It's Just Me

I thought I loved you. But what even is love? Is it when I see your smile for the first time in a while and my hearts leaps out of my chest? Is it smiling and adoring everything you say even if it's the stupidest thing ever? Is it wanting to be near you and be with you all the time? Is it when you're all thats on my mind most of the time? Is it when a song comes on and all I think about is you? Is it feeling this pain of heartbreak when I see you with her? Is it the feeling of heartbreak when all you do is disappoint me? Is it me breaking down crying about how much you've changed over the past 3 years? Is it this constant worry of our friendship ending too? I told you how I felt and we discussed how you felt and that we wouldn't let it ruin our friendship. We agreed to let it go and still be friends until the time was right. Now here I am sitting here waiting by my phone for a simple "hey" from you. It's been weeks and were supposed to be best friends. So much for that. But now I worry that this was it. We'd stop talking and you'd continue off in your perfect world leaving me in the dust and wreckage of your tornado that tore my heart apart. I thought I loved you, but what do I know about love? It could've been disappointed infatuation that was way too dragged out. Whatever, I guess it doesn't matter anymore know that we don't talk.

thank you, im actually not right now, but i will be. you put a smile on my face : )

do you ever feel a burning anger deep in your heart? do you ever want to act on it? do you sit there and contemplate all the possibilities? an anger burning so bright that you want to throw everything against walls, smash it all and then just walk away screaming?