And one day, your name didn’t make me smile anymore.

…I’m someone who’s mostly dead inside but still has a little hope for something extraordinary, which, as I said, is the worst breed of human, because it means I know everything is bullshit, but that I secretly hope for the day when it might not be.

What I’ve Learned: 1. A girl can lose feelings for you over night. 2. A kiss can be just that, a kiss. Completely meaningless. 3. Love can be one sided but I still wonder if that is love at all 4. Never beg for someone to stay or to love you. You shouldn’t have to beg for someone to be a part of your life or to love you. You deserve better than that. 5. Stop breaking your ribs to make space for those who do not belong there. 6. Learning to breathe again is harder than the doctors said it would be. 7. I don’t know what hurts more at night; being alone or being in love. 8. Laying with someone in bed at night is temporary. It won’t get rid of the lonely. You will still wake up and leave in the morning with a heavy heart and no hand to hold. 9. Sometimes the sky rains gasoline instead of water and you have to be strong enough and ignore the urge to set yourself on fire. 10. I will be okay someday. Bad things happen for no reason sometimes and things end but that shouldn’t mean you should come to an end too. The ocean will always have waves; I just have to learn to swim through them for a bit longer. 11. The stretch marks I left on my mother from birth will not be another suicide letter I never finished.

but drinking cough syrup