The Smokey Abyss

October 5th, 2020: I woke up that Monday morning exhausted more then usual, I had watched Lord Of The Rings the night before... I woke up and hopped into the shower before work, I figured, lets be positive, its Monday and I'm alive another day... so I smiled and got ready for work, kissed my boyfriend goodbye and said my goodbyes to the rest of my family. Got my coffee and arrived at work, I kept thinking, "I wish there were a power outage today so we can all go home and rest on this slow Monday, we had barely any patients..." but then lunch came 1:00PM, I'm eating lunch at my boyfriends house, enjoying that beautiful sunny weather, so we decided to eat outside. It was almost 2PM so I decided to head back to work so I wouldn't be late. 1:50: I'm sitting at the traffic light behind a truck with a trailer attached (lawn maintenance) about a block away from my job. Patiently I was waiting for the light to turn green. I look in my review mirror and I see a Mercedes driving behind me, going pretty fast, I'm thinking "is this guy going to slow down?!" & before I know it, he's going even faster... before I had a chance to even move out of the way he smashes into my rear... my car launches forward, straight into the trailer. It was happening in slow motion, I thought about my family at the moment and if I'd ever see them again... The knee air bags deploy, bruising and burning my legs. My door was jammed shut, and I freaked out, so I jumped out of the window. I felt nothing at that moment, till my knees and lower back started hurting. I collapsed onto the sidewalk, crying, hyperventilating, trying my best to calm down, but couldn't. I called 911 and well I couldn't even think properly... I was in shock. I called my boyfriend and he showed up 3 minutes later. Told my dad and bosses... I got taken to the hospital, now I'm suffering, depressed at night, my car is totaled. I know, it's better the car then me, but it doesn't change the fact that I loved my car and would never see it again. I now can't attend holiday dinners or even do anything fun, I'm in to much pain, sitting up, standing up, anything that involves me not laying down... and even me laying down doesn't help. Medicine doesn't help. This has me feeling so many different emotions, but I'm angry. The man who hit me was 84... I understand he's older and my heart goes out to him... but if you mistaken the acceleration pedal for the brakes, and couldn't see me while my bright blue car was directly in front of you then we have a problem. That could've been a mother and her stroller... he could've killed me. I'm in my mid 20's this is the start to my life, he's ignorance and negligence could've prevented me from continuing my life. There was barely a dent on his car, my car took all the damage, all the impact... it was terrible. I'm distraught, I still can't believe I'm dealing with this. It's a terrible experience for someone at my age to have to go through... especially the PTSD that I've been getting while driving. I'm in shock honestly. I wish this hadn’t happened, I wish my body wasn’t so fucked up... doing treatments and shit three days a week. I keep complaining about the pain, and it seems as though everyone’s had enough of me. I’m barely eating, barely smiling, just sitting here remembering the accident like it was yesterday. My family wonders why I’m so sad all the time and I didn’t even know I was... I thought I was hiding it so well. But sitting in a dark room all day, I’m sure isn’t the best method of coping but I feel at peace with the dark.