Passions of a 24 year old ESFP

Love http://wp.me/s4t0wV-love

It’s way harder than I thought. I mean, really. Previously, I had thought of myself as an extremely nice person. I am the type of person who gives 120% when I love someone. It doesn’t seem to be working out for me though. Is it really that nice to give 120% of yourself when the other person only wants, like, 50% at most? I don’t think so. I guess “nice” is a much more relative term than I…

Sooo amazing. I want this on a wall in my room. 

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Responsibility. I kind of suck at it. No...I REALLY suck at it. Somehow I've managed to spend the past 6 years of adulthood focusing on avoiding anything and everything that accompanies being an "adult". I've recently come to realize that I can no longer continue on in this manner and still hope to have a happy, successful life.

I guess the most challenging part for me has been defining what makes a happy, successful life. It wasn't until recently that I was gifted with the knowledge that happiness and success comes from fulfilling your own long-term, rational self-interest. Without knowing what I want, it has been hard to focus on what it takes to get it. Instead, I've made a habit of focusing on other people and finding my happiness in them. This is where the irresponsibility comes in. If I spend all of my time focusing on other people, then I don't have my own personal responsibilities to worry about. This does not a successful individual make.

College turned out to be an excuse for me to continue being irresponsible without thinking about life post graduation. I was working in the emergency room as a scribe throughout my time at Purdue, and this felt like my first and most respectful responsibility. Knowledge was never my first or  even my second concern. How mopey is that?!? My thirst for knowledge has only come about as of late and I feel like I am so behind! I don't plan on losing my ability to learn anytime soon though, so there is still hope for me yet. There are so many subjects I want to study. I love that I can do it on my own without the structured college courses.

Before I think rationally, I get intense feelings of regret and sadness for living my life this way up until now, but alas, my responsibility is starting to kick in and I am looking at things from the outside in. I have had fun, but the fun is running out. I guess that means that it is time to redefine the word "fun" in my personal dictionary. I don't think I will ever fit the cookie cutter mold of being an "adult", but who wants that anyways? I think that is part of my charm and is helpful to me in social settings. I now know that by focusing on the things that I want, the responsible part will take care of itself.