welcome to the superpowered shithole

Red Robin: *catches the bomb* ..Hood-

Red Hood: THROW IT!

Red Robin: *Throws it away* WHY DID YOU EVEN-

Red Hood: NO TIME TO EXPLAIN- *pushes him by the shoulders before running away* GO GO GO GO-

Red Robin: *runs after him* I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU!

My friend and i were talking about it and we both agreed that one of Jason's ideas of fun is standing in the corner of his siblings rooms, in the middle of the night, looking at them sleeping on their bed. He will make a noise to wake them up and just watch at his panicked sibling screams and falls on the floor, all twisted in the bed sheets as a dark figure with glowing eyes is maniacally laughing at them.

Jason constantly makes midnight snacks in the kitchen, he doesn't bother turning the lights on. So one night Bruce was going to his study to read some files he had in hand. He passes by the kitchen and sees jason there, with his glowing eyes and thinks "You know what? I'm to tired to go all the way to my study just to read a fucking file." He walks towards jason and holds the file right under his eyes. "The fuck B?"

The batfam use his glowing scars all the time in missions.

Tim: Okay, we can't use our comms in the field or else they will track us. So everybody, get a partner and I will send you a sign to regroup.

(Later that night)

Tim: Hey Jason, do you remember that gun that you really loved? There's a reason why this sentence is on the past.

Jason, glowing bright green: WHAT. DID. YOU FUCKING. DO!?

Bruce: There's the sign!

____________________________________________

(Everybody trapped in a riddle's bizarre scape room)

Riddle, through the speakers: It's time to get this riddle a little more dark

(The lights goes off)

Damian: Tt great, now we can't see the key hole

Tim: I swear I saw it right here!

Steph: well, since we're gonna be stuck here for a while, i'll talk about my English assignment. The teacher suggested me to choose Diana Wynne as my author, but she is too boring, so i chose Jk Rowling instead.

Jason: if you think that a motherfuCKER TRANSPHOBIC IS BETTER THAN DIANA WYNNE YOU CAN TAKE YOUR FUCKING HARRY POTTER AND SHOVE IT RIGHT INTO YOUR ASSHO-

Lex: *walks in for a meeting*

Tim: *waiting with a hairless cat in a matching suit*

Tim: Luthor, this is George, my associate. George, this is Luthor

George: *hisses*

Tim: George, please....not to his face.

Batman - Where are the kids? I told you to watch them

Batwoman - I know but watching them AND do my work is stressful, so I told them they had to find a league member and help then. I don’t know I jsut wanted them gone!

Batman - Well where are they?!

Batwing - Actually B, no need to worry, they’re all fine

Batman - Well where’s Nightwing?

Batwing, accessing computer - He’s with John Constantine in the cafeteria, and I’m pretty sure he’s threatening him

[Nightwing] ~ You so much as make Z sad AT ALL. I will be your reckoning!

Batman - Where’s Red Hood?

Batwing, smiling - Oh he’s been helping Diana all day

[Red Hood, holding 2 dresses] ~ Okay Ms. Prince, I think Steve might like this one BUT blue is a great color on you

Batman - Okkaaaayyyy. Where’s Red Robin?

Batwing, laughing - Tormenting Guy

[Red Robin] - You see, you may be a Green Lantern, but there’s already several who were picked before you AND Jessica is liked by Batman so you’re kinda useless. Walking away on proves my point!

Batman, under breadth - That’s my boy

Batman - Anyways, where’s Black Bat?

Batwing - Sparring with Katana

[Black Bat, swords clashing, Katana falling] ~ I win, 2-2, next round takes all

Batman - And what about Blue Bird

Batwing - Lecturing Beetle

[Blue Bird] ~ You all this tech, I call this trash! Aren’t you supposed to be the genius behind Kord Industries?!

Batman - And Spoiler?

Batwing - Gossiping with Dinah

[Spoiler] ~ And like Tim’s great but it’s Kon this and Kon that. Like, you don’t think he’s *Gestures*

Batman - Okay they all seem to be behaving. What about Robin and Signal?

Batwing & Batwoman - About them

———————————————————————————————————–

Robin - Signal are you sure you’re capable of this?!

Dick: Is your car okay?

Tim:

Tim: my car?

Dick

DC characters as vines bc i think im funny

Tim: I mean kinda! I still hang around you and Damian, DESPITE ALL THE TIMES YOU’VE TRIED TO KILL ME!

One time Tim, after a long night's patrol and a morning of dealing with his siblings, was confronted by the press while he was going into work - which isn't a rare occurence.

Now, its public knowledge that the Waynes fund the Bats, and that they have likely met once or twice

One of the reporters asks Tim:

have you ever met Red Robin?

And Tim, confidently on live television, tells them:

dick: oh my god tim no what that's horrible seriously you can't set your own life value on whether or not a boy likes you-

tim: mistletoe. i meant i'll have to hang mistletoe.

clark: pfft as if. which one bought the other a fucking moon so they could actually say they love them to the moon and back

bruce: yeah? well which one fucked their entire sleep schedule for the other, that's commitment right there

clark: HES A CLONE HE LIKE DOESNT EVEN NEED SLEEP YOU IDIOT

tim and kon: we simp for each other it's not a competition <3 :)

A thought: if Bruce’s billionaire façade was the irresponsible playboy, Tim’s would have to be the unconventional eccentric (because Heaven knows he can’t playboy to save his life).

Jason: ???