Patent Office

Im rappelling down into this cave holding onto my silk worm climbing buddy but he is NOT secreting fast enough. Hurry up man its 150 feet to the bottom and u are slippery!!!

Raising money for my dog's flea transplant surgery +looking for donor.

Ordered medium rare bacon & quail eggs at the pancake house the waiter gave me an approving nod

Fml i depressurized the capsule -_-

I can only sleep by having someone collapse the murphy bed im in into the wall, it needs to feel like im suspended vertically in a matrix style incubator pod or it doesn't work

messin around->monsoon inbound->hearing a sound->glimpsing death hound ->running aground->burial mound.

*sobs* Unlikr those OTHER fishermen i became a fisherman because I actually CARE about the fish! *wipes eyes on my shoulder because my hands are in those giant shoulder length rubber gloves* and all the ones entrusted to my care have now perished at the hands of my peers. I tend to the dead and the ailing *I kiss a perch tenderly on the gill, get to my feet and full force baseball pitch it over the side of the boat, but my aim is so bad it goes right into the giant trawling net*

Fired for eating them

Ima hormone im being evicted by my glandlord

Snorling Horcaine? Ghuhng snounds noise noist fornme! Clournge mlout, Boyndes.

They extract me through a process (painful process)

Stealing plague secrets -> receiving in mail disease and a cyst

auhloein 😳😳

End result of my life will be a mysterious machine that you feed punch cards into. Just wait, im building the necessary skills right now, this is not a joke