Pirmi ta nlg na awayan ni about sa utang sa pakaisa mo.

Sbng nga ma apply ka citizenship, sorry but i cant help you with that anymore. Unless singilon mo na pakaisa mo. Lakas loob mo mag utang2 skn pero di mo masingil pakaisa mo.

Ano rason? Ky gakalisod pa xa? Clearly she’s not. Kita ta man duha. Aminado kaman.

So why you letting urself struggle with finances when you just easily let her go on without paying you.

I don’t understand what I’m doing wrong.

I don’t give you any more time or attention. After i stayed out late last night, masunggod ka ky wala taka gina tagaan time and attention?

You would say indi lang man sang kagabi lang but all the other times na youre always on your phone. But all those times you were on your phone as well.

I always find myself watching my every move ky basi my mahambal ka naman. You would say naman now na im being defensive or gina balik ko naman simo.

I prefer not to talk because if i do, i would say nothing but bad things. And i dont want to hurt you with words that i dont actually mean.

It’s not that i’m full of pride. I’m hurting. I dont know how to handle you anymore. I dont know how to take care of you anymore, how to love you, how to be myself around you.

I feel like youre always short tempered with me. I feel like i do things wrong most of the time. I have to be extra careful with what i do, with the words i say, how I react. Because if i do one thing wrong, our day is ruined.

I dont even have the energy to explain myself anymore. Coz you’ll say im defensive. Im full of pride. I dont understand you. I blame you. I think im always right.

So i wud resort to silence. I wud choose peace. Im tired.

I don’t know how to say things without sounding defensive. I have so much to say but nahadlok ko na ideny mo or you will say na I’m wrong. And that would lead me to question myself. And I’m gonna be defensive again. And it’s gonna be another fight. And im really really tired.

And now ako pa ang budlay storyahon. Ako pa ang ndi mo masugidan sng mga bagay2 ky madugang stress ko? Is it not the other way around? And of course when i said that, hmbalan mo ko ginabalik ko lang simo, gapangita lang ko lusot (“like i always do” wtfff?)

It makes me question my self my sanity kng sakto ba ni na feel ko. Or ga inOA lang ko. Am i really in touch with my feelings?? Is it just in my head?

I was trying to explain things at the start and you suddenly changed your tone and facial expressions. I didn’t mind that. But then later on, if ako mg react in a different way, mangakig ka? And you’ll say nga “mao ni dili ko mag storya nimo ky masuko ka” wtf???!!!

“Mas maayo pa relationship mo sa imong mga amigo” wtf??

Wtf!!!!

I wanna stay away from you. Far far away from you.

Toxic ka. Gapang gaslight ka.

How do you know when it’s time to give up?

I understand malisod si jc karn ky bago pa xa dri. But also malisod man ko. Mauli bya ko. (Ikaw sad i know but akon man ni kwarta involved, not yours). Gsto ko lang man is mg initiate ka conversation ky jc about how she’s going to pay. Maybe you dont want to talk to her abt it ky di ka gsto ma stress xa? But ako ang gaka stress instead. Coz i think chill na kaayo ka ky jc when it comes to this. And consequently, ako gaka gipit sa money para mag adjust ko sa ibang tao. Ang money nga ginapa utang ko sa imo or kay jc, I could’ve used that to spoil my family too like what you do with yours. Coz i find myself hesitant always if mgbakal ko gifts for my family, na dapat at a certain amount lang ky otherwise wla nako bilin. But in reality, ang kwarta ko is ara sa iban nga tao.

So all i want is mg initiate ka plan with Jc kng paano nia ni bayaran. Ky for sure di kaman gusto ako mg storya ni jc about this.

Remember when ara pa sa pinas si jc, need nia mag utang from you and kulang money mo? I was hesitant but ginpahulam ta ka. And now kung iopen up ko na nga topic mangakig ka. But it’s money babs and were adults and we have responsibilities.

After this you might say, di naka mag borrow money from me again ky ga ingani ko. Di man ko stressed because im lending you money. Im stressed because of the way you’re handling the situation. Chill kaayo ka sa ibang tao, but when it comes to me na, lisod ka istoryaon ky mangakig ka.

Sugo moko mgpa post office bwas. Ipa scan mo pa sakon. Ako pa bakal envelope kg sort out tanan. Imagine mo ano ni nga pag balik2 ubrahon ko?

Diputa nag gwa ka ngid kagna wla kapa ng bakal kg ng preparar. You had all day to do this ngaa hulaton mo gd 11pm kag ubrahon ni? Ky pabulig ka sakon? Ni indi taka gne mastorya while ga sulat ka! Linti

Tpos suguon moko, ma react ko siempre my plano man ko sa own ko nga day off mu. Ma impose kapa sakon mangakig kapa nga mag react ko differently.

Ikaw gne wla ka sense of urgency nga imo na problema! Bilog adlaw my tiempo ka ubrahon wla mo gin ubra. Tpos ako pa sukton mo sng sense of urgency? Kadiputa nga

Hambalan moko daun wla tka nabuligan wla support linte. Tnan nga support hatag ko na physical emotional mental financial kulang pa gid haw?

Gina expect mo ko maninlo balay kng day off ko. Pero sa day off mo simple nga paninlo di mo maubra. Kng sitaon ka, hmbalan mo pako “isa lang day off ko” “need ko pahuway kapoy ko”.

Linti pila gd day off ko haw?? Wla ko nakapoy ya haw?? Ndi ko ya need pahuway haw???

It’s been a while.

But that doesn’t mean wla na ta ga away. It’s because I’m getting tired na of all the fighting. Most of the time, i don’t even think about it na lang kay sakit sa ulo. Literally.

These last two weeks or probably more have been a roller coaster. Away bati. We barely see each other because of opposite shifts. And when we do, ga away ta. When were apart, i cant even miss you coz thats the time my mind gets to rest from all the fighting.

Were going home to Ph very soon. I understand that planning this has been causing stress to each of us and to our relationship.

But lately, it’s been so hard to maintain a conversation with you without you getting offended or hurt. Or without you dismissing me.

I feel like sometimes, i tiptoe around you. Choosing my words carefully coz i might say the wrong stuff and we end up arguing again.

Right now, i dont even know why were fighting or what were fighting about.

Sang gakaon ta, yes nag away ta. I said sorry. And i thot okay na ta on our way home. And when we got home, ndi na naman okay? When I approached you coz i wanted to talk abt whatever it is, gin hmbalan mo lang ko.. there is no point coz tapos na ang adlaw.

What is that even supposed to mean??

Why are you so harsh na towards me?? Why do you easily get so upset with me? Why do i feel like you dont care na with how im gonna feel sa gina ubra mo?

No, you can’t handle me.

Gusto mo maging more vocal ko sa thoughts ko and what bothers me. But you cant handle them.