vOr3

To whomst ever it may concern,

My cohort and I recently spent a lovely evening in watching your production of “The 2 Fat Squirrels and Those Other Four Get on a Ship with an Caucasian Man”, also known as “Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked” which we overall tolerated for the full 1 hour, 27 minutes and 6 seconds.

However, we came across three queries: why, pray tell, have the squirrels in question been whitewashed to filth (despite the fact that they don’t even have visible skin) and why must they hold such misogynistic tendencies even though they are, we must acknowledge, mere marsupials.

Secondly, and most importantly, in your utterly degrading scene where although Brittany makes the considerably better squirrel home you still find the need to tarnish this momentous female accomplishment with a frankly appalling notion - do you really think that she must decorate her house with flowers because she is a woman?! If so then we highly recommend checking your calendar as by the looks of it, it is 2016 and there is no place for blatant sexism in this day and age. The King wouldn’t want this. We highly doubt that this would be a priority for any one in the situation and yet you must include this monstrosity as a badly thought out form of humour.

This, however, is not our main issue. She embellishes her newly assembled aboded with a surplus of ivy and leaves. And if we take a look at those leaves, they are in proportion to the squirrels meaning they must be actually incredibly small and yet they are seemingly fully formed leaves and there is a plethora of them. Having examined carefully this production in previous scenes, we have found no evidence of these tiny leaves and the whole thing is frankly just ridiculously unrealistic and lets down the entire film which is other than this particular pit fall impressively adequate in its construction.

Thirdly, we are somewhat distressed by the blossoming relationship between the one in blue and the one in purple. Firstly, we must raise the issue that they are adoptive siblings meaning this is to a point inappropriate but we grudgingly understand could be considered acceptable by the more disturbed of society. Yet one would assume that the presence of such talented chipmunks in the media would bring forth more of the talking chipmunk population. This does not occur in your franchise, suggesting that they are the only vocally inclined chipmunks. This being the case, heavily suggests that they are all of the same lineage. Now. It may indeed be a very inclusive time for love but this furry incest is a sin, and explicitly sends an inappropriate message to the youth of today, therefore we think that check yourself before forcing your freudian desires onto more impressionable children.