— gasoline.

background

han hyukjae was born with the name kim jihoon before he legally changed it later in life, which isn't something he's particularly open about. he grew up well-off in busan, where his dad was a #financeguy and his mother was a nurse-turned-stay-at-home-mom. both of his parents (but especially his mom, something he's never truly acknowledged) were obsessed with the idea of presenting as the picture perfect family, and the importance of success and happiness in the eyes of others was drilled into him from a young age.

at age 8, he moved to seoul to live with his grandmother to attend an expensive school there but, when he was 12, his dad was caught on embezzlement and fraud charges and hyukjae was thrown back into a family in disarray. if the shame wasn't bad enough, his father drained their bank accounts trying to bribe the charges away and he still ended up going to prison for a couple of years. in the wake of his arrest and imprisonment, hyukjae's family began to struggle financially for the first time.

his mom moved to seoul to live with hyukjae and his grandmother. hyukjae never really planned on being an idol but it seemed like a way to to make money. he adjusted pretty well to training (if being cutthroat & willing to do anything to debut counts as "adjusted well"). turns out a willingness to do just about anything to succeed can pay off! before debut, he dropped out of school and legally changed his name from kim jihoon, a name chosen by his father, to han hyukjae, a name chosen by himself and his mom.

when axis failed to truly break out for three years, hyukjae was convinced he'd made the worst decision of his life. when they finally did get the success he'd wanted, he got a little addicted to the headrush of their fame and the feeling of performing on stage to a sold-out cheering crowd.

once axis started reaching heights hyukjae had only ever dreamed of, his father started contacting him for the first time in years. and hyukjae made the mistake of giving him a second chance. long story short, it ended up coming out that his father had been scamming people using his famous son's name. hyukjae came out of it relatively unscathed because he didn't know about it and had been estranged from his father for so long, but he considers it a true dark time in his career and his personal life since he let himself get used like that and it put cracks in the perfect image he tries to project.

outside of axis, he's involved in acting and fashion. acting was a ploy for individual name recognition, but he's found he actually kind of enjoys it.

image

hyukjae debuted at 16 and was initially marketed as your stereotypical popular high school boyfriend. he tried very hard to make it look like he didn't try hard at all and also got the image of a "golden boy" of sorts.

he's matured now and his image has as well, but he's never shaken (or wanted to shake) his "golden boy"/"golden maknae" image, regardless of how much pressure it puts on him.

early in axis's career, he would shamelessly flirt with fans because he loves attention. he's still known for being overconfident and flirty and has been accused of arrogance and attention-seeking at times, but fans brush it over as him just being naturally outgoing.

personality

tldr; at his best, he's driven and loyal. at his worst, he's prideful and vindictive.

hyukjae lives by the work hard, play hard philosophy. he's a workaholic, but off-the-clock, you'll usually find him partying in one way or another. he's also a bit of an adrenaline junkie and enjoys doing stupid dangerous things for the thrill.

but he also works his ass off and is willing to push himself to the breaking point for work, but struggles between wanting his hard work to be acknowledged and wanting to be seen as effortless. he's not afraid to do what he has to do to be successful. as a trainee and rookie, he was willing to be cutthroat if needed and though his position is much more secure these days, he's still not above playing dirty in high-pressure situations.

he sees his pride as rightfully earned and protected, but it can definitely come off as over-the-top. combined with the fact that his sense of humor is kind of just acting overconfident, it's not hard to see why he's often labeled as arrogant.

as you can imagine, he has some daddy issues. he's determined to never be like his father, but, he honestly has a lot more in common with him than he'd ever care to admit... the drive for success at all costs, the desire to maintain the illusion of perfection, selfishness when he considers it necessary even if it hurts others.

he'll do anything for those he truly cares about and doesn't stop caring about someone all that easily (see: him being willing to give his father a second chance). but he also holds grudges with a terrifying intensity.

possible connections

let me know if any of these could fit for you!

hyukjae's got a wide social circle, so there's probably some way for him to be friends or at least friendly acquaintances with anyone.

he is a man of many vices, so connecting over those is pretty easy as well. people he often runs into partying, people he met while taking a smoke break, people who goes out drinking with, etc.

branching off of that, someone he's a bad influence toward—he's a firm believer everyone would be happier if they just let loose a little more

alternatively, homebody friends he's willing to spend a night in with despite it being very against his nature. these are more likely than not people he's closer to since he can get restless staying in and won't do it for just anyone.

a junior he sees a lot of himself in (especially re: drive and his determination) and has a love/hate outlook on because while he respects their similarities, there's also no bigger threat than someone so much like him.

even though he's an only child, he has a tendency for taking care of those he cares about and i can see him having a little collection of idols he sees like a younger sibling.

someone he took under his wing in a mentor capacity to help them navigate the industry. he may not be able to teach much on singing or dancing, but he for sure knows his way around industry politics.

people he burned/made a bad impression on. as mentioned, he's very prideful and willing to feed into a cutthroat environment and he has no doubt hurt people in the process, whether they've healed their relationship from that by now or not. similarly, someone who caught him talking shit about them/their group and hates him for it, but he stubbornly stands by it

people he befriend solely because he felt it would be beneficial for his career, whether they're aware of that or not. maybe they're using each other or maybe they believe him to be more genuine than he is.

other people who have some form of bad relationship with (part of) their family and they commiserate about it.

someone hyukjae was friends with growing up (in busan from 1996-2005 or seoul from 2005 onward) or someone who is the sibling of a friend he had growing up. if they knew him during high school, maybe they know him for always skipping class and getting bad grades and they still see that in him (and he hates it)

fellow workaholic friends that never seem to see each other because they're both always busy

a true best friend; they stand by each other's sides through everything and he lets his guard down the most around them. they're one of the few that is able to see beyond the multiple layers of his endlessly confident facade.

hyukjae is willing to use his drive/ruthlessness in defense of those he really cares about, so someone who has earned the devotion of his intense loyalty could be interesting—can have romantic tones to it or be purely platonic... or a secret third thing

someone he flirts with to just to fluster them because he finds it entertaining

fellow actors!! he wants to be acting into old age so he networks his ass off.

gym/sports/active friends. they could work out at the gym together or be rock climbing, boxing, basketball, or running buddies.

people who are also adrenaline junkies. they'll go bungee-jumping, cliff-diving, whatever stupid idea he's come up with with him

people whose dogs are best friends with his dogs (he has two dogs, benji and bomi) or who he trusts to petsit his dogs when he's out of town.

a former close friend who got exhausted of his intensity. they got along well at first because they found their differing personalities intriguing, but it's always full speed with him, from work to play to friendship and sometimes they needed him to be willing to slow down for whatever reason. he didn't take that well and saw it as a fault of theirs and they had a messy fallout as two people who needed different things from their friendship.

people who don't like him much because he seems arrogant.

or people he doesn't like because he thinks he sees some trait he doesn't like in them (unloyal to friends/family, lazy, overly stuck-up)

someone who is a fan of him, either as an axis member or for his acting work.

someone he has a lot of respect for because of how expertly they've navigated their career.

an on-and-off romantic relationship where they're more together because they like the idea of each other and being together and what that symbolizes rather than true love between them. they may genuinely care for/be attracted to one another, but it really wouldn't have gone on (and off) this long without a sort of mental mythology they've created around themselves.*

a past relationship or not-quite-relationship where he ended up feeling more for them than they felt for him (his worst nightmare)*

unfortunately, hyukjae is the situationship final boss. he has a bad habit of either checking out when he grows bored in relationships or noping out if he think he's into someone more than they are into him and his workaholic tendencies mean he often seeks the fun of a relationship without all the baggage of actually being in one, so there's plenty of room for past situationships.*

he's also just a shameless flirt. it's just his personality, so people he has a mutual flirtationship with just for fun and they know there's no deeper meaning or people he flirts with and they don't really get if he's serious or not.*

(*hyukjae's not really interested in interrogating his own sexuality or discussing labels, but he's attracted to and readily flirts with people of any gender)

begin (wings, 2018)

as excited as hyukjae was to get to record and perform his first solo song, he wasn't in love with begin when he first received it. he wanted something with a "cool" or "sexy" concept so that he could prove himself both as a capable solo performer and an adult. he considered it a very clear ploy to play up his maknae status and perhaps play down more controversial aspects of his personality rather than a good reflection of how he wanted to be seen at the time.

he did enjoy the performance aspect of the song, though. the footwork was a challenge, but emphasized his strengths as a dancer of athleticism and stamina.

now, looking back, he has more fondness for this song. the part of him that had been unwilling to admit the important role his members had in shaping him back when he was 21 is less prominent now, and he appreciates that it challenged him instead of keeping him in his comfort zone.

euphoria (love yourself: answer, 2021)

hyukjae liked euphoria better than begin when he received it, even if it still wasn't what he envisioned for himself for a real solo debut one day. he'd also realized at this point that the benefit of doing solo songs on group albums was being able to try out different sounds and concepts without being as tied down to them in the future.

euphoria really played into his "boyfriend" image, and, as such, is a very popular song with the subset of his fans that are particularly enthusiastic about that. compared to begin, he was also able to play more of a character with this song, something that was helped along by the acting career he had begun at this point.

euphoria was his favorite of any of his album solos to perform on tour because he got to fly around the stadiums. he'd love to do that again for another song some time just to have that feeling again, but the gimmick probably only works once.

my time (map of the soul: 7, 2023)

my time is by far hyukjae's favorite of his album solo tracks. the sound, styling, and staging all finally felt like they were going in the direction of who he wanted to be one day as a solo artist. in a lot of ways, my time felt like the flip side of the coin to begin—they're both ostensibly autobiographical despite him not writing them, but my time was much easier to connect to at the time of its release.

though more introspective than he's inclined to be on his own, the lyrics really resonated with him while recording and performing the song and made him look at his life in a way he'd never really been able to put words to before. for axis's ten years up to that point, he'd always been keeping his head down and pushing forward. it got him fame, riches, and adoration like he'd always wanted, but he didn't get there without losing a lot, including his ability to relate to his non-celebrity friends' experiences of milestones like graduations, marriages, and kids. he was aware of that somewhere subconsciously and he wouldn't trade his current life for anything else, but he'd never put as much thought into it as he did while recording and performing my time.

he wanted a fast pass to being able to support his family and to him, someone who had never paid much attention to the industry, becoming an idol seemed like that. at thirteen, he wasn't the right age to be able to hit it big by staying in modeling and a "regular" job, he believed, would have been little more than an ineffective bandaid on his family's finances without the hours and pay his age was unlikely to afford him. he naively expected to waltz in, debut, and become rich and famous within the year. reality had a different plan.

hyukjae trained for two and a half years before axis debuted. he'd have left the company if he wasn't so stubborn and desperate, but it was that very stubbornness and desperation that shaped who he was as a trainee—extraordinarily motivated to the point of ruthlessness.

he was quick to catch on to how life as a trainee worked. what he could appear to be, he decided, was more important than any hidden truths, a lesson he would hold onto for the rest of his life. as such, his plotting was a careful balancing act with covertness. he needed the trainers, evaluators, and decision-makers to see him as exceptionally driven, but not a saboteur or a risk to team cohesion.

his tactics weren't innovative, but playing into the social warfare of training gave him a valuable feeling of control over his situation. he, on occasion, "misplaced" another trainee's shoes so that they were late to a dance evaluation or "accidentally" let slip other trainees' secrets within earshot of someone who could tell someone else who mattered. he wasn't above offering critiques to trainees who seemed on the verge of leaving training, and even trainees he formed a shaky camaraderie with, if given the chance, were more of a tool to him than anything else. he'd always encourage any urges that would reflect poorly on others to the company with a put-on earnestness, knowing it'd only benefit him if they got in trouble. he was careful, never stepping over a line he couldn't come back from and always maintaining plausible deniability, but, to him, it was survival of the most determined, and anyone willing to give up after a few setbacks would have never beat him anyway.

but he didn't get into axis through scheming tactics alone; he developed the talent to back himself up. he came into training with the belief he would debut on his looks and passable dance ability, but he wanted any competitive advantage he could get, so he tried a little bit of everything. rapping seemed promising at first because it was a classic choice for a pretty boy who couldn't sing, but the fact axis had initially been formulated as an underground hip hop group meant the competition was too far above his ability level for that to be his primary way in. adagio actively encouraged trainees to get involved in songwriting and music production, so he tried that as well. quickly, he discovered it wasn't for him. with no technical background in music, an unwillingness to open himself up emotionally, and, frankly, a lack of skill as a writer, that was dead on arrival.

it was a passing comment about his vocal tone from a voice teacher during his first few months as a trainee that led to his eventual shift to focusing on vocal training. slowly but steadily, as he combined a naturally pleasant vocal tone with an actual technical foundation, he ascended the vocal rankings until his singing became his most advantageous hard skillset. by the time he was chosen to debut, he was undeniably well-rounded: a good vocalist and dancer, a decent enough rapper when they needed him, and an undeniably charismatic performer.

loyal, motivated, and proactive.

what do you think is your greatest strength, and what is one flaw you’re working on?

my greatest strength has to be my willpower; i don't give up or give in easily. as for flaws? if i have a flaw, i'd rather surprise everyone with my new and improved self than announce it beforehand.

what does your ideal day off look like?

i'd start with a work out at the gym, then spend most of my day at the beach back home in busan. i'd end the day with a good meal with friends.

when you’re feeling stressed or tired, how do you usually recharge?

instead of taking time off, i usually face the situation that is causing me stress or tiredness head-on to re-energize myself. but when i have to take time off, spending time with friends is the best way to recharge.

are you more of an early bird or a night owl?

night owl. i like the night time, but i'm also good at adjusting according to my schedule.

do you prefer planning ahead or going with the flow?

planning ahead for the long-term, but going with the flow for the short-term.

when meeting someone new, are you more likely to start the conversation or wait for them?

i'll start the conversation. i don't see a reason to wait.

what is one item you cannot live without, and why is it important to you?

i'm resourceful enough to live without any item other than food and water if i need to. it may sound like a cop-out, but i'm being honest. i'm more important to myself than any item could be.

if you weren’t an idol, what career do you think you’d have?

an athlete.

if you could instantly master one skill, what would it be?

i'd like to master speaking a language i don't speak very well, like japanese, mandarin, or spanish, so that i can communicate with more people more easily.

what quality do you value most in a friendship?

loyalty.

do you enjoy trying new concepts, or do you prefer to stick with concepts you’ve done before?

i prefer the challenge of trying new concepts a bit more. i could get stale as a performer if i only did the same thing all the time.

what moment made you think “this is why i became an idol”?

when i bought my mom her own place.

what role do you naturally take within your group?

as the main vocalist, i like to think of myself as a firm and reliable foundation.

which is more difficult for you: asking for help or accepting help?

i prefer to figure things out myself, so, i don't like asking for help.

when something doesn’t go as planned on stage, how do you usually respond?

i assess the situation and whether it will truly affect the performance or if it can be handled later. i learned early on to anticipate randomness on stage, and the risk of the unexpected helps to make each stage unique.

when making a decision, do you tend to follow your heart or your head?

a mix of both. you have to listen to your head first, but if your heart tells you it's wrong, there's a reason why.

do you get more satisfaction from working towards a goal or reaching the end result more? why?

reaching the end result. the work is more important, but it wouldn't be as satisfying without a good end result.

what kind of legacy do you hope you leave behind?

i want to be remembered as a legendary idol.

complete the sentence: “i feel most like myself when…”

so, it's been a year since you were the version of you (me? us?) that's writing you this letter. i wonder what you think about me. do you think, "that's when i was at my happiest" or "he has no idea what's coming soon"? that's one of the frustrating things, isn't it? never knowing what parts of the future are bright and which ones to look out for. that's why you always have to keep working hard. as always, i am working hard these days. harder than the han hyukjae of 2025, but not as hard as you.

i hope you think fondly of me, but i also hope you look at me and think i'm just a little bit worse than you are—a slightly less stable singer, a slightly less interesting performer, a slightly worse son.

actually, i don't like you thinking you're so much better than me. stop it, old man.

2027. that year must have seemed so far away back when we were a trainee. we thought of debut as the end of our worries. and i wasn't completely wrong. there's not nearly as much to worry about these days. maybe your worries are even smaller.

you're in your 30s now. again, something that once seemed so far away. i always thought i'd be at my sexiest in my 40s, though, so you have a ways to go. you're still climbing to your peak! so keep holding on. you're one year closer. you didn't do anything dumb with your hair or style, did you? of course not. you're still me. why is that so easy to forget?

i do think about you a lot these days, actually. but i also think about the han hyukjae of 2030 and the han hyukjae of 2050 and the 100 year-old han hyukjae in 2097. i think about axis of those times, too. a 2097 axis song must sound a lot like "yet to come". i think i could handle another "on" at 100, but you have to think of the hyungs, you know. not everyone's stamina and good looks will last as well into old age as yours will.

track one. yet to come (the most beautiful moment) - axis.

"our latest release, so of course it's here. it contains axis's feelings about the last thirteen years and our hopes for the future. navi have made each step of our time together our most beautiful moment."

track two. bite me - hiraeth.

"navi have heard me say before that i'm jealous hiraeth got to do this song. i suppose it doesn't fit axis's color as well as hiraeth's, but if i ever get the opportunity to cover it, i will. of course, no one else could do it like they did it. it's the kind of melody that you can't get out of your head after you've heard it."

track three. smart - callista.

"callista impresses me every time they have a comeback, but this is one of my personal favorites even among everything they have released. it shows many different sides of their image at once and not everyone can do that so expertly.."

track four. o.o - evo.

"evo are the youngest of our label, but they're so talented. they're able to make even very complex performances look natural. it's impossible to perform like they do without complete confidence in themselves and each other, which makes this all the more impressive as a debut and it's also why i like this one so much."

track five. i need u - axis.

"this song is special for axis and navi because it was our first music show win, so i go back to listen to it a lot. it wasn't always easy for us as rookies, but navi were always by our side and we just wanted to repay them with good music. listening to it now reminds me of being young and foolish. it's very nostalgic."

track six. be natural - trixie.

"i remember listening to this song when it came out and i thought trixie were really cool for covering a song like this so early in their careers and pulling it off well. both trixie's version and the original are really worth listening to if you haven't in a while."

track seven. boombayah - divine.

"this one is pretty legendary, so i'm sure everyone has heard it. sometimes, you need to listen to a song that reminds you to 'let it all go' and live in the moment, whether that's because of the lyrics or just because of how the music is. divine is one of the best artists at those kinds of songs."

track eight. more & more - serene.

"you can't make a playlist of idol music without a serene song, and more & more is my favorite of their songs. with it being summer now, this is the song i suggest listening to."

track nine. i'm him - riiot.

"the hook of this song is fun. i recommend this song for anyone who wants to increase their energy. it's a good song to listen to while working out in the morning."

track ten. my type - axis.

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