tw disordered eating

Cigarettes and red wine really is the best dinner

Thinspø seriously is so motivating. Whenever I feel tempted to eat outside of my plan, I just scroll through Pinterest and suddenly I’m not hungry anymore lol

Update on OMAD: still going strong!! I only eat when I’m with my husband, (excluding my morning caffeine that’s usually a latte, but while I count the calories, I don’t count that as a meal.) still making slow progress towards my ugw, but hoping the “slow” means “sustainable” and g-o-n-e f-o-r-e-v-e-r

The biggest difference this time around has been the ultimate realization and decision to choose seeking the body I want over the food I want.

I know it’s getting bad again when I saw a video with cute mealspo that was using toddler plates and I thought it was another ed account but it was deadass meals for a toddler💀💀

I was feeling a binge coming on so I put on 1,000lbs Sisters and let me tell y’all—that binge feeling is gone.

Despite feeling so shitty, I’m glad that my ED has gotten to the point where 90% of food that’s outside my plan for the day looks absolutely disgusting. Like I’m hungry, but not that hungry.

This morning started off so good when I learned that I lost another pound, but then out of no where I got super anxious and self conscious like so bad that I had plans to go out and go to a few of my favorite stores but I suddenly couldn’t stand the sight of myself in the mirror no matter what I did or what outfit I put on so I’ve just stayed home and started drinking (still counting those calories ofc) but I seriously don’t understand what’s wrong with me. Like yeah I still have 35lbs to go until my ugw but I can see the weight loss already and have been feeling confident the past few days, so I don’t understand what triggered me to feel so fucking shitty. I hate my brain sometimes. Why does it do this to me?!

I forgot how hard plain Diet Coke goes. Like it’s just ✨perfection✨ in a can.

I feel so emotionally hollow that feeling physically hollow just makes sense. There’s no food that sounds even remotely appetizing rn. Nothing is worth ending this empty feeling that so perfectly matches my mind.

Been gone for a while… I’m emotionally and physically devastated having to live through my second miscarriage. I really really really wanted to be successful and start a family with the love of my life. Feeling completely out of control and furious with my body. There’s one thing I know that will give me a sense of control and punish my body at the same time, so here we go again💔