bad ideas

rhaego targaryen is kind of the talent that comes once a generation. he’s heard it said for years: in magazine articles greedily devoured back when they were worlds apart, in instagram comment sections scrolled at midnight, knowing better. a bright light in a stagnant field. a visionary. an artist. the irony of man like that finding a man like him has never escaped him, not even once. not since that night — lifetimes ago — where he saw rhaego in the flickering lights of a party in full swing and felt his heart speed past a beat. he’d been too beautiful, too well kept and perfectly styled, even then. and now? with years of experience sharpening his eye?

the man in question seems to feel this line of thought. that, or he senses the point of focus aimed at the back of his neck, dextrous fingers at the clasp of a diamond choker. rhys — perfectly groomed by those expert hands — stands so as not to wrinkle his suit, and he isn’t quite quick enough to glance away before their gazes snag and catch. fuck. he’s too old for stammering words and telltale blushes; this doesn’t seem to stop the warmth as it blooms across high cheeks, suffusing heat into his tan.

from across the room, rhaego is watching. the stare is a palpable press to his skin, the downy hairs at the back of his neck raising under phantom fingers. they have to be downstairs, soon. they’re dressed for the first day of festivities in milan; they can’t do anything right now. that knowledge is both blessing and curse, but he holds to it as rhaego crosses the room, his polished shoes the only sound that dares to break the silence now.

“do you like what you see?”

rhaego loves to do this: ask questions that have no business being voiced to begin with. he knows the answer. they both know he knows. what he’s really waiting for is to see how well rhys will voice this — will it pass muster? or will rhaego demand he say it again?

“yes,” he says, but that won’t be enough, sincerity be damned. rhys lifts his eyes. forces himself to meet rhaego’s at last, and the heat — the intensity twisting in those depths has him sucking in a breath. does he know the power he wields? does he know the effect he has?

(yes.)

“you —— look beautiful.” stupid. he’s so stupid, with his simple words that always feel painfully lacking. rhaego is more than beautiful, but how can he relay that to him? how can he voice the way his stomach churns just to be so close to him?

his chin dips, gaze falling away — and rhaego’s hand is there, viper quick, to force his eyes back up. soft fingers slide past the stubble of his jaw. the grip settles comfortably around his throat, and he swallows hard against the weight. his cock twitches. rhaego smiles like he fucking senses it. maybe he does. maybe that’s why he pulls rhys down, fingers tightening their hold, to catch his mouth in a hot, wet kiss. he can’t help it; rhys moans against those lips, soft and demanding at once, at the teeth that graze his lower lip. already, the festivities are forgotten. he’s got a hand at rhaego’s hip and is pulling him closer, other hand lifted towards that dark, gleaming hair, half hard against the zipper of his pants —

— and rhaego catches the wrist neatly. he steps back, unruffled and poised, leaving rhys panting in his absence.

“you’ll ruin my hair,” he chides. a brief glance downwards, clocking rhys’s physical need and, just as quickly, dismissing it. he runs a thumb below his bottom lip, as if checking that his lip balm hadn’t smudged there. gives rhys a grin. “well? let’s go, then.”

he’s actually gonna throw up.

the threat of it happens pretty often, but he thinks it’s genuinely possible this time: that acrid tang rising up the back of his throat is a pretty good warning. he wonders if rhaego would notice if he hung back for a second and ducked into an alley to hurl up his guts, and immediately knows that he would. the other has been looking over to check on him since the car came to school to pick them up. rhys tries not to meet his eyes. that’s how rhaego finds out things: he stares into your eyes and reads you like a fucking scroll, and there’s nowhere for your thoughts to hide.

give that to me! where did you find this?!

do you drink coffee or tea?

sorry– am i crazy, or have we met before?

do you trust me enough to close your eyes?

when were you planning on telling me?

at the risk of being a cliché, do you want to get out of here?

can i convince you to stay the night?

do i look like someone who knows what that means?

would you consider giving me a second chance?

do you really think that's helpful right now?

would you mind showing me around?

do you ever plan on forgiving yourself?

are you thinking what i'm thinking?

can we ... go out and do something crazy?

why are we whispering?

who exactly are you, anyways?

can't we just be civil for a minute?

does the past ever keep you up at night?

if you have nothing to hide, what's the problem?

how long has it been since i saw you last, [ name ]?

did the power just go out?

are we still doing the thing where we pretend not to care?

how should we celebrate?

can we just ... start over?

why is this so important to you?

how was i supposed to know that?!

do you want me to stay? it doesn't have to mean anything.

where are you? nobody's heard from you.

can you help me zip this up?

why do these things always happen to me?

you don't secretly hate me, right?

can i get you something to eat? –or drink?

ready to see what i've been working on?

where have you been disappearing off to?

what's that perfume you're wearing?

you're laughing?! do you really think this is funny?

are you planning to stay for dinner?

did you think it was going to be easy?

you see where you went wrong, don't you?

when did we become so cold and distant?

who are you working for?

did you really do all of this for me?

can i open my eyes yet?

haven't you heard the stories?

[ name ], what are you doing here?

what's it gonna take for you to trust me?

do you believe people can change?

how about we catch the ten o'clock showing?

don't you remember what happened last time?

why is it so unbelievable that i'd want to help you?

you're [ name ], aren't you?

who did this to you?!

how did you know i'd be here?

what's that supposed to mean?

do you think i'm irredeemable?

what kind of mess have you gotten us into?!

do you see anything you like?

what do i owe you for the food?

why won't this stupid thing work?!

does tonight really have to end?

holy shit. can you believe we really pulled that off?!

i can tell you're upset, [ name ]. what happened?

how long have you been standing there?

do you ever wish you could just ... run away?

haven't we been here before?

wait, shush ... did you hear that?

did i miss today's newsletter or something?

can we put our differences aside for a second?

what are you getting out of this, exactly?

you'd tell me if something was wrong, right?

are you willing to bet on it?

would you kill for me?

what made you think that was okay?!

do you believe people can change?

what's the worst thing you've ever done?

you were going to leave without saying goodbye?

[ name ], can you sit up for me?

can i kiss you?

where are your keys? you're not driving like this.

how's life been treating you?

where have you been?!

aren't we supposed to be alone tonight?

aw, has someone had a little too much to drink?

where are you going with this?

are we really doing this right now?

have you eaten today?

can i crash here for the night?

how did you learn to lie so well?

can i at least buy you a drink?

where should i meet you?

is that  ...  blood?!

are you trying to make me jealous right now?

what’s your problem? you're acting weird.

[ name ], you're ... real, right?

where’s your sense of adventure?

do you like horror movies?

what are you trying to prove?

can you give me a ride?

do you have any idea what you've done?

shouldn't you answer that?

why should i be the one to calm down?

have you been up all night?

why are you lying to me?

is that my [ jacket / hoodie / shirt ]?

what are you so afraid of?

do you want to grow old with me?

you’re gonna walk away from this?

are you nervous? your hands are shaking.

where am i supposed to go?

how many fingers am i holding up?

you want me to just walk away from this?

[ name ], slow down– what's wrong?!

are you embarrassed of me?

what's that smell? something's burning.

how can i make it up to you?

why can't you stay out of it?

is this some kind of trick?

come on, what do you have to lose?

do you ever still think of me?

idiot. why didn't you tell me?!

can we stop and think about this rationally?

how long has it been since you’ve slept?

what's your ideal first date?

are you ready to tell me the truth?

i almost died, and you're laughing?

what do you mean, "sort of"?

can we just stay like this forever?

when can i see you again?

can we put this behind us?

oh ... you thought of me first?

where did you learn to do that?

oh my god,  are you bleeding?!

where are you?  nobody’s heard from you.

[ name ], are you drunk?

how can i make this go away?

someone's jumpy today. are you feeling okay?

are we safe here?

what can i do to convince you?

what could possibly go wrong?

you have no idea who i am, do you?

how do you really feel about me?

why can't you look me in the eyes?

did you know you talk in your sleep?

were you following me?

can we just pretend this never happened?

are you just barely getting home?

are you even listening to me right now?!

where does it hurt?  can you show me?

are you trying to get yourself killed?!

how about we just forget the world exists?

how long have you been keeping this from me?

were you ever going to tell me?

what do you make of this?

[ name ],  what the hell?!

can we just be honest with each other, here?

are you trying to keep me a secret?

why does your story keep changing?

how long have you known?

it can't be that bad, right?

are you happy? i mean, really happy?

isn't this place amazing?

did i interrupt something?

how am i supposed to trust you?

are they still following us?

are you fucking serious?

do you remember our first kiss?

can we take a break for a minute?

how about we disappear for awhile?

you're going to walk away from this?

can you please just cut the crap?!

why didn't you tell me you were hurt?

how can i make this go away?

can you just look at me, please?

is there anything i can do to change your mind?

do you ever stop talking?

that depends. are you done lying to me?

are you sure this is legal?

how do you take your coffee?

can you keep your voice down?

i.

She’s five months pregnant when the news finally breaks. A carefully orchestrated series of photos and stories rolls out, curated by her team to look organic; the fact that they’d chosen each outlet and timed each release did little to make it feel less like chaos. She wasn’t really in control. The inability to hide her shifting body had ultimately forced her hand, forced her to confront a truth she hadn’t examined yet herself. How could something she’s wanted so bad make her feel so cold? The public leaps on the story, appetite voracious. But soon enough the meat is gone, and they’re a chorus of wolves baying one thing, a singular note as they circle closer.

WHO IS THE FATHER, DAENERYS?

ii.

Everything in life had shifted the moment Rhaego was born. Her perspective, her life — the very stars that wheeled overhead shuffled and then realigned, a new normal she’s unaccustomed to. It turned out that her fears were unfounded: all doubt had been ripped from her chest in that sterile operating room, her heart being torn right from her body and passed into her shaking arms. For a second, she can't even breathe. Can’t bear to break the moment, sharp as glass, that she first sees her son’s small face. She’s crying, even as the hemorrhaging starts, reaching as he’s taken away, fingertips left brushing dead space. Watching him even as her body fails, bleeding out, no heart behind her ribs. Maybe part of her did die that day, because one thing was for certain:

She is never the same.

iii.

There would be no more children for her. She should have mourned this loss, maybe, but even in that first wild week, she knew she never needed more. By two, that’s even more apparent. It’s incredible that someone so small should have the presence to command a room. This can be a problem, at times: now, more than ever, she needs to prove that womanhood has no bearing on work, that motherhood won’t interfere. The result is an impossible tightrope walk to balance the two sides of her life — professional and personal.

(God knows she doesn’t do it well.)

Some nights she doesn’t even get to see him before he’s been put to bed. Those are the times she slips into his room and watches his little body limp with sleep, the only time he’s ever still. Sometimes she goes back into the kitchen to pour herself a glass of wine; sometimes she steps into the hall and cries. Sometimes she crawls into his bed and lays beside him, feeling that little heart of his beating in sync with each and every pulse of her own. Stares into the dark, knowing how fiercely that she loves him.

She just isn't sure if that was enough.

iv.

His father flies in the day before graduation. She imagines she can feel the moment he lands, and along her spine, the skin prickles. When he steps through the door, she can feel it. All the energy shifts in the room, like a breath being forcefully drawn from the lungs (and wouldn’t he love to see her choke?) But she hasn't forgotten what he's done. Will never forget that span of days when panic had set her bones on fire and grief had nearly shattered her soul. He'd come. With one call, he'd come, half a world away and many worlds apart, but he'd brought their son home to them again. So perhaps there's an understanding between them that keeps the vitriol swallowed back, or she simply refuses to do this today. So she smiles, a polite, professional veneer of red lipped grace and placid eyes. There was a time she'd hated him, but she can't seem to grasp that anger right now. Loyalty deserves a reward, after all.

I don't do too much on him at all. His skin is like ten minutes. He has zero pores, if you didn't know. I don't know how the makeup stays on. He's a porcelain doll. — Aika Flores

       →  WORDS .

❛  i’m  sorry ,  you  don’t  enjoy  being  teased ? .  ❜ ❛  you  know  what  i’m  waiting  for .  ❜ ❛  keep  your  hands  where  they  are .  ❜ ❛  i want you to ride  [ me / my fingers ] .  ❜ ❛  you  make  the  prettiest  sounds .  ❜ ❛  say  please .  ❜ ❛  i  want  to  make  this  last .  ❜ ❛  look  at  me .  ❜ ❛  i’m  yours ,  only  yours -  ❜ ❛  yeah ,  just like that -  ❜ ❛  i’ve  barely  even  started .  ❜ ❛  i  need  you .  ❜ ❛  god ,  shut  up  and  fuck  me  already !  ❜ ❛  god ,  yes ,  [ name ] ,  don’t  stop .  ❜ ❛  you  have  no  idea  how  long  i’ve  wanted  to  do  this .  ❜ ❛  who  gets  to  touch  you  like  this ?  ❜ ❛  come  for  me .  ❜ ❛  ah ,  ah -  don’t  touch .  ❜ ❛  brace  your  hands  on  the  wall .  ❜ ❛  could  you  come  like  this ?  ❜ ❛  please ,  let  me  come -  ❜ ❛  god ,  you’re  beautiful -  ❜ ❛  i’ve  been  waiting  for  this  all  night .  ❜ ❛  you’re  such  a  tease .  ❜ ❛  take  these  off .  ❜ ❛  i  want  to  feel  your  [ mouth / fingers ] .  ❜ ❛  do  you  have  any  idea  how  good  you  taste ?  ❜ ❛  tell  me  what  you  want .  ❜ ❛  we  shouldn’t -  ah ,  we shouldn’t be doing this .  ❜ ❛  faster ,  [ name ] ,  i  need  more .  ❜ ❛  is  this  good ?  ❜ ❛  keep  your  eyes  open .  ❜ ❛  i  can’t  wait  to  find  out  what  else  you  can  do .  ❜ ❛  you  don’t  have  to  be  so  gentle .  ❜ ❛  i  want  to  hear  you  beg .  ❜ ❛  can  i  take  this  off ?  ❜ ❛  please ,  please ,  please -  ❜ ❛  you’re  doing  so  well  for  me .  ❜ ❛  please  touch  me .  ❜ ❛  keep  reading ,  i  want  to  see  how  long  you  last .  ❜ ❛  i’ll  buy  you  another  one .  ❜ ❛  say  my  name .  louder .  ❜ ❛  i  can’t  wait  any  longer .  ❜ ❛  you  feel  so  good .  ❜ ❛  you’re  going  to  leave  a  mark -  ❜ ❛  touch  yourself  for  me .  ❜ ❛  do  you  deserve  it ?   ❜ ❛  did  i  say  you  could  come ?  ❜ ❛  i’m  so  close -  ❜ ❛  they’re  going  to  catch  us -  ❜ ❛  i  want  you  right  here .  ❜ ❛  we  have  to  be  quiet .  ❜

         →  ACTIONS .