And then I worked two whole days on holiday pay. Two whole days! And I'm still short on rent. I'm in debt and can't seem to climb out. I don't know what to do. I feel doomed. What am I supposed to do? Where am I supposed to go? My work is worthless. I get paid a decent amount over minimum wage and am still struggling. I hate my life. What do I do? I don't know how to save myself.

I should have killed myself twenty years ago. I should have ended it all before I ended up taken advtage of, unable to pay back the kindnesses granted to me, before I was raped, before I was stolen from, before I had to struggle to keep myself fed and a roof over my head. What is the point of fucking living? I don't think I have the strength to go on. There is no god, no great mystery after death. I want to go to my oblivion. Who can say they are better off for having known me? Nobody was coming to save me when I was a depressed preteen. Nobody for sure is coming to save me as a multiply disabled adult. The amount of goodness in the world just is too small for me to keep having hope. I used to try to mind the amount of substances I used but what the point? All the things I have are fleeting. I'm not okay. I'm not going to slit my wrists, but I might end up giving myself alcohol poisoning. Who fucking cares. I have no family anymore. All my friends are far away. I haven't had a hug in years. I can't keep going on.

If I don't, who will?