i haven’t been here in almost a year but i got sick a few days ago and had to throw up quite a lot and one time i had to make myself throw up because i wouldn’t have gotten better otherwise and now I‘m having all the scary thoughts again.
I‘m crying a lot again and I‘m being mean to people for no reason but i never actually managed to eat less until today.
my boyfriend had to go to the hospital because he also got sick and it was like really bad so we went to the emergency room at like nine in the morning and there was no food in said hospital. like none at all. so i didn’t eat for four hours and then on the way home my mother in law bought be a pretzel but i threw it up the minute i was home again and i haven’t eaten since (it’s 5 now) and it feels so fucking good.
but I‘m also hurting my boyfriend over it and it’s killing me to see him hurt
however he didn’t come to mine today (i had to go home to shower) so he could’ve prevented this. he could’ve been here and i would have eaten cause id have to make sure he eats but he went home.
even though i would have cared for him
i would have made him tea and soup and anything he could ever wish for but he chose to leave me alone and that’s killing me
