I was looking up directions somewhere and...
I DO NOT WANT THAT.

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@smellmyhead
I was looking up directions somewhere and...
I DO NOT WANT THAT.

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Soup incident
"Bird Trails", photographed by Edu Aguilera
More from that one post
I was looking at sex toys on aliexpress (like you do) and it suggested I get a 45cm (17″) Black Tourmaline Hexagonal Obelisk. I don’t think that’s a good idea
FINALLY, WE CAN TENTACLIZE THE CLOUDS THEMSELVES!
and now I found the “realistic torture/execution devices for dolls” section.
aliexpress is seriously the best place to look at sex toys because they can’t show nudity so they have to finding other ways to show off the use of the toys.
This results in a LOT of abused food, which is always hilarious.
that’s not what I was searching for and frankly at this point I can’t really remember what I was searching for
oh baby, slide into my chrysanthemum for some novel gameplay!
one of my favorite things is when they decide to give you the whole hard sell.
instead of just being like “hey this is a good sex toy”, they instead try to explain why you’d even need a sex toy, from first principles. and that principle is usually “your boyfriend/husband sucks”. or doesn’t, I guess.
they always end up looking like a r/wheredidthesodago commercial for lesbianism
so the sound of this sex toy is between a flower and a clock!
wait, a flower? do… do flowers make sounds?
I’ve posted about the Hammer Sex Toy before, but it turns out it’s not alone. There’s also…
THE WRENCH!
now that is a fucking slogan
one of my favorite things is that when they’re showing off that sex toys have a bluetooth+internet thing so people can control them remotely, they always show a world map and two points labeled with city names and they’re ABSOLUTELY NOWHERE NEAR THE ACTUAL CITIES.
sex toy or vulcan starship?
OH MEHR SPIELMÖGLICHKEITEN!
this will give you the biggest orgasm of your life, but your mother will die. Oh well, there’s other parents.
In the quiet night all you can hear is your rapid breathing
found another tool! it’s scissors this time.
I’m not sure anyone of any gender really wants scissors near their genitals, so this may not be the best design
sometimes all I can say is “what”
is this vaporwave?
I don’t think that’s how that works
your strawberries will never be safe
finally, the first robot that can eat a flan!
another fun trope in aliexpress sex toys: just listing off all the rooms of your house you could use it in!
(Unlike all those terrible dildos that don’t work in the living room or kitchen)
finally the first sex toy designed specifically for wizards!
I, too, can be adjusted arbitrarily.

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why is it 90 the grease at 830pm. at night.
Species of Monsters in my Dreamscape
From around age 8 to 25 I had frequent recurrent dreams set in a semi-stable world. I say 'recurrent' but it would be more accurate to say 'serialized'. There were stable locations, stable characters, and events were remembered by both myself and the populace.
Unfortunately, some of these recurrent things included monsters. I can remember five pretty clearly to this day, and while its probably a mistake to give form to nightmare demons, I've got some pics worked up to demonstrate.
The Forever-Hunter
A vaguely humanoid creature about 12 feet tall and at least as wide. I remember it being pale white-gray, with clawed hands and feet, long ape-like arms, and no head, just a massive set of interlocking fangs that stretched from shoulder-to shoulder. It wound up basically looking like a D&D gray render, but it was chasing me long before 3rd ed got published.
The forever-hunter, as the name I've given it implies, would lock onto a target and then behaved as a supernatural persistence hunter. It would trudge in the direction of whoever it was hunting at about human walking speed, and it would always know where you were regardless of distance. If something was in its way, it would smash through it without slowing. This included people.
It was not difficult to escape the Forever-Hunter because of its speed, the problem was all the people it was killing while trudging towards you. Fortunately, its lock seemed to break when I'd wake up, so most dreams I was fine.
Red Threadworms
My grandfather's house existed in the dreamscape, and everything around it was innately hostile. The minor threat were Red Threadworms, which lived in water. They were about half an inch long and looked like very fine red thread, thus the name.
If you touched a threadworm, it would bite in and start boring into your skin. This was immensely painful, and did not wake me up. Most forms of injury or death would wake me from a dream, but for some reason, the red threadworms could cause me real pain.
The People that Aren't People
Between Dream-Tulsa and Dream McAlister there was a small town that had an amazing flea market and a lot of interesting shops and restaurants. Everyone there was friendly and helpful to a fault.
During the day.
When the sun went down, every person in the town would undergo a complete psychological shift, becoming a sadistic, murderous, uncanny parody of a human being that would immediately start hunting any strangers in town. Each one had their own flavor of sadistic cruelty, and they weren't mindless or zombie-like. One of their few weaknesses was that their cruelty was also directed at each other and they'd often turn on another not-person when an opening presented itself.
They also could not leave their town's city limits, which I used to escape more than once.
Mockers
Mockers were another looks-human type of monster, but they were psychologically rather than physically sadistic, and would demean and humiliate anyone they encountered in an effort to draw them into a fight.
Fighting a mocker was basically impossible, because you'd get that too-heavy time-slowed dream effect if you tried. Which would give them more opportunity to bully you for your efforts. Every so often you'd hit hard enough to cause harm by going for the face, but then the whole head would just tear free and fall off (they were yellow and black inside, like bundles of woven insulated wire) and roll a short distance away.
The Mocker's body would then grow a new head, while the one on the ground continued its abuse.
The Bear-Demon
The pond out back of my grandfather's place, in my dreamscape, was surrounded by a deep trench, mostly to keep this creature contained. It was a massive bear with black fur and claws made of rusted iron. Thick bared wire wrapped around its body and limbs, also rusted. and its head was just this massive antique diving helmet. Occasionally, if it was enraged, you could see teeth gnashing and smashing against the glass trying to get out.
If you came anywhere near the pond, the bear-thing would rise up out of the water and begin pursuit. This usually wound up landing you in the trench, where the bear could chase you until you ran out of steam.
It was a counterpoint to the whale gods, who were a benevolent force represented by iridescent blue whales with rainbow-colored feathered wings for flippers.
For the last one: could you, by any chance, have caught the movie Robot Monster on TV?
this is the best tag I’ve ever gotten in my notifs actually
the unimaginable power of saying "huh, guess that's not for me" and moving on with your life

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Today is my birthday 🌱
I will be grateful for the repost ~
if you have a desire to please me on my birthday, then you can send me a donation 👉🏻👈🏻
At the moment, two of my designs are for sale 🐟🦇
*through gritted teeth* i will be patient with and kind to myself. i will be present with myself in the everyday. i will allow myself to be comforted by the world immediately available to me. i will not abandon myself when i feel scared. i will trust myself to know how to care for myself. i will let a better life slowly seep into mine so i still recognize it as my own.
"comforted by the world immediately available to me"
…is the most wonderful sentence I will read all week.
I am going to start using the statement, “It’s not a streak; it’s a strain.”
I left the house and did a thing on FOUR consecutive days. Afternoon of day three, my partner was clearly becoming hopeful that this was signaling the beginning of a period of relative wellness and ability to do things, something which has certainly happened in the past. I wasn’t sure one way or another. I did know that I would need to be up and about the morning of day four, because I had made a new patient appointment for one of our cats for that day, and even though it would likely be easier to get him the vet than it will be for his brother, it was still definitely going to require both of us.
That was yesterday, and although I wasn’t able to do much of anything else that day, much to my partner’s disappointment (it was hoping to help me make some progress on a project whose aim is to make my space more comfortable and livable), I had a suspicion that my aches and pains that day weren’t going to be the end of it. Sure enough, I woke up this morning with the awareness that two different usually-dormant conditions, which flare up in response to periods of stress, were well and truly active again.
That’s what I mean when I say, “It’s not a streak; it’s a strain.” It may look from the outside like a return to increased capabilities, and hey! Maybe sometimes it’s exactly that. But it may be just the opposite. It may be your disabled or chronically ill loved one pushing their tolerance past the point where a good night’s sleep can restore them.
(I am personally delighted that I am getting more nights of quality sleep lately, after getting a CPAP mask refit and then getting the hang of sleeping with my new mask!)
what do red pandas even do
I MEANT AS SELF DEFENSE STOP THE HATRED im sorry red pandas
does this answer your question
World Heritage Post

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if hiphop weren't real its existence would sound like an exceptionally heavy-handed metaphor about racism from a really cringe didactic fantasy novel. yeah the racialized underclass in this society, the one that's constantly derided by the ethnic majority as stupid and anti-intellectual, they have a complex artistic tradition based around improvisational poetry which is sometimes enacted on a competitive basis for dispute resolution. you get judged based on the subtlety of your wordplay and the complexity of your internal rhyme schemes. the dominant group periodically gets mad about how this doesn't count as real art like their own objectively more simplistic music and poetry because sometimes it has swears in it
“This is a tapestry I made myself! I just finished it!”
“…. this is…. big.”
“Eighty feet long, ten high, in forty panels! It was originally going to be sixty feet, but then the Thomas Malory Arthuriana got big and I had to put more stuff in.”
“… Malory published in the fifteenth century.”
“Do you have any idea how long it takes one person to embroider eight thousand square feet of tapestry?”
“You’ve had a lot of free time in the last eight hundred years, haven’t you?”
“Not once I took up embroidery as a hobby, no!”
“Want to see my stalagmite cultivation work?”