she made him go back and open each little box too, making sure he opened the particular box that was just a bunch of boxes packaged inside of it first though. his reaction was too entertaining not to have her camera ready to record too, the video making its way in the specific folder on her camera roll that was dedicated just to things that were related to them and their little antics. shh though, he doesn’t need to know about her little secret collection. 

“oppa do you know what is south from your nose?” she was being a jokester now, a contrast to her previous little emotional state that occurred earlier when he was giving her his gifts first. let’s not bring that up though. “made you look!” and flick, went her finger against his nose the moment he even dared to glance down, her laughing echoing around the room while she shook the compass all around in front of his face to connect some sense to her joke. yes, she was random, but this had a purpose to it for once. 

he doesn’t even need to look in any damn mirror to tell that he currently looked like an actual professional circus clown, the smooth strokes of the dark marker against his flesh and her reaction afterwards, and even the cooing and the innocent smiles enough to have him eventually conclude as such without needing the visuals. besides, he’d complain again if he were to see what she’d done to his facet this time around — even his Adams apple was included this time, but that wouldn’t be much of a nice thing to do after all her ‘hard work’ so partially it explains why he prefers to steer clear from anything that could guarantee his reflection. instead of giving much of a reaction at her grand work of art on his face, save for that signature, dour glance of his that he’d offer over whenever she did that ridiculous baby talk in his presence, he pulled himself up from the comfort of her lap and stood onto his steady knees, the marker pen she’d tucked beneath his thin shirt falling to a loud ‘clunk’ onto the wooden floor of his living room. but he pays it absolutely no mind as he reaches and tugs her up as well, with such force that isn’t supposed to hurt but is much to have her nearly collapse into his arm, but instead she meets the firmness of his chest as he draws his arm around her waist to hold her close to him for a brief moment, which he uses well much to her dismay as he offers a mocking smile. only to annoy her a bit for now. “follow me, then. princess.”

he utters it loud enough for the actual princess to come running into the room for the attention that he were potentially to give her, which he does as he suddenly peels from her presence to crouch down towards the enthusiastic, panting dog, waiting for her loving owner to scratch and kiss her head. maybe even feed her if she were lucky. but not now, he coos, and she almost whines, he swears, but he makes sure to promise that he’d give her some extra snacks for waiting, and like a good princess, she prances off into his bedroom where all her new toys lay astray since she’d been playing all day. he’d have to pick all of them up later. “okay, your turn.” he gestures — a small nod, for her to follow now, and only glances back if she were quiet enough to make him do so. like she ever kept her mouth shut, though. blessing and curse.

the room he brings her to is often visited by just his own person, all of the pieces and sheets and even lack of furniture in here considered as sacred items that weren’t to be bothered by anyone who knew nothing of them. instruments sat about neatly, some which he played and some which he didn’t at all but merely kept as decoration or for the sake of memories made. then almost everywhere there were piano sheets thrown or stacked or even balled up, almost — because the open surface of the largest and most remarkable piece in the room was empty and shining to boot, that surface on which the papers belonged majority of the time. but he’d cleaned it up this morning for the purpose of what he were about to do; finally giving her something that he were meant to give her for a while now, but had little courage to bring it forth on a casual day. because it would bring back many memories that were meant and meant not to be recalled. but today, he just had to do it. he had to. “sit. please. and let me explain.”

ah, he’s nervous. and grows even more anxious when she grows out of her words and silently climbs onto the spacious piano chair. don’t make this hard for me. don’t look at me like that, it’s all he wants to say. with your glinting, round, curious eyes, your perfect little nose and small lips. i’m sorry it was so hard for me to resist you. i just couldn’t help myself. and i’m that same person around you until today. i’m still selfish, and have no shame of it. i should, though, shouldn’t i? “when you left back then, i promised myself that i wouldn’t let it get to me as it should have. i wasn’t confused, i wasn’t desperate. i was actually in love with you, and managed to convince myself that you were with me, too, so i told myself that i wouldn’t let it hurt me.” it’s almost as if there is no more air in his lungs when he sits down beside her and pulls the key cover up, yet he still speaks, even when his tone dies at points, even when his fingers seem to feel numb when they settle onto the keys. “one night, i don’t know what happened. but it hit me, so hard i ended up losing all sleep and my gig that night. i — i wrote a song instead, about you. and today i wanted to show it to you, play it for you, because around this time of the year back then, we met again, and i promised myself that one day i’d let you hear it. now i’ve finally worked up enough balls to do it, so… i hope you like it.”

                   “혹시 아니 내가                     무슨 말을 하려하는지                     너무 빨리 말하진 않을 거야” 

silence embraced her aura, which for someone as vibrant and 4D as her was a rarity. curiosity was too busy distracting her for anything to dare to slip past her lips, her fingers tugging between his own on the silent trip to the other room. and like a puppy dog she was following and listening to his commands too, her eyes scanning the room to take in the set up and make her own mental notes of how it was he arranged things for his personal room of tranquility. you know, character analyzing. the heels of her feet soon came to a light tapping rhythm against the legs of the piano bench, the small antic helping keep her at bay from talking and asking too many questions. it was time to watch and observe here. “mhm,” her lips pursed in a hum of acknowledgement, eyes moving from the decor to the soft features of his face, her nose crinkling up as if she had some magical ability to read exactly what it was he was thinking that moment. and it seemed he could catch on to her little trick too, some of the answers she was seeking coming out so bluntly it made her posture become a bit more straight to give the proper appeal that he had her entire and full attention. which he did. she froze too, the impact of this entire situation finally taking its time to sink in. this was more than she expected, much much more. 

'when you left back then,’ that line was enough to get her falling into a trance of memories, that string of joy she previously was toying with now tying itself into a knot. like the knot in her stomach, the tight feeling that made her feel remorse. he didn’t deserve the way she treated him back then, she was so damn lucky to have someone that gave their all to solely her. but at the same time, it was his own fault too, he was warned, told that she couldn’t bare to learn the pattern of romantically loving another individual yet. she needed time, to re-calculate herself and stand tall on her own feet before even considering engaging in such relations with someone else. either way it went, it would’ve been unfair for him. he would’ve either been in a one-sided love, or left behind. she just chose the less painful of the two options. and look where that got them now; from a rough place to a blossomed love that was indeed two-sided and pure. that’s why she doesn’t regret anything either, about their past and the way things went about in their younger years. distance makes the heart grow fonder, and they are a clear example of that. 

like a lighthouse, he is the light that always draws her back in. she can never stay far away from him, and even if she acts stubborn at times this is something he knows. just like before, she will always find her way back in his arms. or drunk and being carried on his back, whichever way it takes for them to be together again. because being together with him, that’s one of the best things in life for her. that and rilakkuma. let’s not forget that second squishy teddy bear.

it was a bit surprising, really, the notification that popped up on her screen had caught her immediate attention. that yellow little box with the small black lettering inside as the icon, and his name clearly written in hangul floated to the right to indicate a new message had been received from him. a voice message to be more specific. and if it had been any other day than christmas she would have let it sit for a bit, allow some time to go by before opening it and seeing just what it was he needed to greet her for. but since it was such a festive day, she had a clear idea of what it was he was greeting her for. and even if the thought of him made her scowl a bit, that old grudge tightening itself around her chest, she couldn’t deny the fact that this was actually what the christmas spirit was all about. giving to others and gracing their days with a little holiday cheer.

that’s the problem with getting too invested into something. you get too attached to the point your mind builds crazy scenarios, plotting for a targeted outcome, and when none of that comes true you completely crash. fall flat to the ground and question why you even allowed yourself to get in such a position anyway when you clearly knew things don’t always end how we want them too. long explanation right? let’s get clear then: the small targeted areas of the stock market that she has her eyes on are crashing. falling straight to the pits of nothing land while she’s here, one hand gripping a pen and another a notepad as she was so close to writing down a victory prediction. only she can’t, she failed. her 94% success rate was close to declining to a mere lower number.

and it wasn’t that she couldn’t accept failure that rattled her bones, it was the fact that she had let others down that was so upsetting. she knew certain people had their hopes set up so high, all because of her boosting and glorious advice that seemed to go down the tube as quick as the flush of a toilet. and due to the fact that nothing in life is a guarantee, the only person permitted to blame herself was herself, and she was one of the hardest critics of herself possible.

okay, yes, sometimes she crosses the line. jumps over the boundary of when and when she shouldn’t joke around. she gets the whole schpeel, serious matters need serious attitudes and not silly behaviour. it makes sense, really. the only thing is, with him, she didn’t see a reason to follow that. how could they obtain such a fun and intriguing relationship if there wasn’t a little bit of daringness every once in a while? but yes, there’s a limit to that too. and yes... she crossed that too. but hey, it’ll make for a funny story later. give her a break. it wasn’t like anything too critical was going to happen anyway, just a little scolding when he found out that she had been lying the entire time to his face.

but wait, let’s give a little background information here. a mere few minutes ago suji had reached the point of threatening him. it was playful though, and her façade was on point too. her facial expressions were stern enough to have him actually believing her act for once, and it even resulted in her pulling out her phone and pretending dialing a certain number that should only be used in emergency situations. her excuse: he made her mad. she wouldn’t tell him why though. just that he made her mad.

“they said i can have you removed from the house, and if you don’t leave they will come and forcefully remove you.” her face was still, which came as a surprise as she oh-so badly wanted to bust out in laughter. the reality: she called his own phone, luckily got the voice mail, and left a long miscellaneous yelling message. no police involved here, nope, just scheming. love you jaeho!

The ill-mannered male simply sneered at his friend’s counter-response, facial features oozing with a crude sense of disapproval towards the notion voiced. Of course, Suji was undeniably beautiful but to ever pry this fact from Junhoe’s lips would be an absolute pain in the backside – he was just as stubborn as he was rude. Arrogance adorned his upright stance, though, at this moment in time he should be anything but that. It was his uncanny confidence in his own words that lead such empty lies to read truthful. An ex-girlfriend was all but an illusion of his past, not having a single romantic interest in his twenty-one years of existing. Sure, he had an ever-flourishing list of one-night-stands, but they were all nothing but a casualty of his hormonal needs.

“What the–” protesting, his foot stumbled back only for his body to hit the wooden furniture which rested behind him. Clearly, eluding the female’s loving arms were all but a feat much too difficult given the current situation he had landed himself into, instead opting to diverge the path of Suji’s arms with his own. “Noona, what are you doing?!”

jackpot. she was like a crane in a toy machine, her arms swindling themselves around him and shaking him all about the moment the opportunity came to play. this could be a justifiable comparison if he wasn’t so stubborn too, his temperament making him more out to be one of the least liked prizes in a machine. she was too blinded to notice that though. his small good traits always somehow seemed to outshine the bad edges: his attitude, lack of respect and manners, and all around his full demeanour. he was all around a walking red light with a cute little bow on top of it. and simply, she was too distracted by that décor to take notice to the prominent warning signs. aka, he was kind of no good.

he sits on the edge of the high school building’s roof, feet dangling dangerously over the side. there’s a blank stare as he looks off into the distance. his mind was in a complete chaotic whirl. recent financial struggles resulted in another job, and somehow he ended up back where he started. the same place where his dreams firstly took off and eventually burned out. 

suddenly, he’s standing up. if not for saechan’s impeccable balance from years of sports, the wind would have likely knocked him over. empty brown orbs float down to the ground. it’s interesting how numb he’s become to the idea of his own death. would he ever be brave enough to take that extra step? right now, he’s not sure. but he’s certain it wouldn’t take much to give him the strength.

she merely stood there. it was as if life had paused in time. there was no sound of birds chirping, cars below honking. no visual of the wind gusting about, lights flickering among them. simply just suji and saechan. his body still on that ledge, and her hands frozen in their act of trembling. she felt like she was a deer caught in the head lights, fate getting her in an interesting place at an interesting time. usually one would say wrong place at the wrong time, but for someone with a positive outlook such as her maybe it was her destiny to come and be a hero in this scenario. that sure is a big pair of shoes to fill, but she was capable of some good. hopefully here too.

her final question brings his slackened posture into almost a rigid stop as he straightens and glaces over, and glances one more time after his brief averted pause for strength to properly cope with her request, though this time he holds her gaze for much longer than before just to get a little protesting across — a silent plead to save him from getting drawn all over as his expression merely grows sour with distress, even when he knew damn well that she were no fool to save him from her own ideas. as expected she only bats those pretty eyelashes at him as if they could reach his heart with a tickle that would weaken his knees, her round eyes, warm in all their damn glory, swiping across his features in long, soft strokes that always manage to bring him comfort and tension alike – made him nervous, and sometimes even shy for some reason. never once did he admitted it, though, but he’s sure she’s aware of it, hence why she remains the victor every time she pulls that card in his presence. moments like right now. 

and plus, it was Christmas, it’s the holidays — damn great, time of the year to be as generous as he could muster. and he promised he’d give what she wanted, relieve her of every demand and everything longed for today, though it were always like that for her everyday already anyway so this shouldn’t be new. kisses, hugs, unmentioned affection. it didn’t matter. he’d give it to her. 

“fine…” he only drops the subtle expression but keeps the barely noticeable boyish point that stretches at his lower lip as he pulls her along towards the couch where he could lay down, his free arm reaching out along the way to collect the marker off the low coffee table before he’s plopping down with his head rested in her lap, the marker soon being dropped between the open spacing of her cleavage as if he were playing basketball or something of the sort. “when you’re done, i’ll give you the last present, alright? so have as much fun as you’d like with oppa’s face and such before we get to what i have prepared.” he folds his arms over his chest and shuts his eyes, and has to pretend as if this were much of a drag, a nuisance even. he couldn’t not over the fact that he actually enjoyed it when she did this, even if she could tell already. she sometimes even plays with or tugs at his hair for angles and what not — because he weren’t going to willingly move his head for her, so it’s nice and makes it hard to keep his amusement concealed. after all it’s a fun way to spend your time with the woman you’re so hopelessly in love with. only a foolish man would allow this much. he didn’t mind being a complete fool.

“do i get any presents by the way? or just the christmas card and kisses?”

"your present is me, i told you.” the words fell off the tip of her tongue with a casual flow, as if having to remove a pen from the concaves of her chest was just an ordinary everyday task-- as if this scenario was something so normal to them. which in a way it kind of was. there had been countless moments where she committed the same acts of random scribbles, each time being different as she changed it up to keep things interesting. it would be boring to draw the same things every single time, where would the fun in that be? she wanted to surprise him, even if the creation was a surprise itself. “the christmas card and kisses were just a bonus.” okay, that was kind of backwards. in all actuality they were just like little appetizers, small things to randomly toss out before revealing the big final bang of them all: the actual gift. in a way it was like a maze, he had to go through constant shifts and turns until meeting the exit destination. “be appreciative, ahjussi.” the soft brown hue of her eyes glared down at him all situated in her lap, her lips parting and teeth chattering to imitate the face of someone that was about to bite another individual. “it’s time for art though! I've been practicing~” in all actuality her reference to practicing was just the act of applying eyeliner to her own eyes, as it had some similarity to the prominent flick of the wrist that was required in both tasks. but sh, that’s a secret!

finishing the detailing was the most fun part of it all too, after she outlined the little lines on his cheek she was drawing a star on the center of his chin, ‘bsj’ prominently written upside down on his nose, a moon on one eyelid and a random ‘:p’ on the ridge of his adams apple. very handsome. “mm, look at that. you’re so cute.” just to purposefully mess with him she took her thumb and index finger to carefully grab a grip of his nose-- making sure not to ruin her art, and rocked his head back and forth while she did her typical baby talk to him. “look at my snuggly honey bear.... so kyuuute.” and when she finally had enough of her fun she was snapping a photo of the moment too, letting the camera roll on her phone be filled with the random influx of pictures that would only grow throughout the progression of the day.

TIS THE SEASON TO BE…

A cuddly loving boyfriend who buys his little girlfriend cute expensive gifts that don’t really matter as much as kisses and hugs do in the end…!

I know, I know, I really shouldn’t have, but you’re not my mother so you can’t tell me what to and what not to do, I keep telling you this. I wanted to do it, anyways, even though Christmas isn’t really much about presents and all that stuff, but more so spending time and sharing love with those people you deeply cherish and wish to keep close throughout the entire year. But since I’m the coolest guy on the planet, and got money to spend, I figured why not just do both for my princess instead of just being a lame and choosing one side? I’ll give you presents and lots of my gods damn love in whatever kind of form you would prefer to receive it today. You want kisses outside in the snow? I’d hate it, but anything for you I’d do. Let’s go. You want oppa to buy you food and soju? Of course. Want to make snowmen and play with snowballs? Say no more. I’ve got you. This is what I’ve wanted all my life anyway, since I met you. And then met you again. So let’s do it all, okay? 

First, though, I would like for you to open your presents, and pretend like I never told you about one of them before ᄏᄏᄏᄏ  I spent lots of time in the jewelry store trying to pick some stuff out, there were so many, and eventually went with some custom made stuff since those are more sincere. The others are self explainable. But either way, I hope you enjoy them all very much. After you’re done playing with them you could ask me for the last one, though that’s more personal so I’d rather tell you and show you myself. I’m sure you’d like it, though, a lot.

Anyways, let me stop rambling and being ugly. Happy Holidays, keep warm and if I ever catch you trembling you should be ready for me to dump my scarf and coat or jacket on you. Don’t worry about me, I just want you happy and well taken care of. It’s my duty anyways.

I love you, and don’t forget the mistletoe. 

( one, two, three, four, five, six )

— Ahjussi

seasons greetings from kjh & bsj!

things like this weren’t fair. which in a way, made it fair. a contradiction, right?    right.

she liked games like this though, the formulated counting games that got her mind gearing in all sorts of directions. everything had to be accounted for, which in a way made her excited. it was like a marble cake, you never knew what would be underneath the next layer but you were anticipating it. waiting for the next revelation to bring you closer to the final clue of solving the overall puzzle.