7 years?!
Wow! I can't believe it's been 7 years since I have posted on this account, or really used tumblr much at all! So much has changed in these last years, I am 7 years older believe it or not!!!!
First things first, I doubt anyone will see this as I am sure many of the folks I used to interact with have moved on from here, or changed accounts. If you remember me, or see this, I would love to say hi <3
After leaving tumblr, I was able to get a pretty large following on tiktok doing aquarium related content, as well as specimen preservation tutorials and process videos (I'm @fishydaddy if you're curious!). Sadly, as many of us are probably aware, tiktok will likely be unavailable in the US this upcoming year, and I felt like it was time to come back to tumblr as it was a huge part of my adolescence. I'm not sure how much this site has changed in the years since I have been gone, but it has been absolutely fantastic going through old archival content and getting all nostalgic and inspired :,)
Looking at this old blog and seeing the work I did as a teenager makes me feel all kinds of things, but it mainly has given me the spirit to get back into art and posting again. I would love to have my content available across many platforms and hopefully set up my own website soon. I will keep this blog for archival reasons, but will likely move all of my newer postings to a new blog. I have a super hard time choosing a name for a brand (???) or social media handle, and have changed it MULTIPLE times throughout the years, but would really like to stick with one from now on. Since I am known as fishydaddy now (a very silly joke name I used not thinking I would actually gain popularity and have a hard time changing it after lol) I will probably continue using that, or a similar name, as fishydaddy is taken on a lot of platforms. I will post an update on what my new username is and how to find me across social media if y'all are interested!
If you've made it this far and are invested, here are some life updates!
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I was able to go to college and get a degree in aquarium science, one of my main passions is aquatic animal husbandry, so being able to get a degree in a niche topic was amazing!
After moving away from home after a gap year post high school, life got pretty hard (although it was always pretty hard, just in a different way). I feel like a lot of my inspiration and drive towards art faded as I didn't have the time or energy to refine skills and learn new things. There have been a few moments where I have gotten back into it, but it has been fleeting, as been good mental health.
When I was posting on this blog, I came out as non-binary (I think I was 16 or 17 at the time?), and being in this community was a huge reason that I was able to learn about gender identity, expression, and the existence of non-binary identities. It was hard at first with family acceptance and self acceptance, as well as strings of bad relationships with straight men who didn't see me as the person I am, but all these years later I am happy to say that the age old quote is true, it DOES get better :,)
I now have been on hrt for over 6 years, and become more comfortable with myself.
~~~~I am non-binary still, on the more masculine end of things but a feminine masculine person, and use they/he pronouns~~~
Transitioning obviously doesn't fix everything, and new struggles come along with transitioning, but I am so happy with the direction my life has gone. I met an amazing person about 4 years ago and we have been together ever since. He is the first cisgender man I have dated where I felt completely understood, accepted, and valued for being truly myself. It also helps that he isn't straight (If you're a young trans person and dating PLEASE do not date someone that says they're " (whatever sexuality) but will make an *exception* for you". I've done it three times and boy oh boy does it leave some lasting scars and blows to self confidence!
Aside from gender stuff, my mental health journey has been a rocky road, but I am nearing a point where I feel I am able to work towards a better life. From childhood, I have always had intense anxiety and obsessive thoughts, which increased drastically during adolescence and morphed into full blown chronic depression, social anxiety, and executive functioning issues that I was never able to fully improve on.
When I came out to my parents at the age of 18, instead of acceptance, I was taken to an autism specialist. I guess my parents thought the reason for being transgender was autism in my case. Well, turns out both can be true (sarcasm), and 8 years later, my parents are very accepting of both my gender and neurodivergence.
This past year, I was finally able to see a psychiatrist that was able to help. My first psychiatrist was from all the way back when I was 15 and I hadn't seen one since getting prescribed antidepressants. Well turns out there are nifty genetic tests that can screen for genetic differences that can cause sensitivities or resistances to certain medications, as well as indicate certain chemical deficiencies or mental health conditions. I was on the wrong medication and given a misdiagnosis for over a decade. I feel like I wasted so much time and suffered through those years. There were good times and beautiful memories to look back on, but I was really sick for years and wasn't taken seriously/unable to be helped based on my description of the problem. It wasn't until I had a horrible depressive burnout episode when I went back to college for a fisheries and wildlife degree that I knew I HAD to do something ASAP. I completely wasted time and money, only to ghost my school, teachers, and classes without being able to communicate how badly I was doing. I took a break from school, got a job in fish health research, and got burnt out AGAIN during one of the best jobs I have ever had in my life. I knew I had to do something, and I finally was diagnosed with ADHD through genetic testing and a new psychiatrist.
The best way that I can describe this feeling I've had since I was in 5th grade, is nausea, dread, terror, fatigue, and just an overall feeling that something is very, very wrong, all the time. It wasn't just anxiety, it was something deeply unsettling that I could never escape. Well, it turns out that I literally am lacking very important chemicals for human functioning due to rapid uptake and processing of those particular chemicals, such as dopamine and adrenaline. I finally feel like I am not broken, that all this work I have been trying to do through self-betterment and therapy that didn't work wasn't my failure or lack of will. It is literally that I blast through dopamine like nobody's business and then am left with nothing, leading to a horrible feeling all the time. Since being prescribed the proper medication, I finally feel like a normal, functioning human being. Some days are hard still, but that's true for everyone. It's like I can finally see through this invisible veil that has been in front of me for my whole life. I feel like I can talk to people like when I was a kid, be myself, work on unmasking, and truly enjoy life and have fun.
Now that I am doing better, I am so excited to start working on what I love again, which is art! My medium has changed many times throughout the years, from pen & ink, to plushies, and more recently into specimen preservation and sculpting, but I always love doing EVERYTHING (ha! who would've guessed I have adhd????). My plan for this upcoming year is to really focus on practicing art, as well as create more things to share with people, be it content, or sellable art. Recently, in the town I live in, an awesome vintage market has opened and has space for an oddity seller which is right up my alley. Fingers crossed that I can get a spot there!
I also want to work more on educational content surrounding aquatic life, from marine biology, to keeping aquariums and general fish health management. This is one of my biggest passions, and my special interest. I have learned so much working in the aquatics industry over the years and would love to share the important information that I have acquired from working in public aquariums, commercial aquatic facilities, and just being a hobbyist on the side.
If you got all the way down to the bottom of this post where I just totally word vomited my entire life story, first of all, who are you sweet angel baby? (not an mfm quote I promise), and also thank you for taking the time out of your day to read some stranger's post????
Oh! and please add me on neopets if you play!!! (babymoonbetta)
Here are some fun bonus photos of me and my partner <3
