Heeseung had always imagined that his heart might glow in his chest, through his shirt like something from Jane the Virgin, and you’d know you made the wrong decision. 

But sometimes, typically when in an alcohol-fuelled state of despondence, these images would be rougher around the edges. Heeseung would be hot, with bleach-blond hair and thick dark brows—a walking, talking beacon of sexual energy when you’d see him. In his head, it would happen at a party or a club somewhere, and he’d be too busy talking to another girl to notice you, his arm hanging off of her, lust clear in his eyes. Somehow, even in sweatpants and an old hoodie of his, you’d still look as beautiful as always. 

“Heeseung,” you’d say, completely crushed with tears welling up in your eyes under furrowed brows. “I choose you.”

Reluctantly, he’d draw his eyes away from the girl and notice you, finally, and a smile would spread on his lips, a mean one, condescending. He’d shrug, wrapping his arm tighter around the girl and say, “You’re too late.” He wouldn’t mean it, but he’d say it just to drive you crazy. Make you beg him to take you back for months until he felt you’d suffered enough—as much as he had. 

These thoughts were few and far between and mainly followed by hot, guilty tears rolling down his cheeks because he knew it was his fault. After all, he was the one to let you go.

For now though, the little round table in Mark’s backyard seats four, and, in the arms of a balmy summer night, Heeseung chooses the seat closest to the fence. The garden light is still busted so in his seat of choice, furthest from the kitchen door, he’ll go completely unnoticed but still see anyone who might join him outside.

His phone is freezing when he takes it from his pocket and unsurprisingly holds no notifications beyond the outsiiiide text he’d gotten from Jake before the party started. Through Instagram stories, Heeseung watches the night play out from the perspective of people who are enjoying themselves while ignoring the voice in his head that tells him he could be one of those people if he tried. 

Maybe he was a fool for believing that tonight would go differently and that the boys would keep their ‘bro’s night’ promise for longer than it took to cross the threshold—but it’s not like he blames them. Maybe he was a fool for believing he would find more company than his somewhat abandoned bottle of Peroni that watches him mockingly from the glass table. 

He grimaces after taking a sip from it, remembering that he was only ever carrying it around so his friends wouldn’t feel the need to load him with shots. Now he’s not so sure that would’ve been a bad thing, seeing as he’s completely sober and aware of the tightness in his chest as he scrolls through the text thread he’s had pinned for years. Its end came abruptly; revived only by an ignored blue bubble saying: i heard you’re back home for the summer.. 

Seeing it now, he regrets hitting send even more than he did two weeks ago. Heeseung hates himself for believing the boys when they said it was a good thing that you opened the message right away. “Means she’s thinking of u 2 dude,” was Jake's message to the group chat (along with four bicep emojis and two red exclamation marks). Jay replied: i hope you guys can talk things out! And Sunghoon didn’t say anything. 

All your conversations bring up memories that hurt more than the last but he has to take a break when he reaches a text you sent last January: i had so much fun tonight, hee, idk how to thank u enough :((( i hope ur not in too much trouble.. i love you i love you and i’ll love you forever !!!

He ended up getting grounded for three weeks and lost car privileges for months after staying out four hours past curfew, but he’d do it a million times over if it meant he’d get to see you as happy as you were that night on the two-hour drive back, running your fingertips over the Sharpie autograph of your favourite author on the book’s front page—“Heeseung?” 

His jaw falls slack and his whole body stiffens. If you don’t count old videos in his camera roll, Heeseung hasn’t heard your voice in over a year. The back door slides shut and when he finally lifts his head, he wants to throw up. Even without the glow of the kitchen lights on your face, he’d still be able to make out the cute point of your nose, and the slight curve of your soft lips. Unfortunately, the breakup only seems to have made you even more beautiful and he hates himself for wishing you were having a hard time too. 

“Hey,” you say. “Can I sit?” 

Regaining his mobility, he moves his shoulders in a stiff shrug. The sound of your chair scraping the concrete makes him cringe and he hates that you chose the seat closest to him. 

“I didn’t think you’d be here tonight.” 

Heeseung scoffs, his brows furrowing defensively. “You didn’t think I’d be at my friend’s party?” 

You set your jaw. “Okay.” 

An unbearable silence follows, so heavy he can feel it sitting on his shoulders, weighing him down. There’s no way to know how much time has passed but he feels less tense when you start to hum, drumming your fingers against the table to the beat of whatever song the kitchen door is struggling to muffle. If he doesn’t think too hard about the lingering quiet, it feels like everything is okay between you two. 

His heart races when you giggle. “You still do that?” 

“Do what?” 

You smile before mirroring his expression, puffing up your cheeks and exhaling dramatically a few times. Due to the heat, nothing comes of it but you laugh anyway. “You always liked when it was cold enough out to see your breath. I remember having to nudge you every night of summer to get you to stop.”

To Heeseung, there’s something sinister about the fact that you can so easily bring up a memory you share with him. About the fact that even after what happened, his cheeks heat up just from seeing you grin. He deflates, unable to look at you, finding interest in the label on his bottle instead. It’s slightly curled up at its edge, and he runs his thumb over it a few times before peeling it off completely—with some struggle, leaving a sticky patch in its wake. Under your loaded stare, he folds it a little to make a square before trying to craft a swan or a crane (you were the one who knew these things) from the sticker. 

Your hands are just as soft as he remembers when your fingers touch his, though it shocks him so much he drops the label, immediately withdrawing his hands and, for lack of a better option, sitting on them. Even softer than your hands is your voice when you say, “I don’t want things to be so tense between us.” 

It must be easy, he thinks. For you to say something like that after dumping him. Heeseung wants to laugh, to let his head fall back and cackle from sheer disbelief; you really must have some nerve. Instead, a bitterness, raging and sour, works in his chest, choking the laughter into silence. It pushes his lips into a scowl as he lifts his head to look at you. You’re shivering with your arms crossed over your chest and Heeseung softens. Without thinking, he shrugs off his flannel to drape it over your shoulders, almost regretting it when he fixes his tongue to scold you playfully like he used to. Still too hot for a jacket, right, baby? he wants to say. This is the last time I’m doing this for you, next time you’re on your own. Heeseung figures that somewhere, in another reality where you’re still together, a version of him says these things but continues to give you his flannels and jackets anyway.

He’d give anything to be that Heeseung instead. 

Over the last year, he’s been replacing the clothes in his wardrobe. He noticed that during your time together you steadily wore every t-shirt, flannel, and hoodie he owned. Now, as you thank him with a sincere smile, he realises he’ll have to donate his new favourite shirt too. 

“What’s in your pocket?” you ask, reaching in to find out. A bleak carton of cigarettes sits full in your hands as you look over at him with wide eyes. “You smoke now?” 

“No.” Heeseung shakes his head. “Never.” 

Back and forth between your hands, the box and its contents rustle. “Really? Because this—” You pause to pull a lighter from the same pocket. “—and this tell me something different.”

“Sunghoon’s quitting again,” he explains, with air quotes around the word quitting. 

“Oh.” You let out a laugh, nodding fondly. “He’s on, like, five weeks or something by now, though, right? Surely you don’t still need to carry these around for him.”

His head tilts so quickly he hurts his neck. With knitted brows, he inspects you. Nothing about your expression seems like you’re trying to hurt him, in truth, you look like you’re being quite sincere; your eyes are wide, curious, and your lips are quirked up at the corners with an amusement he adores. “Six,” he corrects. “How do you know?” 

“He told me.” 

“You guys still talk?” 

A shoulder-dropping sigh falls from your mouth as you put the cigarettes and lighter back in his pocket, raking a hand through your hair. “You’re the only one who doesn’t talk to me anymore,” you say in a small voice. 

The five of you stuck together in high school — where he and Jay first met you, Jake, and Sunghoon — and he knew it would be unreasonable for him to expect your shared friends, especially the youngest two whom you’d known longer, to turn on you. He also figured, given how close you’d grown to Jay, and his undying rationality, that his best friend would outright refuse to shun you on Heeseung’s behalf. Even though they didn’t need his permission, he told them that he didn’t want them to feel like they had to pick sides and that he was perfectly happy for them to keep talking to you. On one condition: that none of them tell him anything about you or your life without him unless you’re hurt—a condition they’ve clearly carried out more faithfully than Heeseung expected them to. 

Bile rises in his throat thinking about all the things your friends have kept from him about your year away. His heart twists over mundane details like your class schedules and favourite things to eat for lunch, and his eyes sting with tears over the important stuff like new friends and, worst of all, new partners. 

Heeseung jolts out of his chair, knocking the table so hard with his thighs that his bottle tips over. You’re quick to catch it. “My mum’s calling,” he blurts out, overwhelmed. 

“Heeseung.” 

“I really have to go.” 

“Heeseung!” you call out, but he’s already back inside. 

You don’t follow him. 

But that was in June, and now it’s September. 

While his friends complain about the chill of autumn, Heeseung’s just happy he can comfortably wear hoodies everywhere again. In a cool lecture hall, home to his Ethics and Responsibility class for the next few months, he relishes the feeling of soft cotton against his ears as he copies the course reading list into the first page of his notebook. 

“Is someone sitting here?” 

Heeseung’s stomach sinks to the floor. Reluctantly, he lifts his head, and through the gaps in his bangs, he sees you and the way your face falls when you see him, instantly looking around the room. 

“Oh,” you say, eyes blown. “I’m sorry, I’ll just..” you trail off.

He scans the room, chewing his lip when he realises that, despite the lecturer not having arrived yet, the seat to his left, with his backpack on it, is the only empty one. “It’s okay,” he says, trying to seem nonchalant as he takes his bag from the chair and puts it on the floor. 

“Thanks,” you mumble, frowning a little as you sit down. 

In the light of day, he really sees you and a lone butterfly, one he was sure had died with the rest last year, flutters lazily in his stomach—wings buzzing against the lining, tickling him. Even with messy hair and tired bags under your eyes, you’re just as beautiful as the first time he saw you. It’s unfair, he thinks. That you could be dealing with this and still manage to look presentable. Jealousy kills the butterfly, stirring a pit in his belly at the thought that you were able to break up with him and continue with life as normal on the other end of the country, making new friends and new memories as if nothing happened. 

Even when Dr. Kim comes in and starts the class, Heeseung can’t take his eyes off of you. You haven’t lost any of your mannerisms, he notices when you stick your tongue out a little while typing notes as the lecturer says them, barely looking up from your laptop to see the slides. 

At the end of the lecture, all he has to show for it is the reading list and a couple of bullet points that seemed important as he copied them from your screen. Side by side, you silently walk down the stairs to leave the room, and the sight of Sunghoon through the doorway pulls a relieved sigh from Heeseung’s chest. 

Sunghoon’s brows raise seeing you together and he clears his throat when you’re close enough. “Hey, you two! My little study buddies,” he says in a strained voice. “First day back! First day for you, YN, what was that like?” He sounds like he’s reading from a script as he walks between you. 

Heeseung lets you answer, listening to your voice as he walks behind you down the stairs. He wonders if things will be this way forever, briefly contemplating throwing himself over the bannister so he doesn’t have to find out. If you’re uncomfortable, you don’t show it, talking excitedly with Sunghoon about the class, mentioning things Heeseung hadn’t even heard, despite having sat through the same hour-long introduction lecture as you. He trails behind the two of you all the way to the library, where Jay is sleeping with his chin on his arms and Jake is staring at the table of contents in his textbook. You cut yourself off, jogging over to the table they’re sitting at to wake Jay. As soon as you wrap your arms around him, he flinches, waking up with his brows pulled together. 

“What are you doing?” Jay mumbles, trying to shake you off. 

As Heeseung sits beside Jake, he skims over the front page of the textbook, trying to remember what tensile strength means. Sunghoon stands at the end of the table looking at his phone, and you sit next to Jay, pulling your seat a little closer and letting him rest his head on your shoulder. Heeseung looks away, trying to bury the unease building in his stomach. 

Sunghoon breaks the silence. “Can we go get food?” And suddenly, you all stand up, filing out of the library towards the Tesco Express down the road. 

Jay and Sunghoon take the lead, picking up their lunch without much thought before waiting in line at the self-checkout, while you, Jake, and Heeseung spend an ungodly amount of time weighing up options in front of the meal deals. Heeseung gets the same thing every time but looks at every single sandwich, drink, and snack option just in case before picking up his food. 

“Just cheese is crazy, bro,” Jake says, shaking his head. “What’s wrong with you?” 

Heeseung shrugs. “It’s reliable.” 

“It’s absurd.” 

You hum between the two of them, tilting your head thoughtfully. “I don’t know, I think it’s cute.” Your shoulders rise and fall in a casual shrug, almost as if you haven’t just paid Heeseung a compliment for the first time in a year and three months. 

Jake’s eyebrows raise, a grin playing on his lips as he glances between the two of you when you step forward, pulling a just cheese sandwich from the shelf too. “Cute,” he repeats. “Sure.” 

Outside, Jay and Sunghoon are sitting on a half-finished brick wall, and while normally, Heeseung would say something to interrupt Jay’s never-ending lecture series on making the most of your meal deal, he doesn’t want to draw attention to himself or the small smile he’s struggling to keep off his face. 

“Hoon, think about it,” he says, resting his giant can of Red Bull on the stepped brick next to him. “A meal deal costs £3. You get a sandwich, a drink, and a snack, all for £3. You, foolishly, bought a sandwich, a snack, and a bottle of water, you gave them money.” 

“Yeah, man, anyone who shops anywhere gives money, that’s, like, an entry-level requirement.” 

“But I’m taking money from Tesco, you get it?” 

Jake sighs, taking a seat next to Sunghoon. “You’re technically right, but you still paid for your food under a promotion Tesco created. If you really wanted to take from Tesco, you should be stealing your lunch. Also, the sandwich he got was £2.85, and there’s more water in his bottle than Red Bull in your can, so I actually think Hoon got the better offer today.” 

Beside Heeseung, you roll your eyes, wrestling with a packet of crisps while juggling everything in your hands. Seeing your struggle, he reaches over, taking hold of your drink and sandwich. “Thanks,” you mumble, smiling. You glance towards Jay and Sunghoon, then back at Heeseung. “Are they always like this?” 

He nods with a slight frown. A tiny laugh comes through your nose as you nod too. 

During the walk back to campus, as you split your sandwich with Sunghoon, Heeseung has an unsettling realisation. If he wants to get you back, he’ll have to start out being your friend. He’s not too sure what that will look like, seeing as the two of you were friends for six weeks — that he spent hopelessly in love with you — before he asked you out. All he knows is he wants to be the one you share your lunch and link arms with unthinkingly. While he assumes that your shared friend group and three out of four classes will naturally lead to friendship, things might go better if he makes an effort.

He doesn’t.

Not today at least. The second and last class of the day ends much like the first, with a heading in his notebook, and slowly reviving butterflies in his stomach every time your knee bumps into his under the desk. Again, neither of you says much as you leave the class to go meet Jay in the library. He’s awake this time, grinning at the girl across from him. 

“They’re so cute!”

“They’re talking.” 

“Yeah, in a cute way. Look at the smile on his face,” you say as if anyone could miss Jay’s grin or the way it widens when he notices you and Heeseung staring. 

Yunjin immediately looks over, waving before getting out of her seat to come over. She greets Heeseung with a hug before flinging her arms around you, gushing about how it’s been so long. Heeseung feels his brow raise when you giggle and  say, “We hung out two weeks ago.”

She loosens her hold on you, looking down into your eyes with a shocked look. “Yeah, two weeks too many. What are you doing later?” 

It feels like Heeseung skipped a chapter and his stomach hurts when he realises he has—a whole year's worth of the contents of your life. Of course, Jay already introduced Yunjin to you, of course, you’re already friends. 

Leaving you with Yunjin in the library, Heeseung and Jay walk back to their flat. They take the long route home, through the winding bike path and over the creaky footbridge by Sunghoon’s old apartment. Jay is eerily quiet, only responding in nods and hums—this silence means one of two things, he’s either too exhausted to speak or he’s saving his words to reprimand Heeseung at home. 

Outside their flat, Jay hesitates, gripping the handle tightly before turning to Heeseung. In his eyes is a familiar look, the one he typically wears before telling someone off and Heeseung bites his tongue lest he pisses Jay off even more. A few times, Jay opens his mouth but doesn’t speak, exhaling a deep sigh as he rests his head against the door. “I want you to know I’m on your side, sort of,” he says. “If it’s too hard being around YN, we can always hang out together instead, just us.” 

Jay’s key clicks in the lock and Heeseung watches, shocked. He didn’t expect that at all. 

“It’s not like it’s hard, just weird, you know?” Heeseung runs a hand through his hair, leaving his shoes by the door while Jay locks it before following him into the living room and sinking into the couch. “We have the same friends, so I can’t avoid her, but I don’t think I want to.” 

“Like I said, we can just hang out on our own if we’re on campus.” Jay pauses for a beat, clearly pleased by whatever he’s thinking about as a smile spreads on his face. “It might do you some good being around her though, like, to see why none of us want to date her.” 

The offer is generous and Heeseung spends a while considering it. But as Jay said, it probably would be a good thing to hang out with you if he wants to build the friendship he finds himself craving. 

“It might also do you some good to, you know.. start looking nice again. It’s been a year, dude, and she’s back now, don’t you want her seeing what she’s missing out on?” 

Heeseung cocks his head to the side, surprised and honestly a little offended. “Are you saying I’m ugly now?” 

“No, I’m saying it probably wouldn’t hurt to put some essence in your hair, touch up your roots, and, you know, use deodorant.” 

Reflexively, he grabs the pit of his hoodie, bringing it to his nose and sniffing furiously. The only thing he can smell is fresh detergent and he looks at Jay with a frown. “So you think I should change everything about myself basically.” 

“I hate to be the one to say it..” Jay trails off, head falling back in contagious laughter. “Seriously though, if you want her back or, at least, want her to miss you, start putting some effort in.” 

Heeseung’s eyes are wide as saucers. “She doesn’t miss me?”

“You spent the whole day together, why would she miss you?” 

“So she doesn’t.” 

“I didn’t say that.” Jay shrugs. 

Outside, a cloud moves away from the sun, letting it shine right through the window and into Heeseung’s eyes. He squints a little, groaning before bringing his arm over his face to shield himself. Jay laughs and Heeseung flips him off. “You didn’t really say anything.” 

“Are you crying?” Jay coos. 

“Sure.” 

“Too bad, I’m taking a nap. Club later?” 

Heeseung grunts in response, considering taking a nap too. 

A dramatic sigh tugs its way from Jay’s chest. “Look, it’s not my place to say, but she told me a few months ago she was miserable in first year, something about wanting to see some guy she dated in high school.”

“You knew she was coming back?” Heeseung practically jumps in his seat, sitting up straighter. “You knew I’d see her today and you let me leave the house looking like this?” It’s not like he looks bad in his oversized black hoodie and sweatpants but he might have taken the time to do more than run a hand through his hair this morning if he knew.

Jay holds his hands up defensively. “You said you didn’t want to hear anything about her unless she died. I was just doing what you told me to.” 

“I think it goes without saying that that would’ve been a nice thing to know.”

“Noted.” Jay nods. “Club later?”

Despite saying no, Heeseung finds himself at the club anyway, having a friendly dance battle with Jay while you hype them up, filming blurry videos with your finger over the camera lens. Jake and Sunghoon came out too but went off to find girls. 

Heeseung spent all of pres and the journey to the club worrying about being drunk around you. Or rather, worrying about being drunk around drunk you. Drunk you who typically gets clingy and oversentimental just looking at a bottle of vodka, or brings up old memories and uses pouty, gloss-coated lips to say things without thinking of the consequences. For better or for worse, you haven’t done any of that yet. 

Between knocking back drinks and rivalling the club photographer, you find time to make a look of disgust every time a guy comes near you, immediately shaking your head and pressing yourself against Heeseung before mumbling an apology in his ear each time, even though he tells you it’s okay. Your admirers start to dwindle when he dances with you to a song you like, letting you hold his hand and pull him closer, all while wishing he’d stayed asleep on the couch. 

It’s only when the fifth guy shows up with a stupid smirk on his face, that Heeseung speaks up. His arm finds your waist and he holds you close as he looks at the stranger. “Dude, leave her alone,” he says, angling his shoulder to him in an attempt to shield you. “She’s not interested.” The weight of his words is lost on him until the guy rolls his eyes, shrugging and mumbling whatever as he leaves. 

He saw how uncomfortable you looked after being approached and hated how long it took for you to start enjoying yourself again, so in the moment, it seemed like the right thing to do. To look after you. But now, as he stands with his hand on your waist, his skin touching yours at the hem of your shirt, he’s starting to feel like he’s crossed a line. It’s the worst possible time to freeze in place but there’s nothing he can do about it, and Jay staring at him, with wide eyes and a dropped jaw, isn’t exactly helping. 

With embarrassment burning his cheeks and neck, Heeseung finally looks down at you. You look almost as shocked as Jay for a split second before letting your hand rest on his chest, smiling. The moment feels endless until you lean up to his ear and Heeseung has to bend down a bit. “Thank you, Hee,” you say, still smiling when you pull back. 

All he can do is nod, smiling too.

Over your head, he sees Jay grinning and the heat returns to his cheeks. As if suddenly aware of your position — your hands now resting on his shoulders, chests held together by your grip on each other — the smile falls from your face as you take a huge step back, bumping into Jay while Heeseung’s hand slips from your body. 

“Let’s get more drinks!” you yell to Jay, slinging an arm over his shoulders to pull him away. 

On his own, Heeseung dances to three whole songs, only stopping when Yoo Jimin wraps her arm around him, holding him in the world’s tightest hug. “Lee Heeseung, did I just see you all over a girl?” The interaction takes him by surprise, seeing as he hasn’t actually spoken to her since before summer. “Let’s go for drinks soon, to say congrats on finally moving on!” 

This, of course, is when you and Jay finally return. Jimin notices before he does. “Be good to him,” she yells, smiling, and never letting go of Heeseung. “Bad breakup!” 

You stand there, holding two drinks so tightly your hands start shaking, causing one to spill over your fingers. A strained smile spreads over your lips as you nod. “Right! I’ll try!” 

As quickly as she appears, Jimin vanishes with a smile on her face, pleased with herself. You visibly relax, handing Heeseung his drink and swaying to the music again. Just like at high school parties, you let Jay sling his arm over your shoulders as you dance together. Back then, you’d dance with all of your friends while waiting for Heeseung to return, usually with a cup of water for you to drink, but tonight, with Heeseung standing there, it seems like he’s as good as dead according to you. 

It’s around 2 a.m. when you and Jay decide you’ve had enough, with Jay struggling to keep his eyes open. After failing to locate Sunghoon and easily finding Jake with his cap on backwards and makeup all over his mouth and cheeks, the three of you let him know you’re going home. 

As seems to be the unspoken rule amongst your friends, Jay walks between the two of you while trying to convince you both that if you had fun tonight, there’s no reason to regret having gone out. Even if it means you’ll be sitting in class holding your eyes open. Heeseung ignores him, conspiring out loud about Sunghoon’s whereabouts—getting lost on his way to the restroom or finding an ice rink out back. 

For a while, you entertain him before sighing. “I saw in the chat, he said he’s out talking to a girl he saw wearing a band shirt—Nirvana.” 

The notion is so surprising that Heeseung almost stops in his tracks. Jay voices his shock with a raised brow and an incredulous tone. “Hoon listens to Nirvana?” 

“No, but she’s pretty. I had to send him a screenshot of their popular songs on Spotify when one of her friends came over looking for a lighter.” 

At Jay’s request, you and Heeseung spend the rest of the walk back to your flat trying to name fifteen Nirvana songs. By the time you reach the lift in your building, you’ve successfully listed nine and the three of you stand inside while you look for your keys. On your doorstep, you pull Jay into a tight hug, whispering something in his ear that makes him laugh as he pats you on the back and says, “You probably could.” 

Pathetically, Heeseung hopes you’ll hug him too. With no hesitation, you do, arms locking around his neck, leaving him with flushed cheeks and a racing heart. “Thanks for looking out for me,” you whisper, lingering by his ear before burying your face in the base of his neck. 

Heeseung holds his breath, counting to twelve before you lean away from him, your arms in place as you look up into his eyes. “I’m always going to look out for you,” he manages to say. He can already hear Jay teasing him about it when they’re alone, but the smile on your face is worth it. 

In your doorway, you wave goodbye and they wait outside until they hear your lock clicking before heading home, where Jay doesn’t tease Heeseung at all. 

Turns out, getting home at 3 a.m. when he has a class at 10 o’clock doesn’t fit in amongst any of his better ideas, but still, he gets out of bed and gets ready, heeding Jay’s advice and scheduling a hair appointment on his way to class. 

As soon as he sits down, he gets a text from Jay: thinking of getting smth pierced later, come with? 

Heeseung: what is smth.

Jay: cartilage probs

Heeseung: im getting my roots done at 5

Jay: okayyyyyyy good shit man !!! tmrw? 

Heeseung: 👍👍👍

It shouldn’t surprise Heeseung that you look good, but the sight of you walking through the door in your zip-up hoodie and jeans almost knocks the wind out of him. You’re holding your notebook to your chest, stopping in the middle of the stairs and sighing when the white strap of your tote bag slips from your shoulder to the crook of your elbow. You apologise to the people behind you before rushing up the stairs to Heeseung’s row, putting your things down and slumping into the seat beside him. The room suddenly feels warmer when you take off your hoodie and next to you and your bare arms, his heart starts to race.

“Do you have, like, an interview or something?” you ask, doodling in the margin of your notebook, filling the space with pretty butterflies that make his heart race.

Heeseung, who hasn’t looked for a job in two years, panics. “No?” 

“Oh.” You nod slowly, looking away from him. “A date? Maybe?” There’s something in your voice that makes him want to say yes and see your reaction, but the look on your face makes his stomach turn. 

“No, ne—just no.” 

“You can tell me if you’re going on a date.”

“Why would I go on a date?” 

You shrug, gesturing to his outfit. Heeseung looks down at himself and the cream-coloured cardigan he’s wearing. “You just look nice, that’s all,” you mumble after a while. Suddenly, Jay’s Prada loafers squeezing his toes doesn’t seem so bad and Heeseung sits through the whole lecture with a smile on his face. 

The leaves yellowed on October first, and unfortunately for Heeseung, the last two weeks didn’t play out how he hoped they would. Of course, he knew that you flinging your arms around him and confessing your love was probably a far stretch. But this is torture. You only talk to him when the rest of the boys are around, and even then, you only say things like, what time does class start? and do you have a pen I can borrow? 

His nice outfits don’t let up, but his hair is so long these days that you don’t take any notice of the throbbing hole through his cartilage that Jay somehow convinced him to get. Or so Heeseung tells himself because his ears stick out as far as his shoulders. 

Today marks the first time he’s sat in the library during the day for more than ten minutes, and it’s surprisingly busy. Most of his library trips take place in the early hours of the morning, playing his way through the Papa’s Gameria franchise on the computer next to Jake, who spends several minutes at a time staring at his fancy engineering software before clicking the mouse and staring again. So seeing the steady flow of students come in and out, setting up camp at their tables with headphones and thick binders, while groups of friends whisper amongst themselves, leaning back in their seats and gasping every now and then feels like a culture shock.

There’s about an hour until your class finishes, and he’s been sitting here for two hours already since his Music and Identity class ended, wondering if he’s making a mistake by waiting for you. Especially because he knows you’re not expecting him to. He’s at a table right by the library’s entrance, so you’ll see him on the way out and it can feel like a chance encounter. Uncharacteristically, he’s used this time quite wisely, deciding to go through the reading he was given on the role music plays in maintaining cultural identity among diaspora communities and making notes in the margins of his handout until your class is done. 

Impatience starts to settle in after thirty minutes so he texts you to see to ask if your class is over yet. Immediately, your response lights up his screen: yeah about an hour ago but i stayed home lmao what’s up :) 

Staring down at the message, he sighs, thumbs hovering over the keyboard as he tries to come up with something to say. This goes on for a while until he realises what he’s doing and his heart clenches. How did you go from spending every waking moment texting each other to clutching at straws for a valid reason to talk? 

At the very least, the smiley face you sent is doing wonders for his declining mood. 

Heeseung settles on, “i just left office hours and wanted to know if anyone was still around haha,” before hiding his face with his hands. 

oh nooooooo :( sorry dude, you reply. how’d it go? 

In the six years he spent by your side, he’s never known you to use the word dude—at least not with him. By the looks of things, it seems like your time away was spent studying Jake’s texting patterns or a secret other thing that makes his head hurt when he thinks about it. 

Sighing, Heeseung types back: good! had a couple questions after sem but it went well! 

You react to the message with a heart but don’t reply. He doesn’t have enough time to think about what that might mean because Mark approaches the table, clutching the straps of his backpack with a grin on his face that makes Heeseung feel at ease, like a wide-eyed first year riddled with anxious excitement. 

“You look good, man. You going somewhere nice later?” Mark asks, dapping him up. 

Heeseung shakes his head. “Just home.” 

“Nice.” Mark nods, gasping after a beat. “Did you hear? I made captain!” 

“That’s major, dude, congrats! I knew you would.” If anyone deserves to be team captain, it’s Mark Lee. He was captain of the basketball team in high school and vetoed his spot to Heeseung when he graduated. Two years later, when Heeseung came to college, Mark had been enthusiastic about him joining the team too. 

“I’ve been thinking that my first official act as captain should be getting you back on the team?” Mark’s voice tips up at the end, his brows raising hopefully. 

The last time Heeseung was on the home court, he cried with the ball in his hands because he overheard someone in the crowd saying they didn’t think he could make the shot—they were right. He laughs, shaking his head. “Way too much pressure in uni basketball. Thanks for thinking of me, though.”

“I’m not giving up on you,” Mark says, crossing his arms over his chest. “Oh, I hear your birthday’s coming up, can I host?” 

“Host what?” 

Mark’s hands clap soundlessly as he laughs. “A party, obviously! Twenty’s a big one! I’ll text you the deets, alright?” he asks, though it doesn’t sound like Heeseung has a choice because Mark’s already walking away, still laughing to himself.

In Heeseung’s eyes, there’s nothing better than knocking back (more than) a few bottles of soju with friends and singing your heart out in the four walls of a karaoke room. Worried about killing the mood, he enjoys from a distance, staying glued to the booth, ad-libbing for the boys and polishing off their drinks as discreetly as he can. The table is adorned with a collection of empty bottles and buckets of feasted-upon fried chicken that still envelop the room in a mouth-watering aroma, while a green strobe light pierces the air as Jake and Sunghoon wrap up their cover of Party Rock Anthem. 

By the time Jay manages to convince Heeseung to sing something, he’s four bottles in and searching for the most heart-wrenching ballad he can find. Sofa by Crush has always been his favourite karaoke song. Even when it first came out and he was in a happy relationship; even at home, alone in the kitchen, using a broom handle as a makeshift microphone, singing until his voice went hoarse and tears stained his shirt. 

It feels like fate when the song’s title flashes across the screen in big bold letters and he knows there’s no real way to ignore destiny, so he chooses it and stands up from his seat. Weighed down by alcohol and an aching heart, he stumbles to the front of the room to stand with his back to his friends. Clutching the mic until his knuckles turn white, he takes a deep breath, letting the intro wash over him before singing. He gets through the first half of the song before practically caving in on himself, too moved by the lyrics to stay on two feet. To Heeseung’s credit, he’s always had a beautiful voice, so he’s not exactly tanking in that respect, but if he was even a tiny bit more cognisant, he’d scrape himself up from his knees and finish the rest of the song in the same light-hearted way everyone else had.

The lights shift through red and blue, casting a pretty glow over the dim space and streaking purples and pinks all over the walls—aesthetically, the room is as moody as Heeseung feels. If he had eyes on the back of his head (or picked himself and his dignity from the floor) he might notice the way everyone else in the room is struck by his sadness, with all three boys sitting in solemn silence as a drunk Jay records the whole thing. 

Tired of watching his friend fall apart, Sunghoon gets up from his seat, muttering dick at Jay for filming before taking the phone from his hands and cutting off the recording. He lifts Heeseung at the armpits like a baby and takes the mic. Clearing his throat, Sunghoon half-heartedly finishes the rest of the song while Heeseung cries into his shoulder. Their duet scores them 63 points and Jay spends the next few minutes texting. Heeseung appreciates Sunghoon’s efforts, crying more as his emotions oscillate from love for his friend to yearning for you, all while Jake attempts to lift the mood with a genuinely moving performance of Highway to Hell. From the way he’s air-drumming and bouncing his leg to the song, anyone could tell that Sunghoon is desperate to join in, but holding back for Heeseung’s sake. With a hiccup, Heeseung wipes his tears with his sleeve and throws himself out to the front, accompanying Jake with an air guitar. It’s only during the start of the second verse that Jay and Sunghoon join in, and a full-fledged rock band moment falls upon them as if gifted from heaven. 

After another hour of singing and drinking, Heeseung and Jay race up their apartment building’s stairs. Panting heavily, with his heart beating in his throat, Heeseung’s knees ache when he reaches the top — though caught up in catching his breath and the sight of you sleeping against the doorframe — he can’t even celebrate his win. 

“Huh,” Jay says when he joins him. “How’d she get here?” 

Heeseung can only shrug in response. 

Suddenly self-conscious in your presence, he stands up straighter, pushing some of his hair off his forehead. Jay moves from behind him, approaching you, but Heeseung’s too hung up on the way you hold your jacket tight around your body to do the same. He wants to though—wants to help you out, pick you up and hold you in his arms, kiss your forehead and lovingly scold you for staying out in the cold. But he’s not drunk enough to convince himself you’ll take that well. 

Instead, he remains glued to the spot, watching Jay wake you up, only mobilising when you’re on your feet, stretching your arms above your head. To you, the sliver of skin peeking out where your shirt ends and your jeans begin is a fleeting detail, lost entirely under a veil of just-risen drowsiness. Yet, to Heeseung, it’s everything. It’s enough to make him want to beg you for a second chance right then and there. But he’s not drunk enough to convince himself you’ll take that well either. 

You’re talking with Jay and there’s a crease in your brow when Heeseung reaches you. Your voices were too quiet to make sense of with the distance but now he hears you loud and clear. “You told me almost two hours ago that you guys were leaving soon,” you sigh, rubbing your neck. 

Jay snorts, missing the keyhole a few times before catching it. “Should’ve just joined in, stupid.” 

“It was boy’s night and you made it very clear that I don’t count. And when I asked what bar you guys were at, you just said doesn’t matter, leaving in ten, and, by the way, none of it was spelt correctly. It felt like you were using code.” 

“Caesar Cipher, perhaps?” 

“Pig Latin, more like,” you scoff, leaning against the wall. 

A mischievous grin spreads over Jay’s lips and Heeseung already hates whatever he’s about to say. “Ixnay on the Eeseunghay.” Yeah, Heeseung hates it. He glances between the two of you, picking up on the smile you can’t hide as you roll your eyes. 

Your gaze finds Heeseung’s and your lips curl into a frown as you look back at Jay. “Otgay ityay.” You nod firmly. 

From context — and memories of numerous private conversations the two of you used to have in his presence — he figures it’s Pig Latin, a linguistic puzzle more intricate than any the English language has ever thrown at him. 

After a beat, you nod towards the open door. “Get inside.”

You follow the boys in and lock the door when Jay hands you his keys. He quickly heads to his room, leaving Heeseung shifting his weight from one foot to the other in the living room, staring at you. Save for Jay’s bedroom, all of the lights are off. The only light shines through the open blinds, a vivid orange beam coming from a streetlight outside, casting a harsh shadow over the room. The terminator line is stark—a clear partition between Heeseung, who’s standing in the shade, and you, who stands in front of the window, backlit by the warm light. You’re glowing. Or, at least, the lighting makes it look like you are—outlining all your edges in soft orange. 

Absently, he plays with the zipper on his jacket—unsure of what’s going on or why you’re here at all. It takes a while, but the words finally escape him. “What are you doing here?” Simultaneously, you ask if he’s okay. 

Even in the dark, your smile warms the room. For you and Heeseung, speaking in unison like that isn’t anything new, so it’s not enough to rouse a reaction from him—nonetheless, he smiles too. Whether by way of drunk optimism or his own sudden acceptance, Heeseung’s starting to feel as though maybe just being by your side, making you smile, might be enough for him. 

“Jay texted me, and I wanted to check in and see how you’re doing.” 

“What did he say?” 

“That you were having a hard time.”

Heeseung nods slowly. 

“Actually, he said—” You pause to check your phone. “—Jay said, worried but hyung he is m let down. I think he meant meltdown?” 

“Hyung,” Heeseung repeats, tilting his head as if the word is foreign to him. A crease runs along his brow, Jay is way drunker than he let on.

“Huh,” you utter, tilting your head too. “I actually thought m let down would’ve gotten a bigger reaction out of you.” 

A moment passes, and then another before Heeseung says, “You can sit if you want. I don’t know if you’re going to stay long or anything, but you can always sit here.”

You smile and he can hear it, watching you take your coat off before sitting on the couch. It’s a bit of a stretch from where you’re sitting but you reach over to turn on the lamp in the corner and Heeseung sits too, as far away as he can. You look comfortable, like you’re supposed to be there and the thought warms his heart.

“You didn’t have to come here. I’m happy you did but you didn’t have to,” he says after too long. 

A frown tugs your lips down. “Of course, I did. I care about you, Heeseung, you know that.” 

Now doesn’t seem like the time to argue, so he makes a mental note to mull over this later. “I know,” he lies, his voice nothing more than a mumble as he nods. 

“Did you guys have fun?” 

Deciding it best to pretend his Crush cover went well, he nods again, smiling as he thinks about the nice parts of boys’ night. With your encouragement, he talks happily for a while about their song choices and the way they all came together in the end. “I feel like we’d get on pretty well as an AC/DC tribute act.” 

“Do you know what room you were in? There’s got to be a way for me to pull the security footage and see for myself.” 

“I actually think Jimin works there, she might be able to hook you up.”

“Jimin?” you repeat in a different tone. The shift is so subtle that Heeseung barely picks up on it, never mind placing it or knowing what it might mean. If he were any more delusional, he might think you’re jealous, but the curiosity in your voice tells him to get out of his head. 

“Yeah, this one girl in the year above,” he explains. “She transferred to humanities so we had a couple classes together last term.” 

“Oh, cool.” 

He really can’t work out your tone and it’s disconcerting. Maybe he should talk about Jimin some more. “She’s like mega smart, and really nice too. She was actually at the club that night! The girl I was talking to when you and Jay went to get drinks,” he says, suddenly remembering. 

“Good for Jimin.” 

“I think you’d like her.” He smiles. “You know, if you’re looking for friends or anything.” 

You only nod, pressing your lips together and leaving Heeseung at a complete loss for words. He watches you chewing on the inside of your cheek, playing with the thread bracelet on your wrist. “I’ve always loved your voice,” you mumble, looking down.

“I know.. You used to beg me to stay up on the phone singing for you.” Heeseung presses his lips together after speaking, mentally locking them and throwing away the key.

You nod with a smile on your face that makes his stomach flutter. “You’re, like, the best guy ever.” 

That makes sense. That Heeseung could be like, the best guy ever but not quite good enough to stay with. He mulls over your words and contemplates setting himself on fire. Standing up from the couch, he goes over to his room. From the doorway, he says, “You can share Jay’s bed, it’s too late to go home by yourself.” 

Heeseung closes his door with plans to stay inside the whole night, but only manages an hour before he gets sick of the stale taste in his mouth. He leaves quietly, and in the light from outside, he sees you sleeping on the sofa with your hands tucked under your head. His heart sinks. Without much thought, he carries you to his room, tucks you in and runs away before doing something stupid like kissing your head to go and brush his teeth. Unlike you, he’s not afraid to wake Jay up, pushing the boy over to make room for himself on his bed, where he lays awake for hours trying to figure out what went wrong with you two until his head starts to hurt. 

In the morning, Heeseung doesn’t see you before you leave, but he spends the better part of an hour with his ear pressed against Jay’s door, eavesdropping on your conversation. If you weren’t talking about him he might feel guilty about this, but you are, so.. 

“I just feel bad, you know? I don’t know how to fit into his life and I feel like I’m only making things harder for him by being here,” you say. “Harder for everyone.”

Heeseung grips the doorframe until his knuckles turn white. He’s spent too much time thinking about how to be your friend without actually trying to be, too caught up in his own feelings to see how he’s affecting everyone else. The corners of his lips droop at the thought. 

“We’re happy to have you back, Heeseung too. He’s just.. hurting, you know? I’m not sure if you heard but he kind of got blindsided and dumped by his high school girlfriend,” Jay says. 

You laugh drily and he pictures the way you roll your eyes. “Hey, uh, random Q, what do you know about Jimin?” 

Jay’s quiet for a bit. Or he’s whispering. Heeseung presses his entire body to the door as if it’ll help. “Yoo Jimin?” he asks. 

“Probably. Heeseung’s friend.” 

“She’s cool,” he answers simply. “You’d like her.” 

“So I keep hearing. What’s going on with them?” 

“Nothing really. They met at some party last year, both pretty drunk, and somehow ended up in a random bedroom where she tried hooking up with him.” Jay’s words strike Heeseung like a jolt, his heart pounds and his stomach twists. It takes a lot for him and the knot in his stomach not to burst out of the room and clear things up. The main thing stopping him though, is that Jay’s telling the truth. “But he misread the whole thing and ended up detailing your entire relationship for two hours,” Jay adds after a while. 

“And now?” 

“Why do you care?” Jay’s tone is teasing but the question makes Heeseung spiral. 

His mouth starts to dry up at the thought of you admitting that you don’t care, that you’re over him and just being nosy. Panic swells in his chest and he jumps away from the door as if it’s red hot, scrambling back under the covers of Jay’s bed and falling back asleep. 

In the following two weeks, Heeseung finds himself mastering the art of avoidance. He fills his evenings with pick-up basketball games with Mark on random courts in the neighbourhood and rushes out of class before you have the chance to talk to him. Playing with Mark is fun, but he can’t ignore the regret festering within him, a persistent thorn in his side. Fortunately for him, Jay, whether knowingly or not, presents him with a potential turning point. He’s invited you and the boys over for pres before his party, instructing Heeseung to get his shit together and acknowledge your existence. 

On the night before his birthday, the apartment echoes with your voice, yelling at Jake to get off the floor. Sunghoon’s cackles only get louder, filling the space. Behind his closed bedroom door, Heeseung catches a panicked glance of himself in the mirror, running a hand through his hair and adjusting his bangs. He lingers in his room as long as he can, trying to put off seeing you.

Jay opens the door without knocking, a lazy grin on his face and a slight sway in his stance that tells Heeseung he’s drunk already. “What are you doing? We’re waiting.” 

“I don’t know,” he admits. 

Rolling his eyes, Jay lets out a tired groan. It’s an unspoken scolding that Heeseung heeds immediately, following him into the kitchen, where Jake is messily pouring shots on the counter. He doesn’t see you anywhere, but Sunghoon distracts him, cheering and wrapping his arms around him—also drunk already. “She’s in Jay’s room, Yunjin called,” he says. “Oh, yeah, happy almost birthday, man. Twenty is crazy.” 

By the looks of things, Sunghoon’s on a mission to kill Heeseung. Twenty shots for his twentieth birthday doesn’t sound like as much fun as Sunghoon thinks it does, it sounds like a punishment or a death sentence. Heeseung — put off by the smell of vodka — manages four shots before tapping out, deciding that he’d quite like to remember tonight and wake up on his birthday without a headache.

Heeseung’s eyes widen when you show up in the doorway, a confusing sense of surprise washing over him. It’s not like he didn’t know you were here; he heard you earlier. It’s just that your sudden presence catches him off guard. His heart skips a beat and a sudden rush of nerves courses through him. He takes in your appearance, his eyes tracing every inch of you before meeting your eyes. As you run your hand through your hair, you smile at him, so pretty and genuine that he can’t help grinning back.

Your dress is beautiful, of course—black satin, he thinks, with pretty pink ribbons tied into perfect bows on the top, and you’re the only girl Heeseung’s ever wanted in his life. 

A whispered whoa falls from his lips, which seem to rest in an ‘o’ as he stares at you. You’re looking away from him now, focused on the tequila puddle Jake’s left on the counter, grabbing some paper towels to mop it up. Jay snorts beside him, nudging his ribs hard. “You’ll catch flies, Heeseung. Come on—decorum, please.” 

Heeseung clears his throat, running a hand through his hair and wiping his palms on his pants, but he doesn’t make any moves towards you. 

“Do something,” Jay mumbles. 

He nods in response, repeating do something, over and over in his head until he finally approaches you. “Hey,” he says, breathless. His heart hammers in his chest when you look up at him, beaming. 

“Heeseung,” you say. “Happy almost birthday. How’re you feeling?” 

Before he has a chance to respond, you wrap your arms around his waist, and like it’s the most natural thing in the world, his arms fall around your shoulders, holding you close. It’s perfect. Some combination of your warm scent and alcohol causes the butterflies in his stomach to rage, fluttering so frantically he thinks he might be sick. 

“Insane,” he admits. 

He can hear you laughing, feeling your chuckles against his chest. “You know, what?” You lean away from him, arms still around his waist, eyes locked on his and a soft smile on your lips. “Me too.” 

An odd weakness settles in his knees, a dizzying flutter alighting his entire body as he nods. Over his shoulder, Sunghoon calls for him, chanting, “More shots! More shots!” For a while, Heeseung ignores him, watching you until he feels his ears heating up at the top. 

“I think I have to go,” he mumbles, eyes locked on your lips. They curl up into a crooked grin, and you use a hand to pat his chest. 

“Good luck.” 

Heeseung takes a deep breath when you let go of him, taking shaky steps towards his friend, who’s grinning widely enough to show his fangs. “Sorry to interrupt, I think you could use the help though,” Sunghoon says, holding out a shot glass to him.

He shakes his head at the shot, taking it from Sunghoon’s hand and placing it down on the table. “I need a minute.” 

Sunghoon only shrugs, taking the drink himself, knocking it back with no visible reaction, and Heeseung thinks he must be a monster. “I really think you could fix things tonight,” he says afterwards, pouring another. 

Instead of taking this in stride, Heeseung decides to pretend you don’t exist after hugging you—it’ll be easier that way. To him, this looks like staring at you in your pretty dress and snapping his neck in the opposite direction when you look over at him. 

To appease Sunghoon, he takes another three shots and has to sit down, overwhelmed by the way his cheeks burn and how the kitchen starts to tilt around him. His mouth is oddly dry; a sensation that has nothing to do with you or the way you look in your dress. This time when you catch him staring, he smiles. 

Even in his beyond-tipsy state, Jay manages to ensure everyone leaves the flat before requesting an Uber. Heeseung finds himself sitting cross-legged on the pavement, for some reason, scrolling through his camera roll. 

“Car’s here, get up,” Jay eventually mumbles, nudging his back with the tip of his shoe.

With some stumbling, Heeseung stands up, dusts off his pants and heads to the car. Jay holds the door open for you, and as you slide across the backseat, your dress rides up. Heeseung screws his eyes shut, shaking his head to clear his thoughts, like resetting an etch-a-sketch. Jay’s hand claps his back as he instructs him to get in, which he does. Hesitantly, he slides into the middle seat, glancing to his right to see who’ll be joining you. 

“You’ll thank me later!” Jay calls out, closing the door. 

Before he even has a chance to shift over, your hand lands firmly on his knee, silently urging him to stay put. With a pounding heart, he complies. The back of his hand brushes against your thigh as he fastens his seatbelt, and the feeling of your soft skin against his leaves him breathless. He feels afloat when the car starts moving. A few minutes pass before you take your hand from his knee, mumbling an apology as you place it on your lap, idly playing with your fingers.

Mark lives about twenty minutes away, leaving Heeseung with something close to sixteen minutes to think of something to say. R&B from the early 2000s rumbles through the speakers in the car, vaguely explicit lyrics alluding to something he’s craving fill the space around the two of you, wrapped up in your warm vanilla scent and the fresh peppermint gum you’re chewing. To put it simply, there’s not a coherent thought in his head he could express that wouldn’t get him into trouble. 

“I didn’t know you were on the basketball team,” you say after a while. “Well, I did know, but you know.” 

“I don’t know,” he admits quietly because he has no idea what you’re talking about. 

A beat passes before you speak again. “How was your day?” 

The first thing on his mind is what falls from his lips. “You look beautiful,” Heeseung blurts out, trying to ignore the tinge of anxiety that’s irritating his stomach. “Your dress is.. It’s really pretty,” he adds, feeling as though he won’t lose anything by putting everything on the table. 

“Thanks.” You smile. “You look beautiful too.” 

Heeseung’s breath hitches in his throat and he looks down at his outfit in the dark. If Jay hadn’t interfered, he’d be wearing a hoodie and sweatpants right now, but he’s happy with the simple striped shirt and loose pants Jay suggested, even if it leaves him a little chilly. “It’s, uh, it’s actually my birthday party tonight,” he supplies uselessly.

You laugh, and it’s the best sound he’s ever heard. “I kind of just meant in general.” 

“Me too.” 

The car falls silent as he lets his head fall into the space between the headrests and closes his eyes. When you reach Mark’s house, he opens them and finds you staring with a smile. “I thought you fell asleep,” you say.

He shakes his head, sliding over the backseat and opening the door. He didn’t expect you to leave from the same side as him, but he likes the heat on his cheeks as he closes the door for you. Wordlessly, the two of you go through the gate and join Jay, Jake, and Sunghoon who are sitting cross-legged on the porch, giggling around a shared joint. He has no idea how they arrived before you did. 

Heeseung isn’t sure how he loses you guys but it’s not until his third round of beer pong that he actually notices. Lee Jeno and his red eyes are a poor shot, barely managing to throw the ball without hitting Heeseung’s chest or dropping it before he gets to aim. He almost feels bad for the guy when he sinks another one of his cups, watching Jeno frown before pinching his nostrils shut and taking a big gulp. 

Jay’s sudden presence startles him, though he’s quick to grin at his best friend. The smile isn’t returned. Instead, he leans up to Heeseung’s ear, yelling that YN’s crying before nudging his way out of the room. His heart sinks and he offers no explanation to Jeno, following Jay upstairs and into the bathroom where he finds you, sitting on the floor, crying into Sunghoon’s shirt while Jake watches with a frown, picking at his nails. 

“What happened?” 

Jake talks with a hushed tone while Sunghoon helps you up before leaving. “She didn’t say anything, she just asked us to go to the bathroom with her and started crying.” He opens his mouth to continue but Jay yanks him out of the room, closing the door. 

“I’m not, like, upset or anything,” you say after a while, wiping your eyes with the back of your hands. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m sorry. I really didn’t want to ruin tonight for you so I told Jake not to say anything, but obviously, he didn’t listen.” 

“Jake did the right thing telling Jay, none of us want to see you upset.” 

“I’m not upset.” You hit Heeseung’s chest with a weak fist, crying more. “Why does everyone think I’m upset?”

“It might be the tears,” he offers, feeling good about making you smile. 

“Yeah, maybe.” 

“Are you using a new liner? Mascara? You still look good.” 

You take a look in the mirror, resting your hands on the edge of the sink. “Yeah, I discovered waterproof makeup in first year.” 

“Is it harder to take off?” 

“Definitely, but it’s worth it, I think, for nights like this.” 

“Yeah, right.” Heeseung nods, watching you carefully as he sits on the edge of the bathtub. It’s like being in high school, seeing you like this. Most of the parties you went to were spent in the bathroom, with Heeseung holding your hair back and trying to calm you down after throwing up. He misses all of it except the vomit. “Are you okay?” 

Catching his gaze in the mirror, you nod but look down at your hands when he says your name. “It’s just a little harder being back than I thought it would be.” 

“Oh.” 

You sigh, playing with your hair as you sit down next to him. “Obviously it’s great seeing the guys all the time, seeing you all the time, but everything’s fucked and we act like strangers and it’s killing me not being able to just..” you trail off. Heeseung is clearly drunker than he feels because it looks like your eyes are stuck on his lips. After a beat you slide away from him, moving until your back hits the wall. A mixture of frustration and something else colours your face. “I just don’t like treating you like a stranger and I don’t know how to fix it.” Before he has a chance to think or to say anything you ask him for the time. 

“It’s 12:23.” 

“Happy birthday!” you say, smiling. “Am I the first to say it?” 

“You’re always first.” Even last year, you sent a text at midnight, so Heeseung’s not sure why there’s a surprised look in your eyes or why it’s making him want to kiss you more than usual. “You don’t have to treat me like a stranger if you don’t want to,” he says carefully, trying to get you both back on track. 

“I don’t know how I’m supposed to act around you.” 

His voice is soft when he says, “Honestly, neither do I.” 

“I wish I never left.” 

“Everything happens for a reason, I guess.” Despite the small smile on his face, he’s still trying to understand what reason you had. 

An exhaled laugh comes from your nose and you nudge him. “Were you secretly trying to get rid of me?” 

“You caught me,” he sighs, holding out his hands in defeat. “I had this whole elaborate plan. I was going to fake my death, but you saved me the trouble. Thanks for that.” 

Both of you share a genuine laugh and the tension in the air eases up a bit. Heeseung’s eyes meet yours; a brief moment of silence follows. You clear your throat. “I’m sorry for leaving. I really wish things could’ve been different.” 

It can’t be your intention to hurt him by saying that, but you do, leaving Heeseung feeling the full spectrum of his emotions. A pang of hurt, of longing—hurting himself even more as he thinks about the could-have-beens. He purses his lips, looking down at his shoes. “Me too.” Sick of the tension, of his feelings, he glances at you, sitting up a little straighter. “How about we start fresh? Clean slate?” 

“Clean slate?” you echo, raising an inquisitive brow. 

Heeseung nods, determined, extending his hand for you to shake. “I’m Heeseung.”

“YN,” you chuckle, taking his hand in yours. 

He holds onto it, a playful grin tugging at his lips. “Funny, you look just like my ex.” 

Your eyes widen, amused. “Wow, Hee, you always know just what to say.” 

The two of you sit quietly for a moment, but Heeseung’s just glad you’re not crying anymore. He feels lighter now, hopefully you do too. Standing up, he holds out a hand to help you get to your feet which you take, smiling up at him as you straighten out your dress. 

“You know,” he says, clapping his hands together. “For a second there, I thought I’d need a manual on how to talk to you again, but I think we’re doing pretty well.” 

Heeseung feels pleased with himself when you laugh, rolling your eyes and nudging his chest with your hand. “Shut up,” you say, light and playful. 

“Are you ready to get back to the guys?” 

You smile at him, nodding before quickly turning back to the mirror. “Do I look okay?” 

It doesn’t make sense to Heeseung that a girl as beautiful as you could ever look just okay. Even with the slight swell to your glassy eyes, you’re the most perfect person he’s ever seen. But he can’t say that. So instead, he pulls a sharp breath through his teeth, tilting his head a bit and raising his hand in a horizontal gesture, his fingers wobbling as if balancing an imaginary scale. A  non-committal sound escapes him, a soft eh before he laughs at the way your jaw drops. 

You punch his arm. “Heeseung!” 

“Come on, you know you look great,” he mumbles, looking away to hide the flush in his cheeks. The sound of your lips spreading into a smile makes his stomach flutter as he opens the door to find Jay, Jake, and Sunghoon sitting cross-legged in the hall in front of it.

“Birthday boy!” Jay yells, springing to his feet and flinging his arms around Heeseung. 

“And YN!” Jake adds from his seat. 

Heeseung hears you saying thanks to Jake before sitting next to him. 

“So, did you two kiss and make up or what?” Jay’s attempt at whispering is futile and somehow Heeseung’s cheeks burn even more as he frees himself from his friend’s hold. 

“Kiss, no. Make up, yes.” 

“Playing the long game, I like it.” Jay grins, patting Heeseung on the back. “Sit down, let’s talk.” 

Heeseung sits in the space next to Sunghoon, holding his legs awkwardly to his chest. He’s not entirely sure what’s happening and he feels like he’s not drunk enough anymore to fully relax into it, until you leave Jake’s side, crawling over to Heeseung and resting your head on his shoulder. In the dim hall, the boys shuffle around but it’s too dark to see what they’re doing—not that he cares much at this point, letting his head rest on top of yours and closing his eyes. It almost sounds quite pretty when they start singing Happy Birthday, and Jake has a tiny lunchbox cake in his hands when Heeseung opens his eyes. Its purple-frosted TWENT-HEE is disrupted by a half-smoked joint stuck in the centre which the flash on Sunghoon’s phone provides a makeshift flame for. 

“Make a wish!” you squeal, clapping your hands. 

It takes three attempts for Heeseung and Sunghoon to coordinate the timing between his exhale and Sunghoon turning the flash off, but the candle is blown out, and, right now. Heeseung has everything he’s ever wanted. 

Almost. 

Heeseung wakes up pressed against the wall with an arm wrapped around his waist. An embarrassing surge of excitement courses through him as he thinks about your conversation and puts his hand over yours. What he’s met with is less of the softness he’d anticipated, and more of the coarse skin and defined knuckles he’s come to recognise as Jake’s hand under the duvet. It only takes a look over his shoulder to make sense of why Heeseung’s nose is grazing his bedroom wall. Behind him is Jake, who’s being spooned by you, and behind you is Sunghoon who’s clinging onto your frame for dear life, even in his slumber. Evidently, Jay’s had a successful night and with his unwavering loyalty to Yunjin, it’s not hard to figure out what happened in the room across the hall.

With his eyes pressed shut, desperate to clutch some more sleep, he hears you mumbling. “Park Sunghoon, if you don’t wake up and let go of me, I’ll kill you,” you say with a tone that frightens Heeseung and sets off a flutter in his stomach. The yelp and thud that follow seem to wake Jake up and he crawls over you to get out of bed, stretching his arms out above his head and making no effort to step over Sunghoon on the floor. You roll over in the bed, wrapping an arm around Heeseung’s waist and pressing yourself into his side. “Happy birthday,” you say through a yawn before getting up. 

He manages to mumble a thanks, butterflies running wild in his stomach and a flush creeping up his neck as he watches you leave the room, eyes stuck on the way your hips move in last night’s dress. He gets out of bed, sighing, untucking his shirt to cover the tightness in his pants before joining his friends in the kitchen. 

Hungry but unmoving, you and the boys occupy the three seats at the small kitchen table, harping on about the different things as Jake whines, begging you to keep it down. 

Heeseung’s first intense emotion as a sober twenty-year-old is betrayal. There are used dishes lying in the sink, plates, mugs, and pans — two of each — staring up at him, wafting the scent of a cooked breakfast, with no leftovers in sight, up to his nostrils. He sighs, wondering if it’s his responsibility as host, and eldest friend, to make more food for everyone, or if, as the birthday boy, he should sit around and wait for someone else to take action. Settling on the latter, he sights up on the countertop, sure to keep his back to you so he doesn’t have to see the low neckline of your dress.

Finally, Jay comes back, whistling an unfamiliar tune and twirling his keys on his finger when he reaches the kitchen. “Hello,” he says simply, leaning against the doorjamb as if he hadn’t single-handedly ruined Heeseung’s birthday. 

Sunghoon rubs his eyes, looking in Jay’s direction. “So now, if I want a nice breakfast after a night out, do I have to fuck you?” 

Jay’s cheeks flush as he looks at his feet. “I mean, I planned to cook for you guys when I got back.” 

“I don’t want your sloppy seconds,” he scoffs, slumping in his chair. 

“I do, Jay. Cook for me,” you say, gesturing toward Jay’s general direction making grabby hands at him.

With a gentle smile, he crosses the room and pats your head. “What are you in the mood for?”

“Anything,” you mumble into his shirt. 

Jay nods, going over to the fridge. He stands in front of it with his hands on his hips, completely still for almost two minutes and Heeseung only approaches him because he’s worried about the outside heat getting on all the food through the open door. 

“What are you doing?” he asks, uttering his first sentence of the morning. 

Jay clears his throat, scratching the back of his neck as he leans towards Heeseung. “I, uh, finished the eggs, milk, and bacon.” A nervous look covers his face before he continues. “And we ate your Hello Kitty pancake mix,” he adds, mumbling like he doesn’t want to be heard. 

Unfortunately, he is, and Heeseung’s mortified. “My Hello Kitty pancake mix?!” He takes a deep breath, pinching the bridge of his nose. “YN got that for me, we were supposed to make those together.” His voice is as whiny as his volume will allow, and he struggles not to stomp his feet. 

“Oh, you were? How’d that work out?” Jay’s words are cutting. 

“Okay, ouch.” 

“Dude, it was expiring next week. Plus, Yunjin just looked so cute when she saw it—I had to.” 

“What if I wanted to make them this week?” 

“You’ve had the box for two years,” Jay reminds him. “Think of Yunjin.” 

With a sigh, Heeseung actually does think of Yunjin. Although the girl he envisions is different from the one Jay wants him to imagine. 

They met on the first day of university. She had a guitar strapped to her back, and a huge amp in hand when she approached him. Her eyes were wide with nervousness or excitement; Heeseung couldn’t tell which. Immediately, she extended her free hand for him to shake. “Yunjin,” she said. 

“No.” He shook his head while pointing at himself. “Heeseung.” From the way she laughed at his stupid joke, he knew she was the next girl Jay would fall for.

Jay had a habit of falling in love with the first girl to do something nice for him on any given day. And then the next girl. But after hearing Yunjin talk about her gap year, spent learning guitar seriously, Heeseung had a feeling things were going to change for his friend. He was right. 

The memory, along with the satisfaction of having figured those two out from the beginning, brings a warm smile to Heeseung’s face. “You owe me.” 

“Yeah, whatever. I owe you,” Jay scoffs, though the slight furrow in his brow suggests genuine remorse. “Just so you know, they weren’t special or anything.. just pancakes, you know?” 

Heeseung chuckles despite himself. “Are you trying to make me feel better?” 

“Maybe a little,” Jay shrugs. To his credit, it works. 

At least until Heeseung’s stomach grumbles, a noisy reminder of why they’re standing there in the first place. He also learns the hard way that the fridge starts to beep when you leave it open too long. Jay laughs through his nose, closing the door with his elbow. 

“What are we eating?” 

Jay seems to think about this for a minute, tilting his head and suggesting McDonald’s. 

If asked, Heeseung probably wouldn’t have said he pictured spending the morning of his twentieth birthday squished between Jake and Sunghoon in a sticky booth, but he’s here and can’t find anything to complain about as he inhales his breakfast. Too caught up in the way his hoodie drapes over you, he listens half-heartedly as you all quiz Jay on his night. It seems like he’s being pretty tight-lipped about the whole thing but the dreamy grin on his face is hard to miss. 

Eventually, you all pile back into Jay’s car, with Heeseung sitting shotgun as a birthday gift, that he doesn’t get to fully enjoy because he falls asleep as soon as the car starts moving. He sinks into the front seat, a contented smile playing on his lips as the warmth of the sun and his full stomach lull him into a peaceful nap. 

At home, he thanks Jay before crawling into bed where he replies to messages before letting his head fall into the pillow.

His eyes don’t even close all the way before you come into the room. “Can I nap in here?” 

Heeseung nods, watching you get comfortable under his duvet. In a matter of seconds, you’re just an arm’s reach away, softly snoring with your back to him. Meanwhile, he spends four hours laying completely still, trying to convince himself that the heat radiating from your sleeping form doesn’t make him miss you more. 

At around 3 p.m. when everyone wakes up, you and the boys hurry away for various mumbled reasons, leaving Heeseung home alone, trying to practise his surprised face for whenever you’re all back with cake and a gift. 

You don’t return until Heeseung’s hair has started to dry after his shower, but you waste no time shuffling around the kitchen before coming back with a pretty cake and real candles with a real flame, singing for him again. With the way Jake’s rushing him, Heeseung can’t come up with a wish in time, so blows out the candles with a clear mind. 

“Woo!” Jake cheers, clapping around a wrapped present that he immediately thrusts into Heeseung’s hands. “Open it!” 

He barely gets to peel the first piece of tape before he jumps off the couch and kneels down next to him. “It’s LEGO! The Infinity Gauntlet, you know? And the best part is..” Jake pauses dramatically. “You get to put it together with your best friend, Jake! Right now!” His excitement is endearing even though he’s ruined the surprise. “The others can help too, I guess.” 

You frown at him. “I paid for the kind lady at the LEGO store to gift wrap that for us.” 

“Yeah, and she did great!” Jake grins. “Can I help you open it? Please, Heeseung, please. You’re taking forever.”

With a smile, Heeseung hands the box to Jake, letting him open it carefully before Sunghoon joins in, tearing the paper to shreds all while Jay records the whole moment like a proud father. All five of you are sitting on the floor now, covered in wrapping paper while Jake holds the LEGO set up like it’s his, blinking hard at the camera with a smile on his face, and it’s Heeseung’s favourite birthday yet. 

my girl: who wants to take me on a date?

Heeseung knows he should probably change your contact name but the notification still makes his cheeks burn in a way he thinks he likes.

jake: heeseung probably 

jake: idk tho

my girl: ok heeseung come to the museum with me for class

sunghoon: next time open with the museum thing holy shit.. i almost fucking volunteered

heeseung: when?

my girl: i would have rejected you hoon

my girl: whenever ur free !

Heeseung’s schedule always has a way of clearing up when it comes to you, and he skips pick-up with Mark to pick you up at your door that evening. You answer right when Heeseung knocks, sliding some rings onto your fingers with a smile on your face, saying, “Hello.” 

“You..” Heeseung swallows, nodding his head. He’s doing his best not to check you out but he really can’t help it when your jeans seem to fit like they were made for you. “Hi,” he whispers. 

“Hey.” 

He clears his throat, finally managing to unstick his gaze from your thighs and gestures in the direction of the stairs. “Shall we?” 

At the train station, you don’t object when Heeseung pays for your ticket, he didn’t mean to, his finger just clicked through for two tickets instead of one. He’s happy when you don’t make a big deal about it, only smiling and thanking him when he hands you the ticket. He stands close behind you, protective, letting the peak-time commuters nudge past him instead of you as you wait in line for the only working ticket barrier. You go through first and Heeseung quietly follows, trying to keep his eyes off your ass and praying that the rest of the day goes by more comfortably than it’s started. 

The train is packed too, so you stand by the doors and, again, Heeseung stands maybe a little closer than necessary, his arm above his head gripping the yellow handrail. “Why did you want to go to the museum anyway?” he asks, gulping when you look up at him. 

“I’ve always liked museums.” You shrug, playing with the buttons on your cardigan. 

“I know, it’s just.. You said earlier you wanted to go for one of your classes.” 

“Right. It’s a requirement for one of them. Visualising Culture,” you explain, looking him in the eyes. Suddenly nervous, he doesn’t trust his voice to speak so he nods, keeping his gaze fixed on yours. “Museum and Exhibition Studies.” 

“Cool.” 

“Yeah.” You nod and turn your head from him, looking through the window. 

Your eyes are stuck on the trees outside, blurring into each other, and his eyes are stuck on the side of your face, staring shamelessly for the rest of the journey. A tinny voice announces the name of the station you’re approaching, and you nudge Heeseung gently, a silent signal that it’s time to leave. Silence seems to follow you out of the station and into the museum, but he tells himself he doesn’t mind. 

For the last hour, you’ve been looking at artwork without taking note of anything or making comments, all while Heeseung observes you, wondering what you’re supposed to be doing for class. “What’s the point of this trip?” he finally asks. 

Without backing away from the painting, you turn your head to look at him, raising a brow. “What do you mean?” 

“Like, what’s your task?”

You chew on your lip for a bit before looking back at the painting. He can’t help but wonder if in all your time away you’ve been flexing some sort of elitist muscle, or if it’s come about as a result of your fancy exhibition studies class that you had to take a test to be accepted into. Finally, you lean away from the painting and use your phone to take a picture of the blurb before looking at him again. 

“I wanted an excuse to get someone to come to the museum with me and I wanted it to be you.” 

Your words are so cute and so honest that his heart warms in his chest, even as he ignores his sadness about the fact you felt like you needed an excuse to hang out. “You could have just asked me.” 

Considering his words, you frown, tilting your head at him. “You make it sound so easy.” 

“It is easy, or it should be, it’s us,” he says unthinkingly. Clearing his throat, he scratches the back of his neck. “I mean, that’s, like, the whole point of having friends, right? To hang out with them?” 

“Well.. yes. I just.. I don’t know.” 

Somehow, this makes perfect sense to Heeseung who only nods his head, moving on from the frame when you do. It’s nice watching you admire the art, to watch the soft smile that develops as your eyes scan the canvas. 

You like looking at the paintings when no one else is, to get up close and try spotting the brush strokes. You like imagining the artist and how they might have felt as they painted, and when the paint is thick, protruding from the canvas, when you can see streaks of yellow peeking through a sludgy green. You have a lot to say about the paintings and how they make you feel, and how they don’t make you feel, finding something you like in all of them.

After a while, you grab Heeseung’s hand and excitedly pull him through all the Ancient Egypt stuff, and he’s too happy that his fingers are locked with yours to worry about his aching feet anymore, and you’re so cute with your wide grin that he doesn’t have the heart to tell you he’d like to sit down. He hates you a little when the two of you take turns writing your names in hieroglyphs, and you somehow manage to maintain your neat handwriting. But you make up for it by writing his name too, drawing a pretty butterfly at the end that makes his heart race.

You start rambling about shabtis and how people were typically buried with a few, depending on their wealth and status, but Tutankhamun was buried with something like four hundred, and some of them were even painted to look like him. “Look at how pretty this one is,”  you say, grinning while holding your phone in his face with a picture of one. Your excitement peaks when you reach the big sarcophagus, and you let out a squeal when you open it and three kids run out, bursting into a fit of giggles. You’re excessively cute when you ask him to take a picture of you, and then make him take a video opening the front while you're ‘dead’ inside it. Which takes a few attempts because you’re laughing each time.

You tell him to delete those takes. He doesn’t.

Right when he’s expecting you to get out, you grab him by the wrist and pull him in with you, closing the front of it before letting go of him. Heeseung is certain he’s lived this exact moment before, but he was seventeen and you were giggling like crazy, feeling around in the dark for his shoulders to wrap your arms around before kissing him. He has no idea what he’s supposed to do or what you want him to do, and the feeling of your breath fanning his neck in the tight space isn’t helping. 

Silent minutes pass by like hours until a kid pulls the sarcophagus open. The light is blinding but Heeseung steps out, relieved, almost thanking the kid for saving him. You’re fiddling with your necklace and struggling to meet his eyes. When you do though, you shoot him an easy grin, laughing to yourself about nothing. 

“Do you want to get something to eat?” Drinks maybe?” you ask after a while, playing with the zipper on your jacket. 

Heeseung takes you to a restaurant where university students he’s only seen on Instagram walk around like they own the place. A tired-looking guy comes to take your orders before you even have a chance to take your coat off so Heeseung asks for a minute and the waiter leaves. There’s something in his demeanour though that makes it seem like you only have one full minute to make up your minds. 

“What do you want to drink?” you ask, holding the drinks menu out to him. 

Heeseung closes it, sitting it on the table. “Probably a beer.” 

You laugh at this. “You don’t have to act all manly in front of me.” There’s a soft look in your eyes like you mean it. 

“I actually like beer these days.” 

Your brows raise and your jaw drops before you utter the word whoa. 

“What?” he asks, suddenly self-conscious. 

You shrug, collecting yourself. “You’re just.. different now.” 

The very prospect of being different is shocking to Heeseung who prides himself on being pretty consistent with his behaviour. His brows knit together as he tilts his head. “Because I like beer?” he asks, scoffing slightly at the mere suggestion. 

“I mean, that’s part of it.” To his dismay, this seems to be the end of your sentence. He gives you a little nod, hoping you read his mind and elaborate like he wants you to. “You bleached your hair, pierced your cartilage, what’s next? Are you going to tell me you have a tattoo?” 

Heeseung feels his breath catch in his throat when you say the word tattoo but you don’t seem to notice. “It’s been a year,” he points out, folding the corner of his napkin, pressing his thumb against it with enough pressure to leave a defined fold and have it stick up a little when he lets go. 

“I know, it’s just.. weird, you know?” Your voice is small when you speak, soft and quiet, barely anything above the noise around you both.

Heeseung nods. He does know. 

“You’re weird too.” 

“How?” There’s a defensive tone to your voice that makes him chuckle. 

“You’ve always been weird.” 

A dramatic frown curves your lips and the waiter is back before you can object. Leaning forward slightly, he orders for both of you, the sharing platter of fried chicken, your French Martini, and his controversial draught beer. He doesn’t miss the way you raise your brows when he orders the beer, as if you’d been waiting to catch him out or something. After the waiter leaves, Heeseung meets your gaze briefly, matching the gentle smile on your lips before looking away. 

The drinks only take a few minutes and you thank the waiter before looking over at Heeseung, a mischievous glint in your eyes as you slide your cocktail over to him. “Do you want to try?” 

He nods, lifting the glass and moving the straw out of the way to take a sip from the rim. Nodding his head, he hums in approval, eyes widening. “It’s good.” 

You lean back in your seat, twirling the straw when he hands the drink back to you. “Yeah?” you ask, smiling triumphantly as if you made it yourself. “A normal person would’ve used the straw.” 

Heeseung can’t help but roll his eyes, liking the way you laugh. “Are you acting out because I called you weird?” 

“A little.” 

The waiter places the platter at the centre of the table with a small smile, that you match, clearly hungrier than you’d been letting on as you lick your lips at the sight of the chicken. Heeseung’s stomach grumbles quietly as the scent hits his nose and he feels like he hasn’t eaten in days when a plate lands in front of each of you. A comfortable familiarity settles over him when he lets you pick first, and he knows you feel it too from the sweet smile you give him before eyeing the food. You take a while considering every wing, even though all of the pieces are scarily identical, before picking one and Heeseung follows, choosing with much less care than you, but enjoying it nonetheless.

Under your light-hearted scrutiny, he orders a cocktail the next time the waiter comes around. It’s much better than his beer, and so quickly, one cocktail turns into two until both you and Heeseung are four drinks in, laughing over nothing and putting in an effort not to slur your words together. 

Time seems to pass at the same rate as your drinks, though neither of you seems to notice until you check the time on your phone and your mouth falls into a gasp. Heeseung does the same when you show him your screen, you only have ten minutes to make the fifteen-minute walk back to the station so you can catch the last train. 

He gets up to settle the bill as quickly as humanly possible before you grab him by the hand and book it out of the restaurant. Though breathless, he knows he can’t let up, running as fast as his legs will carry him as he tugs you along behind him. Somehow you still have it in you to cackle every time either of you trips up. 

Out of breath, you both slump into the first seats you find, sobering up a little after the run. He looks at you and feels his heart snag in his chest. “You okay?” he asks, huffing out a breath that pushes his bangs into the air.

“No,” you whine, pouting and resting your head on Heeseung’s shoulder. He lets his head rest on top of yours reaching his hand out to grab your own. He squeezes it gently, in a way he hopes is comforting. You lock your fingers with his before he can pull away and Heeseung’s heart starts pounding again. 

He doesn’t realise you’ve fallen asleep until the train reaches your stop and you don’t react. He doesn’t want to wake you up, nor does he want to let go of your hand, but he knows he has to. Heeseung nudges you gently, rousing you from your sleep. “Let’s go,” he mumbles. 

Stretching your arms above your head, you nod while yawning. 

You take tired steps alongside him on the short walk back to your apartment, not saying anything until you reach your doorstep when you yawn once more, looking up at him. “I actually had fun today, thanks for hanging out with me.” 

“Actually?” Heeseung raises a brow. “Did you think you wouldn’t?” 

You shrug, chewing on your lip. “I thought it might be awkward.” 

“It kind of was.” 

“Maybe,” you admit with a nod. “It was a pretty successful first date though.” Your eyes are like saucers as your hand flies up to cover your mouth. “Not in that way. I’m only saying ‘date’ because that’s what I said in the chat—I would’ve called it a date if Hoon came with me, you know? I didn’t see this as a date if that’s what you’re thinking. Because it wasn’t. And I didn’t.” 

“Mhm,” Heeseung hums with a sceptical look on his face, finding amusement in watching you scramble to correct yourself. “First dates are always awkward, baby, don’t worry.” The endearment slips out before he can help it, his heart stopping in his chest until he sees you smiling. 

“Well, yeah, but this wasn’t a date, baby.” 

“Are you sure? I mean, you made me pay for your train ticket, I paid for dinner and drinks. As far as first dates go, I’ve been a perfect gentleman all night.” 

“That you have.” You nod once, firmly. “I’m not going to pay you back or anything. And this is hardly our first date.” 

Heeseung grins despite himself. “Is this your way of saying I can bill you for our other dates? Do you have savings?” 

Your head falls back in laughter, the sound infectious as it falls from your lips. You sigh softly, straightening up after a beat and nudging his shoulder with your fist. “Stop making me laugh or I’ll do something stupid like kiss you.” 

His heart races in his chest, caught between your laugh and the thought that maybe that wouldn’t be such a bad thing. “I feel like if we pulled up a typical date timeline we’d be right on track for that, don’t you think?” 

“Heeseung,” you mumble, face softening. It doesn’t seem like you’re finding this funny anymore. Your gaze locks on his lips — a hyper focus that makes him press them together nervously — before snapping up to meet his eyes. You gulp. “Goodnight, thank you for today.” 

“Anytime.” 

“Don’t say that or I’ll take you up on it.” 

Heeseung shrugs. “You say that like I’d have a problem with it.” 

“You wouldn’t?” 

“Never.” 

A small laugh comes through your nose as you smile up at him. “I’ll see you, let me know when you get home.” 

“Got it.” 

Wordlessly, you open the door, crossing the threshold before saying goodnight again. Heeseung says it back, watching you shut the door and waiting for the lock to click before he leaves. 

He’s never drinking with you again. 

Heeseung feels like he’s settling into the role of your friend quite well. So well that he can spend time alone with you without the discomfort he felt in September. Maybe he’s taking liberties, bending the word friendship to suit him, but as you lie in his bed together, your head on his chest as you nap, he can’t bring himself to care too much. He knows he’ll get hurt by this at some point, but for now, he’s just happy to play with your hair and try his best to fall asleep too. You don’t stir when Jay opens the door, stopping dead in his tracks at the sight before him, tilting his head before closing the door quietly. 

Sleep never reaches him, but he pretends to yawn, rubbing at his eyes when your alarm wakes you up, making a point to stretch his arms over his head and only respond to you in a lazy mumble when you speak. “Whose idea was it to nap between classes, again?”

“I think it was yours.”

“Damn,’ you mumble, yawning again before laying back down, head returning to his chest as if drawn by a magnet. “I think ten more minutes, fifteen, and then we wake up and go back.” 

“Or we could skip?” 

The suggestion makes you jolt upright, fully awake now. You let your eyes drag over his face, and maybe Heeseung’s being hopeful or straight-up imagining things, but your gaze lingers on his lips for more than a few seconds before you gulp and meet his eyes. “Lee Heeseung trying to skip class? I never thought I’d see the day.” A smile spreads over your lips, turning into a laugh as you throw your head back. “That was funny, Hee. Let’s go.’

Heeseung’s brows furrow, watching you stretch your arms out in front of you. Was it so hard to believe he would skip class if it meant spending more time with you? His lips settle into a pout. “I’m serious.”

“No, you’re scaring me. Come on, let’s go,” you say, making no attempts to get up. 

To prove a point, Heeseung shifts under the covers, lying on his side with his back to you. “You go ahead, I’m staying.” 

You sigh but don’t get out of bed, only lying down next to him and draping an arm over his waist. “Ten more minutes.” You press yourself against his back and he feels his heart racing. As quickly as he feels it, you stiffen behind him. “I’m not crossing a line, right? Holding you like this? It’s always been easier to sleep if you’re next to me,” you say into his shirt. 

Remembering the way you would cuddle into his side during sleepovers, his heart aches, wondering if you had endured the same sleepless nights as him. Heeseung only lifts your arm to turn onto his back, pulling you onto his chest like you had been earlier. “Fifteen,” he says. 

Seeing as neither of you bothered to set another alarm, you sleep through class, only waking up when it’s dark out and Jay comes back. “I bought dinner, come eat,” he says, leaving the door open on his way out. 

Wordlessly, you both peel yourselves from bed, dragging your feet to the kitchen to wash your hands before joining Jay in the living room. Heeseung sits cross-legged on the floor by the coffee table while you and Jay sit on the couch. He’s not awake enough to fully register your conversation over the rustle of plastic takeout bags and his sudden overwhelming hunger, but you’re telling Jay to shut up, mumbling something and he lets out an exaggerated groan, clutching his chest when Heeseung turns around to hand over your food. 

With his elbows on the table, he takes a bite from his burger and has to suppress a moan. Most of your conversation with Jay goes over his head and he doesn’t realise how much time has gone by until you’re standing at the door pulling on your shoes. Given the way Jay’s lying on the couch, Heeseung assumes he’s on walking-you-home duty and grabs a jacket before stuffing his feet into Jay’s slides. 

The conversation is light as you walk together, Heeseung making sure he’s on the edge of the pavement the whole time and letting you talk about your friends. The walk has become so natural now that he only realises you’re approaching home when you take out your key to open the door to your building. 

“Do you want to meet before class tomorrow? To go over the slides we missed today?” you ask, with something behind your eyes that Heeseung sleepily interprets as hope. 

He nods, smiling at you and waiting for you to lock the door before he leaves. 

Jay’s awake when Heeseung gets back home; he can’t say he’s surprised. Heeseung only nods at Jay, who sits on the couch, but he knows his flatmate well enough to know there’s a conversation coming because the TV is off and his laptop is shut. Heeseung makes it all the way to his door before Jay says anything. “You’re in way over your head.” 

Heeseung sighs, not in the mood. “Okay. Night,” he says, opening the door. 

By the time November arrives and Jake’s birthday approaches, everything is back to normal again. Turning nineteen, Jake celebrates with a modest pub crawl that spirals into a three-day bender, leaving him bedridden for nearly a week due to dehydration and fear of a test he’d forgotten to study for. 

In standard Jake fashion, he manages to bounce back and sits across from Jay at his favourite restaurant only six days after his actual birthday. Considering the state he was in, it’s a wonder he can stomach the smell of alcohol, let alone down four cocktails without a pause. Jay and Sunghoon exchange sighs, each supporting one of Jake’s sleeping arms on their shoulders to carry him home. 

“Cover the bill and let me know the amount. I’ll transfer you in the morning,” Jay mumbles before they leave. 

You shake your head when Heeseung asks if you want to go home as well. “Unless you want to,” you say, all of your words blending together. “If you want to go home, we can. I don’t want you sitting here bored or anything.” 

Heeseung smiles. “I’m not bored, we can stay as long as you like.” You seem to take this to heart, nodding and flagging down a waiter to order more drinks. “Let’s maybe slow down a little though,” he suggests. 

He pours you a glass of water and makes you drink the whole thing, withholding your alcohol until you’ve finished the cold tteokbokki in front of you. Gradually, you become more coherent, wiping your face with your hands and sitting up a little straighter. You thank him when he pours soju for you and take tiny sips from the glass here and there, telling Heeseung about some of the friends you made while you were away. There’s Yizhuo—sweet, funny, and down-to-earth. And Minjeong—a quiet girl who needed a while to warm up to new people. You tell him about meeting her for the first time, how unsure she seemed when Yizhuo introduced you two, but by the end of the night, she was falling asleep next to you in bed with her arms and legs tangled around you. 

“Do you miss them?” It’s a stupid question, anyone could tell from the fond smile on your face that you do. 

A beat passes while you think about it before shrugging. “Not as much as I missed being here.” If he wasn’t watching you, or looking you straight in the eye, he probably would’ve missed the longing in your gaze. 

He’s never known you to be subtle after a drink, and Heeseung knows he needs to nip this conversation in the bud before either of you says something you can’t take back. “How are you getting on with your research task?” he asks, while at the same time you say, “I’m so happy to be back.” 

A short laugh slips out of you, a hand falling to the table before wrapping around your glass. You bring it up to your face but don’t drink, only looking down into it as if it’ll tell you what to say. “Are you happy I’m back?” 

“Sure,” Heeseung says noncommittally. 

You sigh, sinking into your seat a little. “I loved you. I still love you,” you mumble. “Even after all that.” 

He’s not sure what to make of this, of anything you’re saying. It’s not like you had a messy breakup or anything. At least, he wouldn’t describe his long-term girlfriend breaking up with him and asking if they could be friends after as messy. Even in heartbreak, Heeseung was a reasonable person, and any reasonable person would’ve said no. Like he did. 

“I still.. You’re still the one for me.” 

His stomach lurches violently. “Don’t say that.” He gets out of his seat quicker than he means to and leaves you at the table, tapping his foot as he waits in line by the bar to pay the bill, praying he’s right about the two of you sitting at table ten when the cashier asks. With a folded receipt in his pocket and too much to think about, he returns to the table, only putting on his coat and mumbling, “Let’s go.” 

For some reason, you don’t seem to mirror his urgency, only finishing off the drink you had left in one go and sitting for a bit longer. He takes your jacket from the back of your chair and holds it open for you, helping you into it when you finally stand up. “Thanks,” you giggle.

Heeseung says nothing. 

The silence and fresh air outside are sobering as he watches an Uber driver through the app, very slowly moving from two minutes away to one before arriving. Maybe if you hadn’t said what you said at the table, he might have warmed to the idea of a forty-minute walk alone with you, but you did say those things and even the thought of this fifteen-minute car ride is unbearable when John (4.9 stars) pulls up on the curb outside. You thank Heeseung quietly when he opens the door for you, and against his better judgement, he walks over to the other side of the car and sits in the middle seat like he used to. 

Slow R&B murmurs through the speakers as the driver pulls off while Heeseung hums along. His thigh is pressed against yours but he does his best not to think about it, only chewing his lip when you rest your head on his shoulder. He lets his head rest on top of yours before regretting it.

He doesn’t move. 

It feels a little bit like the driver is playing Heeseung’s playlist, as every song he knows and loves seems to come on one after the other, steeping him in an odd comfort in the backseat of this car.

Your hand falls onto his knee so clumsily he’s sure it’s a mistake, so sure you’ll move it back into your lap that he’s genuinely surprised when you don’t. Unsure what to do, he chooses not to acknowledge it, acting like you sitting so close to him, like the feeling that no time has passed, doesn’t make his heart clench. Slowly but surely, your hand inches up his thigh—a motion Heeseung stops as soon as he realises, his hand falling heavily over yours and pushing it back to his knee. He thinks about keeping it there, but when he feels his thumb stroking your skin, he moves his hand immediately. You’ve obviously gotten the wrong idea. For a moment, he wonders if you’ve actually gotten the right idea. You have. But it can’t happen like this. After a few minutes, you move your hand again, and like before, Heeseung pushes it back, keeping his hand over yours and reminding himself not to move his thumb.

You’re drunk. This will pass. 

Finally, the driver parks outside your building, and Heeseung’s sure his “thank you so much” holds the world’s sincerity in it as he unbuckles his seatbelt and practically leaps out of the car. He opens your door and has to undo your belt for you, helping you out and thanking the driver again. 

There’s a couple leaving the building when the two of you reach the door, and with your arms wrapped around his, he thanks them when they hold it open.

The lift takes forever to come and Heeseung pushes the up button five times before it arrives. He lets the girl in fleecy pyjamas with a takeout bag in her hand go in first before following, pressing the button reading 7 before relaxing a bit. Under the protection of a stranger, he knows you won’t do anything. The journey to your floor feels like hours as the lift drags its way up the shaft—why does nothing share his urgency? 

You don’t say anything until the elevator door swooshes shut behind you. “I love you, Heeseung. You know I love you.” You’re saying everything he’s been wanting you to say for ages, but the words make his words sting. 

“Do you know where your keys are?” he asks, though you still have a ways to go before you reach your door. 

“My pocket,” you mumble. 

Heeseung finds your keys, unlocks the door and helps you in. As much as he wants to leave, he knows if he does, you won’t take your makeup off or change, so he holds your hair back for you as you brush your teeth and wash your face in the sink quietly. 

In your bedroom, you search through your drawers, pulling out something to wear. He turns his back to you and ends up face-to-face with an old photo of the two of you from school. 

“You can look, Hee.”

Drawn to the picture, he doesn’t reply. The boys are in it too, but it feels like you two are the focus. Everyone’s smiling at the camera except Heeseung, who — with his arm around you — stares at the side of your face with a lopsided smile. Happiness radiates from his being, lighting his eyes and face.

“I want you to look.” The softness and desperation in your voice tug his heart.

“Come on ba—” Heeseung sighs. “Just get dressed, yeah?” 

You don’t say anything but he can hear the rustle of your clothes as you change. 

Jealousy blooms in his chest, looking at himself three years ago. Happy and full of love for you and your friends, for life. Everything was so easy then. His chest tightens and he has to close his eyes.

Heeseung feels you next to him, hears your jewellery falling into the clay holder on your dresser and opens his eyes, looking at you. You’re in a t-shirt he’s sure belongs to Jake and struggling with the clasp on your necklace. He knows you want him to help but he feels like he can’t move.

“I know you don’t want to hear it, but I really do want to be with you,” you say when you finally get the necklace off. “And I know I’m too late, but I didn’t break up with you because I didn’t want to be with you.” 

You’re so close the peppermint on your breath hits him like a wave. A distinct smell of citrus and summer, of Jake, comes from your body, mixed up with the scent of you in a way that makes him uneasy. 

He gets a headache trying to make sense of your words, if it wasn’t that you didn’t want to be with him, then what was it? Even back then, you didn’t elaborate, you just repeated his name and the words: it’s not your fault, over and over until they sounded made up. Heeseung can’t entertain this conversation, not now. Not when you’re drunk and looking up at him with longing in your eyes. “I think we need to get you to bed,” Heeseung mumbles, taking a step back. “I’ll get you some water.”

“But I’m here now and we can be together again.”

“You moving was never the problem. You know that wasn’t the problem.” A tear slips down your cheek and he softens immediately. “I wanted to go with you, I was going to go with you.” 

You wipe your eyes with the back of your hand, frowning. “This university was your dream. How could I let you give up your scholarship for me?”

“You were my dream,” he admits. “And it wasn’t your decision to make.” 

“You would have made the wrong one.” 

Heeseung scoffs. “Do you think breaking up was the right one?” 

Your silence is brutally telling. You squeeze your eyes shut as if trying to magic yourself out of the conversation, but it only makes more tears fall. A realisation hits him like a truck: you’re thinking about it. A painful lump forms in his throat. How could you have anything to think about? How was breaking up with him, not the single worst decision you’ve ever made? He can’t believe you could have let go so easily if you loved him. Long distance wouldn’t have been easy, but surely if you loved him, you would have made it work. You would have tried. Heeseung wishes he hadn’t asked at all.

“I do,” you say finally, opening your eyes to look at him.

His heart is heavy in his chest. “Okay.”

“Heeseung.”

“What?” 

A stomach-churning sob falls out of you. “I don’t know.” 

Another silence weighs the room down and Heeseung knows what he needs to do. He sighs. “Let’s just.. I should go.” 

You don’t put up a fight, you don’t say anything, only letting your shoulders droop before you sigh and lead Heeseung to the front door. He says goodbye as he puts his shoes on and all you do is watch as he leaves your apartment. He waits for you to close the door and lock it before walking away.

Heeseung walks all the way home and only cries when he closes his door, sliding down the back of it like something from a movie. With tears in his eyes, and his knees to his chest, he pulls out his phone to text you. I hope your hangover isn’t too bad, he types. Let’s only talk when we need to.

The two of you manage to hold this up, with you finding others to sit with during classes, and no one seeming to question Heeseung’s skipping plans or new close friendship with Mark’s group who he spends time with between classes instead. But as always, things have a funny way of going different to how Heeseung expected them to. 

After three weeks of near radio silence, Jay barges into his room with his face scrunched up. “What are you doing?” 

“Right now?” Heeseung asks, confused. Standing by the bed with the corner of his duvet in his hand, in nothing but his underwear, he thinks his plans look a little obvious. “I’m about to jerk off.”

Jay rolls his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest. “You know what I mean.” 

“Evidently, I do not.” 

“Why don’t you hang out with us anymore?” he asks, squinting at Heeseung. 

“We’re hanging out right now.”

“Forgive me if I don’t count an impromptu circle jerk as hanging out.”

“I don’t.. want to do that.”

Jay clutches his chest. “I’m crushed.” 

Heeseung studies his expression. Serious, an inch of concern pooling in his eyes. “We dated for six years, she dumped me, I turned into a shell of myself, but she moved back home and we’re all friends again, so I think things are looking up for me.”

A deep sigh leaves Jay as he sits on the bed. “What happened at the bar with YN three weeks ago when we all left?” 

“Nothing out of the ordinary.”

“What exactly counts as ordinary for you two?”

Heeseung’s still trying to figure that out. He shrugs. “Making the right decisions.” 

“So you’re okay?”

“Never better.’

“You don’t have to lie to me, you know?” There’s a sincere look on Jay’s face as he leans back on his hands.

“Which is why I’m being honest.” 

It doesn’t seem like Jay’s going to let this go, but to Heeseung’s surprise, he smiles. “Perfect,” he says, standing up from the bed and walking over to the mirror where he checks himself out. “Because she and the guys are going to be here in ten. Put some clothes on.”

He does just that, pulling some shorts over his hips and a shirt over his head before pulling the two bean bag chairs stacked next to the couch to sit in front of the TV, claiming one of them with his body by sinking into it. The cosy material is soft against his thighs and he wonders why they don’t use them more. 

Ten minutes go by like seconds when Jay gets up to answer the door, laughing at something one of you says before leading you all into the living room. He’s watching some show Jay left on, greeting you and the boys with a wave before turning back to the TV. Behind him, the four of you laugh and talk on the couch but Heeesung’s too wrapped up in an argument on screen to join in. His attention only falters when he reaches for the open six-pack on the coffee table. It’s barely out of his reach, so he turns around to take a beer, trying to ignore the way his heart sinks in his chest seeing you and Jay cuddled up together. It’s friendly, he knows that. Jay’s with Yunjin and you’re.. He’s still not sure, but it hurts nonetheless. You’re bickering over a bowl of popcorn and he only laughs when you throw a handful at him. 

The red speaker Sunghoon’s holding chimes three times when he turns it on, a Frank Ocean thudding out of it that drowns out the show he’s watching, leaving him to follow along with the subtitles instead. But he can’t focus. 

Heeseung tries to settle his heartache, comforting himself with the thought of the two of you in another reality. One where it’s him instead of Jay. Or one where you come over and sit with him, curling up in his lap, pouting because Jay’s being mean. He pictures himself stroking your hair and kissing away your pout, holding you into his chest when Jake and Sunghoon start teasing you. In this reality, however, he watches you peel Jay’s shirt from his chest and dump a handful of popcorn in the gap, cackling to yourself at the clear frustration he doesn’t verbalise. Heeseung sighs, looking back at the TV and taking a sad sip of his sad beer. 

After a while, you fall into the beanbag next to him, sprawling out over the whole thing and looking at him. “Hey, Heeseung.” 

“Hello.” 

“I’m sorry about that night.” Your voice is quiet, clearly apologetic if the way you don’t meet his eyes is anything to go by.

“Okay.” Heeseung nods and a beat passes. “I meant what I said, what I texted you.” It hurts to say but it’s for the best. He stands up out of the beanbag, making a show of stretching his arms and legs before sinking into the couch next to Jake. Over Jake’s slouched form, Jay shoots him a look, arching a brow. Heeseung only stages a chuckle, shrugging before looking at the TV again. He can’t make sense of anything on the screen. 

Sunghoon emerges from Jay’s room with a grin on his face, asking when you’re going to eat. In standard fashion, the four of you stand around Jay in the kitchen, bothering him by telling him what to do like he’s a child as he puts frozen pizza and some garlic bread in the oven. 

“The middle one’s the timer,” Jake says, pointing at the knobs above the oven door. “It’s there so you can set how long the food needs to cook for, and after you set it, it’ll go off so you know it’s ready.”

“But it’s all up to you and your discretion. You can open the door whenever you want to check on everything,” you coo, patting his shoulder.

If Jay’s actually annoyed, nothing about his smile gives it away as he nods with a clenched fist, closing the door and sitting next to Heeseung on the countertop. Heeseung’s almost too busy focusing on the way his beer heats his stomach to notice the way you watch him with a small frown from barely an arm’s length away. Sunghoon picks up on your declining mood and thrusts an open bottle into your hand. “We like to drink with—” He’s cut off by Jay taking the bottle and setting it behind you on the counter, mumbling cut it out, dude, and tugging you out of the kitchen by the arm when he notices the tears in your eyes. 

He hears Jay’s door close and nobody says anything until the timer goes off and Jay comes back alone, filling a plate with food and going back to his room. 

“Thanks for dinner,” Jake says to the back of Jay’s head, offbeat and half smiling as he washes his hands in the sink. 

Sitting at the table, he watches Jake and Sunghoon eat while pretending nothing’s wrong. 

At the end of the night, when everyone’s gone home, Heeseung gets into bed, barely managing to pull the duvet up when there’s a knock at his door. “Yeah?” he calls out. Jay appears with his arms crossed over his chest. “I don’t want to talk about it,” he says quickly. 

Jay regards him with a frown. “I didn’t even say anything.” 

“You were going to.” 

“Yeah.” He nods, and Heeseung prepares himself for a lecture. “I was going to say, I’m going home next week, for Christmas, so I was wondering if you wanted to go with me.” 

The holidays go by in a soju and tteokguk-filled blur, with Heeseung choosing to stay at home until the day of his first class of the second semester so he doesn’t have to be around you. He tells himself it’s for the good of your friend group, as he watches you all make plans in the group chat through notification bubbles, so he doesn’t leave a read receipt. 

The commute is more jarring than he realised. What had been a twenty-minute drive turns into an hour-long journey, including a thirty-minute walk to the train station ‘near’ house, fifteen minutes on the train into the city centre, and another fifteen minutes on foot to campus. He’s drenched in sweat despite the below-zero temperature and has to make a stop to the bathroom to sort himself out.

He arrives early at least, finding the room where his Ethnography: Theory and Practice 2 class is set to start in fifteen minutes. The only indicator that he’s in the right place is the lecturer’s name and contact information written in the top corner of a whiteboard, and Heeseung picks the seat furthest from the door. It’s an elective class and, judging by the nine empty chairs next to him, not a very popular one. He’s relieved at least that he’ll be able to start off the semester without running into anyone he knows, least of all you. As seats start filling up and the lecturer arrives, he’s feeling unusually lucky. 

So, of course, you show up, running a hand through your hair as you walk through the open door, apologising for being late even though there are still two minutes until the class is scheduled to begin. Of course, the only empty seat is the one next to him, which you sit in without looking at him, making an effort to angle your body away from him. Of course, the lecturer assigns a presentation for two weeks time, pairing the class with the person they’re sitting beside. Neither you nor Heeseung say a word to each other, but you raise your hand when prompted to pick a topic to cover. He can’t help his irritation at you for making the decision without asking him, but you look so nice in your hoodie with your hair tied up that his annoyance settles before it has a chance to bloom. 

“YN YLN and Heeseung Lee, we’ll do music and cultural expression,” you say, picking the topic he wanted to do anyway. 

When class is over, you’re quick to get out of your seat, pulling on your jacket and stuffing your laptop back into your bag before leaving so quickly that Heeseung has to leave his stuff behind to go after you. You don’t stop walking when he calls out your name, and too scared to make a scene, he overtakes you, leaving you with no option but to stop in front of him. 

“We should go to the library, get the research and shit out of the way ASAP,” he suggests.

You nod, crossing your arms over your chest. 

“Yeah, okay, I’m going to get my stuff.”

You follow him back to class, watching from the door as he puts his things in his bag before putting on his jacket. You don’t say anything on the walk to the library, when you get there, or when you browse the Cultural Studies section. Heeseung glances at you and you’re chewing on your lip, crouching a bit to read the spines of the books on the lower shelves. “Are you alright?” he asks with genuine concern. 

You look up at him, nodding. 

“Are you sure? Because you haven’t said anything in an hour.”

This makes you straighten up, your brows furrowing in an expression he can’t figure out. “Sorry, Heeseung,” you say, your voice weak. “I’m just trying to figure out if you think I need to talk right now.” 

“Obviously, a paired project is a situation where we need to talk.” 

You sigh, muttering oh, my God, before you look at him. “You know what, I’m going home. Let’s do this tomorrow.” 

“We have class in twenty minutes.” 

“Yeah, I’ll read the slides when I get in.”

Unsure what to say, he watches you walk away, deciding that he should just go home too. 

At the flat he hasn’t seen in five weeks, Heeseung feels slightly out of place, going straight to his room and into bed, not even getting up when he hears Jay coming home. Jay opens the door without knocking, his mouth falling into an excited ‘o’ shape. “Hey, stranger,” he says. “I thought you weren’t coming back, so I started advertising your room on Gumtree.” 

“Any offers?”

“No one as good as you.” Heeseung doesn’t have to look at Jay to know he’s smiling. “Move over,” he mumbles, lifting the duvet. 

Lazily, he rolls over in bed, making room for Jay who makes himself comfortable under the covers. 

“What are you doing, Heeseung?” 

“Trying to sleep.” 

“Talk to me, help me understand.” Jay sighs and Heeseung’s lips curl into a frown. “You’re my best friend,” Jay says quietly, with a tenderness that strikes him. 

“You’re my best friend,” Heeseung repeats like an affirmation. 

“So why won’t you talk to me?”

There’s a subtle hurt in Jay’s voice that upsets Heeseung, who shifts around to lie on his back. “I don’t think there’s anything I can tell you that YN hasn’t already.” 

“She only told me that she fucked up.”

Hearing it from someone else’s mouth makes it sound drastic, especially considering he’s the one who left. Again. But he’s too bitter to say that out loud so he bites his tongue. “Seems to be the theme in our relationship.” The words taste rotten when he says them.

“Just because you’re my best friend doesn’t mean you get to be a dick,” Jay says. “What happened?” 

It takes some time but Heeseung explains everything, letting Jay ask questions and make comments until the end when he looks away, pressing his eyes shut and saying, “Oh.” 

“Oh?”

“I don’t think I get it. Boy loves girl. Girl loves boy. Why can’t you just be together already?”

Everything sounds painfully simple when it’s put like that. But there’s too much between you both for it to go that way. It’s not like he didn’t want to be with you when you confessed, it’s that he didn’t know how he could without knowing why you left him in the first place. Without knowing what he did that was so terrible you couldn’t stand to be in a relationship with him, never mind the same area code. 

A beat passes before Heeseung speaks. “There was something wrong, and instead of trying to fix it, she just.. gave up. I would’ve done anything she asked me to. I could’ve changed, could’ve fixed things, but she didn’t even tell me.” 

“Maybe she didn’t feel like she could. I don’t think she wanted to hurt you, Heeseung.” 

“But she did.” 

“Yeah,” Jay admits, sympathy lacing the word. 

“How can I be with her knowing there’s some awful part of me she hates?” 

“It’s not like that, not really.” 

“What’s it like then?”

“I’m not sure it’s my place to say.” 

Heeseung laughs, shaking his head. “Do you keep my secrets as dutifully as you keep hers?” 

“Are you kidding? She doesn’t even know you have secrets.” Jay sounds exhausted as he speaks, and it’s the last sound to come from him until a few minutes pass and Heeseung hears him snoring. 

You didn’t reply when Heeseung texted you asking to meet in the library before class, but you show up anyway, pulling out the seat across from him and dumping your bag on the table. “I don’t know if you saw the email, but the partner work is just for the presentation.” 

“Cool.” he nods, relieved. 

“I think after that, I’ll start hanging out with Yunjin instead, so you’re not uncomfortable.” 

Heeseung frowns, shaking his head. “I’m not uncomfortable around you,” he says. “I just don’t.. get you. You dump me and move as far away as you can. Now you’re back and what? You love me again?” 

You furrow your brows, inspecting him for a moment before you speak. “I don’t love you again, Heeseung. I’ve loved you this whole time.” 

“So why didn’t you choose me? I just wanted you to choose me.” He’s too anxious to know the truth to worry about how desperate he must sound. Until he notices that the guys sitting at the other end of the tables are watching him, their brows arched sharply in a mixture of shock and curiosity. Heeseung runs a hand over his face, hoping the motion might wipe away the flush burning his cheeks.

“You wanted me to choose you over my future?” 

“I could’ve been your future, part of it. I’d never ask you to choose me over university, you know I wouldn’t. I’m saying you could’ve had both.” 

“It wasn’t as easy as that.” 

“Why not?” 

“Heeseung,” you say like it’s an answer. 

“Just tell me why you didn’t want me. That’s all I want to know.” 

The following silence makes him consider packing up abruptly and faking an emergency. He’s sure he could probably fake his death if he slumps in his chair slowly enough. 

You sigh heavily, interrupting his train of thought—now, he’s wondering if he even wants to know. “Because you would’ve put me first,” you say, avoiding his gaze. “If I stayed here or moved away, I would’ve been your top priority and I couldn’t let you throw away everything you worked for, for me.” 

“I loved you, of course, you were my top priority.” He can’t believe he even has to say it, can’t believe you might have thought you weren’t the single most important thing in his life. 

“Heeseung, you were sacrificing your life for me. You missed your cousin’s engagement party to help me study for a history test, you deferred your scholarship entry by a year just so we could go to college at the same time. How could I keep letting you miss out on your life?” 

“Deferring my entry wasn’t just for you,” he lies. “And it’s not like I missed the wedding.” 

“But I think you would’ve if I stubbed my toe.”

“Would that be such a bad thing?” 

You sigh again, shaking your head. “Do you hear yourself? You can’t keep living like that, you can’t just throw everything away. You’re such a hard worker, Heeseung, and I’d hate to see you waste that over some girl.” 

“But you’re you. You weren’t just ‘some girl’ you were my girl.” He doesn’t mean to say it but it’s true. “We were in high school and I was studying constantly; it didn’t matter back then. And you were so far away, it’s not like I could feasibly drop everything and go to you every time something happened.” 

“Heeseung.” 

“You had a choice.” 

“Heeseung.” 

The way you’re saying his name reminds him of your breakup—the pink walls of your childhood bedroom and the pictures of the two of you stuck up all over them, in frames on your desk, and stickers on your light switch. How they seemed to close in around him as he put all of his energy into staying on two feet, instead of falling to the floor and begging you on hands and knees to stay with him. 

“Why didn’t you just tell me? I’ve spent the last year and a half wondering what I did wrong, I don’t understand why you didn’t just tell me.” We could’ve tried, he wants to say. I could have changed and we could’ve tried. 

“I didn’t want you to lose that. I felt really lucky that you loved me like that, and I didn’t want to rob someone else of it, you know. I thought maybe you’d find a balance with someone someday, but I didn’t think that person would be me.” 

Heeseung has to put in an effort to stop his jaw from dropping. How could there ever be someone else? How could you ever think he could have someone else? There’s so much he wants to say, to ask, but he can tell by the way you press your lips together that you’re done with the conversation. 

“It’s not too late.” 

You tilt your head at him. “What?” 

“In your room that night, you said you were too late,” he explains. “I love you.”

“Still?” 

His heart shifts uncomfortably in his chest at the tone of your voice and the way your eyebrows shoot up. “Always,” he says. 

A smile starts to curve your lips, but it slips before it has a chance to bloom, stifled happiness that you cover with your hands, hiding your face completely. “I don’t think we should talk about this here.” Your palms muffle the words but not their impact; you’re right and he knows it. 

It’s been a year—the longest of his life, and the hard part is already over. He knows now and he’ll do anything he can to fix it. “Right.” Heeseung nods but you’re not looking at him. He’s going to fix it. For now, though, he says, “What’s our research topic again?” Despite having had Music and Cultural Expression typed into the search bar since before you arrived. 

With Heeseung’s work ethic and your commitment to being the best, the presentation goes quite smoothly. You make no mistakes, and Heeseung, distracted by how pretty you look in professional attire, manages to stumble through the script he’d rehearsed. The two of you even win the first place prize — satisfaction that you got a perfect score — and celebrate with coffee afterwards. 

Between the four walls of the campus café, you and Heeseung sip lattes that taste like temperature — still too hot to have a real flavour — and laugh with each other about something Jay said when you all hung out last night. Neither of you mentions your conversation from two weeks ago, deciding instead to fall into the patterns of your first term together: napping in his bed after class and coming up with excuses for alone time. He makes an effort to follow through with his commitments, even when you ask him to hang out, to show you that he’s different now. If you’ve noticed, you haven’t said anything about it, but Heeseung tells himself it’s a good thing while missing shots on the court with Mark, too hung up on you to focus on anything else. The only thing left is to figure out a way to be yours again and do everything he can to make sure he doesn’t lose you. 

Over your shoulder, through the window, the sun slips below the horizon, casting long shadows around the café. He takes a deep breath when he looks at you, smiling down at your phone as you take a picture of your half-drunk latte and the milky swirls still peeking through your coffee. A tangible determination settles in his chest as evening’s first stars appear in the sky, he knows one thing for sure: he has to grab the chance to be yours again with both hands, and once it’s his, he won’t let go this time. 

The café may be clearing out, but his heart is full of hope and for the time being, sitting with you as a friend is.. fine. 

You’d often imagined what it would be like if you hadn’t broken up with Lee Heeseung. 

Most of your first year was spent daydreaming about him in all of your usual hangouts. Sometimes, at drinks with your friends, you envisioned him showing up, a smile on his face as he apologised for being late. He’d slide into the booth next to you, wrap his arm around your shoulders and kiss your cheek. Other times you imagined him showing up to surprise you, sitting on a bench in the quad and grinning when he saw you leaving. He’d run up to you with open arms and a bouquet in his hand, wrapping you in a hug and whispering that he missed you too much to wait another day to see you. You would even fall asleep thinking about FaceTime calls that stayed on overnight or drunken texts after the club, misspelt I love yous and can’t wait to see yous filling your text thread. 

You didn’t tell your new friends much about him, briefly mentioning a partner you’d watched some film with or an artist he liked if they came up, and most nights were spent begging Jay to send you Heeseung’s social media posts and tell you every detail of the day they had without you. Based on accounts from Jay, Jake, and Sunghoon, it seemed like he was getting on well, a fact that — while hurtful — pushed you to try and do the same. After a month of avoiding your flatmates, you finally managed to connect with them, going to various social events around campus and rolling your eyes any time a drunk guy complimented you. 

This is why it took you by surprise to see him at Mark Lee’s party in the summer—sitting alone in the garden, in sweatpants and a flannel, looking at his phone with a deep frown etched over his lips. When you think about it, it feels like so long has passed since then and it’s hard to believe it wasn’t even a year ago. 

Being back in Heeseung’s life has been more challenging than you thought it would be when you filled out your transfer application. Especially in the weeks since you finished your presentation together, since you suggested the library might not have been the right place for the conversation you were having and never followed up on. 

Now doesn’t seem like the right time either—you’re sitting on the floor in Jake and Sunghoon’s living room with your back against the couch, sharing a blanket with Heeseung. Jay left about an hour ago to go to Yunjin’s, leaving the four of you to your own devices. You know you can’t bring it up with Jake and Sunghoon around, but you’ve had plenty of opportunities to over the last month. 

When you finished your celebratory lattes, Heeseung walked you home. The sky was a perfect inky black, and it was cold enough to see your breath, just the way he liked, so cold he offered you his jacket to wear. He didn’t say anything about it, only shrugging it off and setting it gently over your shoulders, shocking you so much that you stopped walking. The scent of his cologne, dark and woody, was overwhelming as you slid your arms into the sleeves, zipping it up and after three paces without you, Heeseung turned his head with wide eyes. You could have said it then, you wanted to say it then, but you bit your tongue and thanked him instead. He smiled, gulping when you closed the gap, you should have kissed him, he was close enough, his lips just a tip-toe and tilted head away, but you hugged him instead. 

After that, the two of you had all the time in the world together. Between your shared classes and going for meals alone. All the time you’d spend in his living room together, cosy on the couch when Jay would go to sleep. So many moments to talk, to get back together, but the words would die in your throat every time you thought them. It all seemed too cheesy or not cheesy enough, too dramatic or too casual, you couldn’t strike a balance and had no idea how to even find one. 

Last night was probably the most jarring occasion. Yunjin and Chaewon had been trying to convince you to go the club all week but you just weren’t in the mood. They seemed happy enough when you suggested hosting pres—but now you think they’d been hoping you’d be so drunk you’d just agree to go out. Yunjin brought half a litre of vodka and Chaewon brought a soup flask with enough murky cocktail in it to feed a small family. Together, the three of you drank and gossiped around the small table in your living room, with Chaewon’s phone in a glass to amplify her playlist. After taking a whiff of whatever she brought, you and Yunjin decided — for everyone’s wellbeing — to hide her flask and take shots of vodka, finishing off the cider you had left in the fridge. 

“Please come out,” Yunjin begged. “I’ll feel bad leaving you here, all pretty and drunk by yourself.” 

“I’ll feel bad too!” Chaewon added, clasping her hands. “Not bad enough to stay with you, but I’ll probably have less fun.” 

You shook your head. “I don’t even have an outfit.” The words were like music to their ears and you regretted them as soon as you said them. Both girls grabbed you by the hand, tugging you to your room and flinging open your wardrobe. Yunjin looked for a top and Chaewon for a skirt, though both of them gasped when they saw the dress you wore for Heeseung’s birthday. Chaewon pulled it from the rack, holding it out in front of her. 

“We won’t pay for anything if you wear this,” she squealed before she and Yunjin started chanting: Free booze! Free booze! 

You sighed, thinking of Heeseung and shook your head again. That dress, though beautiful, hadn’t been enough for him to lose all composure and skip the party in favour of fucking you into the mattress, and you didn’t love the idea of guys that weren’t him ogling you all night. “Anything but that dress.” 

Yunjin and Chaewon seemed sad, but you were able to distract them by bringing out the disaster cocktail the oldest girl brewed earlier, pouring each of them half a glass and ordering an Uber to come and take them away. You promised them you’d go out next time, locking your pinkies with theirs and closing the door behind them. 

Alone in your room, with nothing but thoughts of Heeseung to keep you company, you called him. He answered right away. You can’t remember exactly what you said but you remember the soft sigh he let out when you said it. You could practically see him tilting his head, weighing his options. 

“I’m trying to get a paper finished, it’s due Monday,” he said finally. 

“But it’s Thursday.” 

“Yeah, and I want to have my weekend free. If you’re still up when I’m done, I’ll come over, okay?” 

You nodded. “Okay.” 

Heeseung hung up after that and you got out of bed to clean up, hoping the time would fly. It didn’t, but your flat was clean again so you pretended not to mind. 

He called you after midnight. “Do you still want me to come over?” he asked, breathless. 

“Please.” There was a knock on your door after you spoke and you mumbled hold on before going to check it. Warped by the peephole, you saw Heeseung standing there, holding his phone to his ear and playing with the zipper on his jacket. He hugged you when you opened the door, asking if you were okay. “Perfect,” you said, looking into his eyes. 

His pretty face scrunched up and he pinched his nostrils shut with his fingers, turning his head. “Well, you smell like a distillery.”

Heeseung stood in the doorway of the bathroom while you brushed your teeth, grinning every time his eyes met yours in the mirror. Tell him now, you thought. You have to tell him now. Those thoughts nagged you as you gargled mouthwash, plagued you when you hugged him again and tortured you when he carried you to bed. 

He stiffened when kissed his jaw. “You can’t do that,” he mumbled, setting you down under the duvet. “Not now.” 

Then when? you wanted to say. “I’m sorry,” you said.

Heeseung sighed, shaking his head. “No, it’s just.. It’s okay.” 

Neither of you spoke after that, you made room for him on the bed and he lay down next to you, let you rest your head on his chest and played with your hair until you fell asleep. He was gone when you woke up in the morning but he left a glass of water and some paracetamol on your end table, along with a note. 

I had to go to class and you wouldn’t wake up :(  We’ll talk about everything soon, we have to. See you at Jake and Sunghoon’s later? 

— Your Hee. 

If you hadn’t been drunk he might have been okay with the kiss, he might have looked down at you and kissed you properly. You might have talked last night, fixed things—you’ve never regretted drinking so much in your life. 

Things are better tonight at least. You’ve been nursing the same can of cider since you arrived a few hours ago and Heeseung’s only had two sips of his beer, so hopefully, if you get some alone time, the two of you can finally talk. You’re still not sure what you should say, if you should apologise for waiting so long, for leaving in the first place. It seemed like a good idea at the time, applying elsewhere. You didn’t even think you’d get in but you knew you’d never forgive yourself if you didn’t at least take the chance. It seemed like a sign when the acceptance letter reached your inbox before the term had finished, an unconditional offer to a high-ranking university, you couldn’t pass it up. And knowing Heeseung as well as you did, you knew he’d do anything to be by your side when you needed him, you knew he’d drop everything to move with you if you let him. You’d owe him forever. It wouldn’t be fair on either of you. 

You called Jay in tears after a month away, telling him you made a mistake, that you needed to come back and had already filled out a transfer application. He convinced you to at least stay until the end of term, to actually make friends with the girls you were living with and see how you felt. A week later, he, Jake and Sunghoon showed up on your doorstep with chocolate and booze, hoping your room was big enough for all of them to stay for the weekend, it wasn’t, not really, but for three nights, the four of you slept head to toe in your bed after eating your body weights in pizza and ice cream. There was no talk of Heeseung, even though you begged them, and by the time they left, you felt much better. At the end of your first year, you quietly submitted your transfer application and shared a tearful goodbye with Yizhuo and Minjeong before finally flying back home. The boys seemed happy to have you back, even if it meant sneaking around to hang out with you—A nudge pulls you out of your thoughts, Heeseung.

“Are you okay?” he asks. 

When you look at him, it feels like the wind has been knocked out of you. His eyes are brimmed with concern, wide and beautiful, a deep brown you’ll never get sick of. His lips are curved into a soft pout, a crease running along his brow that you want to smooth out. 

Heeseung relaxes a little when you nod, but he seems unconvinced. “You sure?” 

You reach up to poke his cheek, grinning when he turns his head, trying to fight a smile. “I’m good,” you say, pressing a dimple into his cheek anyway. 

He holds your finger in his hands, unclenching your fist and locking his fingers with yours. A wide grin stretches over your lips as you plead with your cheeks to stop burning. Jake’s hand interrupts the moment, falling from the couch, limp and curled into a fist that smacks the back of your head. He’s fast asleep, not stirring at all even when Heeseung laughs. 

Unfortunately, you lose rock, paper, scissors and have to wake Jake up. He shifts a little on the couch when you shake him, whining at you to stop and scrunching up his face at you. Heeseung and Sunghoon eventually sigh, grabbing him by the arms and legs to carry him to bed. 

Both boys return, laughing about something and Heeseung sits down next to you again while Sunghoon leans in the doorway, yawning. “You two can have my room,” he says, cutting his eyes at you. “No funny business though, I just changed my sheets.” 

You chuckle nervously and Heeseung makes a show of hiding his face in the crook of your neck, much to Sunghoon’s visible dismay. He clutches the doorframe so hard you see his knuckles paling and uses his free hand to point a stern finger in your direction. “I mean it,” is the last thing he says before leaving. 

“Sorry,” Heeseung mumbles when the door closes. “It’s just so funny teasing him.” He’s grinning when he lifts his head and runs a shaking hand through his hair. “Anyway, you still haven’t told me about your group project.”

A sigh curls out of you, dramatic and loud as you let your head fall back against the couch at the thought of it. You brought it up in passing on Monday after class and spent the rest of the week pretending it didn’t exist. 

“Damn,” he mutters. “That bad?” 

You don’t have many friends in your Archaeology class, but you always look forward to it — because you’re covering Ancient Egypt — and enjoy it. But this morning, you slept in, arriving late, to find your lecturer assigning groups for a project weighing 25% of your final grade. She put the groups together based on where people were sitting, which left you, standing in the doorway fighting for breath, being added to a group of boys you shared a seminar with last term. They never contributed, and rarely showed up, constantly sending messages in the class Whatsapp group to ask if anyone had the tutorial answers. The sinking feeling that your project was doomed before it began plagued you throughout the lecture and all the way to lunch with Yunjin afterwards. Even though it doesn’t have anything to do with the story, you tell him in meticulous detail about your time with her that day. Thankfully, you’re sober so don’t admit that you spent a lot of the meal exchanging increasingly ridiculous ideas to get him back. 

Heeseung is just as beautiful and good at listening as always, nodding his head and uhm-ing and ah-ing at all the right parts. Until his gaze changes for a split second into something so soft and so sweet that it leaves a mark on your heart. “I was pissed about it earlier, but now I’m here, with you, and I want you to be my boyfriend again,” you say, jaw hanging open as soon as the words come out. 

His eyes widen, lips parting in shock. Then his brows furrow, pushing a crease into his forehead. 

“I know what you’re going to say and I’m sorry.” You start running damage control and pray that Jake or Sunghoon will wake up and come back. “I really didn’t mean to say that, especially not now when we haven’t talked about everything. But you looked at me, Heeseung. You really looked at me just now and I can’t pretend I don’t want to be with you. I’m sorry, really, but it’s your fault I said that.” 

Mortified, you cover your face with your hands. “Can you say something now?” you ask, mumbling into the heels of your palms. 

All he says is your name and a pit forms in your stomach. “God, anything but that,” you groan. 

Heeseung chuckles, which you think is a good thing. “Would it be better if I called you baby?” 

“In what context?” 

Holding your breath, you watch as he presses his lips together, humming as he tilts his head. “Term of endearment between a girlfriend and her boyfriend.” 

You lift your head, separating your fingers to see him properly through the space and the pit in your stomach dissolves into something live, butterflies fluttering in a frenzy from the look on his face. The gentle curve of his lips, the warmth in his eyes, and the slight flush on his cheeks all make your head spin. 

“Really?”

Heeseung nods so hard his hair follows the movement. “Yes, baby.” 

“Can we kiss now?” 

“Maybe if you move your hands out of the way.”

“I don’t like maybe.”

“Definitely if you move your hands out of the way,” he corrects. 

You can’t bring yourself to move, worried that the sudden motion might disrupt something, might knock you out of the moment. Heeseung laughs, so softly it sounds like an exhale, as he takes your wrists in his hands, tugging gently. With your face in full view, his eyes flit over your features for a beat before he cups your cheek in his hand, dragging his thumb over the soft skin of your lips. 

You don’t even realise he’s leaning in until his lips touch yours. There’s a rush of something in your chest, an intense warmth surrounding your heart. His lips are softer than ever, gentle as he kisses you like you might break—you think you might. Nothing is better than this, better than having Heeseung’s lips on yours after all this time. You lean into him completely, pressing your body impossibly close to his and twirling your fingers around the hair at the nape of his neck. 

“I love you,” he whispers, barely pulling away. “I love you so much.” 

You can’t bring yourself to reply, emotions too close to the surface, tears too close to spilling. Instead, you smile into the kiss, somehow holding him closer and hoping he’ll understand. He pulls back, just enough to gaze into your eyes with a look of pure affection. He doesn’t press for words, a reassuring smile tugging his lips. 

He understands, Heeseung always understands. 

Sunghoon’s sheets are soft against your skin when you wake up, tickling your nose with the scent of detergent and Heeseung’s shampoo—fresh and light. Your hand finds its way into his hair, fingers curling around the strands as Heeseung watches you with a soft smile, eyes scanning your features, taking you in. He lets his hand rest on your cheek, thumb stroking the skin there and his eyes flick up to meet yours. You feel like a teenager, a giddy smile gracing your lips, giggles tumbling out at the tickly feeling of lovestruck butterflies rumbling in your stomach. Heeseung beams, nuzzling into the touch of your hand as his eyes flutter shut. 

“If we’re going to work out this time—I want us to work out, but we need to talk,” you say after a beat. 

Heeseung’s brows raise like he can’t believe what you’re saying, his lips pushing into a pout. “We are going to work out, of course we’re going to work out.” His voice is still raspy from sleep, a deep hoarseness that’s too sexy for the cute way he’s chewing on his lip, doe-eyed and sweet as his eyes scan your face.

“I know, baby, I want that.” You nod, using your hand to push his hair out of his face. It’s so long now it’s starting to cover his eyes, the soft blond strands curling into his eyelashes. “But you have to say no to me, you know? I want you to have a life of your own, we both should.” 

“No.” 

“No?” You press your eyes shut, sighing. “What do you mean, no?” 

“I’m starting now.” 

“I’m serious, Hee, this is serious.” 

He pouts for a second before nodding. “I’m serious too. I can say no to you, I will say no to you.” 

You can’t help your scepticism, raising your brow at him as you inspect his face. There’s nothing about his expression that suggests he’s not being serious, nothing in those huge eyes seeming insincere. But you know Heeseung, you’ve been with Heeseung, and you know better than anyone, there’s nothing he wouldn’t do if it meant spending time with you, so you have to ask. “So from now on, if I text you when you’re in class or out with friends, and I tell you I want to see you, what are you going to do?” 

Heeseung sighs. “I’m going to text back and say that I’m.. busy.” His lips curl into a frown. “My heart will be super heavy though.” 

“But you’ll do it? You won’t see me until you’re free?” 

“I’ll do it, I won’t leave or anything.” 

“Do you promise?” 

“Yeah, baby, I promise.” When you smile at him, Heeseung leans in to seal his promise with a kiss, his lips meeting yours softly. 

You flinch when the door opens and Heeseung chuckles against your lips, but he doesn’t stop kissing you. Over his head, you see Sunghoon standing in the doorway, hair dripping water on the floor with a towel wrapped around his hips. 

Sunghoon sighs, loud and dramatic, his head falling back. “I specifically said no funny business,” he mutters. “Quit looking at me.” He comes into the room and lifts the duvet over your heads. 

Under the covers, Heeseung pulls away, poking his head out and laughing. “We’re just kissing.”

“Yeah, with your shirt off. Why is your shirt off?”

“She wanted to wear—”

Sunghoon cuts him off with a gasp, pulling the duvet back. “Wait, why are you kissing?”

“I can’t kiss my girlfriend?” 

The word makes your cheeks burn and you hide your face in Heeseung’s chest. His lips find the top of your head, kissing you as he wraps his arms around you. 

Sunghoon groans at the sight. “I haven’t missed this at all,” he says. “Who else knows?”

“Just you so far.”

You can hear Sunghoon grinning when he drops the duvet back over your heads and shuffles around the room, getting ready for skating. Heeseung calls you cute and holds you closer. “I’ve missed you so much, missed this,” he mumbles into your hair. “I love you.”

Dating Heeseung again is better than anything you could have imagined, even if it has only been two weeks. He’s everything you’ve ever wanted and more, and even the simple things he does make you smile so hard your face aches. Like when he picks up snacks for you after class or sends you pictures of sweet things he wrote about you in his old diary. Chaewon and Yunjin comment that you seem happier, that you’re glowing, and you can’t help the giggles that always escape and the flush that burns your cheeks when you mention your boyfriend, Heeseung.

Even under the pressure of taking on a group project by yourself, you find yourself fighting a grin in the library just thinking about him. Your class finished an hour ago and you’re doing research in the computer lab while waiting for him so you can go back home together. With a crease in your brow, you try to make sense of conflicting articles on the origin of the Great Pyramid of Giza, happy when your phone lights up with a text. 

hee: we should go on a date tonight !!! how does the fair sound? 

you: sounds good :D 

hee: ❤️

As if sensing that plans have been made without him, Sunghoon sends a message to the group chat asking who wants to go to the Spring Fair in the city centre tonight. 

you: hee and i are alr going :/

sunghoon: awesome i can meet u at hee’s in a few hours?

You really can’t find the heart to tell Sunghoon it’s a date so you decide not to say anything, only feeling worse when Jay replies. 

jay: sounds good :D 

hee: it’s a date dumbass, you’re not invited.

sunghoon: ok.. i can still go

jake: time?

With your date set and whatever else the boys are planning in the group chat, you manage to finish up your work in time for Heeseung to show up with a grin on his face as you pack up your notebook. Excitement stirs in your stomach when he locks his fingers with yours and you’ve never looked forward to the sticky heat of a night in spring as much as you are right now. 

“How was class?” you ask, squeezing his hand. 

Heeseung grins at you, swinging your hands between your bodies as you weave through tables to leave the library. “Turns out I focus really well when you’re not sitting with me.” 

“Oh, really?”

“Mm.” He nods, biting his lip. 

“I can sit with other people if it’ll help you focus.” 

“No!” he whines, loud enough to draw side eyes from the students around you before the tips of his ears burn red and he pulls you out of the library at lightspeed. 

When you reach his flat, Jay’s sitting on the couch grinning at something on his phone, so distracted he doesn’t even realise you’ve arrived until you sit down next to him. He’s got a lot to say about his mock trial and tells you everything, all while you’re cuddled up to Heeseung, with your head on his shoulder. 

You blink and the sun’s gone down, Jay isn’t around anymore and Heeseung’s arms are around your waist, holding you close. “Hey,” he says when you stir. “The boys left already, you just looked so cute sleeping that I didn’t want to wake you.” 

There’s a wet patch on his sweater where your mouth was that you try to wipe away. It doesn’t budge. And a burning flush attacks your cheeks and neck when Heeseung uses his thumb to wipe some of the drool by your mouth. “So cute.” He chuckles. “Should we get going?” 

You spend the whole journey to the city centre with your hand in Heeseung’s, trying to fight the butterflies in your stomach every time he smiles at you. It’s weird. To have been with him for so long, yet still feel giddy when he looks at you. This is new though, you suppose, to live away from home and see him whenever you want. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder and you can’t help the grin on your face at the thought of spending infinite nights like this, with him. 

The Spring Fair is alive with laughter and squeals of delight that you can hear from around the corner. Winking lights spill onto the pavement in rapid succession, somehow showing the whole spectrum at once. Heeseung is bursting with excitement, running down the street with you in tow, desperately trying to keep up with his stride and regulate your breathing. His eyes are huge when you reach the gates, scanning the area for the churros he’s been talking about for the entire walk and he gasps when he sees the stall, pulling you along with him. You have to weave through the crowd, dipping and dodging tired locals and excited tourists as you call out apologies to everyone Heeseung bumps into. The first night is always packed like this, so full it’s hard to believe the fair runs for six whole weeks. 

You share a heart-shaped churro and pose for the photos he wants to take, your heart swelling with affection as you pretend to be embarrassed when he buys matching character headbands for you both. Two years ago, Heeseung would’ve told you that headbands aren’t a good use of your money and bought them anyway, but today, he spent fifteen minutes trying on and taking photos with each character before finding the perfect pair. You can’t help but grin as he puts the headband on for you, a sense of excitement blooming inside you, so great it’s overwhelming.

Heeseung buys a blue raspberry slushy in an obnoxiously large reusable cup with two straws, and as he clutches his head with each brain freeze, chuckles pour out of you, only increasing when he pouts. 

At every opportunity, the two of you take selfies, and the grin on his face in each one warms your heart. He posts his favourite to his story, showing you all the compliments he’s getting in his DMs, all aimed at you. He seems so proud and excited to be with you, and butterflies go mad in your stomach as he reads some of them out to you, agreeing with and adding to the messages.

“You’re so beautiful, baby. I think I might delete the picture,” he says, frowning as the story replies pour in. 

The look on his face makes you laugh, struggling to talk but trying anyway. “But I love it.” 

Heeseung puts his phone away, wrapping his arm around your shoulders. “I love you,” he says, using his free hand to tip your chin towards him. He grins when you say it back, tracing his thumb along your jaw. An odd stillness hits you, in the midst of vibrant chaos. Flashes of multi-coloured LEDs dance in orange and purple strobes over his face and your breath hitches in your throat. His eyes are pretty and wide, flicking from your eyes to your mouth a few times as a flame starts to burn in your stomach, low and scorching. 

“I love you,” you repeat, tip-toeing to close the gap. 

You kiss him, slow and sweet to savour the sugary taste on his lips as they move against yours. His tongue slips into your mouth, deepening the kiss and the taste of syrupy artificial fruit, leaving you craving more, craving him. A pop goes out in the air and you flinch in Heeseung’s arms. He chuckles against your lips before he pulls away, looking up. Trails of pink and gold paint the sky above, vibrant sparks spreading everywhere as a few more go off. If you weren’t so busy trying to catch your breath, you might appreciate their beauty, but you are and the next pop only startles you too. 

Heeseung looks down at you, his slightly swollen lips curving into a grin. “How are you so cute?” he coos. “And don’t most people want fireworks to go off when they kiss someone?” 

“It’s probably a sensation thing, Heeseung.” You know it’s a sensation thing. The first time he kissed you, it felt like you were floating on air, as if Sunghoon’s basement, cold and dark, was the most romantic place on Earth. You were sweaty and nervous, sitting cross-legged on the floor next to Heeseung while the boys were sleeping. He was the one to lean in and he kissed the tip of your nose by accident.

“Yeah, yeah,” he mutters. “Come here.” His voice is so deep and raspy that it spurs the flame on, burning higher, hotter, until it’s the only thing you can think about. His hand finds your jaw again, pulling you towards him to kiss you. Of course, you can’t resist; he’s Heeseung. 

The kiss is rife with neediness, whether from you or Heeseung you can’t tell, but you’re tugging at his hair and he’s clutching at your t-shirt, both of you struggling to get enough of the other. You nip at his bottom lip with your teeth and a heady sigh falls from his mouth into yours, brewing a storm in your mind, a thick fog obscuring everything but thoughts of him.

At the sound of a forced throat clearing, you break away from Heeseung, seeing an elderly lady with a steaming cup in her hand and a disgruntled look on her face. She extends an arm, gesturing behind you. When you follow the direction of her hand, you see a bench that you’re standing right in front of. Heeseung grabs your hand, mumbling an apology and tugging you as far away as possible. You struggle to stifle a laugh at the redness of his ears against his hair. 

A huge ride swings and spins into the air, catching your attention, though Heeseung seems to be more interested in the way Jake stands by the entrance with a scowl on his face. Jake waves you over when he sees you, grinning and hugging you both like it’s been years since he saw you. 

“Jay and Hoon are..” he trails off, using his arm to vaguely gesture towards the sky. 

“Man,” Heeseung whispers, pointing a reverent finger to the sky, “R.I.P.” 

Countless fireworks shoot up noisily, painting the dark sky, and Heeseung’s arms fall heavily around your shoulders, his body warm against your back. If not for the way Jake’s flinching next to you, covering his ears with his hands and ducking slightly at the bang of each one, it might feel like the two of you are alone in the moment. Alone despite the chatter, the laughter and squeals. Just you and Heeseung. 

And Jake. 

Heeseung is amazing at fair games, especially the ring toss. But a tired-looking man in a business suit wins the Hello Kitty plush you’d been eyeing for the snotty toddler wrapped around his leg, so you settle for the Kuromi plush instead. Heeseung says it’s cuter. You agree. 

His voice is soft when he asks, “Maybe we can go on the Ferris wheel later?” This is a far cry from the boy of sixteen who fainted at an amusement park just from seeing the drop on the biggest ride there. When you look up at him, his eyes are wide, boring into you, holding the stars in his pupils with a grin across his blue-stained lips, and how could you say no to that face? 

The platform by the Ferris wheel is sticky under your shoes, making you cringe with every step you take towards the front of the line. Heeseung’s grip on your hand is tighter than you think it’s ever been when he realises that you’re next to get on. This might be the most scared you’ve ever seen him, your poor boyfriend with his overpriced Kuromi headband shivering beside you. 

You frown at the sight, reaching up to kiss his cheek. “We don’t have to do this, Hee,” you say.

He tries to play it cool, shrugging with a nonchalance that doesn’t match the fear in his eyes. “I want to,” he assures, though his voice lacks conviction. 

“Are you sure?” The way he flinches when the ride operator opens the gate gives you his answer, but Heeseung is firm in his words as he pulls you towards the cart, despite wincing when the operator locks you in. “Baby,” you whisper, touching his cheek. “It’s not too late to get out.” 

In what appears to be a display of his bravery, he makes a show of rocking the carriage — only to be told off by the operator (who can’t be older than sixteen) — and cheering (with no conviction) about nothing in particular. You can’t help but laugh, the cart shaking slightly as you let your head fall back and you only laugh harder when Heeseung gasps because of it. 

He flinches again when the ride starts moving, an unsettling creak sending you forward just enough to allow the next victims — according to Heeseung — to get on the ride. When the last of them board, the wheel sets off in a slow spin and he spends the entire first rotation with his eyes clamped shut, only opening them after a while when he thinks the ride is over. 

The wheel creaks more than what you think is necessary and he only grows more and more outwardly uncomfortable, worrying his bottom lip with his teeth and gripping the safety bar above your laps until his knuckles turn white. 

“Would it make you feel better if I held your hand?” you coo, holding your left hand out to him. 

He rolls his eyes but takes your hand in his, holding it between his palms. Seemingly at ease, Heeseung shifts slightly in his seat to close the tiny gap between you, pressing his knee into yours. 

Even in the distance, the fair’s LED lights are beautiful, melting away into flashing bokeh before your eyes as the carriage inches higher and higher. You almost forget your company, leaning over the edge to get a better look, only for Heeseung to put his arm on your arm, mumbling, “Stop it.” 

His skin is warm despite the slight chill that comes with your increasing altitude, and you wish the carriage was smaller—cramped even, forcing the two of you together so tightly that you have no choice but to become one. You sit in the quiet of the night, excitement on the fairground growing quieter as the wheel spins, agonisingly slow, until eventually it’s just the two of you—you and Heeseung: the only people in the moment. 

The only people in the world.

“Why are we even on this thing?” you whisper, squeezing his hand. 

Heeseung shrugs his shoulders as gently as he can manage so as not to rock the carriage. His eyes are big when he looks at you, holding your gaze intently. “I wanted to be romantic.” 

Oh, Heeseung, you think, pressing your lips into a frown. He’s the sweetest person in the world and just the thought of it makes your stomach flutter. “You’re plenty romantic,” you say sincerely. 

He scoffs. “Yeah, because pretending you didn’t exist for a year is romantic.” 

“Yes! Very!” You chuckle, nodding your head. 

Again, he rolls his eyes at you but he uses his hand to hold your face, pulling you in. His kiss tastes like candy floss and the blue raspberry slushy you shared earlier, lips soft, relaxed against your own. Your hand reaches for his thigh, meeting instead with the squished plushy between your bodies and you can’t help but laugh. 

With your presentation out of the way, you and the guys are all sitting in Heeseung and Jay’s living room for the first night of Spring break. You’ve just about reached your limit, cuddling into Heeseung’s side with your eyes closed, sleepily listening to the conversation. It’s unintelligible, more laughter and wheezes than anything else. 

You shift your way into Heeseung’s lap after a while, moving around to get comfortable. It only takes two movements for him to grab you by the waist, holding you still. You try again, and his lips catch the shell of your ear. “Relax, baby. What’s up?”

“Nothing,” you admit, moving around again until he sighs, relieved, you think. A wicked grin spreads over your lips when you feel him getting hard, grinding down on him a little and liking the warmth that spreads in your stomach from having him pressed against you. 

“Stop it,” he whispers, kissing the spot behind your ear. 

You heed the warning but can’t help the thoughts filling your mind, though you try to ignore them, laughing at something Sunghoon said about Jake’s ugly hat and shoes. Jake doesn’t find it as funny as the rest of you seem to.

Another hour passes by in the same way before the boys stumble into Jay’s room, calling out a slurred goodnight to you and Heeseung on the couch. You stand up first, holding out a hand for him to take and giggling when he presses a kiss to the back of it. 

In his room, he stares at a spot on the wall as you close the door, a contemplative look on his face. “Are you okay?” you ask, but he doesn’t look at you, only nodding his head with a crease along his brow. 

You kiss him, a featherlight touch of your lips against his. It’s soft for a while, sweet and sincere until he clutches your shirt like his life depends on it. Heeseung’s hands are all over you, stroking and squeezing every part of you he can reach. Overwhelming heat burns your skin under his touch. He inhales sharply through his nose when you reach for his waistband, tugging the drawstring free but he grabs your wrist, stopping you. He keeps kissing you, keeps trying and frowns when you pull away. 

“You don’t want this?” 

He tilts his head, looking down at you with concern flooding his wide eyes. “Do you think we’re going too fast?” His voice is quiet and he chews on his lip after speaking. 

“We’ve been together for six years.” 

“A month,” he corrects, looking at his feet.

As badly as you want him, you don’t want him doing anything he’s not ready for, so you wiggle your arm free from his grip, dropping it at your side. He lifts his head to look at you, brows knitted together, the sweetest thing you’ve ever seen. “I don’t want to rush you.”

“It’s not that.” He shakes his head with wide eyes. “I just don’t want us doing anything you’ll regret.”

“I’m not going to regret this, I don’t regret anything we’ve done, Heeseung,” you say, holding his face in your hands. 

He closes his eyes, nodding. 

“Do you want to stop?” 

“Never,” he whispers and the word has you falling to your knees. 

It’s hard to see his exact expression in only the dim glow of the streetlights outside, but you can clearly see the way he’s watching you. The way his eyes are lidded as he chews on his bottom lip, watching you reach for the buckle on his belt. Heeseung threads his fingers through your hair, groaning, and for a few seconds, you’re hypnotised. Too wrapped up in tipsiness and lust to move your fingers, completely focused on the way his breath starts to pick up before you’ve even done anything. You’re starting to think it might be enough for him just to see you like this, on your knees for him, wide-eyed and eager. 

Whether on purpose or not, Heeseung tugs on your hair gently, pulling you from your trance. His blunt fingernails scratch at the back of your head as you undo his belt, tugging his jeans down. He steps out of them as soon as he can, smiling when you toss them behind you. Too worked up to wait, you push your face against him. You take a minute to hold his covered cock between your lips, shuddering at the feeling of the damp spot at the top of it. Heeseung grunts, bucking his hips. He looks like sin when you lock eyes with him, licking a strip to the top of his waistband, sucking and nipping at the skin and coarse hair there. 

“Quit teasing,” he says, still keeping control of his voice. 

You blink up at him sweetly, shaking your head. “I’m not,” you mumble, pulling his underwear down. 

Heeseung’s dick smacks his stomach with a wet sound that makes you clench around nothing, and you sit back on your heels to admire him. Maybe it’s from time, or your unbearable desire, but he looks bigger, thicker, and much prettier than you remember. When you finally drag your eyes from his dick, you notice a mark on his hip, right above where his thigh starts. It’s a smudge of something dark, inky almost. You furrow your brows, licking the pad of your thumb to try and get rid of it. He practically flinches when you touch it, moving away from you. The increased distance between you and the low lighting only further obscures it—when you rub at the mark it doesn’t budge. 

“What is this?” 

“It’s nothing,” he says, sitting down on the bed and covering it with his hand. 

If it was anyone other than Heeseung, you might have thought it was a tattoo, but you can’t make sense of the thought so it slips your mind as soon as it occurs. You reach for the lamp on his bedside table, flicking it on, losing your breath at the sight of his skin glowing golden in the light, and the tip of his cock is a tempting, glossy red. You can’t help but take him in your hand, stroking him slowly. 

“Tell me, baby.” 

“It’s a bruise,” he manages through a gasp, licking his lips.

Your thumb swipes over his slit and he crumbles. “Heeseung.” 

“Butterfly, it’s a butterfly.” 

A fuzzy warmth starts to bloom in your chest, overwhelming you. “Lay down,” you say, voice as soft as it’s ever been. 

Heeseung obliges, linking his fingers with yours when you move his hand from his thigh. Under the light, you can see it clearly, dark strokes of ink forming a pretty butterfly, tiny, and heart-achingly familiar. 

“Is it..” You trail off, moving your lips around words that you can’t get out as tears sting your eyes. “Did I draw this?” Leaning over him, you get as close as you can, using your finger to trace the shape. 

Sitting up on his elbows, he looks down at you with a worried look on his face as he nods. “Do you hate it?” 

“I love it.. it’s perfect.” You let go of his hand, using the back of your fingers to wipe at your eyes. 

Heeseung sits up, letting his hand cup your cheek and looking at you. He uses his thumb to wipe some of the tears you missed before leaning down and kissing you. His lips move slowly with yours, he’s being gentle, so gentle that you hear your heart thudding in your ears. 

“Come sit,” he mumbles against your mouth, helping you up and guiding you into his lap, a whine falling out of him when you sit on his cock and you mumble an apology that you don’t mean.

“When did.. Why did you..”

His shoulders rise and fall in a shrug. “My first birthday I spent without you. I just wanted to have something for you.”

You’ve seen it and you’ve heard it from him, but you still can’t make sense of it. “But you’re.. you’re Heeseung. You’d never get a tattoo, you told me that.” 

“I’ll probably never get another tattoo, it hurt like hell,” he says, frowning. 

“You’re such a sweetheart.” You cradle his face in your hands, gazing into his eyes, your sweet Heeseung. So different yet so incredibly similar. “You’re, like, obsessed with me.”

There’s a loud adoration in his eyes that makes your stomach turn. “How could I not be?” His smile is wide even though his lips are smushed a little by the way you’re holding his face. 

Heeseung tilts his chin towards you so you kiss him, the two of you passing moans and whines between your mouths as you grind on him, his hands gripping your waist under your shirt. He shudders under you, rutting his hips against yours with a groan. He’s harder than ever underneath you, his cock hot between your thighs, pressed up against your core in the most maddening way. It can’t be comfortable for him, the friction from your underwear but he seems like he’s enjoying it just as much as you, maybe more, you think, when he starts throbbing. 

Conscious of the boys across the hall, you try your best to be quiet, though Heeseung doesn’t share your concern, his lips parting too wide to keep kissing you and his head falling back as he lets a whine out into the air. His nails dig into your skin, hips speeding up more than you can keep up with as he trembles, clearly so close to the edge that you moan at the sight of him all fucked out in front of you. You chew on your lip, watching his whole face scrunch up before falling to your shoulder, his cum leaking out all over your panties and the tops of your thighs. A grin covers your lips while your pussy aches from the heat of his release and the feeling of his staggered breath hitting your skin. When he finally sits up, sweat slicks the column of his neck and chest, a nervous look in his eyes that he can’t quite bring to meet yours. 

“This is j—” Heeseung cuts you off by covering your mouth with his palm. 

“I remember. You don’t have to say it, baby, I remember.” 

“You were so cute that day,” you say when he moves his hand. Butterflies fill your stomach when you think about it, the first time you ever did anything with each other, with anyone. He was fifteen, with cute round glasses perched on the end of his nose and teeth too big for his mouth, finishing in his jeans with you in his lap.

“You don’t think I’m cute anymore?” he asks, frowning. 

“You’re always cute.”

Heeseung grins at your words, so wide and sweet your heart races. He kisses you gently and slips his hand into your underwear, his finger trailing the length of your pussy slowly, groaning into your mouth at how wet you are. You whine into the kiss when he strokes your clit and gasp when he pushes a finger into you easily. Gradually, he adds more fingers, fucking you open on his knuckles and watching as you fall apart.

His lips move from yours, falling to your neck so he can kiss and suck the sensitive skin there. “You feel so good, baby. My sweet girl,” he mumbles, breath searing your skin. The words make you clench, your stomach fluttering relentlessly as he uses his thumb to press on your clit, the pressure enough to make you spiral. It’s all too much too fast and before long, you’re squirming and mewling in Heeseung’s arms, finishing all over his fingers. 

Immediately, an excruciating flush burns every inch of your body as you hide your face in his neck to catch your breath. His arms wrap around you and he whispers sweet nothings into your hair while stroking your back.

Ever since that night in his room, all your senses feel heightened when Heeseung is around. 

And it doesn’t help that you spend every waking moment with him. Whether in his flat or yours, you’re joined at the hip and it’s near impossible not to pounce on him. In your stomach blooms a heat you haven’t felt in years. An all-consuming flame that makes you hold your breath when he cuddles you; makes you look away when he strips before showering.

He’s taken a liking to shirtlessness, only seeming to remember that the garments exist when he has to leave the house—which isn’t often now that classes have ended. This sudden cotton allergy plagues you, burning the image of his ever-increasing muscle definition and the tattoo on his hip into your memory, so deeply they’re the only things you see when you close your eyes at night. 

Even when Heeseung’s being romantic, cooking dinner for the two of you and almost burning his finger with a match while lighting a candle, you’re thinking about him fucking you. When he goes out with the boys and stumbles into your flat, drunk, with a crushed bouquet in his hands, you’re thinking about what might have happened if you’d gone out too. If he’d finger you in the back of a taxi or take you against the door when you got back. 

Weeks go by like this until you finally reach your limit. 

There’s nothing overtly sexual about the way Heeseung’s sitting. About the way his lashes kiss his cheeks when he blinks, or the way his hair sits in a sleepy mess on his forehead. But it’s Heeseung. So these things existing on him drive you crazy. 

Given the lack of privacy in your family homes — by way of an open-door rule when visiting each other — you and Heeseung didn’t have many opportunities to have sex that didn’t involve being tangled around one another in the backseat of his car. And even those occasions were few and far between. 

With the only three brain cells that seem to function around your shirtless boyfriend and your head on the doorjamb, you begin to scheme. It doesn’t have to be elaborate—just a way to get Heeseung to fuck you without you having to bring it up. 

“What’s up, baby?” he asks, finally looking over at you. His voice pulls you out of your thoughts, with a raspiness to it that makes your thoughts run wild. From head to toe, his eyes drag over your body, his tongue coming out to run over his lips. 

Clearly, a very delicate, well-timed conversation is in order and the gears in your mind scrape against each other, turning egregiously as you try to figure out how to start the conversation. “I want you to fuck me,” you blurt out. Not the most delicate approach, but the way Heeseung’s eyes widen suggests you might be on the right track. “I didn’t mean to say that,” you admit sheepishly. 

He chuckles deeply in a way you haven’t heard in years. “So you don’t want me to fuck you?” There’s a challenge in his question, evident from his raised brow, the setting aside of his phone, and the way he sits up straight. The movement forces the duvet to slip a little, falling from above his belly button to his hips in one fell — effortlessly sexy — swoop. 

In spite of this, you can’t help but roll your eyes at him. How could you be standing there, in nothing but his t-shirt, asking him to fuck you and he’s caught up on semantics? “That’s not what I’m saying.” 

“What are you saying?” When you don’t say anything, Heeseung lifts the duvet from his body entirely, grinning when your gaze locks on his hips. His pyjama pants are sitting low enough to show off the waistband of his underwear, and they don’t do anything to hide the way his hard cock pushes against them.

Heeseung towers over you, overwhelming you and the space of the doorframe as his mouth quirks up at one corner. “You want it, baby?” he asks, his voice soft as he cups your face in his hand, using his thumb to trace your lips. 

His face dips down to yours and you can’t resist reaching up to kiss him, whining at the contact as you move your lips in sync with his. The sounds he’s making are dizzying, deep groans you feel in your chest. His hand grips your waist, pulling you as close as possible so you can feel him, hard and thick, pressing against you. 

You whimper when he pulls away, chasing his kiss, but Heeseung only chuckles. “Say the word and I’m yours,” he whispers, looking down at you with those big eyes. 

“I’m not going to beg.” 

He smiles sweetly, a soft curve of his lips summoning butterflies. “Suit yourself,” he says, leaning down to press a kiss to the base of your neck and leaving the room. 

Flustered, you follow him, flinging your arms around his waist and pressing your face into his back. “Okay, I’m going to beg.”

“I’m listening.” 

“I need you,” you mumble into his skin. 

“You have me.” 

Even though his words and the way his lips audibly split into a grin make your heart race, you can’t help your frustration. “Heeseung,” you say, pleading with him. 

He frees himself from your grip, turning around. When you look up at him, he’s watching you closely through lidded eyes, his lips parted in a soft pout that makes your heart melt. His arms wrapped around your shoulders, holding you close enough to feel him pressing against you. “I’m all yours, baby. What’s up?”

“Why are you torturing me?”

This makes him smile as he shakes his head. “I’m not.” 

“Please.”

He brings a hand up to your face, his thumb stroking your cheek and you can’t help but nuzzle into his palm. “Please what?” 

“You know what I need and I can’t go any longer without it,” you mumble into his hand. Heeseung only raises a brow and you sigh. Somehow, your want for him is greater than your embarrassment so you sigh, looking him in the eye. “If you want to, please, please, fuck me, Heeseung. Any way you want, baby, just promise me you’ll do it. I need it, need you.” 

A shit-eating grin takes over his face as he leans down to press a kiss to your forehead. “Was that so hard?” he asks, frowning when you don’t reply. “Don’t get all moody, baby, talk to me.” 

Heeseung picks you up, holding you close as you wrap your legs around his waist. Both of his hands are spread over your ass and you’re too embarrassed to say anything, chewing your lip and staring at the little mole on his forehead. 

“Need me to fuck you ‘til you can talk again?” There’s a roughness to his voice that makes your cheeks flush, but you can’t help but laugh, head falling back in a fit of cackles. 

“What are you talking about?” 

His pretty lips come together in a pout before he speaks. “I don’t know.” He shrugs, the tips of his ears burning red as he carries you to his room, using his foot to close the door behind him. “I’m rusty.”

You shake your head before kissing his forehead. “You’re perfect.”

Heeseung sets you down on the bed gently, crawling over you. “I like seeing you in my shirts,” he says, clutching the fabric in his fists, tugging a little. 

“Someone has to wear them.”

A breathy laugh falls from his lips. “What?” He tilts his head, leaning away from you to sit back on his heels. “You don’t like seeing me like this?” 

It’s hard to find a balance between missing his warmth and looking at his body. Staring at the definition that marks his chest and stomach and the way his muscles stick out over his biceps, you can feel yourself leaking at the sight of him. Your eyes catch on his waistband, on the strip of hair that’s cut off by the start of the fabric before falling to the bulge in his pants. 

“You’re looking at me like I’m your next meal,” he mumbles, leaning back over you with a deep flush on his cheeks and neck.

“I think I want you to be.” 

“You think?”

You nod eagerly, anticipation swirling in your stomach. 

“Anything I can do to make you certain?” Heeseung’s voice is thick with something you think could be enough to make you finish. 

“Whatever you want,” you say, desperate. 

He chews on his lip, considering you for a while before kissing your cheek. Once more, he sits up, tugging at your waist. “First, I want this shirt out of my way,” he says with a smile. 

Immediately, you lean off the bed to let him take it off, tossing it behind him. “Anything else?” 

Heeseung’s too busy staring to speak, taking you in hungrily with a jarring combination of lust and adoration behind his eyes. You thought you’d feel shy about him seeing you after so long, but you’ve never felt more comfortable in your life as he reaches down to lock his fingers with yours. He brings your hand up to his mouth, kissing the back of it. “You’re so pretty,” he says against your skin. 

There’s no stopping the flutter in your stomach or the smile that spreads over your lips. You tell him you love him and he says it back as he leans back down to kiss you slowly, his tongue licking into your mouth at an agonising pace, a line of saliva connecting you to him when he pulls away. 

“I want to get my head between your legs,” he mumbles, letting his hand dip between your spread thighs. “So wet already?” he asks, dragging your slick up to your clit, rubbing it with a featherlight touch that leaves a whine slipping from your lips. “Will you let me?” 

You nod. 

Heeseung smiles and you match it before he dips his head into the crook of your neck, kissing the skin there for a minute. His breath and wet mouth are hot, burning a trail down to your collarbone and chest, where he gets distracted, pulling one of your nipples between his lips.

Your stomach twists at the sight of him, his pretty, pouty lips sucking and biting at your sensitive skin, the way he’s moaning against you, using his thick fingers to tug and pinch your other breast. It takes him a while to move on but you don’t complain, even when he presses tickly kisses to your stomach. 

When he reaches your legs, he gets off the bed, kneels on the floor and hooks his arms around your thighs to pull you towards him. You feel exposed when he uses his thumbs to spread you, staring at your pussy with wide eyes, his lips parted a little until his head falls back with a groan. 

“Missed this pussy. Been thinking about it so much, all the time. So beautiful, baby.” He manages to drag his gaze from between your legs to lock eyes with you. “You’re so beautiful, baby.” His lips touch your thighs, kissing the soft skin there, sucking marks into it and biting softly. The sting is subtle but it makes you clench, a movement that isn’t lost on him. “You’re so needy, huh? You want me that bad?” he asks, looking up with a tilted head. 

You mumble the word ‘no’ and shake your head. “Need you.” The words come out of their own accord, nothing more than a desperate whine that makes Heeseung press his eyes shut. You watch as he shifts on the floor, leaning in and giving you the attention you deserve. 

Heeseung’s nose grazes your slit and you gasp at the sudden contact, flinging your head back into the pillows when he licks a strip from there to your clit, giving it a quick peck. 

You card your fingers through his hair, gripping at the strands so hard it must hurt, but he doesn’t seem to mind, going slow despite the way you’re trying to rut against his face. He kisses the spot above your clit, his tongue poking out to lick at the skin there, only hitting the bud a few times and the anticipation is enough to make you spiral. 

Time stands still, all concept of it demolished when, finally, he wraps his lips around your swollen clit, running his tongue over it with a pressure that leaves you shaking against the sheets. Moans pour out of you like water from a faucet with nothing but pleasure and Heeseung’s sweet mouth crossing your mind. 

It doesn’t seem like he’s ever going to stop, only coming up for air for a brief moment before sticking a finger into you and attaching his mouth to your clit, burying himself in your wetness. The stretch is minimal, barely registering in the waves of pleasure crashing over you, until he adds a second finger, thick and rigid as he works you open for him. By the time his third finger enters, you have to pull him away by his hair, struggling to find the words to say and settling on a whiny cry of his name.

“Hmm?” He looks up at you, face covered in slick that shines on his chin and nose, shoulders rising and falling heavily, but his fingers don’t let up, curling towards your belly button torturously slow.

“Want to cum with you inside.”

Heeseung’s eyes darken and he licks his lips. “Yeah?” 

“Uh-huh, and I don’t want you using a condom either, want you to fill me up.”

“Are you sure?” 

You nod. “I’m still on the pill and you’re the only person I’ve ever been with.”

Heeseung wastes no time standing up from the floor, watching hungrily as you sigh at the emptiness, moving up on the bed. He uses his fist to pump his cock slowly, sighing when he drags his thumb over his tip. A beat passes before he grins, boyish and handsome while crawling over you again. His face softens and his eyes burn into yours as he cups your cheek in his palm. “You sure about this?” 

“I’m sure, Heeseung, you’re all I want,” you whisper, pecking his lips. 

“Me too.” 

He uses his free hand to reach for his cock, rubbing his tip over your clit and chewing on his lip. He lets his cock split your folds, grinding his length against you, rubbing your cunt with a wet sound that fills the room. Heeseung straightens up and you moan when he spits into his palm, stroking himself before pressing the head of his cock to your entrance. You hold your breath, bracing for the stretch and crying out when he pushes in. His head falls forward with a sigh, his hair tickling your forehead.

“I missed you,” he groans when he bottoms out, his thumb running over your lips. A moan slips out of him when you open your mouth, running your thumb over the pad of his finger and sucking on it. “Missed these pretty lips, this pussy. Don’t know how I got on without it.” His words and the feeling of him inside after so long only make you dizzy, knowing that he wanted you like you wanted him. He watches you with parted lips, rocking his hips tenderly against yours. 

“Faster, Hee,” you whisper. “Harder.” 

Heeseung’s brows knit together and he slows to a pace that lets you feel single vein and inch of him as he bottoms out before pulling almost all the way out. “Can you take it?” he asks, a jarring tone to his voice that you think is a challenge. 

You nod desperately. “Please.” 

The word flips a switch for him and he speeds up, thrusting so hard, so deep that your back arches off the bed as his tip nudges your g-spot each time. Just when it all starts to feel too much, Heeseung lifts one of your legs, hitting deeper than he has before and tangling up a knot in your stomach. 

“You’re so good, baby, so good for me.” His eyes are dark and lidded, full of all the love in the world as he gazes into yours, a tangible love that overwhelms you, eating you alive along with his praise.

Sweltering heat stretches through every part of your body at the drag of him inside, the push and pull of his cock along your stuttering walls. It’s enough to make you shiver and a cry of his name rips out of you when he starts rubbing your clit again, pushing the bud in slow circles that make you screw your eyes shut. 

“That’s it. Cum for me, baby, make a mess,” he whispers and that’s as much as you can take. 

Stars flash behind your closed eyes as every single part of your body sets alight, dazed by Heeseung’s whines and the feeling of being full, finally being full, until both ends of the knot tug and tug, leaving you with nothing but a hoarse moan that dies in your throat as your orgasm hits you like a truck. 

A lewd squelch accompanies each of his thrusts as they get sloppier and sloppier, losing their rhythm and intensity. It seems like he’s right there with you though when he collapses on top of you, his head falling into the crook of your neck and his moans slipping out like music to your ears.

It’s hard not to fall apart under him, but you try your best, dragging your nails over the toned muscles of his back while telling him you love him over and over until he finishes. Both of you are trembling, fighting for breath and whining as Heeseung sloppily fucks you full of his cum. The sound is downright pornographic, loud and wet as your cum mixes with his for the first time in so long. An inexplicable intimacy so thick it hangs in the air, perching on your shoulders as he looks into your eyes. 

Heeseung slows down after a while, stopping completely but not pulling out yet, keeping you full and aching around him. When he catches his breath, he gives you a dreamy smile, thanking you before pressing soft kisses to every part of your face he can reach. 

You whine when he pulls out, missing him as soon as he’s gone. Despite your sensitivity, you want to beg him to come back, to slip back into you and stay forever, though Heeseung has other plans. He sits between your legs, dragging a lazy finger up your slit and watching with a smile as cum leaks out. You squirm against the sheets, pushing your head into the pillow when he uses two fingers to push it back in.

“Wish I could keep you full like this forever,” he mumbles absently, curling his fingers. 

All you can do is sigh happily. Long minutes go by until he takes his fingers out of you, reaching behind him for his shirt to wipe you up before leaning down to your face, mumbling against your lips to come and shower with him.

You’ve never showered with Heeseung before and a voice in your head tells you to press your cheek against the tile and let him have you again, but you’re way too sleepy for that. The warmth of the water and his big hands roaming your body do nothing to help, only forcing your eyes to fall shut as you lean back against Heeseung’s chest, willing yourself to stay awake. 

Once you’re all showered and clean, you only feel sleepier, standing on the plush bath mat in front of the steamed-up mirror. Droplets of water trickle down your skin and you can’t help but revel in the warmth of the room around you. Wrapped snugly in a soft, fluffy towel, you find yourself too tired to follow Heeseung out, slathering some of the expensive moisturiser Jay keeps in the bathroom over your skin. You peer into the mirror, though you don’t see much, and for a moment, it’s just you and the steady trickle of water from the showerhead. The bathroom smells like Heeseung’s minty shower gel and you miss him already, but you take your time anyway, savouring the moment and everything that came before it. 

You find him in his room when you’re done, tucking the last corner of a fitted sheet around his mattress. 

“You want to nap, baby?” he asks when he sees you, holding out a clean shirt for you to wear. 

“Mm,” you hum, nodding your head and dropping the towel so he can put the shirt over your head. 

“Let me just fix the pillowcases, yeah?” 

You nod, slumping into his desk chair and watching the muscles in his back shift and flex as he moves around the room, dumping the dirty bedding into his laundry basket and slipping the clean linen over his pillows. He pulls the duvet back and pats the mattress, grinning when you shake your head and make grabby hands in his direction, 

Heeseung stretches his arms above his head and comes over to you but you stop him before he can pick you up. 

“I’m going grocery shopping with Yunjin later and I need a pound for the trolley, do you have any?” you ask through a yawn. 

He scratches his chin, thinking about it. “If I do, they’re in my wallet,” he says, reaching for it on the desk and handing it to you before taking a seat on the end of his bed. 

When you pull on the zipper to open the coin slot, you find a shiny pound coin and a folded piece of lined paper. You leave the coin where it is and hold the paper between two fingers for him to see. “What’s this?” 

Immediately, he hides his face with his hands but you can still see the flush on his ears. You’re not sure what reaction you were expecting, but despite your curiosity, you won’t look at it if he doesn’t want you to. “Sorry, baby,” you say, putting it back. “Forget I asked.” 

Heeseung sighs, looking up at you through the gaps in his fingers. “You can look if you want, it’s nothing bad, just mildly humiliating.” 

Nervous anticipation settles over your body and you can’t help but laugh a little, feeling your breath catch in your throat when you unfold the crumpled and creased paper. It’s blank. You arch a curious brow at Heeseung, who, though still slightly embarrassed, gestures for you to turn it over. 

What meets your eyes on the other side leaves you stunned. There, inked in blue with delicate care yet bearing the natural imperfections of a hand-drawn butterfly, was a familiar image. It’s the very same butterfly you drew in your notebook on a spring date with him four years ago. Your fingers tremble as you trace the lines, your heart racing as you remember how he’d torn it from the page, eyes full of appreciation for the simple drawing. 

Tears well up in your eyes when it dawns on you. It’s the very same butterfly he has tattooed on his hip, a permanent reminder of your love that endured separation and time. 

Your voice is weak as you look up at him, quivering with emotion. “You kept it after all these years,” you whisper.

Heeseung smiles, his eyes full of love. “I never let go of what matters to me.” 

© zreamy (2023), all rights reserved. do not repost, translate, or plagiarise my work. do let my know your thoughts !

you were never close to sunghoon park.

you had mutual friends, hung out at the same houses, and went to see movies together with friends, but neither of you would say that you were close with each other.

you tried to be friends with sunghoon during the early years of high school, but he made it extremely difficult to be friends with you. you could sense that he was uncomfortable around you, and often you wondered if he didn't like you. though your friend jake reassured you that it was just because you were a girl, and sunghoon was uncomfortable around all girls.

even when you asked jay about sunghoon, jay explained that sunghoon was just an awkward guy, especially around girls, and that it had nothing to do with you.

still, it was upsetting that you could see sunghoon laugh and talk with jay and jake at the cafeteria table, but as soon as you sat down with them, sunghoon's smile would drop, and his shoulders would tense up. you knew sunghoon was a nice boy since jake had chosen him to be friends with, so you didn't mind being around him, even if he never even made eye contact with you.

one thing that you and sunghoon found refuge in each other is that both of you were highly introverted. there would be times that jake and jay would run off to a group of people and start talking to them even if they didn't know them, or people would come to your little group and start talking to jake and jay. during those times, it was as if you and sunghoon were invisible to everyone except each other. eyes would roll when some people would come up to your table and pat jake on the back or high-five jay, eye rolls that only you and sunghoon would notice and take part in.

it wasn't a shock to you that sunghoon remained close to jake when your and jake's friendship ended. he was always with jake, and it seemed as if he admired jake a lot. whatever jake did, sunghoon would do, too. jake and sunghoon both tried out for the rugby team simultaneously and earned a position. sunghoon quickly earned the position of co-captain, and it boosted his ego more than it would have anyone else.

sunghoon was tired of being introverted and seen as a loser. he was tired of seeing his two best friends get every single girl they landed their eyes on. when the three of them had first started going to parties together, sunghoon couldn't count on his hands how many times jake and jay had forgotten about him; he had to walk home alone when his social anxiety and introvertedness kicked in full drive.

sunghoon thinks to himself that joining the rugby team was the best thing he could have ever done for himself and his reputation.

he also felt like he owed part of it to jake.

jake was always the one to try to get sunghoon out of his shell. when jake first started to gain popularity, he didn't hesitate to introduce sunghoon to everyone, even if sunghoon struggled to keep eye contact with them. sunghoon was sure that at first, all of jake's new popular friends thought he was a loser, which is why they accepted jake so quickly into their friend group and accepted sunghoon almost a year later.

sunghoon liked to work out. he thinks at first he only started working out so he could join the rugby team and so that people wouldn't think of him as that much of a loser anymore. but over time, he's come to love it and needs to do it everyday so he can relieve some of the pressure he's feeling. sunghoon has worked his ass off for the rugby team because he's known that it's the only thing that can get him into university.

sunghoon's almost too painfully aware that he's nowhere near as intelligent as jay or jake. he sees himself as the 'dumb' friend, which he can ignore most of the time. he knows that his friends don't care about how high or low his grades are, but that doesn't mean others don't. sunghoon can't help but compare himself to his best friends. they're the trio, but they all give different things to their little group.

jay's smart, practically a genius, and witty, and he has had a future of an affluent lifestyle at his fingertips since he was born. jake's extroverted and charming; people flock to him since he leaves such a significant imprint on them even after talking to them for only five minutes.

sunghoon is pretty.

and he feels like that's the only characteristic of his that he is known for. and the fact that he fucks around with a lot of girls. sure, jake and jay mess around with a handful of girls too, but even they know that sunghoon gets the most. the whole school knows that sunghoon has lost count of how many girls he has gotten with.

sunghoon thought it was cool at first that so many girls liked him, but over time he's started to lose interest in the fact. he doesn't like the idea that no one will ever take him as seriously as they do jay or jake.

so he knows that you won't ever take him seriously.

sunghoon knows he's had feelings for you since jake introduced you two in freshman year. he thought you were the most beautiful girl then, and even now, he knows that no one has ever compared to your beauty.

when he, jake, jay and you all hung out, sunghoon still hadn't come out of his shell, and he never tried to. it was hard for him to talk to everyone else, let alone you. you made him more socially awkward and shy than anyone else ever has. he couldn't help but clamp up whenever you were around, which was basically all the time at first.

he remembers that jake and jay used to tease him about it and tell him that you were asking them about him, asking them if he hated you or something. it hurt him to know that his socially awkward tendencies were hurting you, but he would have never dared to say anything back then. though, he cherished all the times you'd stay back with him when jake or jay left to go interact with others or give each other the knowing look of when people would suddenly surround half of the table the four of you were sitting at only on jay and jake's side.

when jake first started getting into the popular side of high school, sunghoon remembers thinking about what would happen to him. You clearly didn't care about being popular or liked, and you didn't want to be. you preferred to stay back against the walls and watch everyone. sunghoon remembers agreeing with you back then, and maybe even part of him now still agrees.

sunghoon wishes he could have talked to you more when he had the chance (multiple chances!!!!) to. when he first started to gain popularity, he would often see you in the halls or cafeteria, always sitting in the back corner with your friend. he would think about walking over there and talking to you, but he knew he'd never act on his thoughts. he was sure that you practically forgot all about him as if you guys were never friends.

sunghoon sometimes wonders if you'd like the guy he is now; more mature, masculine, and confident. he imagines that you like guys who are more like the way he is now and less like the way he was when you were friends. he's been conditioned to think that the way he is now is the type of guy all girls like since he only started to get girls' attention when he changed into who he is now.

sunghoon doesn't like to say that he carries himself with a false confidence about him because he is confident. there's just something about his inner, more introverted self that he feels clawing at him in the back of his mind that he chooses to ignore on most days.

sunghoon didn't mind jake's idea of the bet per se, but he did, in fact, mind that he was competing to get your affection with two other guys, whether they were his friends or not. sunghoon could admit that he was the jealous type, but he couldn't ever admit that he was jealous of a girl that wasn't even remotely his.

at least for now.

it took you almost a week to tell haewon about what had happened with jay when you went to his house. you had never kept things from haewon before, but this seemed like something she would disagree with. Especially since she had shown her discontentment with the trio multiple times before.

haewon didn’t shy away from telling you that she wasn’t fond of you being friends with jay again, warning you multiple times about his true intentions. and you’d be lying if you said you weren’t wishing to have taken her warnings seriously, especially now since you haven’t spoken to jay since you left his house on the weekend.

you figured you would see him in class like you usually did, especially now that he had kicked your seatmate out of her spot so he could sit with you instead. but when you walked into class on monday, you were surprised to see your original seatmate, yuna, sitting in her usual spot. when you asked her what happened to jay sitting there, she shrugged and told her that he had changed his mind. jay didn’t even bother showing up for that class even though yuna had seen him earlier in the day.

you contemplated texting him to ask what’s up with his mood swing but decided against it. jay park has hurt you once again, and this time it hurt one thousand times more than the first time.

you should’ve listened to haewon.

you didn’t know how to bring it up to her again or even word it properly if you had brought it up. but thankfully, haewon noticed every little thing about you and asked at the end of the week.

“so, how’s your new best bud, jay park?” haewon asks over her sandwich as the two of you sit in the cafeteria for lunch.

you shift awkwardly in your seat across from her, your eyes not leaving the book you were trying to read, “uh, he’s good, i guess.”

“oh, c’mon, y/n, i haven’t heard you mention him or see you with him since last week, so what? did you change your mind about becoming friends with him again?” haewon looks at you with an exasperated expression, a look of knowing that indicates she’s been onto you for days now.

“it’s not that hae,” you shake your head at her.

haewon sets her elbows on the table as she tilts her head in confusion, “what do you mean?”

“well,” you start, anxiousness starting to bubble up in your throat, “we haven’t spoken since i left his house on saturday.”

“what?” haewon asks, a flash of anger mixing in with confusion in her eyes, “why?”

“i don’t know, but he hasn’t even been showing up to class, and he told yuna that she can have her spot next to me back.”

“what the hell? did he mention anything to you before you left his house?”

“no, just that he’d see me on monday, but he never did.”

“that’s really weird, y/n, i’m sorry.”

“it’s alright,” you shrug hesitantly, “i just don’t know what happened.”

“what did you guys do at his house?” haewon asks the question you wish she wouldn’t.

“um,” you start, trying to form a way to say it so she wouldn’t automatically disagree with your past decisions and judge you for it, “we just hung out in his bedroom and studied.”

haewon hums, “then i don’t see what would have happened for him to avoid you.”

“well,”

haewon raises her eyebrow to inquire, “well, what?”

“well, we might’ve had sex while studying in his bedroom.”

haewon stays silent as she processes your sentence. her eyes seem to check out reality as the word ‘sex’ leaves her mouth. you catch the way she gulps roughly and swallows the spit that had formed in her mouth. her face remains expressionless when you call out her name, hoping to get her to say anything, but she remains silent.

she remains silent until she’s swinging her backpack over her shoulder and standing up, the foot of her chair scraping against the cafeteria floor loudly and roughly. It makes everyone turn and look at the two of you.

“hae, wait- what’s wrong-?” you start, wanting to reach out to her from across the table and force her to sit back down so you can talk.

“i- just can’t, y/n,” haewon replies, shaking her head and looking towards the cafeteria doors, not being able to look at you, “i just gotta go.”

“haewon, wait?” you call out to her again. Still, she’s already started walking in a straight line toward the exit doors of the cafeteria. the lunch room had grown quieter as they watched the interaction between you and your best friend, sensing your irritation.

when the cafeteria doors close after haewon’s departure, everyone slowly turns back into their seats, and it’s not long until the loud chatter picks up again from everyone. you continue to sit in your spot with your head turned down so you can only see the light pencil marks on the cafeteria table. your opened textbooks and notes are forgotten as your emotions consume your mind, and you try to process what had just happened with haewon.

you had expected haewon to be annoyed with you for having sex with the boy that not only her, but you as well have talked shit about so many times before. haewon was your best friend, and even though she was a little standoff with your reconciled friendship with jay, she still accepted that you could be friends with whoever you wanted. She always looked out for you and wanted the best for you.

you wish you had listened to haewon’s advice and never became friends with jay park again because maybe now you’d still be best friends with haewon.

It has been over a week since jay had taken the lead in the bet the boys have all accepted, and neither sunghoon nor jake had attempted to be the second.

sunghoon knew that it was his chance to be next. His chance limit was decreasing by the day since jake’s been caught up with running auditions for the rugby team this year and studying for his extra AP classes. sunghoon knew that if he didn’t take his chance with you by friday, that jake would get with you next. and sunghoon didn’t like the thought of having you after both of his friends had.

sunghoon’s dainty, pale finger repeatedly tapped on the corner of his desk, thoughts running through his mind of you and how he could ever get a chance with you. it wasn’t like you and him were close like you and jay were, so it wasn’t easy for him to walk up to you and talk to you so casually. plus, there was another factor to this bet now that jay had taken the lead; if sunghoon approached you with the idea of sex so obvious, you would surely catch on that the three of them were up to something.

so, sunghoon has to figure out a way to get you in his bed without raising your concerns that anything considered a bet is taking place.

the brief thought crosses his mind that if any of his classmates looked at him right now, they would surely think he was cracked out. he felt his jaw tighten, and his gaze was tight as he zoned out on the blackboard at the front of the class, waiting for the bell to ring so he could go home and think about you in peace. he knew his time was leaving quickly, and he only had three more days until his perfect chance week was over, and jake would no longer be busy.

sunghoon knew that out of the three of them, he had the least of the chance to be able to get with you, as jay and you bonded over academic qualities and shared a lot of classes together. also, jake and you grew up together, shared holidays, and your families were friends.

sunghoon felt like it was hard to talk to you in freshman year, but now, three years later, it was nearly impossible.

when the day's final bell rang, sunghoon jumped up and slung his backpack over his shoulder, running out of the class, not caring if his broad shoulder bumped into anyone or the nasty glare from that someone. the only things on his mind were you, time, and a tiny bit of rugby. sunghoon was throwing open his locker in no time to grab his jacket and other work. He was planning on just getting home for the weekend until a hand grasps his shoulder from behind.

“fuck!” sunghoon exclaims, his body jumping slightly out of shock from the sudden contact. his eyes meet his best friend. He takes a breath out of relaxation, “do you always have to scare me, bro?”

“i’m sorry, hoon, i didn’t even mean to this time,” jay laughs, shaking his shoulder quickly before he lets his hand drop back to his own side, “what were you thinking about that you didn’t even notice me coming?”

sunghoon shakes his head as he shoves his jersey into his backpack, “nothing, just got a lot of homework.”

“ah,” jay nods, “you need any help with it?”

sunghoon tries to not roll his eyes at his friend, insinuating that he always needs help with his homework, “no, i got it this time, thanks though.”

jay shrugs, “it’s no problem.” he leans back against the closed lockers, watching as everyone starts leaving the school and as sunghoon continues to throw things in his bag until he is closing his locker again, “but hey, hoon,”

“yeah?” sunghoon turns his head to look at his friend, meeting his now worried eyes.

“have you,” jay starts, turning his body so his one shoulder is leaned against the lockers and he’s facing sunghoon; his eyes quickly scan the emptying hallways, “seen y/n recently?”

the mention of your name makes sunghoon’s heart pick up the pace, but he does not react to it, “uh, no? why, what‘s up?”

jay sighs with a shrug, “nothing, i just haven’t talked to her since she left my house.”

“what?” sunghoon jerked his head back in confusion, “why not? i thought you were becoming friends again.”

“well, i guess we were, but then we had sex, and i don’t know, i didn’t want to make it more confusing for us all with this bet thing and everything.”

“so, you’re avoiding her?”

“no- yes, i guess, but i don’t want to, i feel bad.”

“well, how about you just go and talk to her?”

“i want to! but i know she’s mad at me.”

“how do you know she’s mad at you?” sunghoon questions his best friend further.

jay’s shoulders straighten at the question, and sunghoon pics up the change in his friend’s aura; his worried expression changes into an expressionless one, “i don’t know, i just get the vibe that she would be mad after what we did and after what i’ve done.”

“right,” sunghoon nods, “well, i guess you’ll have to wait until this whole bet thing is over then,”

“yeah, if it ever does end,” jay perks up again, throwing his arm around sunghoon’s shoulders, “when are you going to talk to her? you know jake’s been real busy this week, so he hasn’t had the time too!”

“i know, i know,” sunghoon nods again, hating having to hear what he’s been thinking from someone else, “ i will soon, don’t worry.”

“trust me, bro, i’m not worried at all.”

sunghoon shoves jay with an annoying smile on his face, making jay laugh as he follows sunghoon down the hall, both of them having thoughts of you on their minds as they leave the school for the day.

you hate having presentations. you hate having to speak in front of the class about a topic that they surely don’t care about and aren’t listening to. you hate having to wake up early so you can get to school earlier and have time to practice before class. though, since it’s summer, you don’t mind walking to school in the early morning weather. it’s not humid or cold, and it’s nice seeing all the flowers start to grow back for the season ahead of them.

the school has always seemed to be different in the early morning of the summer. it was somehow cleaner, more open and quiet. your hair feels lighter, and you feel softer in a way. you liked the sound of your shoes hitting the hallway floors as you made your way to the library, with the rustle of your backpack brushing against your back as you walked.

there’s no one to snake your way through in the hallways, no mix of perfumes, cologne and B.O that fills your nostrils and no loud noise that makes you not able to hear your own thoughts.

At that time of morning at school, the only ones that are usually there are people in the library that want to quietly work on an assignment and the rugby team practicing in the field and crowding around in the boys’ change room. part of you was glad that jay hadn’t made his way onto the rugby team after all.

today, you had to stop by your locker before heading straight to the library, it was out of the way, and it annoyed you, but you just had to go. the third floor was usually a quieter floor in the school, but it was especially quiet in the morning. your locker creaks almost too loudly as you open it and start to rummage around in it to look for the book you had somehow lost in the small locker. when you stand up with the book in your hand, you hear someone walking down the hall, and you’re quick to turn and meet the eyes of sunghoon park. without thinking much, you turn back to the book you’re holding, ready to leave for the library with it.

“uh, y/n.” your name being spoken by a voice you barely recognized. you could hear the faint tone of how sunghoon’s voice used to sound in freshman year, but it was deeper now and more mature.

you turn your head back to where sunghoon is; he was closer before and standing a meter away from you, “yeah?” you ask, trying to mask the confusion in your voice.

you didn't mask it too well because sunghoon definitely picked up on it and cringed at himself for making it so awkward between you two, “uh,” sunghoon tried to start, not knowing where he was going with this. he had racked his brain all night with the way he could talk to you, but none of them seemed to suit him or would end up with the excellent result that he wanted.

but when he saw you at your locker at seven in the morning with no one else around and only having two days left before he could get a chance to talk to you without jake interfering, he just knew that god, or whatever holy figure there was, gave him this moment.

“you okay?” you ask him, closing your locker to lean on it.

“uh yeah!: sunghoon nodded, straightening his back, “i was just, uh, wondering how you were.”

“me?” you ask and try to hide your confusion more when he nods, “i’m good, i guess. how are you?”

“i’m fine, good, yeah.” sunghoon speaks, cringing at himself again.

sunghoon doesn’t know what’s wrong with him. he’s talked to multiple girls before, and it was something that had become so easy for him that he bragged about him being able to do it in his sleep. he could pick up any girl he wanted, but you were proving that maybe he couldn’t.

it was then that sunghoon realized that he was feeling like he was in freshman year again, trying, struggling to talk to you because he felt inferior to you because you were so out of his league. he felt insecure again and like he was that tall, lanky nerd again that never left his bedroom and only played video games.

sunghoon knew that that wasn’t him anymore. he was confident and good looking, and he no longer stayed huddled inside on the weekends anymore, his face practically pressed up against his computer screen. so he needed to snap out of this, and he needed to quick before his chance was gone.

“i heard you were at jay’s a couple of weeks ago,” sunghoon nods his chin at you. you felt intimidated by him suddenly. his eyes never left yours, and the signature smirk he was known for was playing on his rosy lips. his shoulders looked broad in his jersey uniform, and his hair was pushed back from the morning wind and his fingers.

“oh, yeah.”

sung hoon steps forward, so he’s closer to you, and you wonder what happened to the sunghoon that you had just seen seconds before. the sunghoon before reminded you awfully of the one that you were once acquainted with, and now this one in front of you was the sunghoon park you had only seen briefly in the halls and had heard rumours about, “did you have fun?”

you gulped at his question, knowing that surely he knew what you and jay had done in jay’s bedroom, “yeah, i guess.”

“you guess?” sunghoon tilted his head at your question, he was now even closer to you, and you could smell his cologne now; it was something oaky and musky, and it seemed to you that he wouldn’t have smelt any other way.

“yeah, i guess.”

you’re more confident with your answer the second time, and sunghoon can’t help but let his smirk grow into a smile. “why do you only guess that you had fun?”

you tilt your head up at him now, “because i haven’t seen jay since, so i can’t really say if it was that much fun then.”

sunghoon straightens his back again, and his quick smile fades off of his face, “right.” he sees the way you roll your eyes at his short answer, but you don’t say anything, “look,” sunghoon's voice is different again, and it shocks you, so you do look at him, “jay’s just really moody, he gets like this sometimes. some days he’s the most fun person to be around, and other times he’s a self-isolating asshole.” you slightly nod along to his words, “it’s a stress thing really, so you shouldn’t take it personally.”

sunghoon doesn’t know why he was saying this; if he was smart like jay or jake, he would’ve used your anger towards jay as an advantage to get close to you, turn it around so you fall right into his arms in hopes that he could make you feel better. he’s sure that if this was just some other girl in front of him, he wouldn’t have thought twice about doing it, but you were y/n! and you had this sad look in your eye that you were trying to cover with pure anger and annoyance that sunghoon couldn’t help but want to make you feel better. he wanted to reach out and pull you into his chest, but god forbid his life if he ever did that.

“right, okay.” you nod at him, a soft smile making its way onto your face for the first time since you have spoken to each other, “thanks, i guess.”

sunghoon mumbles that it’s whatever, and he starts to walk down the all again, his face still towards you. he takes slow steps as he tries to think about something else he could say. something else that would continue this conversation and get you to fall into his arms and, well, maybe his bed. just as he mentally accepts that this conversation is over and starts to turn around, you call his name, and he thinks he’s hearing things.

“hoon,” you call him again, and he turns around to look at you.

“yeah?”

“why did you ask me about jay in the first place?” you ask him, and sunghoon knew that you were going to think or ask that question. you were smart, and he knew you’d pick up on it.

sunghoon shrugs and hates how easy it is for his other identity to take over for him. he feels his smirk itch it's way onto his face, and the look in his eyes becomes lighter in a way, more carefree as he speaks, “just wanted to tell you that you’d have more fun with me.”

you look and feel taken aback by his words. it was as if the statement proved to you that the sunghoon you knew in freshman year was, in fact, gone and was replaced with the man in front of you. everything that you had ever heard of him was true, which included all the good and bad things as well. his jet black was falling onto his forehead now, covering his eyes as he continued to stare down at you, not backing away from the eye contact. both of you pick up on how heavy your chest is breathing, “and how would you know that?”

sunghoon lets out a dry, short laugh as he steps closer to you again, his long legs taking long strides at a quick pace, so he’s backed you up against the locker. his face is close to yours, and that okay, musky scent is back and filling up your senses. his nose is almost touching yours, and your eyes switch from looking into his light ones to the pretty mole on the bridge of his nose, “because everyone always has more fun with me.”

something with the statement makes you snap out of the odd trance his prettiness has put you in, and your hands push against his shoulders to make some space between you, “well, i’m not everyone, so why would i have more fun with you?”

sunghoon ignores the weird palpitation in his heart and keeps his confident expression on his face, his shoulders burning where you touched him. your answer was such a y/n answer that it made him want to laugh at how well he really knows you, “i know that.” his voice is sultry as he acknowledges your statement, coming closer to you again but not as close as before. you can feel his warmth on your chest as his slim finger reaches out and pushes a strand of your hair behind your ear. you have to fight the urge to gasp out as his finger brushes your cheek before it meets your hair, “what’re you doing tomorrow night?”

“tomorrow night?” you repeat back, your mind feeling foggy from the reality you were currently in. sunghoon hums as a confirmation, “uh, nothing.”

sunghoon smirks at your answer and is suddenly standing a meter away from you, and it makes you want to grab hold of his hoodie and bring him back into you, “ok, then how about we do something together so you can see what i mean when i say that you’ll have more fun with me.”

“like what?”

sunghoon shrugs, “like anything you want.”

“can you come to my house?”

sunghoon thinks he’s hearing things when the six words leave your mouth. he’s heard the six words or other variations of them from other girls plenty of times, but your voice and presence make them mean so much more to him than ever before, “yeah, i can.”

“i’m not like everyone else, sunghoon,” you remind him, a smirk of your own playing on your lips as you speak, and sunghoon’s own doesn’t fade.

“i know you’re not, y/n,” sunghoon nods as he starts to walk backwards down the hall, “i know, so i’ll see you tomorrow.”

“see you tomorrow,” you repeat, and the last thing you see is his smile as he turns around in time to walk down a separate hall, out of sight and headed probably back to the field.

you forget what you’re doing and where you are until your finger scratches against the book in your arms. you look down at the book and curse at yourself for having less time to practice your presentation now.

but at least now you have plans for tomorrow night.

although you haven’t spoken to haewon in days, and she’s been ignoring your texts and calls, she still fills your mind. there had been many conversations between you two about the boy trio at school. there had probably been more conversations about sunghoon park out of the three of them. most of the conversations about sunghoon were about how cocky he was and how big his ego had grown throughout the years. you remember a time when you had told haewon that you wished someone would humble sunghoon, even if it was just a little bit. it was apparent to everyone how high sunghoon thinks of himself just by how he walks down the halls, runs down the rugby fields and talks to girls.

you agreed to hang out with sunghoon for three reasons.

the first reason was for haewon. you wanted to do this for haewon and bring sunghoon’s ego down a little bit, knowing that it was something haewon despised about the rugby player. you wanted to be able to tell her the look on sunghoon’s face when you humbled him with a detailed description and hear her almost evil laugh as you did.

the second reason was that you wanted to see for yourself if the sunghoon you had once known was really gone. if there wasn’t even a slight chance of him being in there underneath the cocky aura sunghoon almost put on. if he really was a pure workout-aholic with player tendencies. Some of you hoped that the nerdy and shy sunghoon park you once knew was there, and you hoped that he would show you.

the third and final reason was that a part of you wanted to see if what you had heard from other girls was true. could he really be as seductive as they all say? could he really make girls scream as they cum? you could never really believe that a teenage boy knew how to pleasure a girl, especially not the shy and awkward sunghoon park.

you know that you would never hook up with sunghoon park, especially not after what happened between you and jay. However, it might be in your best interest to fuck jay’s best friend. maybe then jay would talk to you again or act like he knows who you are again.

as you wait for sunghoon to arrive at your house, you wonder if any of your three reasons to hang out with him will be fulfilled. you hope he leaves tonight with you knowing at least something about him.

a knock on your door signals that sunghoon is here, and you try to push down the excitement in your chest as you rush and open the door. a tall sunghoon stands on your front step; his black hair falls over his forehead as he smirks down at you when you reveal yourself.

“hey,”

“hi, sunghoon,”

after a moment of staring at each other, he speaks again, “uh, can i come in, or are we just going to stand here all night?”

“oh right!” you jump back, so there’s room for him to walk past you, “come in!” his dry chuckle makes you embarrassed as he walks into your house. “uh, we can go up to my room, if you want.”

sunghoon nods, “yeah, that’s fine.”

sunghoon follows you up to your bedroom; you see him examining your house and its walls as he does. sunghoon has been in your home before during freshman year, and you wonder if he remembers any of it. when you step into your bedroom and close the door after him, he stands in the middle of your room, examining it as he did on the way through your house. you feel awkward as it's silent in your bedroom with each other, and you wonder if he’s judging how you’ve decorated the place.

“it looks really different from how i remember it.” sunghoon states, turning around to look at you leaning up against the door.

“uh, yeah. i’ve changed it around a lot, i guess.”

“you got rid of those one direction posters beside your bed.” sunghoon points to the wall that now holds pictures of you and haewon.

“yeah, i kinda grew out of them, i’m not really fifteen anymore,” you watch as sunghoon walks over to the pictures of you and haewon taped up on your wall. he leans down to examine the ones lower than his head, “that’s haewon.”

“haewon, right.” sunghoon repeats her name and nods.

“you know her?” you ask him, noticing the recognition in his eyes as he looks at your pictures.

“no,” sunghoon’s quick to answer, his head spinning to look at you as he straightens his back, “no, i’ve just seen her with you a lot, like in the cafeteria.”

“oh,” you smile confusedly, “i didn’t know you saw me that much,”

sunghoon scoffs, “what do you mean? i see you all the time sitting in the back corner of the caf,”

“well, i guess i’ve never noticed you looking at me; every time i see you in the hallways, it’s like we don’t know each other.”

sunghoon sits on the side of your bed, with his feet still planted on the carpeted floor underneath you, “yeah, ‘m sorry about that, i don’t know why it’s like that,”

this time you scoff, “maybe it’s because you got popular and i didn’t,”

sunghoon shakes his head quickly, the solemn look on his face not leaving,” no, i could’ve tried to stay friends with you more, i just never knew how to talk to you, i guess,”

“well, you’re talking to me fine now,” you point out, and he nods, “and it’s kinda weird.”

“what?” sunghoon laughs out, “what do you mean weird,”

a grin itches onto your face, “well, i mean, you used to find it so hard to talk to me when we all hung out, so i guess you really have changed since you’re even able to make eye contact with me now.”

sunghoon puts his hands over his face and leans back on his bed, “oh my god, don’t bring that time up,”

“why not, hoon?” you laugh as you move across the room, sitting on the edge of the bed in front of him, “you’re different now, right? really different from what i’ve heard,”

“from what you’ve heard?” sunghoon spreads his fingers so his eyes can look at you through them, “what have you heard about me?”

you shrug, “ i don’t know, just some stuff?”

sunghoon sits up now to inquire, “like what stuff?” the smirk is back on his face as he asks you, “tell me.”

“i don’t know, hoon, just stuff about what you and the guys do,” you suddenly want to curl up and die than talk about his apparent sex life. you thought it would be easy to confront him about his changes and reputation with girls. Still, as he sits in front of you in your bed in your house all alone, you find the situation intimidating.

“okay,” sunghoon drawls out, “what do me and the guys do?”

without even looking at him, you can hear the evil smirk on his face and the playfulness playing in his eyes as he questions you further, “sunghoon,” you whine out, “i don’t know, just forget i said anything,”

“no, tell me,” sunghoon moves over on the edge of the bed, so he’s beside you now, “you said i’m different, and i wanna know how.”

you sigh and look up at him through your eyelashes nervously, “just that, you talk to a lot of girls now and go to a lot of parties and stuff.”

“i talk to a lot of girls?” sunghoon repeats, his smirk not leaving his face, “and i just talk to these apparent girls?”

“well, you do things, with girls,”

sunghoon chuckles quietly, “what type of things y/n? you’ve gotta be more descriptive than that. wouldn’t you want to know the exact things i’ve heard about you?”

“what have you heard about me?”

“nuh uh,” sunghoon shakes his head, “i’m not telling you until you tell me exactly what you’ve heard about me.”

you sigh again and look at him, “i’ve heard you’ve done a lot, of sexual things with girls, and that- that you,”

“i what?” sunghoon probes you, and you’re now fully aware that his oaky and musky smell is infiltrating your room and senses.

“that you’re good at it,” you look at him and notice his eyebrow quirked, “the sexual things.” a look of recognition spreads across sunghoon’s face now that you’ve gone into detail about him. He realizes what you’re talking about.

sunghoon nods, “well, i am good at it.”

“and that’s why you have sex like every day?”

sunghoon now laughs, his head swinging forward as he clenches his stomach, “what? i don’t have sex like every day, y/n.”

“well, that’s what i heard.” you bite back your smile at the sound of his laughter.

“i actually haven’t had sex in a while.”

“what?” you exclaim at his confession.

“well, i mean, i’ve gotten a few blowjobs over the past two months, but i haven’t had sex.”

“what’s made you stop having sex then,” you ask, trying to ignore the part about the various blowjobs he’s gotten.

sunghoon shrugs then, “i don’t know, i just don’t want to.”

his blatant statement of agreement from before makes you question further, “and then what makes you so sure that you’re so good at it? you’re always so cocky about yourself, even yesterday when you were saying i’d have more fun with you than with jay.”

“i’m not cocky, i’m just confident.”

you roll your eyes, “okay, then why are you always so confident about everything, especially with sex stuff?”

sunghoon shrugs, “because i know what i can and can’t do, so why shouldn’t i be cocky about it,” sunghoon adds a sarcastic tone to the word cocky as he responds to you.

“and what do you apparently know how to do?”

“how to get a girl to cum.” your jaw drops at his honesty, and you feel redness flush your cheeks. his intimidating aura has taken over your own bedroom. ”do you not believe me, y/n?” you feel him move closer to you as he asks. you don’t look up from the blanket but see his knees almost touching your own. his voice is closer to your ear and quieter now when he speaks again, “do you want me to show you?”

you turn your head upwards at his question. when you look at his face again, he’s calm as usual, and his face is closer than before. his smirk remains on his face as he scans your shocked one. your noses are almost touching again, like yesterday. Still, this time it isn’t in a public school hallway, but the privateness of your own bedroom.

suddenly, sunghoon’s bare hand is gripping your outer leg that was dangling off the bed and swooping it onto the bed, so it’s laying straight with your other one as he crawls on top of you. your legs are trapped between his as he kneels over you, your head and body falling back to lay on your bed as he moves your legs.

“i asked you a question, y/n, don’t make me repeat it,” his face is close to yours, and his voice is low as he speaks.

You now stare up at his stern and lust-filled eyes, and you push down all the nervousness in your chest as you speak, “yes.”

“yes what?”

“yes, i want you to show me.”

sunghoon’s smirk turns evil before he presses his lips into yours. his warm lips feel different than jay’s. and you can’t tell which pair of lips you like more. sunghoon’s are fuller as they mesh into your own, swapping saliva already.

the mess he’s already creating on your lips reminds you that you’ve heard how much sunghoon’s likes it messy. he creates a mess before, during and after he fucks, and it’s something that makes you feel a rush of wetness in your panties.

sunghoon grinds his hips into your core as you continue to kiss feverishly. the friction from his jeans rubbing against your clit through the fabric of your skirt and panties has started to make your clit throb. sunghoon’s hands begin to travel down your sides and rest at your waist. your noses are brushing against each other from how close and obnoxious you are kissing. your bedroom is full of wet noises coming from your tongues intertwining.

when sunghoon pulls away from your mouth, a string of saliva connects you two before it quickly disperses, “are you wet for me, y/n?”

though your folds are dripping from how turned on and excited you are, you shake your head no. your chest is heaving from being out of breath, and sunghoon only quirks his eyebrow up in disbelief as he observes your breathing and your answer.

“really? can i check then y/n?”

you nod your head, and sunghoon’s intimidating expression fades for a second as he presses a quick, almost innocent kiss to your cheekbone. his expression makes him look boyish again like you’re both fifteen and hanging out in your bedroom for the first time. the boyish aura of his fades, and his prior, usual intimidating expression returns.

sunghoon’s hands quickly push your skirt up so it bunches at your waist. Both eyes meet at your now exposed panty core, and neither is surprised to see a wet patch growing on it. you hear sunghoon chuckle dryly before his index finger reaches out and circles around the wet patch. you have to try to force yourself to not make a sound at the feeling of it.

after everything you’ve heard about sunghoon and how he treats girls and apparently makes them cum fast, you didn’t want to give in so easily to him. the whole reason why you’re in your bed right now is that he thinks he can make you feel better than jay can. you don’t care who makes you feel better; at this rate, you’re sure both of them are equally good, and sunghoon hasn’t even made you cum yet. but sunghoon’s over-the-top ego annoys you, and you want to humble him, especially in the sexual department.

sunghoon’s finger pressing harder into your core made you need to force your hips to remain flat on the bed. you’ve noticed how pretty sunghoon’s hands were before, even when you were acquaintances. they were pale and slender and his fingers were long and dainty. you’ve thought briefly about how far they could reach inside you from their length.

his finger moves up more over your panties and is now rubbing circles directly on your clit. he’s rubbing in different patterns and making the muscles in your stomach clench from the pressure.

“sunghoon,” you let out his name, and the cocky expression on his face makes you regret it.

“yes, y/n?” sunghoon brings his face closer to yours again. when you don’t answer he continues, “do you want me to add another finger y/n? want me to slip my fingers underneath your panties so you can feel my fingers even better?” your lack of response makes sunghoon chuckle. He presses his nose into your cheek playfully. “just tell me what you want y/n and i can give it to you.” when you still don’t answer, his finger starts to slow anganoizally down its pace.

“no,” you whine, your hips moving upwards to give his finger more pressure on your clit.

sunghoon smirks, “then tell me what you want y/n; tell me how you want to feel good.”

you sigh and curse at yourself for giving in slowly. Still, the urge to cum was growing like the wetness between your thighs, “i want your fingers underneath my panties; want to feel your fingers.”

sunghoon’s smirk grows wider at your statement and he leans down to press a sloppy kiss onto your lips. his fingers do as you say, slipping underneath the fabric of your underwear and meeting your throbbing, swollen clit. you let out a quiet whimper at the feeling of his fingers touching your clit and start to rub circles around it. at the same time, sunghoon lets out a groan as he feels your wetness.

“jesus christ, y/n.” sunghoon slips his fingers out of your panties and you’re about to complain until he brings his fingers so both of you can see them in front of your face. his fingers are glistening with your juices and they’re literally sticking to his fingers. he spreads his index and middle finger apart and is connected and coated together with your clear juices.

you want to tell him to put his fingers back into your panties now, but you thought that would be too much for his ego and you know he’d never let you live the moment down. but you’re thrilled you didn’t because sunghoon sticks his juice coated fingers into his mouth and moans loudly at your taste.

“sunghoon,” you reach out and grab the wrist of the hand in his mouth; you’re embarrassed as he rolls his eyes back at the taste of you, but turned on at the same time. sunghoon’s other hand grabs ahold of your wrist and brings it back down to your side. he moves so his face is directly over your own and he speaks,

“open your mouth.”

without a thought you do as he says like it’s instinctual and you can’t even think to control yourself before your mouth is open wide like he demanded. sunghoon lines his mouth up with your own and lets out a line of spit straight for your mouth. his saliva and your juices warm and swirl together on your tongue, “swallow.” again, you do as sunghoon says. You moan at the taste of it all, sunghoon’s hand is grabbing your chin and his fingers are digging into your cheeks, “good girl.”

the nickname reminds you of jay and makes you blush at the memory.

sunghoon’s fingers are back underneath your panties and are circling your clit at a fast pace. your hands grip the sheets of your bed to hold yourself together, closing your eyes to only focus on the pleasure and not on sunghoon.

you feel sunghoon move his face so he’s right in your neck and shoulder, planting wet kisses that leave you shivering as the damp skin meets the cool air of your room. sunghoon notices your legs shaking as he continues the quick menstruation on your clit. he sees your bottom lip tucked tightly into your teeth as you try to refrain from making noises that could boost his ego and prove him right.

“don’t i make you feel good y/n?” sunghoon asks and his voice makes you open your eyes to look at him. his dark brown eyes are full of lust as they scan your face. his free hand trails up your chest and rests on your throat, squeezing it so your eyes widen as you look at him. your slight nod makes him grin at you and his grip tightens even more, making your oxygen level decrease further, “then why don’t you tell me just how good i’m making you feel, huh? maybe i’ll let you cum if you do.”

the mention of the word cum has you crumbling and you notice how badly you genuinely want to cum on sunghoon park’s fingers. it seems like he knows the exact pressure and pace to circle your clit, alternating directions and patterns as he brings you closer and closer to your climax. his grip on your throat loosens so you can respond to him.

“fuck, you make me feel so good, hoon, feel like cuming so bad,” you let out, desperate for him to let you cum.

sunghoon laughs at your breathless tone, “you’re gonna cum just like this? how’re you gonna last when i put my cock in you?”

“who says you’re gonna put your cock in me?” you smirk back at him, your back arched into his chest. sunghoon’s smirk doesn’t fade as he shakes his head at your snarky response.

“good one,” he states before three of his fingers flatten out so they can rub your clit at an even faster and harder pace, making you squeal at the sudden pleasure. his other hand grips onto your

“fuck, sunghoon!” you cry out his name at your grip moves from your sheets to his hoodie.

“gonna cum y/n? gonna make a mess of my fingers?”

you can only nod in response as you feel the coil in your stomach release and your toes start to curl as the pleasure takes over your body. your whole body was becoming a trembling mess at the hands of sunghoon park. you could hear sunghoon’s degrading chuckle in your ear as he placed soft kisses behind your ear, which was the complete opposite of what his fingers were doing to your clit.

sunghoon’s fingers slowed down their pace on your clit, and moved his hand to hold your thigh open. you were out of breath as you watched sunghoon scan your wet and exposed core.

“fuck,” sunghoon lets out quietly as he watches your juices dribble down your pussy and thighs, “so pretty, y/n, just as i thought.” He mentions that he has thought about you in this position before makes your heart swell. You wanted to reach out and pull him down, so your lips meet again, but that felt too intimate for the moment, and you aren’t sure if you’d regret doing it.

sunghoon gets up and leaves your room suddenly. You mentally groan because it seems like he is doing to you what he apparently does to every girl he’s ever hooked up with. but then you hear him in the bathroom, the sink turning on and off, and then his footsteps approaching your bedroom again.

he returns to your side with a wet washcloth and taps your thigh, “open,”. you do as he says so quickly again, and almost melt as he carefully starts to wipe your core and inner thighs. the expression on his face is serious as he tries to not miss a single part of you. the intimacy between you two is almost suffocating and you aren’t sure how to relieve it, and part of you doesn’t want to.

when sunghoon’s sure he’s gotten every part of the mess both of you have created between your thighs he throws the dirty washcloth into the hamper by your bed.

“i haven’t heard about that part before,” you break the silent as sunghoon hands you a pair of sweatpants to put on.

“what do you mean?” sunghoon questions as the two of you switch places so now he’s sitting on your bed and you’re standing to get dressed.

“the part where you clean the girl up afterwards,” sunghoon shrugs and avoids looking at you take your skirt off as he picks at the blanket on your bed. you take his silence as a cue to not further push the topic.

when you’re wearing the sweatpants you crawl back onto your bed. sunghoon lifts up the blanket for you to slide under and it’s when you notice his hard bulge in his jeans. sunghoon sees your still body and follows your eyesight to his crotch, which he only shakes his head at you.

“but what about you?”

sunghoon shrugs with a tight smile, “another time.” sunghoon stands up from your bed and you lay your head flat into your pillow behind you with a sigh.

“now i’ve heard about this part?”

sunghoon rolls his eyes playfully, “and what part is this?”

“the part where you leave as quick as you came.”

there’s a beat of silence in your room and you think you shouldn’t have said that, but you know that is sunghoon park and he wouldn’t be offended by it like everyone else would have.

“i mean,” sunghoon starts with an awkward expression, “i was just going to take my sweater off, but if you want me to go i can.”

“oh,” you glance as the hoodie he’s wearing, “i mean, you can stay, if you want.”

sunghoon quirks an eyebrow at you, “do you want me to stay?”

you’re sure that you’re supposed to say no, that haewon would want you to say no. that jay would like you to say no but- “yes.”

sunghoon smirks at your answer and you watch him lift the hoodie off his head, his shirt riding up as he did so, letting you see a glimpse of his pale abs before the shirt falls back down.

sunghoon crawls back into the bed with you, lifting the blanket to slide under it so your bodies are close together. the silence in your room is almost deafening as you both lay on your back awkwardly, both of you looking up at the ceiling.

“i’m tired,” you tell him, trying to find something to say while both of your thoughts wander around crazily.

sunghoon turns his head to look at you, your faces close together again, “you can sleep, if you want.” you smile softly as him before you turn to lay on your side, your back facing him. a second passes after you get comfortable that sunghoon is turning to lay on his side as well, his chest pressing up against your back.

you see his left hand hover slightly over your waist, as if he’s thinking if it would okay for him to lay his arm over you, pull you in further into his chest. just before he decides to pull it away entirely and keep it at his side, you grab hold of his dainty wrist and pull his arm over you, your fingers interlocking as you do so and keeping them held together at your chest.

his oaky smell is intoxicating you now, rubbing itself into your sheets and pillows that you’re sure you’ll be able to smell for a day or two after tonight. both of your hearts are pounding and sunghoon hopes you don’t feel his against your back. he hopes that after tonight you still think of him as the cool confident guy he’s trying so hard to be. he knows that because of this mask he has on is the reason that he’s even in a bed with you now, in your bed right now. sunghoon thinks about his past struggle of keeping eye contact with people and how it was only bad when he was around you. and he feels that maybe it wasn’t because he was too shy he couldn’t keep eye contact, but because you intimidate him, make him feel anxious and nervous in a way that only you can do to him.

part of him also hopes you don’t feel his hard on poking into your ass; if you do, he hopes you don’t say anything about it.

sunghoon park’s warmth lulls you to sleep even though your mind is wide awake, begging you to stay awake to listen to it. there are thoughts of jay and haewon yelling at you for doing this with sunghoon. but there are also thoughts of sunghoon and how calm he makes you feel, how good he can make you feel. there’s even a brief call of jake’s name, and you wonder for a second how your friendship with jake will change after you’ve hooked up with two of his best friends. but the thought is taken over by sleep and the brief thought that if the rumour of sunghoon park liking messy sex is true, then what else is?

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HEESEUNG THOUGHT HIS AWFUL LUCK HAD TURNED AROUND WHEN HIS TEACHER ASSIGNED HIM AND LEE ISA TO CLEAN THE CLASSROOM TOGETHER.

heeseung had never thought he’d enjoy staying after school to clean the classroom. he knows that he’s going to be late to practice, but he could care less about how mad his coach will be when he finds out that not only was he late- that he was late because he came into class late that day.

heeseung describes himself as an honest man- and to be an honest man he must admit that he doesn’t have the best track record when it comes to school or his attendance (or girls) and it wasn’t new to him that his teacher punished him to clean the class once everyone was gone. usually, he’d play the practice card and his teacher would sigh but let him off- but today, when lee isa stepped foot into the classroom a minute late after him he seemed to have lost that card.

he thought it was unusual for good girl lee isa to be late to class- because she was never late for class. her attendance was perfect as well. heeseung thinks it’s another part about her that he likes.

heeseung has thought many times about lee isa and what he likes about her; from her perfect nose and smile to the way the ends of her bang on her right side curls inwards. but what he wants most is how she’s so different from him. the main difference is that he knows she wouldn’t hurt someone- ever.

heeseung cringes at the thought of him hurting people. memories of ex-friends ’faces getting so red with anger, girls he had just hooked up with crying in front of him- and you- flash through his mind.

heeseung isn’t sure what exactly caused him and you to not be able to converse calmly with each other- but it happened around freshman year from what he remembers. his memories with you aren’t the best and some of them make him laugh when he thinks about your reactions and expressions to the things he’s done or said to you. he thinks that you’re always the one to start things- that you can never take a joke and god, that’s all he knows how to do.

he knows that you always say he isn’t self-aware of what he does- but he knows he is. it’s part of his guilty conscience that keeps him up at night. and maybe his self-awareness wasn’t always up to one hundred percent- but it’s definitely grown as of the beginning of his senior year.

he’s so self-aware now that he can realize that not every fight is started by you- though he’s sure you know how to get right under his skin- get him so annoyed that he says things he regrets; like certain insults that he knows hit your insecure bone or posting embarrassing pictures or videos (the iconic vomit vid) of you when you’ve begged him not to.

heeseung used to swear that you have done worse to him than you have done to him, but now he’s not too sure.

heeseung hates to think that you and he have been sworn enemies in every life the both of you had the chance of living together- because he hopes you don't go the rest of your lives hating each other. or more so, that you don’t go the rest of your life hating him.

he wonders if you ever think the same.

heeseung caught the way you wiggled your eyebrows at him obnoxiously when you left the classroom with the other students for the end of the day. he knows that you’re only spending time with him so that you can become better for jake and that it gets isa out of the way of jake for you- but recently sometimes it feels like the two of you are truly just friends.

and heeseung knows his past self would hate to think it, but he’s been having actual fun with you. In fact, the thoughts of you are filling his mind so much that he almost completely misses the way isa speaks to him.

“hm?” heeseung snaps his head to the pretty girl, “sorry?”

isa’s pretty laugh fills the ugly classroom, “i asked why you were late this morning.”

“oh,” heeseung picks up a broom that was leaning against the wall, “I’m always late.”

“well yeah, but there’s no cause for your lateness?” heeseung picks up on isa’s suggesting tone and he raises an eyebrow up at her to question it, “you know, like y/n?”

heeseung feels his eyes widen at her question and part of him feels anxious that he had been speaking out loud, “what?- uh- no!” he cringes at himself yet again. isa’s pretty lips form a suspicious smirk. “really, y/n and i- it’s different.”

“different?” isa stops cleaning the chalkboard, “different how?”

“different like-” heeseung pauses to think about how he should word his next sentence, “like we’re not really together-together if you know what i mean.”

isa still looks confused but nods anyways and turns back to her cleaning, “so do you like each other?”

“we’re just friends.”

isa nods and heeseung focuses on sweeping, hoping that he didn’t just mess up literally everything- which reminds him, “is there anyone that you like?”

isa laughs at heeseung’s rushed-out question, “like in a ‘we’re not really together together way or in an ‘i want to date them’ way?”

“in an ‘i want to date them’ way.”

isa spins on her heel and leans against the newly cleaned board, “why?” she bites her lip and looks up into heeseung’s eyes.

“uh,” heeseung gulps as her eyes pierce so seductively into his own, “well because you know who i’m into- or who i’m not into i mean.”

isa makes a noise to think and she picks at her freshly done nails, “i mean there is a boy that i’m interested in.”

heeseung feels his heart pick up the pace at her words- his body filling with anxiousness and excitement that he struggles with his own body to keep calm and try to think of something to say, “there is?”

“yeah,” isa says with a sweet smile on her lips that makes heeseung want to drop to his knees, “do you want to know?”

“yes.” heeseung states and the quickness of his response shakes isa and him, but isa has a better way of hiding it than he does.

isa twirls her fingers in her pretty hair and takes a few steps towards heeseung so now that she’s a meter in front of him, the height difference is something that neither of them can ignore as heeseung has his whole head and neck bent down to look at her, “well, he’s on the soccer team.”

heeseung curses in his head when he figures it’s jake that she’s talking about and he wishes for a second that he didn’t even ask the stupid question until- “and he’s always late for class.”

“is he?” heeseung feels his confidence return and he’s smirking down at her.

“yeah, but i wasn’t sure if he liked me or not until very recently.”

“oh?” heeseung leans his hands and chin on the broom handle, “and what was the verdict?”

isa smirks back at him and he doesn’t know what is about to happen but he knows that this is something he’s been wishing for for four years and it’s almost everything he’s dreamed of as he steps even closer to him. he can smell her perfume as they look at each other with the same want and lust in their eyes.

heeseung felt like he was on cloud nine from it all.

“you guys can go now,” their teacher popped her head into the classroom, her eyes scanning its cleanliness before her eyes landed on the two of them, “what’re you two up to?”

“nothing mrs.kim!” isa steps back, sweeping up her backpack to throw it over her shoulder, “again, i’m so sorry for being late today! i’m sure it won’t become a regular occurrence!”

“it better not be, unless you want to end up like him,” mrs park teases them as she nods her head at heeseung who is still leaning over the broom with his jaw clenched. “let’s go heeseung, don’t want the coach to be madder at you then he probably already is.” heeseung shakes his head to clear it, smiling at isa who waves to him over their teachers’ shoulder.

their teacher rushing him to practice makes him forget to remind himself to ask isa why she was late for the first time ever today- plus the memories of his and isa’s interaction seem like something better to think about.

the longer you stood outside the party waiting for heeseung the more you hated his guts.

the porch isn’t just occupied by your fuming self but other couples who were making out and smoking. some other kids are laying on the lawn in front of you and you don’t even want to know what they are up to.

it would be your first party that you attended as a ‘couple’. heeseung and you had planned to meet up at the party (god forbid he meets your mother again) so you can walk in together.

fall has officially set into the air and it is making goosebumps rise on your legs from the fabric of your dress not covering them. you have been spamming heeseung with texts for the past ten minutes and he was not answering any of them. you start to wonder if he’s ignoring you and if he’s not going to show up to this party at all.

“hey, y/n, what’re you doing?” you turn at the mention of your name and see jake standing on the porch besides you. his blonde hair falls messily into his eyes and his tan skin looks so pretty in the mix of the moon and porch light.

“just getting some air,” you lie to him and it scares you how easily it seemed to be. you couldn’t tell him that your freshly new boyfriend is potentially ditching you at the moment.

“oh?” jake looks down at your body and then back up to your face, “do you think you’ve had enough? you look awfully cold.”

and suddenly your lying skills are out the window, “uh, no! i’m fine.” jake quirks an eyebrow up at your answer.

“ok, well do you want to come back inside? i lost the guys a while ago and I haven't seen the girls since we all got here.”

“sure,” your mood brightened up at the idea of being with jake. he smiles sweetly at you and you follow him back inside.

there seem to be more people at this party than any of the ones you’ve gone to before and it’s very hard to squeeze your way through the crowd. you’re nervous that you'll lose jake since he’s ahead of you.

suddenly, indicating that he was thinking the same thing he snakes his hand behind himself and grabs hold of your wrist, dragging you successfully behind him now. you try not to focus on the warmth from his skin onto your cold one and try to not lose him.

you both finally stop when you’re in the kitchen and he’s passing you a cup that some other guys are handing out. you’re leaning against the kitchen wall when he joins you with his own.

“i think they’re gonna run out of liquor soon with all the people here,” jake nods towards the crowded living room, “this was like the last of the vodka.”

“why are there so many people here?” you ask him curiously.

“choi yeonjun’s back in town for the weekend.”

“yeonjun?” your voice raises excitedly. “i haven’t seen him in over a year.”

“oh god,” jake groans and leans against the wall beside you, “you’re not gonna ditch me for choi yeonjun too are you?”

you quirk an eyebrow up at him, “what do you mean ‘too’?”

“i mean, haven’t you already ditched me for heeseung?”

“what? no!” you exclaim, “i wouldn’t ditch you for anyone- not heeseung or yeonjun.” jake smiles down at that and he sticks out his pinky finger at you.

“pinky promise?”

you smile and link your finger with his, “pinky promise.”

“good, because i need someone else that’s sober to help me every time our friends get too wasted to get home themselves.”

this time you groan at the memories of both of you dragging chaeryeong off of a lawn chair into the car and the time at sunghoon’s birthday party when both of you had to clean up sunghoon’s vomit from all over the kitchen. your reaction makes jake laugh and your stomach clenches at the sound of it.

“you know, heeseung is pretty lucky to have you,” jake takes a sip of his drink as your eyes widen in shock, “you’re a really great person, y/n.”

in the moment all you can think about is fuck lee heeseung and fuck this stupid plan, “actually jake,” you start and jake’s eyes squint in confusion at you.

a wave of guilt washes over you for some reason and you aren’t sure why. maybe it’s because you’ve been lying to jake for months now. maybe it’s because your friends are going to lose trust in you when they find out you've been lying. or maybe it’s because you feel like you’re going behind heeseung’s back right now.

“jake! come over here!” jay’s voice calls from the other side of the room- over the loud music and talking of all the other people. both of you turn and look at jay who’s waving over jake and is drastically pointed at isa who has her back turned to him. you catch the way jake’s eyes lighten up at the sight of isa who is standing with her friends.

“i’ll see you later, y/n.” jake says without even looking at you, just walking over with his drink still in his hand, jay pats him on the back as he walks past him as well and goes straight up to isa. isa looks just as happy as he does to see him. your heart hurts more at the sight of them hugging quickly in a friendly manner.

you curse lee heeseung for not being here and for making you not be able to open your mouth quicker.

jay’s waving at you catches your eye and he’s calling you over as well, but you couldn’t stand the thought of being so close to jake and isa who was now bending over into each other’s ears and whispering so only they would be able to hear each other. you only shake your head gently with a playful scowl on your face at jay, making him look confused at you. luckily, sunghoon pulls his arm around jay and distracts him, making jay forget about his still position against the wall.

you feel confused as you stand by yourself and watch all your friends have fun amid the big crowd in the living room. the music seems silent while your thoughts are loud and racing. you aren’t sure why you’re feeling so confused, but your stomach turns in disgust every time your eyes drift over jake and isa together.

it’s jealousy and anger mixing around in your chest and you want it all to go away. you feel frustrated that jake and your relationship seem to be stagnant when it could and should be so much more.

you can’t help but think that you’re perfect for each other.

well at least in your mind you’re perfect for each other.

you have fun with jake when you are hanging out with your other friends. the surfing lessons he gave you the past summer were the only times you were alone together- plus everyone else that was at the beach that day. even then, you didn’t get to talk to each other about anything besides the party the night before, your friends or surfing. it makes you wonder what you guys actually know about each other.

“dude i’m so sorry i’m late,” a presence stands beside you (and it luckily blocks your view of isa and jake) and you instantly can tell who it is without looking at him, “coach was kicking my ass because of detention earlier- which by the way- was awesome!” when heeseung saw the distant look in your eyes that weren’t looking at him he stopped, “what’s wrong? you look like you’re about to cry or kill someone.”

“i’m going to kill someone.”

“ou, who?” heeseung turns to look out at the people partying, excited to hear about it. until he felt a harsh slap to his bicep again, “ow!”

“you! i’m going to kill you!” you were grateful for the loud music now.

“what why? i said i’m sorry for being late! i couldn’t tell the coach i needed to leave his punishment practice to party!”

you rolled your eyes and crossed your arms, you could barely look at him right now with all the thoughts of him and jake crossing through your mind at the same time. “are your parents home tonight?”

“no, why?” he asks you, not taking his eyes off of your angry figure.

“because i want to fuck so let’s go.” you grab his wrist of the arm you had hit earlier and start to pull him through the crowds of people. you ignored the looks you were getting as you bumped them to their sides and the calls of your name from heeseung behind you. you only listened to him when you both stood out on the street outside of the house party. “what?”

honestly, heeseung had thought you had lost it. he thought you were so drunk and blinded by whatever had made you so pissed that he thought your brain had stopped working.

“i mean, you want to fuck-fuck or like, just do what we usually do.”

“heeseung,” you grab a hold of both of his upper arms so he looks down into your eyes, “i want your dick inside of me.” and now heeseung thinks his brain is close to stopping as well since “y/n wants me to take her v card” fills up his mind and stops any other thoughts of forming.

“are- are you sure? i mean you said before-” heeseung tries to process what you’re saying and what you want.

“i don’t care what i said before.” you snap at him, “i’m tired of being inexperienced and i’m tired of watching jake fuck every other girl and not me! so please heeseung, just take me back to your house so we can fuck.”

heeseung says ok and then you’re both speeding walking back to his house, little laughs falling out both of your mouths. and although heeseung said ok, he doesn’t feel ok. it's fun almost running through the streets with you so you can get into bed together sooner- but there’s a feeling behind it that makes him feel uneasy.

he thinks if you were any other girl that was begging for him to fuck her and to take her virginity he wouldn’t have thought twice about it- hell he wouldn’t even bother taking her back to his house, he’d find a spot somewhere on the lawn and fuck her there.

but with you it’s different. and he’s quickly realizing that everything about you is different. so he thinks that he should treat you differently.

-

i want to give a very small TW here just in case: reader says to stop during sex- and heeseung does immediately!

-

but it’s still so hard to when you’re ripping off his shirt before you’re even fully inside of his bedroom. you’re smashing your lips against his so messily and your hands are trailing down his toned chest. it turns heeseung on that you’re trying to take the lead and have so much confidence compared to the other times.

heeseung had mentally already prepared himself to bring you back to his house (or to an empty room at the party) to make it up to you for being so late to the party. he did not expect you to instantly drag him back out and make him take you back to his house.

“heeseung, please,” you beg him, feeling frustrated and needy. your foreheads are touching as you look at each other.

“you’re one hundred percent positive you want to do this?”

you feel a bit of doubt rush through your mind at the thought of losing your virginity to heeseung. you always imagined you would have lost it to a boy that you loved- to a boy like jake. but you understand that to get jake to love you back, you would have to do this, “yes, heeseung.”

heeseung doesn’t notice the flash of doubt in your eye and leans in to kiss you again, this time rougher and pushing you back so you’re on his bed. your hips started to move involuntarily against his hips, making him groan against your lips. you could feel the texture of his jeans rubbing against your clit through your panties.

heeseung’s hand slipped down in between your bodies and started to slink off of your panties down your legs. you could feel your bottom half now bare to his bedroom as your dress was bunched up at your hips. heeseung’s hips were still rolling into yours. heeseung’s hands were roaming your outer thighs, keeping them spread so his body could stay in between them.

heeseung pulls away from your lips first and starts to kiss down your neck, easily finding your sweet spot by now, and sucking a harsh bruise into it. you hold back your whine from the pleasure and focus on the task at hand. your hands trail down to heeseung’s crotch, rubbing over the bulge that had formed. when he feels you start to unbuckle his jeans he pulls away from you completely.

“fuck, wait.” heeseung stops and you see that his chest is breathing heavily like your own, “i gotta stretch you out first, i don’t want to hurt you.”

“no no, i’m okay,” you stop him from inching his finger towards your core. he looks up at you confused, “let’s just fuck.” you could tell that heeseung wanted to say something, but he chose not to, deciding to listen to you and shove his pants down his legs.

his cock was hard when it sprung up and it made you realize just how big he was and that he was supposed to shove his big dick into your pussy in a second and you hoped to god it wouldn’t hurt as much as your friends said it would.

heeseung rummages through his bedside drawer until he holds up a crinkly condom package. he stands in between your spread legs again, “do you want to try to put it on?”

you gulp and shake your head no, making heeseung shrug and begin to open the package himself. he slides the condom onto his dick easily, showing that he has a lot more experience than you do, and you try to not shy away at the thought. you try to think of jake and that you were doing this for jake- you were doing this so you can jake could be together.

heeseung places his dick at your entrance, making your body freeze up, “are you sure you want to do this, y/n?” heeseung asks, resisting the urge to bend down and stroke the side of your face with his thumb.

“yes, i’m ready heeseung, god,” you let out in a frustrated tone that you regretted when you saw heeseung’s concerned face drop into something more offended.

heeseung huffs but doesn't say anything as he begins to push into you, watching your face and body. when his tip slides into you he stops, catching the way your face contorted into pain, “do you want me to pull out?” heeseung’s voice is a higher pitch than normal.

you shake your head no, “just keep going, hee.” you don’t look at him as you can only focus on the sheer amount of pain you were feeling as he continued to slowly push himself into you.

you aren’t sure how much farther he slid himself into you until you couldn’t deal with the pain, “ow heeseung! okay i- i can’t.” your hand grabbed onto heeseung’s forearm, wanting to stop him from going any further.

due to your pain, you miss the way heeseung’s eyes fill with pure panic and concern at your words, “shit, y/n.” heeseung instantly pulls out of you, making you hiss with more pain. “fuck, i’m sorry, i’m so so sorry.”

your hands cover your face as you start to feel tears of frustration start to pool in your eyes. there was no way that you could ever live up to jake’s expectations at this point. he would never see you as someone he could love. if earlier in the night where he left you in an instant for isa didn’t make that clear enough to you.

you’re too distracted with trying to cover your tears from heeseung that you don’t notice him fervently rushing around his room, slipping on some sweatpants and finding a sweater for you to wear.

“y/n, here sit up,” you feel heeseung beside you again, his hand finding its way to your lower back to help you sit up on his bed. you can’t bear to look at him because you feel so disappointed in yourself for so many reasons that you can count. “do you want to change into this while i go get you some water?- or do you want to have a bath or a shower- fuck how bad does it hurt?”

“i’m fine, heeseung!” you snap at him, pushing his hand away from you, “fuck, i’m f-fine,” you repeat, this time quieter and you still haven’t looked at him.

“here, just put this on and i’ll go get some water.” heeseung put his sweater in your lap and left his room. he felt like one million thoughts were going through his mind all at once and he couldn’t help but feel guilty for hurting you. it was the last thing he had wanted to do.

when he comes back with a glass of water, he finds you under his blanket with his sweater on, the hood over your head as you lay on your side, facing the doorway. he places the glass of water on the bedside table and smiles softly at your quiet ‘thank you'.

heeseung thinks to himself that he’s never felt this awkward before in his own bedroom.

“are you going to lay down?” you ask him quietly after your eyes met silently a few times.

“do- do you want me to?” heeseung stutters, trying to think of something to do to help the situation. when you nod against his pillow he gently crawls over you so he lays closest to the wall now. you’re still laying on your side as he lays on his back, staring up at his ceiling.

heeseung wasn’t going to lie to himself or to anyone (okay maybe to you) that he hadn’t thought of fucking you before. he figured that you were more on the vanilla side until he had heard you and your friends talking about your virginity. it made something click inside of him- like he saw a different side of you from then on.

kissing you was something he hadn’t expected. it was softer than he imagined, and he liked to smell your perfume as you kissed. and he liked the sounds of you whimpering into your mouth when he takes you by surprise and presses his tongue into your mouth. your reactions to everything he does are so cute that it makes him turned on in a way he’s never felt before.

after your first set of rules had been set, he never figured that you would give him a handjob or anything of the sort- but he wasn’t disappointed when you had. he found it hard to think of anything else since it had happened. every time his hand sneaks down to his crotch late at night. all he can think about is you.

after all the times he had thought about fucking you- he had never expected it to go like that.

he wanted to say so much to you, but he didn’t want to cross any lines with you. he knew that once this deal between you was over, the two of you would go back to hating each other- to swearing at each other in front of anyone- doing anything to insult or embarrass the other. so, he didn’t understand why he cared so much and wanted to hold you.

your silent shaking makes him look over at your slumped forward figure. heeseung was suddenly hyper-aware of your sniffles filling up his bedroom.

“are you okay? i didn’t mean to hurt you, y/n i’m so sorry.”

“i’m fine, heeseung.” you respond, “i’m just disappointed and confused and it makes me sad to feel this way.”

“i’m sorry, i should’ve taken proper care of you i-.” heeseung turns to lean onto his elbow, ready to apologize with his whole heart.

“-you’re fine heeseung.” you cut him off, “it’s just- why does every other girl get to lose her virginity and have sex all the time but i can’t? it seems so easy for everyone except me.”

you hear heeseung sigh and flop down onto his back, “it’s because you like jake and not me. it’s easier to lose your virginity to someone that you actually like- someone that you want to have sex with.” when you don’t respond to him he continues, “i’m sorry, y/n. it’s not just you, i’m sure there are other girls th-.”

“kiss me.”

“w-what?” heeseung stutters again, this time out of pure shock from your words.

“i don’t want to think about it anymore- just kiss me to distract me.” you turn slightly on your back so you can look at heeseung over your shoulder, “please?”

heeseung scans your face and eyes sincerely this time, hoping to catch any sign of doubt- but ultimately finds nothing. he moves over slightly, so he’s leaning over you, his face close to yours. you catch the way he licks his lips, wetting them before he presses his lips to yours.

the kiss is the softest kiss you have ever felt. sure, you haven’t kissed very many people- but you know this one would be the winner for sure. you can almost barely feel heeseung’s lips against yours- but you fully take in the passion you feel from him.

you can’t help but let a few tears out of your eyes as you continue to kiss heeseung. the kiss is something that you need at the moment, and it’s making your heart and head feel ten times lighter than it is. heeseung feels your tears against his own face, and he pulls away slightly from you. both of you are looking into each other’s eyes and you don’t think you’ve ever noticed how pretty his eyes are.

“you shouldn’t have to have sex with someone just because everyone else is- or because you feel like you should.” heeseung’s thumb brushes against the side of your face, caving in to his urges from earlier, and wipes a stray tear off of your cheek, “i’m sorry that it hurt- and i’m sorry if i made you feel like you have to be experienced with stuff like this.”

your brain was still filtered with the alcohol from the party earlier, and your body felt exhausted from everything it had gone through. your mind was practically begging you to go to sleep.

so, you lean up towards heeseung and press your lips into his, hoping that it would suffice and successfully let him know what you were saying without speaking any words.

and heeseung swears he feels his heart skip a beat.

if lee heeseung was upset that you left his house before he woke up the next morning, he didn’t act like it. you expected him to text you or even tease you about ditching him in his own bed- but there was nothing.

in fact, you didn’t even see heeseung until the end of school on monday.

“y/n, your boyfriend is here,” chaehyun giggles out to you from the other side of the classroom. you glance up at her before your eyes wander towards the door.

heeseung is leaning against the door frame with a quirked eyebrow at you, a smirk on his face at chaehyun’s words. you could feel your cheeks burn at the statement and you couldn’t help but feel embarrassed. you start to pack your bag quickly, wanting to get out of the class as soon as possible as you could still hear the last group of friends in the classroom whispering and giggling.

with their hushed giggling, it was then that heeseung noticed isa sitting amongst the girls cradled together against some of the desks. he didn’t know how he could have pinpointed her exact laugh out of everyone else’s, but it succeeded in distracting him enough to glance over and see her looking right back at him.

there was some meaning behind her eyes as she softly smiled at him, his cocky demeanour disappearing the more he looked at her soft features. her friend whispered something in her ear, but she didn’t look away from heeseung, only sending him a wink until he was kicked in the shin.

“ow!” he whisper yells, his pained face meeting your amused one.

“i said, let’s go.” you started to push him out of the classroom, his ears catching isa’s giggle one last time.

both of you continued walking until you ended up in the outdoor classroom. the school had ended twenty minutes ago so there were some students still lingering around the property, but you didn’t pay them any attention from your spot on the bench you had sat on before.

heeseung had offered you some of the water he was drinking which you declined, making both of you sit in silence for a little while longer. it was starting to get colder now, as october had officially started up. the leaves were starting to turn orange- but not to the point where they were wilting off of the tree branches and covering the grass.

“do you have any new ideas about our whole plan, thing?” you ask him finally, because you have thought about it yourself, and haven’t been able to come up with much. everything you had planned before didn’t seem to go as expected.

heeseung leans back against the bench, his legs spread and he lets out a hum that indicates he’s thinking, “i haven’t thought about much, but halloween is coming up we’ll have to think of something big for that night.”

“halloween?” you ask with a tone of surprise, “like in almost a month? you want this to go on for another whole month?”

“well, i mean, we can’t seem like everything we’re doing is so forced, right?”

you groan and put your hands to your face, and it makes heeseung worry for a second that you're about to start crying again.

“what’s so wrong with going on for another month?” he asks you, wanting to reach out and place his hand on your back, but he keeps it glued to his thigh.

“because, hee,” you look at him, and he counts it as ‘four times now’ that you’ve called him by his nickname, “i want to date jake, not you.” you shake your head and miss the way heeseung rolls his eyes.

“well, sorry that i can’t make this go any faster.” heeseung replies, crossing his arms over his chest.

you’re about to speak again but a now familiar giggle cuts you off. both yours and heeseung’s eyes widen and you’re jumping up and going to the side rail of the outdoor classroom. you’re both trying to stay hidden as you look over to who was walking on the sidewalk below.

sure enough, isa is walking there as you had thought. but only jake was with her.

heeseung and you glance at each other when jake becomes visible to the both of you, and you go back to watching them.

jake sticks out his hand for isa to take, and he spins her around with it, making her giggle harder and tell him to quit being cheesy. you felt like you could throw up if you wanted to at her now annoying voice.

throughout your and heeseung’s plan, you couldn’t help but find the nice girl that you once called an acquaintance annoying. everything she did made your anger rise- and you haven’t spoken to her since the day you had pushed heeseung into her. maybe you were jealous of her because she had the attention of both of the guys you were closest to, but you didn’t want to admit that.

“are you hungry?” you can hear jake ask her as they now stand right below you and heeseung hiding.

“yes, i’m starving.” isa exaggerates and you notice heeseung moving more so he can see her more.

“what do you want to go eat?”

you can hear isa hum as she thinks, and heeseung nudges you to look, they’re still holding the hand that jake twirled her with and it makes you roll your eyes, “how about mcdonalds?”

“if that’s what you want.”

“that’s what i want.” isa confirms and you can hear shuffling and giggling again.

“okay, they’re far away now,” heeseung says in a normal tone, you move so you’re beside heeseung in the open view- if anyone were to look up at the outdoor classroom they could see you and your ‘boyfriend’ no doubt. you can see jake and isa swinging their clasped hands as they leave down the school’s side driveway- towards the street where they were most likely going to get mcdonalds, “i have to go to practice now.”

heeseung stands up and dusts off the knees of his pants. you stand up after him and swing your backpack onto your shoulder. “we can talk more about this tomorrow if you want, i don’t have practice.”

you nod and watch im walk back to the bench where his jacket and bag were, “and why did you post that picture of me on your instagram?” (reference to updated profiles) you were annoyed this morning when you walked into the cafeteria with ryujin and choerry shoving their stupid phones in your face of heeseung’s stupid instagram.

heeseung shrugs as he starts to put his jacket into his bag, “why did i lose like twenty followers after posting it?”

“you lost followers?” you exclaim, “it’s probably all the girls that followed you to drool over you.”

heeseung smiles to himself as he slings his backpack over his shoulder, “if that’s what you think- i thought it was because you were too ugly.”

you gasp and slap his shoulder, making him laugh, “if i’m so ugly then why did you post it?”

heeseung shrugs again, “i guess it’s a cute picture,” you squint your eyes at him in unsureness, “and because if people think we’re dating we should probably act like we are.” now that was something you could understand as to why he would post it, “maybe you,” heeseung pokes your nose with his finger, “should post a picture of me too, so more people believe it.”

“i’ll think about it- i don’t know if i really want lee heeseung all over my account.” you make heeseung laugh again and he clasps his hand over your head, messing up your hair roughly.

“i’ll see you tomorrow, y/n.” he starts to walk backwards toward the door, “make sure to pick out a good pic!” he winks at you before he’s out of your sight and the closed door is the only thing you’re staring at.

you grab a tighter hold onto your backpack as you curse lee heeseung yet again, and push open the door so you can leave as well. on your way home, you mentally pick out a picture that would seem allowable to post on your instagram.

you just prayed that no one would tease you about it.

you felt as if things between you and heeseung had changed after the weekend.

there are unspoken emotions that are creating an emotional and physical distance between you two. every time you had seen heeseung after the weekend (which was not a lot) it felt off. even during your almost silent conversation in the outdoor classroom on monday, it felt as if heeseung was forcing himself to talk and to put on a facade around you.

part of you wondered if heeseung was having second thoughts about your whole plan. he had said so himself that he had no more ideas on how to progress your relationships with isa and jake until at least halloween.

you had figured that this would take some time for jake to realize he has feelings for you- but not this long. and you would have never imagined that lee heeseung would be beside you for the majority of it.

you could not even start to count how many times you swore you hated lee heeseung. but then you started to get to know more about him, and you got to know the way he tasted on your lips, and how his warm body felt against yours. you even noticed how caring he could be towards someone. and now, it’s awkward between you two and you can’t help but wish it wasn’t. you wish heeseung would come up and mess up your hair, or shove your shoulders in the hall, or point out a stupid mistake you did.

heeseung had texted you that he wouldn’t be able to hang out the day he said he would- and rearranged to see you on the weekend when someone would be having a party. you suspected that jake would also be in the future unknown party heeseung was referring to and it kind of gave you something good to think of during the week. it helped distract you from the sinking feeling in your chest you got every time you passed heeseung in the halls- or even just thought about him.

your friends were also no help at all, always asking if you and heeseung were still dating, or fighting, or just trying to prank them and get them to believe you were even dating in the first place. you would just shrug them off every time, hoping that the conversation would lead somewhere else. their questions and ideas only fuelled your upset mind more. you were so confused about why there was some unspoken tension between you and heeseung that neither of you was seemingly willing to talk about.

by the end of the week with not even a word spoken to each other since monday, you were upset. and you couldn’t believe that you were and were allowing yourself to be upset over lee heeseung.

he was someone that had become a big part of your life so suddenly, someone that you shared a secret with that no one else knew about. and now it seemed like it had all just stopped so abruptly. it was filling your mind and it was all you could think about.

even in gym class when you should’ve been paying attention to the basketball game in front of you, you found yourself staring off into nothing and thinking about what had gone so wrong that you and heeseung were now avoiding each other- and what would happen at this party you were both knowingly going to?

your distracting thoughts of heeseung were what made you completely miss the in-game basketball being thrown right into your direction- being missed by the player that was supposed to catch it- and smack right into your head.

in front of your whole entire gym class, you were thrown off of the corner of the bench you were sitting on, and down onto the floor, hitting your head off of the gym floor as well. before you could realize what was happening, there were your peer students standing all around you on the floor and asking if you were okay. your teacher barged through them and quickly analyzed you, seeing if you were bleeding from anywhere.

though there was no visible blood leaking from your head, you couldn’t ignore the aching of it from both sides from where the ball hit you, and from where you hit it off of the ground, your teacher still sent you to the nurse's office. thankfully, all the nurses were nice, and none of them made fun of you or made you worry more in any way. when the main nurse left you alone to rest for a bit before she could send you home, you sighed in relief and laid back down on the hospital bed she had set you in.

you must have not been laying there long until you heard the door of the room you were in being whipped open and a stamper of feet rushing inside right after. you open your eyes to find a big-eyed concerned heeseung looking at you, scanning your body for any injuries or bandages.

“heeseung?” you call his name in a confused state, sleep almost taking over you until he comes in.

“yes, it’s me.” heeseung walked right over to your bed, looking down at you, “are you okay?”

“yeah, ‘m fine,” you nod, sitting up so your upper body is resting on your elbows, “what are you doing here?”

heeseung scoffs, “well when a whole group of kids come up to me and tell me that my girlfriend has been sent to the nurse's station from what was probably one of the worst concussion-induced accidents they’ve seen- of course, i’m going to come here!”

this time you scoff, and you relax your elbows so your body rests completely down on the bed now.

“what was that scoff for?” heeseung asks, your hand comes up to rest on your forehead, a harsh ache hurting your entire head.

“nothing heeseung,” you tell him, closing your eyes from the brightness of the room and the sudden awakening.

“no, you scoffed for a rea-”

“-heeseung,” you cut him off, “can you get the nurse for me? i just want to go home.”

you don’t open your eyes to look at him, only listening as he stands there for a moment longer, probably in disbelief from your words before he’s leaving your room and getting the nurse for you.

the nurse was really happy when she saw heeseung and let you go home earlier since he would be there to help you. she made him promise to wake you up every hour just in case you had an undetected concussion. and even when you had left the nurses station and told heeseung you would be fine to get home by yourself, he insisted on walking with you.

the walk itself didn’t seem too awkward. your head is hurting and you’re tired and heeseung and you kept a safe distance away from each other as you walked. every now and then you could hear heeseung humming a song to himself as you walked.

you wanted to ask heeseung why he was suddenly caring so much for you when he didn’t even acknowledge you throughout the week in the halls- or text you at least. though, you knew he would ask you the same questions. to which you wouldn’t know how to answer besides blaming it all on him for acting weird and distant first.

you guess that you are angry.

and frustrated and confused- and if lee heeseung’s emotions switched this fast then you couldn’t keep up with it. it annoyed you that he ignored you all week- just to show up at the nurse's station ready to drop everything for you.

when you finally get to your house, you start saying bye to heeseung, just wanting to go to bed before your parents get home in a few hours.

“what are you doing?” you ask him as he follows you up your porch to your front door.

heeseung gives you a confused expression, “what do you mean? i promised the nurse to wake you up every hour to make sure your head is okay.”

“heeseung, i’m fine okay? just go back to school.” you shake your head at him, turning to unlock your door so you can go inside.

“yeah yeah, you’re always apparently fine- but i think this time i should really make sure you’re actually fine, o-?”

“what do you mean ‘apparently fine’? when i say i’m fine i mean it-” you snap and turn to look at the tall boy, “i don’t need you to check up on me, especially not after you avoided me all week.”

heeseung looked taken aback at your outburst, “right- you’re fine. but i still think i should come in and help you lay down- or stay until your parents g-.”

“no, heeseung,” you step inside your house, your hand resting on the door handle inside, “i don’t need you coming inside and pretending as you care about me- we only need to pretend to date in front of everyone else, not with each other.” you see heeseung about to open his mouth to speak, “just go back to school, heeseung.”

you harshly close the door in his face, leaving him standing on your porch alone in the middle of the day. heeseung kicks his foot against the pole at the end of your driveway as he walks past it, leaving your house, angrier than he’s been in a long time- and it’s mainly at himself.

heeseung was nervous. and he liked to believe that he never got nervous- especially about parties and girls. but something about the party tonight, and whether or not you were going to show up made him undeniably nervous and it was killing him that he couldn’t control it.

heeseung hasn’t spoken to you since he dropped you off at your house yesterday and slammed the door in his face. he knew from what you said that you were onto him. you knew that he was avoiding you and he knew that you were upset about it. he wanted to tell you that you weren’t the only one upset about it.

honestly, heeseung felt like he had to create some distance between you and him. ever since the night where he almost took your virginity, he’s had a hard time thinking about anyone or anything else.

he was disappointed when he woke up the next morning to an empty bed, your clothes gone, and the hoodie he had let you wear was thrown onto his desk. at first, he didn’t understand why he felt upset that you had snuck out before he woke up, but he realized soon enough it was because of an underlying feeling he didn’t dare speak or think about.

heeseung has been wondering if he has had the underlying feeling for you for the entire time he has known you- and that it only started to affect him now because he was spending more time with you- and often those times were intimate. he thinks (or hopes) that it’s all just a part of his hormonal teenage brain that makes him only think he has feelings for you.

but he still can’t help but get annoyed when you bring up jake- and the fact that you’re basically in love with him.

heeseung knows that parties are where your friends like to hang out. it’s where they all feel at peace with themselves and have fun. so he knows jake and isa will be here tonight. but he wonders if you’ll show up. he’s noticed pretty early on into your hateship that you’re not a party person, yet you still show up for your friends and jake. he also knows that you’re absolutely pissed at him and are losing hope in getting jake to like you back. so he figures that there’s about a 30/70 chance that you will show up.

he hopes that his made-up 30 percent chance is true and that you’ll come right up to him and ask what the plan is tonight. he even thinks that if you come up to him and just slap his bicep like you usually do will be sufficient enough for him to at least be able to see you.

heeseung knows sunghoon and jay are around this house party somewhere. he saw sunghoon dancing with some girls earlier, and jay was against a wall with choerry not too long ago. but he couldn’t be bothered to find them at a time like this. he didn’t feel like himself, and he knew his friends would be able to catch on in no time.

he hasn’t seen jake tonight, and he wonders if he’s with isa somewhere. maybe he’s taking her out on a proper date, and holding her hand and saying things heeseung has only imagined himself saying to her. he realizes then that he doesn’t care what jake says to isa- but he knows he should. he used to care at least.

“boo!” a false deep voice exclaims from behind him and grabs a tight hold of his arm.

“jesus!” he turns around with a scowl, ready to reprimand the person who just tried to scare him. his scowl fades when he sees isa.

“what’re you thinking about so deeply?” isa starts a conversation, her pretty smile on her face as she looks up at him.

“nothing much,” heeseung shrugs and takes a sip of his drink, immediately wishing he was drunker.

“really? nothing much?” isa quirks her eyebrow, “if it’s nothing then why does it have you zoning out at a party?”

“that’s a good point.”

“you should have fun tonight, heeseung!” she grips his arms, shaking him gently.

“i know, i know.”

isa lets one of her hands drop from his bicep while the other one snakes its way up to his shoulder, where it plays with the hem of his shirt, “i think you need a distraction.”

“that’s what this is for.” heeseung holds up his cup and brings it to his mouth, where he downs the entirety of it left.

isa smiles at him, “but it doesn’t seem to be working does it?”

at this point, isa is pressing her whole body against his, and heeseung is struggling to think of anything else except for how warm and small she is compared to him, “i guess not.”

“can i try?” isa pouts up at him, and he wants to know how her lips feel against his- and a small part of him wonders if they’ll feel even remotely close to how good yours feel.

“try what?”

“to distract you.”

heeseung thought he was dreaming. he had thought about isa in a scenario like this countless times. yet, this wasn’t a fantasy of his it was real life and he now he was standing there looking like an idiot in front of her.

“uh-, yeah, sure,” he stutters out and he’s glad the music is loud so no one else could hear what he and isa are talking about. he still hears isa’s soft giggle before she’s wrapping her arms around his shoulders, pulling his head down so it’s close to hers.

they look into each other’s eyes for a second, as if to think about what they’re about to do before they’re both closed and their lips are touching. heeseung’s thoughts about how soft her lips would be are correct, and her perfume smells just as nice as he thought it would. but it feels off in a way he didn’t imagine.

“do you need some more distractions, hee?” she whispers, her lips barely brushing against his as they stay close together. heeseung thinks about it for a moment, and he knows his past self is kicking him in the ass for taking so long to her answer her very direct question. so he thinks he nods not for himself, but for everyone else that would be encouraging him to get on with it with the girl he’s been thinking about for years.

isa smiles at his curt nod, and in a second she unwrapped her arms around him and instead wraps her hand around his wrist so she can pull him through the house. heeseung assumes isa must have been to this house before with her confidence walking around, going straight to a bathroom that was down an extra almost hidden hall. the music of the house is barely there when she closes the door after herself.

before heeseung can even properly lean against the bathroom counter, isa is pushing herself against him again. their lips meet in a frenzy and it takes heeseung a second to be able to kiss her back. her hands are pulling tight on the hair on the back of his neck. heeseung starts to pull her closer to him as well, his hands gripping her waist so their hips can press together. he feels isa smile against his lips, and he knows she feels his hard-on through their pants.

“i wanna make you feel good, heeseung,” isa says with her voice full of lust. “are you gonna let me distract you some more?”

“fuck, isa,” heeseung licks his lips as he stares down into her eyes, “please.” isa smirks at his subtle begging and she drops down to her knees to unbuckle his pants. she pushes them and his boxer down to his ankles so his semi-hard dick is now available for them to look at. her hands grab the base of it quickly, placing soft kisses up the shaft, “fuck,”.

isa takes the tip of his cock into her mouth and sinks down as far as she can go before gagging. she quickly starts a steady pace and it makes heeseung roll his eyes into the back of his head. it’s warm and wet and easy to fall into the pleasure of it all. he feels and hears her moan against his dick, and it makes him open his eyes and look down at her.

and it shocks him to only find your eyes looking back at him.

“what the fuck,” heeseung lets out in surprise, his hands gripping tighter onto the counter behind him to steady himself.

“what?” isa pulls off his dick and looks up at him in confusion and slight offence. heeseung takes a hard gulp when he only sees isa again, and he mentally hits himself for being so weird.

“nothing, nothing, it just feels so good,” heeseung only partially lies, and he knows isa believes it when she smiles up at him gracefully and goes back to sticking his cock in her mouth happily.

heeseung tells himself to just focus on the pleasure, to not screw up this night even more, but now he finds it hard to when he’s questioning himself on why he saw you looking up at him. it can’t help but imagine what it would feel like to have his dick in your mouth specifically. he starts to imagine that he would have to go slow with you, have to deal with your teasing and annoying smirks he’s grown to think are cute.

he’d want to hear your gags and whimpers with his dick lodged into your mouth. he wonders if your eyes would swell with tears easily, and he imagines wiping off your makeup that would be smudged afterwards. he feels himself grow harder at the thought of you, and it makes him jerk his hips forwards, making isa gag for a second, but she keeps up her pace.

heeseung is disappointed when he looks down to find isa on the floor in front of him instead of you. and he can’t believe what he’s feeling. he would have never thought that he’d rather you want to make him feel good instead of isa. but he does, and now you’re all he can think about which makes him feel guilty.

heeseung’s hands cover his face as he scrunches up in frustration with himself and the situation, “fuck,” he lets out a groan, not believing what he’s about to do.

“are you okay?” isa’s voice sounds strained as she pulls away from his dick, noticing his scrunched eyebrows through his hands.

“yeah, yeah,” heeseung says and he looks down at her with no expression, “let’s just stop.”

“stop?” isa sits back on her knees, which gives heeseung room to bend down to pull back up his boxers and jeans, “did i do something?”

“no!” heeseung shakes his head instantly, and reaches forward to help isa up off the ground, “i just,”

isa takes her hand out of his, “you just what?”

heeseung feels more guilty now from her angry expression, “i just can’t do this- with you. i need to go.”

“what the fuck, heeseung?” isa watches him start to walk backwards to the door, opening it from behind.

“i’m so sorry, fuck i’m sorry isa, i just- i gotta go.” heeseung cringes at his words as he says them, turning into the hallway and walking through the house at a fast pace. he keeps calling himself a fucking idiot as he walks, cursing himself and you for what just happened.

“heeseung, bro!” he hears someone call him but he ignores it and keeps walking, almost to the front door at this point, “hee!” a hand wraps around his arm, forcing him to stop. heeseung almost groans in frustration when he sees jake in front of him, “where the hell are you going in such a rush?”

“what? i’m not rushing, i just- i want to go home.”

“oh,” jake looks confused, “you don’t want to stay for a bit longer, i just got here and we haven’t hung out in a while.” heeseung wonders if the world just hates him at this point.

“no, man, i gotta go home.”

jake looks disappointed at heeseung and it makes him feel bad for leaving his best friend- or who once was his best friend, “well, do you know where anyone is?”

“uh, i saw sunghoon in the living room a while ago, he’s probably still there.” jake nods in response, and heeseung turns to leave.

“hee,” jake calls him again, heeseung looks back at him again, “are you okay?”

“yeah! i’m fine! just wanna go home.” heeseung forces a smile on his face, praying to god jake would believe him.

“okay, man, see ya.” jake nods a goodbye at him, and heeseung smiles softer in response.

heeseung finally leaves the godforsaken party, not looking back the entire walk home, just replaying the night's events over and over in his head. he checks his phone for the first time when he steps into his bedroom, seeing a couple texts from jay and instagram notifications- but nothing from you like he would’ve hoped.

heeseung crawls into his bed, wearing about the hoodie that he had given you to wear a week ago. he tries to smell your perfume or shampoo on it, but only smells the cologne that he hates. his dick is still hard, and it twitches in his sweatpants and it makes him groan. he wishes you were in his bedroom with him, laying in his bed as you’ve done before. he tries to resist his stupid teenage boy urges but gives in by slipping his hand into his sweat pants.

heeseung rubs his thumb over his slit, almost hissing out from how sensitive he is from isa’s mouth earlier. his precum is dripping out and it makes it easier for his hand to start to glide up and down his dick.

he starts to imagine you on your knees for him again, your mouth surrounding his dick and letting him fuck into your mouth. his hips start to fuck into his hand, imagining it was your warm and wet mouth.

heeseung’s teeth are clenched tightly together as he only thinks of you.

he thinks about you moaning his name and asking him to cum for you. the thought of you wanting to make him feel good drives him crazy and makes his hips jerk up faster into his fist. he thinks you’d let him do anything to you- teach you anything because you’re so eager to learn.

the final thought of you wanting to swallow his cum sends him over the edge, and he immediately thinks it's the best orgasm he’s ever given himself- and it’s because of you. his muscles are tense, and his vision goes blank as his eyes close tight.

his chest is heaving out of breath as his hand and thighs are covered in his warm cum- he wishes you were there to lick him clean.

heeseung’s questioned his self-awareness for a while- but now he knows his self-awareness is up to par with the way he’s so conscious of the fact that he has fucked up and he has fucked up bad. he hopes that he’ll wake up in the morning, and you’ll be beside him in bed, sneaking in as quietly just as you had sneaked out.

heeseung’s self-awareness allows him to know what these thoughts mean- that he only wants you, and he has, for a long time.

@ taeghi, 2022. do not repost or reuse in anyway.

PLEASE REBLOG IF YOU ENJOY, AS LIKES MAKE IT HARD FOR WORK TO BE SPREAD AND ENJOYED BY OTHERS

authors tmi : i listened to sunsetz by cigarettes after sex repeatedly while writing this

park sunghoon was stubborn and cocky, but oh so hot.

still to this day, you aren't sure if you regret meeting him or not- you aren't even sure how you managed to get wrapped up around him- but you curse the house next door.

if it weren't for it- park sunghoon and you would've continued on your separate paths in life- with no need to intertwine them.

the first time you had seen park sunghoon was during the beginning of year 9. he tall and slim and dorky. he was quiet, shy and he sat in the back of the class. he always seemed too aware of himself, obessing over the way his hair looked, and if his clothes were out of place.

needless to say, you didn't pay much attention to him during your first year of high school.

you had been swept up into the popular crowd early into your high school career. you weren't on any of the sports teams at your school nor were you neccessarily considered the prettiest girl in school, but you were nice and you loved to party.

you personally think that you started to grow into your features during your second year of high school. you became more confident with not only your personality, but your looks and appearance as well. that was also around the time that boys started to really look at you. you started to play around with a few guys at your school- building up your confidence even more.

year 10 of high school also brought on the insane increase of popularity to park sunghoon.

over the summer from year 9 to year 10, sunghoon had grown even taller. his dorky features had transitioned into a sharp, more defined structure. he started hanging out with the popular jocks at your school, seemingly to fit right in with them.

park sunghoon had become hot- and anyone who didn't agree was deemed as blind.

though, he was still just as shy as he was during your first year of high school. his shoulders had broadened but his choice of friends had not.

"who the hell is that?" chaehyun asked from beside, flipping her pink hair over her shoulder as she stared down into the hallway.

dayeon and you turned your heads to where she was looking- park sunghoon stood against the lockers, smiling as he listened to his friends joke around and shove each other.

"that's park sunghoon!" dayeon nudged chaehyun with a shake of her head, "we had math with him last year!"

"that's park sunghoon?" chaehyun's jaw dropped as she looked between you and the newly-attractive-boy down the hall. "what the hell happened to him?"

"figure skating's really paid off for him." dayeon shrugged leaning back against her own locker.

you hadn't been able to take your eyes off of him. his pale skin contrasted so prettily against the ugly blue of the lockers behind him. he seemed to never speak a word while he was surrounded with his friends, only a lazy smile or laugh would escape him.

"god, do you know how many girls are gonna want him this year?" chaehyun scoffed, leaning her head on dayeon's shoulder, "a lot compared to last year."

"do you think he's still a virgin?" dayeon asked, making you and chaehyun look at her.

"no way." chaehyun scoffed, shaking her head, "look at him!"

"i don't know, chae." you said, a smirk creeping onto your face as you turned back to park sunghoon. the thoughts of taking the quiet, good boy's virignity creeping into your mind, "he does seem to still have that 'pure' look about him, no?"

dayeon and chaehyun tilt their heads as they look at the boy down the hall, "no," they say at the same time.

"there is just no way a guy that hot is a virgin!" chaehyun insists.

the bell rings and the hall starts to scatter with voices and sutdents as they prepare for their next class to start. park sunghoon disappears into the crowd of them all.

"why don't you go ask him, then?" you tease chaehyun, your eyebrows wiggling on your forehead.

"you're crazy!" she exclaimed, nudging you with her shoulder.

"oh, she's definitely crazy if she thinks park sunghoon is still a virgin." dayeon chimed in, squeezing her way inbetween you two as you walked to your class.

"i am not! he's just too," you pause and think about your memory of him sitting in the back of your classes last year, "quiet, and passive."

you hear chaehyun and dayeon scoff behind, pushing past you to continue walking to their classes, shaking their heads at you.

-

by year 11 the whole school had deemed sunghoon as a virgin.

it took six months for chaehyun and dayeon to cave in and agree with you, and the rest of the school that perhaps sunghoon was a virgin afterall. a hot virgin.

you had seen sunghoon at some of the parties you attended on the weekends. he'd be nursing a red solo cup that he barely took a sip out of and leaned back against the walls, smirking every now and then at something one of his idiotic friends would say.

sunghoon had begun hanging out with the schools athletes some time the year before, becoming attatched at the hip with them like the rest of them were with each other.

you and your friends sat in the bleachers of their games, with sunghoon always sitting no too far away from you, having the most bored expression on his face at every game.

no one was really surprised when sunghoon started hanging out with the rest of them- he was an athelete himself- and his physical attractiveness fit in with them all.

it was his personality and overall demeanor that set him apart from them all- if their interests in sports weren't shared then there seemed to be nothing else in common between them and sunghoon.

he was the introvert in the extroverted friend group of boys.

you don't remember much of sunghoon from your year 11, only that you had tried to start a conversation with him once at a party, but gave up after a minute after his bored expression stared down at you in silence, only receiving a slight nod at your greeting.

you remember hearing a challenge going around among the girls in your school as to who could be the one to take park sunghoon's virginity.

it wasn't a secret that the rest of his friend group slept around- always leaving parties with a new girl- or hitting up a new girl every week. they were big flirts- but sunghoon was not.

or so it seemed.

"oh my god!" dayeon gasped out as she plopped herself onto the chair in front of you and chaehyun in the cafeteria. "did you guys hear about xiaoting and not tell me?"

chaehyun and you glanced at each other in confusion, "what are you talking about? we haven't heard anything about xiaoting." chaehyun shrugged at dayeon.

"oh my god!" dayeon gasped louder and reached across the table to pull you two closer to her, "xiaoting took park sunghoon's virignity." chaehyun and you copied the gasp that dayeon had done seconds before.

"xiaoting and sunghoon?" chaehyun repeated back, trying to make sure that she had heard her friend correctly.

"yes! can you believe it?" dayeon nodded, pushing you two back to your seats. "shen xiaoting took park sunghoon's virignity."

it wasn't really a shock that xiaoting and sunghoon would hook up.

shen xiaoting was the prettiest girl in your school and everyone knew it- including herself. she was the captain of the dance and cheerleading teams. she was slim, tall, had big doe eyes and every other characteristic that society deemed as the beauty standard.

you thought back and tried to remember if you had ever seen xiaoting and sunghoon together in the hallways, or in class or at a party- but your mind came up blank.

"what?" a voice chuckled out from beside your table. "who and who?"

the three of you turned and looked at park jay who stood at the side of your table, his hands coming forward to rest on the table so that his body leaned over.

park jay was best friends with sunghoon. he was the one who had introduced sunghoon to the rest of the friend group that they were in together. he was almost every sports team at the school, depending on a scholarship to get himself into a good college.

at that point, you had spoke to jay a few times at some parties, always taking shots together and flirting until you pushed him away for the night, teasing him that next time you'd get to be together with him.

"xiaoting and sunghoon." you shrugged out, taking a sip of your drink.

jay looked down at you, quirking his eyebrow up at the mention of his best friend- confirming that he had heard them right after all as he walked pass them. "you think shen xiaoting took sunghoon's virginity?" jay almost laughed out, holding back for the sake of his friends' diginity.

"yeah," you nodded up at him, "that's what we heard at least."

"is it true?" dayeon jumped in, a bit too excited sounding.

jay chuckled deeply as he stood up straight again, "no way." jay looked back at his friends' table breifly, "sunghoon wouldn't go for her."

"so, he's a virgin still?" chaehyun titled her head in confusion.

jay laughed at the certain word that seemed to be constantly floating around at your table, but only shrugged with a cocky grin.

"oh c'mon, what does that mean?" dayeon whined out, her lips jutting out.

"i don't know." jay shrugged again, his shoulders coming up to his ears with a cheesy grin on his face. "i'll see you guys around."

"jay! ugh." chaehyun groaned out, being dismissed by him as he waved his fingers teasingly at her, winking at you in the process.

you watched as jay sat down with his friends, swatting jake's head as he sat down beside him, making jake glare at him. he quickly joined in the conversation with his friends as your eyes travelled over the boys- your eyes stopping over a pair that was looking right back at you.

park sunghoon sat back in his chair, scanning your face almost lazily from across the cafeteria. his black hair had grown out long that year, his bangs draping over his forehead and landing in his eyes. he rolled a red apple lazily in his hands until the stem popped off into his fingers.

you felt your heartbeat pick up as he bit into the apple, his eyes only leaving your own then as he turned his attention back to his friends, his jaw flexing everytime he chewed the piece in his mouth.

"what did they want?" heeseung asked jay, nodding his head towards your table.

jay grabbed jungwon's drink and put it to his lips, blocking out the whines of jungwon telling him not to and shrugged, "wanted to know if xiaoting and sunghoon fucked."

"what?" jake laughed out, leaning over to look at sunghoon with amused eyes. "shen xiaoting, bro?"

jay put down jungwon's drink as he swallowed the liquid. jungwon quickly swept up his drink before jay could have anymore. "yeah, specifically that she took his virginity." jay smirked at his friends.

"bro!" jake called out again, his eyes widening more.

sunghoon only shook his head, taking another bite of his apple.

"what? you didn't hook up with her?" jake whined, his shoulders dropping.

sunghoon gave his friend an annoyed look, "you guys know i don't want to hook up with anyone that any of you have hooked up with." sunghoon rolled his eyes, "i'm not into sloppy seconds, or thirds, or fourths."

his friends all laughed at his reasoning, having heard him explain himself one million times before.

"well, if you want to hook up with anyone at this school then. you better hurry up and find a girl, because at this point there's only a few girls left." heeseung joked, winking at his friend.

sunghoon could only roll his eyes, before they landed on you again.

you had turnred your own attention back to your friends after he had looked away. realizing that you probably look like a creep to anyone who had watched you practically stare down park sunghoon.

"huh, y/n?" chaehyun nudged you from the side.

"what?" you asked, not realizing that she had spoken to you.

chaehyun rolled her eyes, "i said jay has the hots for you." she wiggled her eyebrows at the mention of the boy.

"oh, god." you chuckled out with a shake of your head.

"what?" dayeon leaned in close to you, "don't act like you don't flirt with him at every party!"

"it's not every party," you defened yourself, "plus, he's not my type."

"oh, no?" chaehyun cocked her head to the side, "what's your type then."

your thoughts filled of sunghoon's rose lips covering the red skin of the apple as he bit into it, his tongue darting out over them to collect the fallen juices of the fruit-

"virgins."

it was two weeks before your senior year of high school started that the nice old lady next door sold her house. you had lived in your family's house all your life, and grew up with the lady next door always offering you muffins or cookies that she had baked. you were sad when her house had sold so quickly in the summer.

you wondered who would move in beside you. theorizing that another old lady would move in so your addiction to home made blueberry muffins would continue on. you wondered about the idea of a newly wed couple moving in, ready to start to life together.

there had been so many engrossing ideas in your head about who your future neighbours could be.

and park sunghoon was NOT one of them.

being woken up by moving trucks, banging and yelling during the end of summer was not something you desired. your family had already been awake for hours at the time, sleepily you joined them outside on your porch to see who was moving in.

a pretty woman was stood on their porch, explaining to some movers where some boxes to go. a man who was carrying a box from the truck smiled at her and whispered something in her ear, which made the stressed frown on her face desperse into a lazy smile.

you figured your theory of newly weds moving was correct- until a little girl ran through the woman's legs, down the porch steps and giggling as the woman told her to stop running around while people were working.

you watched her run down the driveway, ignoring the woman's words and running right up to the ginat moving truck that had backed up onto the end of their drive way.

"pass me a box! i wanna help!" the girl shouted with a pout into the open end of the truck. she only smiled again when someone placed a small cardboard box into her hands.

your eyes followed the pair of arms that had leant down and gave the little girl the box. he had pale skin and black, longer hair that covered his face as he turned around and picked up a box for himself to carry. he was slim and tall and somewhat familiar that you couldn't seem to narrow it down too until he jumped down from the truck and his long bangs brushed back.

you felt your exterior go slack at the realization that park sunghoon was now your next door neighbour.

"oh hello!" a cheery voice called out to your family all stood on the porch.

"hi!" your mother greeted back. the pretty, stressed woman from before was leaning over their porch railing and smiling at you all.

"kwangho! come here!" she called into the house. "it's so nice to meet you, i'm park jiyoung!" the little girl from before ran and latched onto jiyoung's hip, "this is yewon, my daughter."

you could barely fake a smile to the nice woman and the cute girl, too focused on the way park sunghoon was coming closer to your house, his eyes never leaving yours once his mother had called out to your family. a faint smirk rested on his rosey lips and a light sheen of sweat covered his foreheard from the mid-day, summer sun.

sunghoon set down the box he was carrying on the porch steps, turning and facing your family with a smile as if he wasn't just intimidating you seconds before. "this is my son, sunghoon, and my husband kwangho is still inside! kwangho!" she called out to him again.

"it's so very nice to meet you all!" your mother's cheery voice exclaimed, "this is my family!" your mother introduced your younger brother, your father, herself and you.

you continued to be as polite as you could to your new next door neighbours, but the way sunghoon was staring at you was too distracting. his gaze never left your body- dressed in your short sleeping shorts and tank top. you've never felt so exposed to a boy before, and he was across the lawn from you, standing next to his little sister and mother. it was honestly shocking to you how confident park sunghoon was being- blantantly checking you out although you had woken up five minutes prior.

sunghoon himself was shocked at seeing you, standing on the porch to the house right beside his new one.

when his parents had told them that they were moving at the beginning of the summer- he was admiittley pissed. he lived right down the street from jake, and only a ten minute walk away from jay's and heeseung's houses. he didn't want to move- plus, he liked the house he lived in before. it was where he and yewon had grown up together- where his parents had learnt how to parent together- where so many family memories of relatives from all over coming on holidays to celebrate.

but now, as you stand in those awfully short, shorts that expose your soft legs, he could care less about his old house.

you were hot- and now you were his neighbour. which means he could possibly see more of you in moments like the one you're both in now- with you with your swollen lips from sleeping- and the strap of your tank top falling down to expose your collarbone.

to sunghoon, it seemed as if the y/l/n y/n that was known at school and parties, was completely different to the one who stood across the lawn from him now. you looked innocent and sweet- and not like you had just beat everyone at beer pong and grinded ontop one of the tables with his teammate a few days ago.

it had always been obvious to sunghoon that you were out of his league- you two were just insanely different from one another that there would be no way for him to ever interact with you.

but now, maybe his luck was changing.

"kwangho! there you are! these are our new neighbours!" his mother pulled him out of his thoughts.

"sorry! sorry!" his father sheepishly shrugged and smiled at your family. "nice to meet you!"

your parents spoke politely for a few moments, making you try and avoid eye contact with sunghoon for a while longer until they gave the final goodbye and you all went inside again, your eyes catching a final glimpse of sunghoon's smirk before you closed the front door.

you had no idea as to why park sunghoon made you so nervous. it wasn't like yourself to feel so- intimidated by someone- let alone by a boy. you didn't understand why he was so reserved in every public setting you had seen him in- and so confident and almost cocky as he stood infront of your parents.

you weren't sure how you felt about your new next door neighbour, but you were sure that you'd make the most out of it.

you didn't see sunghoon or any of his family during the first week that they had moved in next door. you didn't go out with your friends for the final parties of the summer before school started- opting to just stay in, laying in your bed and questionning your identity.

you didn't know how you would ever be able to face sunghoon again since the last time you had seem him- him making you a nervous, blushing mess under his gaze from ten meters away. you had never been as messy as that before. nor have you ever seen park sunghoon so cocky and confident before.

the day that your senior year of high school started, you woke up late.

rushing around your room in an attempt to get everything sorted before you rushed out the door to school was probably hilarious looking from anyone that wasn't you. and you would've thought your morning was complete shit, but you had some sort of common sense to open your curtains before leaving your room for the day- just happening to catch park sunghoon shirtless, brushing his teeth on his mini balcony directly across from your own, and staring right at you.

the early morning sun was basking around on his pale chest and shoulders. a fine line of abs covers his abdomen and from a far you can see there are a few moles spread around his skin that match the ones on his face.

sunghoon smirks with his toothbrush still in his mouth before he pulls it out and leans over his balcony, spitting the toothpaste out onto the small patch of grass between the sides of your houses.

when he stands upwards again, the smirk that you're slowly becoming familiar with is still plastered onto his face. your face must be contorted into some sort of mixture of shock and desire that he finds a way to amuse himself.

sunghoon brings up his hand that doesn't hold his toothbrush and teasingly waves his hand at you. your jaw drops when reality hits you and you realize that shritless park sunghoon is standing 4 meters away and waving at you.

you quickly shut your curtains again, blocking eachother from seeing one another. you only notice then that you were holding in your breath and let out a sharp and quick exhale of breath.

"what the fuck." you mumble out quickly to yourself, your hands still gripping onto your curtains.

"what's wrong, honey?" your mother's voice asked from your doorway, where's she's leaning against the doorframe with a laundry basket against her hip.

"oh! uh, nothing!" you force smile at her, hoping she didn't just see you almost drool over your new neighbours.

"oh, ok! well, you better hurry, or you'll be late for school!" she smiles cheerily at you, turning away and walking further down the hall of your house.

"okay!" you call after her, your fake smile dropping as soon as she's out of view.

after first seeing park sunghoon as a quiet dork in your freshman year, you would have never had guessed that he'd be teasing you across your balconies while being shirtless. it was as if the image of park sunghoon that you had made- that you had been given by sunghoon himself- after all these years, was something completely different than who he really was.

and you were determined to figure out who exactly that was- as soon as you get the image of how hot he is shirtless out of your head.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

the rest of your first day of senior year was fine, the random flashback of sunghoon waving at you would fly through your mind but you forced it out and distracted yourself with your friends or your schoolwork that was somehow already piling up.

you still hadn't managed to tell your friends about who your new next door neighbour was. you knew if (and when) you did, they'd be ushering you into your own house and peeping through your curtains to get a glance at him in a millisecond.

you didn't seem to have any classes with your neighbour this semester- something that you never thought you would be grateful for- every other time that you had a class together- you'd barely even look at him. this year however, it seemed as if you were hyper aware of his presence looming around the classrooms and hallways.

you saw the group of familiar jocks all crowding around the hall at the end of the day. chaehyun was walking beside you, ranting about how she already hates all her teachers for this semester. you noticed sunghoon admist the group of boys, his back turned towards them as he was going through his locker.

"y/n! chae!" sunoo called out, beckoning you both over to his group of friends. his cheery smiled pulled you both in, so now you had joined the crowd in the crowded hallway as well.

sunghoon turned at the mention of your name, taking in your overpowering aura as you approached his friend group.

jake immediately pulled you into his side, your arm wrapping around his back, "where the hell have you been? haven't seen you in weeks." he pouted down at you.

"yeah, what the fuck? it's not like you to miss so many parties at the end of summer." jay chimed in, looking at you with a confused expression.

you shrugged, "eh, i just didn't feel like it, wanted to spend sometime with my family before school starts up again."

"lame!" chaehyun teased you, making the rest of the gorup laugh. you turned your head in sunghoon's direction, only for his back to be turned to you, as if you weren't there, he continued to pull out textbooks and put in his bag.

"there's still all this school year to party guys." you roll your eyes at them.

"that's right," jake said, "more time for you to come into my bed." there were a round of groans in the crowd, making jake smirk at you.

you dragged back your arm that was wrapped around his back and slid your hand up to his cheek, "in your dreams, jake." you patted his cheek.

"we have to go find dayeon, y/n." chaehyun nodded at you, pushing herself off of heeseung and tugging on your backpack to go.

"yeah, you're right." your mind filled with your other friend, wondering how her first day of senior went, and why she hadn't found you and chaehyun yet. "see you guys later."

the group of atheletes say their goodbyes and watch you and chaehyun walk away down the hall. they wait until you're both out of earshot until they speak.

"you need to stop flirting with y/n, she's too hot for you." jay nudges jake gently.

"if she's too hot for me, then she's way too hot for you." jake rolls his eyes at his friend.

"then why does she practically beg me to bring her to my place at every party, bro." jay shakes his head teasingly.

"what do you think of y/n, hoon?" heeseung turns the groups' attention to the quiet boy.

sunghoon feels himself tense at the mention of his and your names in the same sentence. "she's alright." he shrugs nonchalantly, his hand halting in his locker nervously.

"alright!?" jake asks confused, looking at the guys in the group and then to sunghoon again, "bro, are you blind?"

sunghoon swings his backpack over his shoulder and slams his locker shut, "no, i'm not. i wish i was so i wouldn't have to look at you all day." jake crosses his arms over his chest at sunghoon's insult.

"ok, but seriously sunghoon, you don't wanna fuck y/n?" jay asks him.

sunghoon sighs deeply, "i've already told you guys one million times, i don't want to fuck anyone that any of you have fucked before. ok?"

he sees all his friends glance at eachother with confused expressions on their faces.

"what?" sunghoon asks them when its silent for longer than he expected it to be.

"none of us have ever got with y/n, hoon." heeseung explains to him slowly.

"not yet, anyways." jake cuts in.

"shut up." annoyed, jay puts his hand up to jake to silence him.

sunghoon thinks that that moment was when he got some hope that you could be his- even if for one night. he's always found you pretty, but you were so out of his league that he figured his more outgoing more confident friends would suit you more.

sunghoon had always seen you flirting with his friends. he had heard many times from his friends that they all found you hot. he heard from basically everyone in the school that you liked to fuck around and have fun so openly. so overtime, sunghoon had figured that you had gotten with some of his friends and that you'd never look at him the same way you look at anyone you want to have fun with.

sunghoon was honestly shocked that his friends had never successfully hooked up with you. everyone and probably their parents knew that you and jay had made out multiple tomes and multiple parties, so everyonoe guessed that the two of you have gone further as well.

sunghoon knows that there's nothing wrong with sleeping around- he does it himself, his friends all do it- but there's just something unappealing to him when he finds out the girl he's been talking to all night at a party has fucked one of his friends. it gets him all wrapped up in his head that what he's doing with the girl is something that she's done with someone that he's referred to as his brother before.

it feels wrong to him- almost unloyal in a sense. his friends have explained to him one million times that they're fine with hooking up with the same girl- that it's just fun and no one gets hurt. but still, sunghoon can't imagine doing that to one of his friends- to one of his brothers.

so yes, sunghoon isn't a virgin. he lost his virginity when he was a sophomore- at some beach party that jake and jay had dragged him to in the summer when they went to australia together. he doesn't remember much of it, just that he was glad to not be labelled a virgin anymore from his friends and society.

since that summer, he's been dragged to almost every party his friends went to. and if there was a pretyt girl that happened to notice him through his large, loud crowd of friends- he made sure she didn't go to his school. usually, he was lucky enough to hook up with girls that were visiting their friends for the weekend and lived in a different city.

sunghoon's heard the so called 'rumours' that he was still a virgin. he's heard different girls in his school claim to have taken his virginity- when in reality he has no idea who they are. he doesn't understand why his- or anyone else's for the matter- virgin status was such a big deal. there were some people who lost their virignity younger than others and there were some who lost their virginity way past college years.

the rumours make sunghoon laugh. he told his friends to not tell anyone that he's not a virgin. he liked to watch everyone scramble around trying to find out the truth about him. his friends had told him that sometimes people will come up to them ask whether he's a virgin or not- or sometimes if they're bold enough- they'll just ask him himself.

sunghoon has learnt that the whole society construct of virginity is stupid and meaningless and he wishes his wasn't one of the biggest rumours around his school.

"anyways, when will we get to see that new house of yours, hoon?" jake swung his arm around sunghoon's shoulders.

"yeah, we all want to see it!" sunoo smiled up at him.

sunghoon hadn't told his friends about his new next door neighbours either. he hadn't told them that your rooms were across from one another and that he had basically eye fucked you a week prior. he knew as soon as he did, he wouldn't be able to get his friends out of his house for the rest of the school year.

"my parents are still moving stuff around, so they don't want anyone over." sunghoon shrugged, lying through his teeth.

"oh come on!" jay pushed sunghoon's shoulder. "that's a ball of crap! we know your parents love us!" his friends all raised their eyebrows up at sunghoon's excuse to not have them over, wondering what the problem was.

"anyways, i have to get to practice." sunghoon nudged his way through his group of friends, aiming for the exit of the school doors.

"what the hell? why can't we go to your house?" jake called after him in shock.

"aren't you guys suppose to be at practice in like?" sunghoon turned and checked his watch, "five minutes ago?"

he watched his friends all shout in shock about being late, trying to push past one another to get to the soccer field in the back of the school before their coach kills them all for being late. sunghoon could only laugh, before turning and walking home, wondering if he'll see you on the way there.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

sunghoon only managed to keep his friends away from his new house for a week since they all followed him home friday afternoon.

sunghoon likes to listen to music while he walks home after school. since sunghoon is an introvert, he finds school to not only be physically tiring, but mentally. so he looks forward to blasting music in his earphones on his way home from school. he truly didn't know his idiotic friends were following behind him during the fifteen minute walk until they pounced on his back as soon as he stepped foot on his driveway.

"what the hell?" sunghoon gasped, ripping his earphones out of his ear to hear his friends' annoying laughter. "what are you doing here?"

"bro, we've been following you the entire time." jake explained through laughter.

sunghoon could only stare at his three friends laughing their heads off on his driveway, praying to god you were already home and closing your curtains in your bedroom. he really didn't want to deal with all the shit he was going to get from his friends once they found out who his next door neighbour was.

"this is a nice place sunghoon," jay pointed up at the house, "why don't you let us inside, we can all hangout until the party tonight."

sunghoon almost groaned outloud at the mention of the party. he had a stressful first week of senior year and he wouldn't even get to be by himself for the few hours before the party to get to relax. but still, he nodded to friends, almost rushing them inside.

"where are your parents?" heeseung asked curiously, all four boys taking off their shoes and backpacks in the front hall of the house, the screen door still being open.

"uh, my mom's probably at the grocery store and my dad's at work for another hour." sunghoon explained, wanting to go into the kitchen for some food.

"why is y/n here?" jake asked, amking the other three boys turn their heads to look out the screendoor.

if the three of his friends weren't so loud, sunghoon was sure that they'd hear him nervously gulp at the mention of your name.

"what the hell? what's she doing?" jay asked, pointing at your figure walking up sunghoon's driveway before crossing onto your own.

sunghoon counted to five in his head before his friends all gasped, watching you unlock the door to the house next door and walking in.

"y/n lives next door?!" jake yelled out, turning around in disbelief to look at sunghoon.

"why didn't you tell us?" heeseung asked, his hands coming out in front of him to ask.

sunghoon maintained his composure and shrugged, "i'm hungry." he turned on his heel and headed to the kitchen, his friends right on his feet continuing to ask questions.

"how long have you known she lived there?" jay asked, watching sunghoon go into the fridge and pull out a bowl of mixed fruit.

"since i moved in." sunghoon didn't look at his friends, pretending to be more interested in the fruit before him than his hot next door neighbour.

"bro what the hell?" jake asked, his jaw still dropped in disbelief. "have you spoken to her?"

"of course he hasn't" jay shook his head, "he can barely look in her eye let alone have a conversation with her."

"i can have a conversation with her!" sunghoon defended himself weakly, an annoyed look still present on his face.

jay rolled his eyes, "hoon, you can have a conversation with everyone but her. i've seen her try to talk to you and you always make it the most dry convo i've ever seen."

sunghoon's mouth gapes open and close as he tries to process more words he can use to defend himself. but he ultimately leaves his mouth shut with a straight face. because his friends are right- with their stupid know-it-all faces- they are right. because sunghoon has always thought you were hot, and out of his league. he thought that the moment he'd open his mouth, his cool composure would fail him and you would see how lame he really is.

sunghoon's cool composure only lasts him so long with the girls he hooks up with at parties- or with the kids at school. he's confident enough to fool them for the moments he has with those people. but as soon as he's alone with his friends or family, it's like his real side comes out. the real side where he's not cool, or self disaplined- but more carefree and funny and witty and he likes playing video games with his friends until 4am until they get laughed at by their parents for being too loud.

sunghoon's cool composure is really a safety persona he puts on so not everyone will know him so easily- they won't hurt him as easily.

with you, the safety persona doesn't feel as strong as it normally does with other people. it scares him. and now that you're his neighbour- he doesn't know how long he can hold out on it because you're so hot and outgoing and extraverted that it keeps drawing him in too quickly.

"but now's your chance, hoon! she's literally right next door! why don't you try talking to her!" heeseung encourages him with a kind smile that heeseung always has on when he talks to anyone of his friends.

sunghoon's gratful for heeseung, but he tsks in response, "because i've arleady told you guys that she's alright." sunghoon lies through his teeth to his friends for the third time that week.

"oh my god, hoon fine!" jay smacks his hand on the table, "if you don't wanna fuck her than i will!"

sunghoon's head snaps towards jay and he can feel apart of him grow anger deep inside at his friends' statement.

"see!" jake points at sunghoon, "if you didn't want to fuck her than you wouldn't get angry like that, we all know about your loyality shit or whatever, so just admit you like your next door neighbour."

"i don't like her." sunghoon clarifies, trying to redeem himself in some sort of way.

"okay, fine," jake puts his hands up to surrender, "you don't like her, but you wanna fuck her."

"jesus, can we just drop this now. this is why i didn't want to tell you guys that she's my neighbour."

"fine fine," jay nods, "but still, i don't see a reason why you shouldn't try to hook up with her, okay?"

sunghoon only glared at his three friends that all wore matching smirks on their faces, all knowing that they were slowly cracking sunghoon into getting with you. they had noticed before that when yours and their friendgroups met up at parties, sunghoon would fall more silent than usual, and he never once even glanced in your direction. they wondered now if something would finally happen between you two.

your complicated relationship with your neighbour started at a party- a shitty party.

a shitty party where barely any one had shown up and where the music sucked. apparently everyone was too exahusted from partying the week before and having to deal with the first week of school again.

you should've known that your night would've been different than any other friday night from the awry beginning, when four boys were piled onto your porch and asking your parents if it would be alright if they drove with you to the party.

jake and jay wore their usual cocky smirks, heeseung stood in the back with his kind smile and cranky park sunghoon stood in the back rolling on his heels, pretending as if he wasn't standing on your porch.

so now, you're sitting on jay's lap in the back of dayeon's car as she drives, and your knees are brushing against sunghoon's who is sitting right beside you.

you've sat on jay's lap before at a party multiple times, but not right beside sunghoon who had been showing complicated behaviour for not only the past two weeks that you were neighbours- but for your entire high school career together. it became obvious quickly that the sunghoon that was being shown when it was just you and him was very different from the sunghoon that was with you when other people were around.

sunghoon sat so quietly beside you it was as if he didn't know who you were. you think that if you weren't neighbours, you wouldn't have thought his behaviour was different than any other time you've seen him. but those cocky, confident moments he had shown you throughout the two weeks wa something that never elft your mind. you were finding yourself looking for him in the halls at school and through the windows of your house, trying to catch a glimpse of him coming home or leaving. but, you saw nothing. it was as if he was purposefully trying to avoid you.

"it's cool that you and hoon are neighbours now." jay said from behind you, his jaw resting on your shoulder as one of his hands lazily played with your hair that was resting over your other shoulder.

"yeah, we didn't even know you guys were neighbours until today." jake chimed in, quirking an eyebrow at sunghoon who pretended like he didn't see it.

"me neither." dayeon grumbled, meeting your eyes in the rearview mirror, indicating that she wanted to know more about it later on.

when you walked into the party (before you knew it was shitty) chaehyun was already tipsy and flirting with heeseung. dayeon and you shared a glance at you friend and rolled your eyes. both of you knew how your other friend felt about lee heeseung, and neither of you were the ones to stop her from flirting with him. heeseung didn't seem to mind though, chaehyun was pretty and he thought she was funny.

the quicker you found out that the party wasn't going to be good, the quicker you drank to forget that it wasn't going to be good.

you didn't realize how much you had drank until you were sitting beside sunghoon with your right leg drapped over his left one. you first noticed the way sunghoon gave you a weird expression as you sat down beside him.

"what? can't your neighbour sit beside you?" you asked him with a smile, your eyes appearing innocent and glossed over as you made eye contact.

"yeah, you can." sunghoon nodded before looking away, further into the house you were in.

"wow, a whole three words spoken to me, that's a record." you responded sarcastically.

"what does that mean?" he looked down at you in confusion.

"i mean, you never speak to me, ever."

a thoughful look spreads across sunghoon's face as he takes in your words, "well, i didn't know that you even wanted to speak to me."

you turn and face him now, a soft pout forming on your lips, "what do you mean? of course i wanna speak to you."

sunghoon felt his confidence boost at your words, your grip on his upperarm becoming firm as you grip harder.

"what do you wanna speak about?" a smirk grows on sunghoon's face.

a taken aback look crosses your face at his change in aura, "just- you're so shy!-but so hot!" and you're sure that even without the alcohol you would've said that to him.

sunghoon chuckles in response, "that's what you wanna talk about?"

"well, i just don't understand you."

"what does that mean?"

"i mean," you lean closer towards him, incase anyone nearby was listening, "i can't figure out if you're a dom or a sub."

sunghoon's sure that if he hadn't known you for almost four years, his eyes would've popped out of his skull at your forwardness, but you're you, and he's used to it and his smirk spread further across his face as your words. "what do you think i am, y/n?"

the atmosphere between you two becomes tense as you maintain eye contact with each other with minimal space between one another. "a sub."

sunghoon throws his head back and laughs at your thought, making the intense atmoshpere dissapate in an instant and you pull away from him with an amused look on your face. "what?" you whine out ot him, feeling as if he was making fun of you at the way he was laughing.

"a sub? really y/n?" he asks, watching you nod in response, "wow, you really don't understand me, or know me at all do you?"

you sit up on your kness on the couch to face him, the skin on your bare knees from your dress riling up distracts sunghoon for a moment as he feels the warmth from your skin against his thigh.

"no i don't!" you whine again, the alcohol defintely affecting you now. "i don't understand why you can't look at me when everyone else is around, but can flirt with me and tease me, and brush your teeth shritless on your balcony when no one else is around."

sunghoon chuckles at your little confession, his index finger drawing circles on your lower thigh were your knee is bent. "is that what made you think i'm a sub?" he asks playfully.

"no, i think you're a sub because you're usually so shy, and a virgin."

sunghoon pulls away and throws his head back to laugh again. "you think i'm a sub virgin?!"

"well, aren't you?" you ask like it's the obvious answer.

sunghoon's fingers return to your thigh then, but it's not drawing little shapes onto your skin, it's his hold hand gripping your thigh. he's suddenly leaning into you, looking up with his eyes into your own. "no way in hell, y/n."

you continue to stare into his eyes, a smirk of your own growing on your face as you try to decipher if he's playing a game with you or not. you place your left hand on sunghoon's warm, tinted pink cheek, "really? because i can so see you being a good boy for me."

sunghoon's hand comes up and takes your hand away from his face, "you're gonna have to save that for your dreams y/n, because that is never going to happen." his hand comes up to grab your jaw, his thumb circling the skin beside your lip.

"oh? so what? you're gonna dom me?" you ask sarcastically trying to not fall for his game.

"yeah, and i'll fuck you so good that you'll cry."

your composure dropped at that moment, feeling yourself become weak all over at sunghoon's words. his thumb that was circling your cheek had moved to your bottom lip, practically begging for you to take it inside your mouth and suck. "prove it."

"y/n! we gotta go! chaehyun's throwing up!" dayeon's voice calls out, making you and sunghoon rip apart.

you turn and look at the frantic dayeon who is calling you over with worried eyes.

"ok! i'm coming!" you jump up, grabbing your sweater and following dayeon, saying a brief goodbye to sunghoon who just watches you run after your friend to take care of your other vomitting friend.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

heeseung rides in the car ride home with you, dayeon and passed out chaehyun. chaehyun is spread out in the backseat, with her head on heeseung's lap.

"'m sorry guys, i didn't realize how much she had kept on drinking." heeseung mumbled out from the back, pushing chae's hair out of her face.

"it's okay, hee! she told us when we got there that she was gonna keep drinking because the party was shit." dayeon smiles at him through the rearview mirror.

"god that party was so shit!" heeseung agrees, looking out the car's window into the dark city street, glad that he got to leave the place.

"how did you think the party was y/n? i saw you and sunghoon talking, what were you guys up to." dayeon turns the attention towards you in the passenger seat.

"sunghoon?" heeseung asks shocked from the back, careful to wake up chaehyun with his excitement.

"god," you groaned, "we weren't doing anything. we were just talking." you lied through your teeth, something that both you and sunghoon had been doing during those two weeks.

you noticed dayeon and heeseung give each other look, but chose to ignore, you were sobering up quickly since speaking to sunghoon, and you were getting more tired by the second.

-

dayeon dropped you off first, watching you walk into your house safely before leaving to drop off chaehyun and heeseung as well.

you got into your bedroom quietly, dressing in your pyjama shorts and sweater. you felt the exhaustion from the alcohol and holding up chaehyun as she threw up start to settle in. you think you were just about to pass out until your phone vibrated beside your head, showing an instagram dm on the screen.

[y/n.username] : ice_parksunghoon : is chae ok?

you sat up as you read sunghoon's name and swiped open your phone to respond.

[y/n.username] : yeah, she is

[ice_parksunghoon] : are you home now?

[y/n.username] : yeah, i am

[ice_parksunghoon] : do you still want me to prove that i'm a dom?

you felt your breath hitch at his message, the tiredness in your body immediately leaving at the thought of what you and sunghoon would do tonight.

[y/n.username] : come over

it took a few minutes for him to respond.

[ice_parksunghoon] : i'm outside

and then you were quietly running down to yur front door, unlocking it to reveal sunghoon who was still wearing his outfit from the party and he's smirking down as he takes in your own attire.

"you tired?" he asks with a quirk of his eyebrow.

"not anymore." you respond, grabbing his hand and pulling him into your house, leading upstairs to your bedroom.

sunghoon's only seen a few glimpse's of your bedroom from across your balconies, but being inside of it was something so much different. he could see your pictures of your friends and family all over the walls, your set of plushies sat in the chair in the corner of your room, and messy desk with homework already piling up. he could see characterstics of you spread around that he didn't know existed.

you brought him back into reality as you walked up to him, much shorter than he was making him have to completely turn his head down to look at you. your hands trailed over his chest over his black shirt that suited him so well. you could feel his muscles so easily under his chest from figure skating and working out.

"you're gonna be a good boy for me, right hoon?" you teased him, your voie coming out sultry and in a whisper.

you heard sunghoon chuckle darkly as he grabbed your hands away from him, holding onto your wrists, "i thought i told you that would have to be something for your dreams." his fake smile dropped for his next sentence, "and i didn't say you could touch me, baby."

your own smile dropped as you took in his words, your eyes becoming rounder as you listened to him, his grip still on your wrists.

sunghoon's smile returned as he saw a glimpse of submissive gleam over your eyes for a moment, "now why don't you take off your shorts for me?" he let go of your wrists so you could follow his command. his voice had become deeper than you had ever heard it before- his almost compettive, confident aura filling up your room quickly and taking over your own.

you bent over and slid your shorts slowly down your legs until they were on the floor and kicked to side, leaving you only in your ovesized sweater.

sunghoon's hands rested on your newly exposed hips, pulling your sweater up a little, "you're gonna be a good girl for me, right baby?" his new nickname for you had you weak in the knees, your mind going fuzzy at the new sunghoon before you.

"and what if i'm not?" you push him, trying to redeem yourself, wanting to prove that you aren't some submissive girl.

sunghoon bent down to your ear, his lips brushing over the shell as he whispered, "then you'll make me angry, and you'll be punished," he pulled away to look directly in your eyes, "and good girls shouldn't be punished right?" you only nodded in response, which wasn't the right thing to do as his hand came up harshly to grip your jaw, "use your words y/n."

"right."

"right what?"

"right, sir." sunghoon smirked as the submissive state took over you completely then, feeling almost arrogant at how quick he would have you begging for him.

sunghoon's hands return to your hips, where he pushed up your sweater, up and overyour head, leaving you completely naked infront of him still fully clothed. sunghoon takes a moment to scan your body in the moonlight in your room, biting his lip as takes in your appearance. he's thought about you standing before him naked so many times, and now that it's real, he can hardly believe it.

he's instantly turning you around and pushing you up against your bedroom door, his hands roaming your body like he's always imagined, and kissing all over your chest and tits. a small moan leaves your mouth when he bites your nipple gently, his plush lips surround your nipple as he sucks and pulls.

his hand trails down your body to rub his fingers through your folds, feeling just how wet you are. you culd feel him smirk against your skin at the revelation, wishing your body wasn't a dead give away that you've been wet since the party.

his tumb brushes over your clit, making you throw your head back against the door, your eyes meeting sunghoon's as he stares down at your small figure.

"it feels that good already, baby? i haven't even touched you yet." sunghoon teases you, his thumb presses harder, slow circles into your clit.

"wanted this for so long, wanted you for so long, sir." you confess to him, the feeling of him encases your body against your bedrooom door was something close to a dream and you didn't want to wake up.

your words trigger something in sunghoon as he's down on his knees in a second, your bare, wet pussy right in front of his face as he spreads your legs open harshly. your full core is holding yourself up as he meets his tongue with your juices. the first feel of his warm tongue against you makes your hand reach out and grip his hair for support.

until he's pulling away from you, gripping your wrists again, "what did i say about touching me, baby? if you want to touch me, you have to ask for permission."

you whimper as you look down at him, a look of warning on his face, "c-can i touch you, sir?" you ask him nicely.

a pleased look covers his face as he leans in and presses two soft kisses on your clit, "yes, you can."

your hand meets his hair again as he delves into your pussy, his tongue circling your clit and sucking fast. your other hand covers your mouth, not wanting to be too loud at 3am while your family is asleep on the other side of the house.

sunghoon eats you out like a mad man, his hands gripping hard onto your hips as he sucks and tastes your juices- even sweeter than he imagined.

when your body starts to tense, signalling that you're cloe to your high, sunghoon pulls away, a loud whine leaving you as you're about to protest.

"if you want to cum baby you have to ask." sunghoon quirks his eyebrow at you.

"please sir, please let me cum, i was so close!" you practically beg out out to him. a look of thought spreads across sunghoon's face, as if he's actually thinking whether or not you deserve to cum.

"no." he speaks, disbelief filling your body as he places gently kisses on your lower abdomen, far away from where you'd rather want his lips. he stands up, towering over you again, "want you to cum on my cock instead, how's that sound?"

"so good, sir, yes please." you nod your head against the bedroom door. his hands travel up your body to your ribcage, and he's leaning in close to your face, your lips are inches apart- you close your eyes- wanting to relish in the kiss.

"undress me, first." sunghoon speaks, and when you open your eyes again he's backed up away from you, quirking an eyebrow at as you impatiently.

in a second, you're pulling his shirt over his head, taking in hs pale skin you've seen before, but never this close. youcan feel the heat radiating off of him he's so close. you want to trace his moles with your finger tips, but youhurry to unbuckle his belt instead, not wanting him to get more impateint with you.

when his black jeans are kicked on the floor to join the rest of your clothes, you take in the bulge in sunghoon's boxers.

he looks fucking huge- and you let yourself wonder for a moment if he's gonna fit in you or not.

sunghoon takes your hand in his and places it over his buldge, "see how hard you get me, baby?"

"yes, sir." you answer almost instinctively now.

"take my boxers off, y/n." he lets go of your hand, your other hand meeting his boxers band with your other one, both of your hands pulling them down his legs until they drop at his feet.

sunghoon's cock spring up and you can really see just how big and hard he is. it's gotta be the prettiest dick you've ever seen. his pale skin turns red at the tip, where precum is already leaking out.

"spit on it." sunghoon commands you, watching as you stare down at his cock with a look of amazement in your eye. he's never seen anyone stare at his dick like that before and it's almost made him shy and embarrassed for a moment.

you continue to do as he says, your lips pursing together as a long strip of spit falls from your lips, to directly in the centre of his pretty cock.

"now make sure my dick's completely covered."

your hand reaches down inbetween your bodies to his dick, your fingers spreading your saliva around until your grip latches on, and starts to mix your saliva and his precum all over his member. if it wasn't for the almost inaudble sharp inhale from sunghoon, youwould've thought he was completely unaffected by your tight and wet grip. his face stayed in the same- almost bored expression, and his body didn't move a muscle.

suddenly, sunghoon is grabbing a hold of your shoulders and turning you around, pushing yo uback toward your bed where you land with a quiet 'oof"

his body is ontop of yours in a second. sunghoon starts kissing down your neck and his hands pry open your legs for his body to slip in between them. he pulls away again for you both to look where your bodies are connecting. his hard cock is laying agianst your wet pussy.

"you're okay?" sunghoon's voice returns to how it usually is everytime you've heard him speak, it's softer and calmer and his eyes meet yours with a certain concern, wanting to make sure that you really want to have sex with him. in his mind, he still couldn't believe that you were having sex with him.

you smile up at him sweetly, a real sweet, genuine smile, "yeah, are you?" he nods with a smile quickly before it drops again and he's grabbing his dick and pressing it against your core. he's slow when he starts to push in, obviously realzing just how big he is. the strech around him feels good, it's something you've never felt before and you take the time to relish in it when he hits your hilt.

sunghoon gives you a moment to adjust until he starts moving slowly in you, one of his hands reaching up and gripping your neck, never breaking eye contact with you.

his thrusts quickly pick up speed, his cock hitting your gspot almost immediately everytime. your hand grip onto your sheets underneath you, biting onto your lip so you don't moan too loud.

he removes his hand from your throat and grabs ahold onto your thighs, using them as leverage topound into your harder. you would have never thought that sunghoon would be so rough while he fucks- his usualy calm and shy demeanor covers him up so well.

he throws one of your legs up and over his shoulder, while he pins the other one down to the bed. his thrusts never stop as he's balancing himself on his knees, pounding into you like his life depended on it. in a way, it did- he wanted to show you just how dominant he was- he wanted to prove to you that he was worthy of your time.

sunghoon saw the way that your eyes were already rolling to the back of your head, never had been fucked this rough so quick before in your life.

"what? you gonna cum already, baby?"

his question makes you open your eyes to look at him. he has a teasing, mischevious look in them and it makes you gulp, trying harder to catch your breath to answer him.

"n-no sir, i'm not gonna cum yet, wanna hold it for you." you whined out to him, his smirk resting on his face at your words.

"that's a good girl." his praise makes you realize just how much you want to be praised by him, you want him to think of you as his good girl that would do anything to please him. you never thought you'd be this submissive when it came to you and sunghoon, but you aren't disappointed as he continues to fuck into you harder.

sunghoon's hand grips your neck again as his speed slows down, wanting you to feel all of him as he slids in and out of you. the veins on his cock drags aganst every spot in your wet walls, adding to the pleasure before he hits your gspot.

"you're so good, sir." you speak, his grip on your neck loosening for you to speak.

your hand comes down and starts rubbing your clit harshly, adding to the pleasure of it all. his grips tightens on your neck again as he watches you rub your clit, your fingers getting soaked with your juices from how wet you are- unti he tsks and pulls away from you.

sunghoon lets your leg that was on his shoulder drop and he grabs both of your legs to hold them up and together. he pushes your knees so they bend into your face, your hands wrapping around your calves to help hold your legs in place.

"good girl, you hold them there so sir can fuck you." sunghoon smirks at you and spits onto your exposed pussy, creating an even larger mess of your cores. he feels your walls clench around his cock harder at the change of position, makin ghis breaths go ragged as he feel shis orgasm approaching. "fuck, i love your pussy."

sunghoon's praise makes your chest feel lighter, wanting to thank him but the words falling short as his thrusts pick up speed again.

his fingers start to rub back and forth over your pussy quickly, your grip on the sheets tightening as your back arches off of your bed- the pleasure becoming almost too much. a louder moan escapes your lips, making sunghoon rip open your legs again so he could slip himself closer to you.

"you gotta stay quiet, baby, or else you won't get to cum." sunghoon grunts out- hishand covering your mouth to quieten your moans. your walls were getting tighter with each thrust that he gave, he could feel your lips pouting and opening against his palm that kept you quiet. "do you wanna cum, y/n?" he sees you nod, a look of desperation on your face as he fucks deep inside of you. "beg." he removes your hand from your mouth so you could speak.

"please sir, i wanna cum, you feel so good, i wanna cum all over your cock." he whine out, trying to be quiet. a pleased smirk covers sunghoon's face as his fingers reach your clit again, soaking them more with your juices.

"cum."

with two more thrusts and the speed of his fingers on your clit, your body tenses up as your orgasm reaches it's peak within you. a quiet moan of sunghoon's name as your eyes roll to back of your head. his thrusts only slow down for a second as you recover from it- not wanting to overstimulate you too much.

your hands leave your sheets and hold onto sunghoon's neck instead, making eye contact with him.

"please cum for me sir, wanna feel your cum."

"i will, baby, i will." sunghoon grunts out, started to fuck into you faster again. you hold your moans of sensitivity back, more focused o n the way sunghoon's pretty face scrunched up in pleasure.

sunghoon rips his cock out of you then, his hand meeting his dick to jerk it off, you can see a mixture of spit, your juices and precum over his dick as he cuts. white spurts of cum land on your core as he lets out grunts and whispers of your name. he only stops jerking once the sensitivity kicks in for him, his eyes opening and looking down at the mess he made of you. your innocent eyes look up at him as you scoop some of his cum up on your finger and slip it into your mouth, humming over the salty taste.

"fuck." sunghoon smiles down, his chest heaving heavily. he forces himself to get off of you, grabbing a towel that was hanging on the back of your desk chair to wipe you up. you watch him as he careful ghosts the towel over your skin to wipe him his cum, as if you were going to break now.

when he figures you're clean enough he smiles at you one more time, and leans over to press a kiss to your forehead. it only gives you a second to relish in his warmth until he's pulling away again, and passing you your over sized sweater to slip on again.

you curl up in your sheets as you watch him dress. a feeling you've never felt before washes over you as you realize that he's getting ready to leave you for the night.

"you didn't make me cry like you said you would." you quirk an eyebrow up at him with a teasing grin.

sunghoon slips his shirt over his head and looks at you, both of you dressed again. "next time i will."

"next time?" you tilt your head to the side, a feeling of excitement growing in your chest.

sunghoon shrugs nonchalently, grabbing his phone off of your desk, "if you want there to be a next time."

you smile at him, "i do."

he smiles at you as he stands infront of your balcony doors, "okay, then i'll see you around y/n."

"ok.

he smiles at you one last time as he opens your balcony doors and closes them behind you, waving at you before turning and climbing over onto his own. he waves one last time at you from his bedroom, before he's closing his curtains for the night and leaving you alone.

you're alone in your bedroom that smells like sex and it's making you feel like a giant pit of doom is growing in your chest- masked by the feeling of excitement and butterflies, wondering when exactly you would see your neighbour again.

since that first party of the school year, you had somehow became friends with benefits with the boy next door.

every weekend after, one of you would be at the other's house, getting lost in pleasure in their bed. you were having fun and felt comfortable with sunghoon during those times.

it was during the week that frustrated you.

those five school days felt like they dragged on, everytime you'd see sunghoon in the halls he'd turn away from you, acting as if he didn't know you. when you were surrounded by your friends he wouldn't even look at you.

you were invisible to him during the week, yet attached during the weekend when you were alone.

you knew that he was quite busy for a senior in highschool- having to have a strict schedule for his figure skating career. you tried to come up with a reason as to why he was acting like that towards you- maybe he was just tired during the week and didn't feel like talking much because of it.

you wondered often if sunghoon had told his friends about the two of you hooking up as jay and jake had ultimately stopped flirting with you and hugging you. you tried to get chaehyun to ask heeseung about sunghoon but she didn't want to intrude on him and his friends.

both of you hadn't really set any exact boundaries for your spontanous friends with benefits relationship- no one clarified anything about being allowed to have sex with other people during it. at first, you had figured that he was seeing other people- maybe some girls on the other figure skating teams- but that wouldn't really make sense because you see him come home at 11 every night looking tired as hell, and you were with him all weekend.

dayeon and chae didn't seem to care at first when you told them about what you and sunghoon had been doing for the past few weekends. but like you, overtime they started to get confused with his behaviour. you knew you weren't dating, but still...

if he had told his friends to back off of you, then the least he could do was smile at you in the hallways.

the past week, you hadn't seen him at all. he wasn't in the halls, he was never at his locker, and he kept his curtains shut all week. you had texted him on wednesday, asking if he was alright, which he only responded to with a thumbs up emoji.

so youu decieded to ignore him at this weekends party. it was hard at first- he looked so good in his loose fitting shirt and black jeans, you wanted to walk right over to him and take him to a quiet corner where he could whisper all the things he wanted to do to you.

you watched him for a bit, smirking and laughing with his friends, as if he was completely unaware of how he had been affecting you for the past month.

to be fair, sunghoon was unaware.

sunghoon had been tired throughout the past weeks. he felt like he could barely stand during the weekends from the past five days of exhaustion- but that waasn't why he was keeping his distance from you.

sunghoon had heard from his friends before that you had had friends with benefits before- and he hadn't. he wasn't sure what came with a friends with benefits relationship- but he was glad that his first one was with you. he found himself thinking of you more than ever since you two had first started hooking up. it felt like it was slowly becoming out of his control- as soon as he got a second of peace during school, at home, or in the middle of his skating practice- his thoughts went to you- and he didn't know why.

sunghoon had not wanted you to think that he was clingy after hooking up with you, therefore he distanced himself during the week- during the times that he was separated physically from you. he also wasn't a big fan of pda- and he knew you were. he had seen you latch onto anyone whether you were drunk or sober, not caring if others saw you or waht they thought about you. it was a characteristic of yours that sunghoon was jealous of- another reason as to why you were so out of his league.

at tonight's party, he had realized that you hadn't smiled at him like you usually do when you walk into the place. you hadn't brushed your hair behind your ear and bounced your way over to him. he figured that you just wanted to hang out with chaehyun and dayeon before coming to him.

sunghoon would glance over at you every now and then, watching you drink from your red solo cup that brought out the pink in your cheeks. he had immediately noticed when choi yeonjun and the rest of his friends had sat down with you and your friends. he noticed that yeonjun sat directly beside you, smiling down at you with a hint of mischeif behind his eyes.

everyone knew choi yeonjun: he was talented, good looking, funny and charming. he captured the attraction of everyone in each room that he walked into. everyone in the city knew of him. it didn't surprise sunghoon that yeonjun had sat down beside you. you were well known too in the city- and you were pretty- so pretty.

the more the sunghoon watched you and yeonjun interact on the couch, the more he got it wrapped in his head that he was defintely not okay with it. he felt his jaw tick when he saw yeonjun place his hand on your bare thigh, you dress ridden up a little too high now from sitting down too long. when his hand rested there for 10 seconds more than he liked without you pushing it off, sunghoon pushed through his friends and walked right up to the little group that had formed on the couch. he heard heeseung call him from behind, but his eyes were set on you and yeonjun.

you could sense sunghoon's presence in a millisecond now that you had been close to him for a while. the second he stood to your right, you looked up. he had an annoyed look on his face as he looked down at you, glancing at your face and then yeonjun's hand on your thigh. you smirked to yourself when you realized that that was what got sunghoon so pissed looking.

"hi, sunghoon." you smiled up at him sweetly, still not pushing yeonjun's hand away. you thought of it as a little punishment of your own for avoiding you all week.

sunghoon overly smiled at you, a smile that to anyone except for you and his friends- knew was fake and that he was pissed, "hi y/n, do you want to come help me in the kitchen for a second?" he pointed his thumb over his shoulder towards the kitchen.

"sure." you answered cheerily, pretending to not pick up on the fact that he was mad. you felt yeonjun's hand slip from your thigh- realizing then just how cold it was on your skin.

sunghoon met you half way by grabbing your hand, leading you down the hallway to the bathroom instead.

"what're you doi-?" you start to ask him, being cut short when he pushes you up against the bathroom counter.

"what are you doing?" sunghoon grunts back at you.

you cross your arms over your chest, trying to get some more distance between you and the annoyed boy, "i'm having fun with my friends."

"with yeonjun touching all over you?" sunghoon hisses at you, not being able to get the image out of his head.

"oh my god, hoon. he was not touching all over me!"

"still, he was touching you," sunghoon's hand came up and brushed your hair behind your ear, "and i don't like other people touching what's mine."

"what's yours?" you raise an eyebrow, challenging him almost.

"you're mine." sunghoon whispers as his pale features turn dark.

you smirk to yourself, not getting a chance to speak before sunghoon's hands are at the bottom hem of your dress, lifting it so it rests on your hips. your black panties are on display for him as you can feel the jealousy growing within him and the room.

"what're doin-?"

"do i need to show you who you belong to y/n?" sunghoon's voice was firm as he spoke to you, one of his hands gripping harshly onto your waist. meanwhile, his other hand had found its way to your core, shoving his fingers into your folds under the panties.

a small noise escapes your lips at the sudden intrusion, grabbing onto the bathroom counter behind you. "fuck, you're already so wet, baby."

you bite your lip and nod at him, unable to form any words. sunghoon hisses when his index finger slips so easily into your core, unmoving once inside. his thumb starts to play with your clit, wanting to tease you a bit. you let out a loud moan when his thumb picks up pace on your swollen clit. your head falls forward onto his shoulder, your moans filling his ears.

his index finger is joined by his middle fingers, stretching you more and starts to slip in and out of you quickly. sunghoon curls them, making your walls tighten when he already hits your gspot.

"hoon, shit." your voice comes out in a soft whisper. a sharp slap hits your thigh then.

"what did you call me?" sunghoon almost growls into your neck, biting harshly.

"s-sir! sorry sir!" you were prepared to beg if he stopped. luckily, he continued to kiss your neck and jaw, seeing your legs spreading wider for him to have more access.

"that's right. your pussy belongs to, sir."

you start to shutter in sunghoon's grasp, your senses becoming overwhelmed. sunghoon catches the way your eyes start to roll to the back of your head, nose coming into a scrunch. sunghoon smiles to himself, loving the way he so quickly tears you apart. he made no effort in slowing his fingers down from the quick pace he had set, he could feel you clenching around them already. with every curl of his finger, your body arched into his.

one of your hands lets go of the bathroom counter and holds onto sunghoon's black shirt, desperate to hold on to him in some way. sunghoon continues to watch your face contort into pleasure, loving the struggle you were having.

"you're such a slut, baby. letting me finger you in the bathroom." sunghoon teases you, watching you open your eyes to look at him, pleasure growing in your pupils, "are you going to cum, y/n? you wanna cum on my fingers?"

you whine out to him, "yes sir! please sir! please let me cum!" you gasp when sunghoon's hand grips your neck tightly, making you focus on the the pleasure his fingers were giving you.

"you can cum, baby." sunghoon allows you, letting you snap the coil that had been building in your stomach since the moment sunghoon had pulled you into the bathroom.

"f-fuck!" you stuttered out, waves of pleasure coursing htrough you as your head leaned forward onto sunghoon's shoulder again, needing the support.

sunghoon rips his fingers out of you, pulling away from you completely. you're about to complain but feel his fingers trailing over your lips. out of instinct, you open your mouth, and you can taste yourself. sunghoon smirks at how fucked out you look, humming when he feels your tongue circling his fingers.

"that's it baby, suck my fingers like it's my cock." you make sure to lick your juices clean off of sunghoon's fingers. when he pops them out of your mouth and notices the way your thighs still rub together. "what is it baby? need to cum again? do you want yeonjun to make you cum?"

sunghoon turns you around so your ass is on his crotch, your eyes meeting briefly in the mirror and begging him to fuck you. "sunghoon, i don't want anyone but you, just want you're cock."

sunghoon hums, nodding his head, "do you think you deserve my cock after letting someother man touch you right in front of me?"

"yes sir! please! i'm sorry sir, only you can fuck me!" you're about to say more but sunghoon cuts you off, slapping your ass.

"so fucking needy all the time." he slaps your ass again hard.

"'m sorry sir, just need you so bad."

sunghoon shoves two of his fingers inside your wet pussy again. you whine out, clutching onto the bathroom counter as his fingers pick up pace again.

"f-fuck." your eyes roll to the back of your head again, your body subconcsciouly moving away from him.

"what is it, y/n? too sensitive to take my fingers again?" sunghoon chuckles, rubbing your clit with his other hand, making you shift your hips and arch your back into him. he didn't have to look to know that there was a giant mess inbetween your thighs from the mixture of your spit, juices and cum.

"your pussy belongs to me, right baby? only i can make you a weak mess?"

you start to lose balance quickly at his curling of his fingers. his fingers feel so good inside you, hitting your gspot everytime since knows your body so well now.

sunghoon knows your body so well now that he knows you're close to cumming again. "you wanna cum again, y/n? make more of a mess on my fingers?"

"sunghoon!" his name slips out of your mouth as you feel his fingers start to fuck harder.

"who's pussy is this, y/n? tell me and i might let you cum." he commands you, the room filling with the sound of your wet pussy schelching around his fingers.

"you! fuck, sir! only yours, sir." you almost cry, your breaths becoming ragged as his hand wraps around your throat again, squeezing from behind you.

"good girl, my good girl's gonna cum now, right?"

"c-cuming, oh god, i'm cuming." your walls tighten harder about his fingers, coating them with more of your cum. your body shutters against him, pounding his fingers into you until you're pushing him away from the sensitivity. when he slowly pulls out of you and releases your throat, you collapse onto the bathroom counter.

sunghoon makes sure you don't hit your head anywhere, pulling your hair from your face so he could see how fucked out and sweaty you look. he sheepishly smiles at you when you make eye contact.

"wanna suck your dick now." you pout up at him, making him smile as he reaches for his jean buttons.

"sunghoon! are you in there?" there's a few pounds on the door and jay's voice is heard. "jake wants to leave, are you coming?"

"fuck." sunghoon mutters as he looks at the door, knowing that they were his only ride home. "yeah! i'm coming, give me a second." sunghoon turns his attention back to you who's already standing up off of the counter and pulling down your dress. "are you good?" he comes up behind you in the mirror, his hands wrapping around your waist.

you turn him in his grasp, "yeah,' m fine." he backs away from you, smiling at you as he heads to the door. "so i'll see you next weekend? y'know since i'll ignore you all week." you said to him as he reached for the door knob.

"what?" he paused and looked at you with a confused expression.

"well, that's what you do right? ignore me until you wanna hook up?"

"i don't ignore you."

"well you don't talk to me at school, or even text me."

sunghoon's eyes glance around the small bathroom, trying to process your words, "i didn't... do that... before we started to hook up?"

"well- well no, but-."

"do you want me to do that? text you and talk to you at school."

you stop yourself from smiling at such simple words- simple actions, "yes."

a small smile grows on sunghoon's face, "ok, i'll see you around then." you smiled in return and he left the bathroom, leaving you to clean up your ruined makeup by yourself, cursing him for finally making you cry.

-- -- -- -- --

you should've known not to believe sunghoon when he said he'd stop ignoring you, although he didn't really see it as that.

walking into school the monday after party, you were content on knowing that sunghoon would at least acknowledge your presence at school when your friends were around.

you had walked right up to where his group of friends crowds the hall at the end of day, all of them catching up so that they could walk home together. you were greeted by everyone except for sunghoon.

you tried smiling at sunghoon, wanting to see if he'd atleast smile back, but was returned with nothing but that same, cold expression he usually wore when he was in public. you were trying to give him the benefit of the doubt that maybe he was just shy in public, but chae and dayeon talked you out of that self excuse when they brought up the fact that he could talk to everyone- even girls that he's wanted to hook up with in the past- but you.

you were hurt more when it became friday night and not a single text from him was sent during the week. you had decided to ignore him again at the party of the night, wanting to give him his own medicine.

but your own anxious thoughts kept running through your head- that maybe sunghoon ignored you again this week because you came off as too clingy last weekend, or that he was fucking somone else instead.

you didn't understand why the thought of him getting into bed with someone other than you bothered you so much. you felt like you barely knew sunghoon, but knew him like the back of your hand at the same time. maybe it was because you had technically always been by each other due to your friend groups always interacting together- that it was some sort of trick on your mind that made you feel like sunghoon and you were friends too.

the more you thought of how much you knew sunghoon- the more you realized just how little you did.

you knew he figure skated, and that he liked to hang out with his friends- and that he liked when you bite his earlobe during hte five seconds he let you have false dominance over him before he took over again. but other than everything you knew about what made him sensitive and close to an orgasm- you pretty much knew nothing.

sunghoon was your mutual friend of four years, the person you spent every weekend night with wrapped up in his sheets that smelt like his cologne you had gotten used to, your next door neighbour- yet he felt like a stranger.

so you were upset when your plan to ignore him tonight when you showed up and learnt that he had decided to stay home this weekend.

"is he okay?" you asked jake, who only gave you an odd look before nodding, probably wondering why you were asking about sunghoon's well being when you don't even speak to him in public.

sunghoon frustrated you. and when you get frustrated from pure exhaustion- you drink- a lot.

you drink so much to forget that you're frustrated and don't realize how much you drink until chaehyun and dayeon are pulling you away from the drink table and into dayeon's car. you remember a faint memory of jay and jake waving bye to you from the lawn, and heeseung whispering something into chaehyun's ear with a smile.

you remember being quiet on the car ride home, until your phone notified you that you got a text.

to : sunghoon 💙 Do u wan to com over?????😜😜😜😜😜

from : sunghoon 💙 yeah sure, text me when

sunghoon knew from your texts that you were either completely wasted or just fooling around with him, but nonetheless, he got excited from it- knowing that either way you were still thinking about him. he had truly been tired from the past week- practice and school and his parents all kicking his ass.

opening your balcony doors when you gave him the 'ok' to come over, he wasn't too surprised to quickly realize how drunk you were. you were only wearing your underwear and bra, trying to sit sexily on your bed as you waited for him. in your mind, you truly did look like the sexiest woman alive, but the false sexy utopia you had created in your mind fell quickly when sunghoon only laughed when he took in your appearance.

"what?" you whined at him, your knees coming up to your chest, not expecting his pure laugh to fill your bedroom once he came in.

"nothing! nothing!" sunghoon reassured you as he continued to chuckle, closing the doors behind him as he stepped closer to you.

"why are you laughing?" you pouted at him, trying to not let him hurt your drunk feelings.

"what are you doing?" sunghoon looks down at your sitting posture, an amused smile still on his lips.

"i'm trying to look sexy for you." your response only made him laugh harder, covering his mouth with his hand to not wake up your parents. "what?!" you put your hands over your face, trying to hide as much as you can from him.

"i'm sorry, i'm sorry!" he laughed out, reaching his hands out to remove your own gently, "it's just- i already think you're sexy- you don't need to sit in such an... awkward position when i come in. and what the hell was that look on your face?" you look up at him then, watching him contort his face into an expression that resembled yours when he first came in- only it really was NOT as sexy as you thought it was.

you playfully slap his arm, "i didn't look like that!"

"oh, yes you did!"

you laugh with him this time, watching him bend down and pick up your large shirt, passing it to you.

"what? you don't want to fuck me?" you suddenly pout again, your fingers going over the shirt's fabric in your hand.

the atmosphere in your room intenses for a moment as sunghoon switches between balancing on each of his feet, carefully thinking of what he should say, "not tonight y/n, you're drunk. tomorrow maybe, ok?"

your jaw drops open in disappointed, ready to protest that you're fine to have sex tonight, but stopping when a sharp pain went through your head, causing you to hiss and salp your hand to your forehead.

"y/n? are you okay?" sunghoon's voice as laced with concern then, as he knelt down so he was level with you.

"yeah, i just have a headache now- i really drank too much."

sunghoon grabs a waterbottle left on your desk as you slip the shirt over your pounding head. "here, drink this and go to sleep, you'll feel better in the morning."

you take the waterbottle from him and watch as he starts to leave for the night- making your heart and lips pout in disappointment. "can't you stay for a bit, hoon? what if i need to throw up."

sunghoon turns back and rolls his eyes at you playfully. if it was any of his friends that said that to him, he'd be gone in an instant. he was never the type of the person that could handle other people's vomit. but, he wanted to stay with you, to make sure that you would be okay.

"fine." sunghoon nodded his chin towards you, "make room for me."

you slid under the blanket of your bed, moving over so that there would be enough room for the tall boy. sunghoon slips off his shoes and crawls in after you, making sure that there was some distance between you two.

sunghoon's been in your bed multiple times before- but the reason for it was never a saint. both of you had your heads on different pillows, your bodies facing each other as you layed on your sides.

your bedroom was silent as you closed your eyes, trying to fall alseep so that the ache in your head would stop. even though there was some distance between you and sunghoon, you could still feel his warmth from his body warm up your bed.

your head started to pound harder the more you tried to fall asleep, making your face scrunch up in pain.

"does it still hurt, y/n?" sunghoon's voice asked you, keeping your eyes closed still. his voice cancelled out the loud silence in your bedroom- somehow balancing out the pain in your head for a second.

"yeah, pretty bad." you whispered softly to him. you could feel sunghoon shift the blankets more so that they wrapped around your body, making your heart swell at the care he was showing you for the first time. "can you keep talking, hoon? your voice makes me feel better."

sunghoon paused for a moment before speaking, trying to think of what he should say, "what do you want me to talk about?"

"anything, just until i fall asleep."

sunghoon really thought for a moment as he looked at your calm body, wrapped in your blanket with a subtle pout on your lips- defintely regretting drinking so much tonight. "i remember the first time i saw you- in freshman year. you were sitting three rows in front of me, and you had your hair in a ponytail with a bright pink elastic. and you had on those black nike's you use to always wear before jake spilt that weird, green, halloween punch all over them."

you smiled at his obsveration, opening your eyes to find genuine happiness in his eyes as he recalled his first memory of you.

"i didn't think you noticed me." you confessed to him, remembering your own first memory of the quiet, shy boy.

"how could i have not noticed you?" sunghoon paused for a second, "you're so loud." you gasp as gently as you could out of shock and so that you don't hurt your head more for the moment. you hear sunghoon's low chuckle in your ear, "and pretty."

"you think i'm pretty?"

sunghoon tsked at you, "well yeah, i tell you that you're pretty all the time."

"yeah but that's usually when you have your dick in me."

even in the dark you could see sunghoon roll his eyes at your drunk words, "ok then, i think you're pretty whether my dick is inside of you or not."

your room goes back to being silent as you take in his words, never really thinking much of his compliments all the times before. but as you both lay in your bed, fully clothed and are making no effort to have sex, or to give one another head, or to even makeout, the compliment swirls in your head and sinks into your heart.

"thanks sunghoon."

sunghoon shrugs, "whatever." he tried to be nonchalent about the compliment, also fully aware that the only time he ever did compliment you was when you were about to hook up. it was something that he thought could cross the boundary of a friends with benefit relationship and a romantic relationship.

but none the less, sunghoon moved his head over onto your pillow, messing your foreheads together gently. you hummed at his warmth, your eyes closing to take it in again. his whole presence soothed your headache and made your body realize how tired you actually were from drinking all night.

"night, hoon."

"night, y/n."

when you felt your body fall into steady breaths and your mind become blank, you knew it'd be any second before you fell asleep for the night. when you felt sunghoon press a soft kiss to your forehead- you hoped to remember it in the morning as you were too close to falling asleep then you speak about it.

you wake up around noon hour the next day alone in your bed. there is a dull pain in your head still but it's defintely not as bad as it was the night before. you glance around your room, seeing your party dress thrown messily onto the floor. your blanket is tucked in at your sides as if you had been tucked in- and the only evidence that sunghoon was in your bed last night is the faint smell of his colgone on your pillow.

the first time that sunghoon and you hooked up during the week- and not after some random house party your friends would drag you to on the weekend- was only a few days after sunghoon had tucked you into bed before leaving an hour after you fell asleep with a drunk headache- a few days after he had complained about skating to you.

you were laying in your bed when you couldn't help but overhear sunghoon's mother lecturing him about how important it was for him to go every practice possible for him to get better. you heard a few grunts and mumbles from sunghoon in return, obviously not happy with the way his mother was being strict with him when it came to his sport.

you heard his balcony door slam shut and his mumbles got a bit louder. you stood up and opened your curtain, peeking out to see him leaning over the railing of his balcony. you could see the condensation in the air coming from his breath. the winter season had approached in your city, making everything colder and snow on the ground.

your movement had caught sunghoon's attention in the corner of his eye, realizing that you had been caught staring at him, you sheepishly open your balcony doors, stepping out onto your own balcony.

"hey." you spoke softly, wrapping your sweater around you to protect you from the cold.

"hi." sunghoon nodded at you, before returning his attention back to the street, watching a car drive by every now and then.

"are you okay?" you asked him after a moment of silence.

"yeah, just some skating stuff." sunghoon shrugs, "the usual shit."

"what's the usual shit?" you could see sunghoon tense for a moment at your question, not expecting for you to ask him about it.

"just- my parents think i'm better than i actually am."

"well i'm sure you're good, no? i see the medals all over your walls." you nod to his bedroom.

sunghoon smiles at your observation, "i'm okay. i've been having more bad skating days recently, it makes me think i'm actually bad at it."

"well maybe you should go to practice." you tease him, mocking his mothers words and making him groan. "how about you show me how bad you are at it then?"

sunghoon turns to look at you, raising an eyebrow, "have you even been skating before?"

"of course i have!" you defend yourself, "when i was like ten!"

sunghoon chuckles and leans on the balcony rail again, "fine, i'll take you tomorrow after dinner."

you ignore the weird feeling growing in your chest as he spoke, "ok!" you nodded at him, "i'll see you tomorrow then, hoon."

sunghoon smiles at his nickname, "night, y/n."

-

"okay, maybe this wasn't a good idea." you look at the frozen over pond nervously, trying to balance on the ice as you stood on the slippery surface, "is this even safe?"

"of course it is! i taught yewon how to skate here for years!" sunghoon laughed, grabbing a hold of your arm and trying to force your to move away from the side of the pond. "and i thought you said you knew how to skate! yewon is nine and skates way better than you!" he laughed when you gave him a scowl of hatred, knowing that if you were able to move that you'd hit him. "come on, y/n, don't chicken out on me! let's go."

"you go ahead! i'll be right here!" you said, gesturing with your hand that he should go.

sunghoon had known you for years and had never seen you nervous before. it was hilarious that something he was arguably better at than walking would be something that scared you so much.

"god, i didn't know you were going to be the biggest baby when i agreed to take you skating." sunghoon said with a tone of fake disappointment, skating towardrs you again.

"i am not being a baby! i didn't know you'd take me to some sketchy pond! what if we fall through?"

sunghoon laughed out loud at you, "we won't fall in! just trust me, let's go."

sunghoon continued to get you to skate with him, making you move your feet a little on the ice before you almost face planted on the ice, sunghoon's hand reaching quickly to catch your own hands- his warmth heating up your hands to match the warmth on your cheeks from embarrassment.

you must've looked ridicoulous to sunghoon as he skated backwards, trying to teach you how to skate. your legs started to feel like jelly. "it feels too weird, hoon!" you whined, concentrating too much on not falling.

"oh you're doing fine, y/n! when you think you got it, i can let go. you just need to bend forward a little bit, so you can build momentum!" sunghoon advised you.

when you finally made a full circle around the pond, sunghoon smirked teasingly again, "see you got it? wanna go for another round?"

"in a second, i don't want to hold you back. i can take a break while you do your tricks or whatever."

sunghoon threw his head back and laughed into the cold winter air, "my tricks or whatever?"

you returned his smile with a bright one of your own, almost laughing at his laugh. you watched him turn around nonetheless, skating a lot quicker than he was with you, doing spins and twirls and jumps for a few minutes before returning to you.

"what the hell were you talking about when you said you thought you were bad! that was so cool!" you cheered at him when he came to a complete stop beside you.

"thanks, means a lot coming from the girl who can barely stand on the ice." sunghoon said sarcastically.

"hey!" you nudged him, thankful that he was close enough for you to do that so you wouldn't have to try to move towards him.

"i'm kidding!" sunghoon laughed, grabbing your hand again and pulling you out to the middle of the pond, under the moonlight and street lamps.

truthfully, sunghoon couldn't hlep but apprecaite the moment with you. it had been a while since he had someone to skate with him other than his skating instructor. and although you had no idea how to skate, your compliments meant a lot to him- glad that he could impress you with something he did.

"what're you thinking about?" you asked, realizing he had zoned out while looking toward the trees surrounding 3/4ths of the pond.

"nothing much," sunghoon shrugged, "let's go for another round, you're really not that bad."

"hey!" you gasped again, making him smile as he stated skating backwards- your hands in his.

you had spent two hours skating with sunghoon, by the end of it, you managed to keep up with him and not need to hold onto his hands for dearlife.

sunghoon and you stood at the end of your meeting driveways. they both knew that something between them was different after the skating lesson. sunghoon thought you were pretty before, but now he thought you were beautiful. he had never felt a connection to someone like the one he was feeling that night.

"i had a fun time, sunghoon." you spoke, smiling up at him.

"me too, you're actually good now that you can stand." sunghoon joked, making you roll your eyes.

"yeah, thanks for teaching me and stuff." you suddenly felt shy as you stood in front of him.

"it's no problem, y/n."

"maybe we could go again and you can teach me how to do those spinning jumps!"

"i think you'd need more than one lesson before you try those ones." you pout up at his words playfully. "but i wouldn't mind going again with you."

the look of joy and relief on your face was obvious as he spoke. "okay, hoon. i'll see you at school tomorrow, right?"

"right, have a good sleep y/n."

"good night, sunghoon." you didn't want to but you turned and walked up your driveway, looking across your lawn to give him a small wave before walking into your house.

sunghoon stood on his porch after you went inside, wanting to hold onto this feeling for as long as he could.

-

a few days later, you had heard from his friends that sunghoon wasn't at school that certain day because he had a long skating practice. you felt less excited at school knowing that he wasn't there. you had started to look for sunghoon more and more in the hallways ever since he fingered you in the bathroom at yeonjun's party.

the memory of the way he looked so jealous and pissed when another boy layed a hand on you made a feeling in your chest that you had learned to enjoy. it was nice knowing that sunghoon cared if anyone else touched you. you liked to think that you would react the same way he did if another girl was touching him in public as well.

there had been no real conversation between you two about where your relationship still stood. both of you figured that the other one still wanted a strict friends with benefits one. you think at first that you liked the sound of that. it was fun hooking up with sunghoon- and you both liked your independence. but it was nice falling asleep so close to him the past weekend- the fuzzy feeling in your chest died out for awhile when you woke up to an empty bed.

granted, your parents would be pissed if they had woken up and found sunghoon- or any other boy- asleep in your bed with you. but you wished that you could've basked in his warmth for longer before you passed out from your drunk headache.

it let your imagination run wild as you thought of different scenarios of how you could wake up to sunghoon beside you everyday- in each one you woke up happy. it made you think of what a real romantic relationship with sunghoon could be like.

it also made you realize that sunghoon was definitely not a romantic relationship person.

you saw sunghoon come home that night, slamming his car door and storming up the porch steps to his house with a frown on his face.

sunghoon had mentionned a few times in passing to you how stressful skating got to him sometimes. his parents were pretty strict with his sport and encouraged him to go to every practice and competition that he could go to.

you gave it some time to think about how you could help sunghoon.

when you went up to your bedroom, you saw the sunghoon's bedroom light was on and his curtains were open. you could see him digging through his closet, probably looking for something to change into. you could tell from the way his back and shoulders were tensed up that he was still frustrated with something. it was something that you picked up on quickly from the amount of times he's took out his frustration with you.

which gave you an idea.

to : sunghoon 💙 do you need any help? :)

you watched sunghoon pull out his phone from his back pocket at the notification of your text. he turned and saw you out his window, a small smirk on his face as he walked towards the balcony, texting on his phone.

from sunghoon 💙 can't parents are home

sunghoon puts a pout on his face, his tense shoulders drooping low at the disappointment.

to : sunghoon 💙 you can be quiet, can't you?

sunghoon bit his lip, quirking his eyebrow up and pushing open his balcony doors.

"come in." he rolled his eyes at your playfully. you smiled brightly in return and left your bedroom, climbing over your balcony and onto his as he waited for you, leaning on the door frame.

almost instantly sunghoon pushed you against his balcony door once you were inside. his lips met yours in a rush that showed you how much he needed you. his hands slid from your ribcage to your hips, pulling your cores together.

you suddenly pushed him off of you, backing him up until he sat on his bed, his feet still on the groud. you stood inbetween his thighs as he looked up at you with a cocky smirk.

"what're you doing, baby?" he asked you, leaning back on his palms.

you reached your hand out and rubbed your thumb on his jaw, "don't you want my mouth on your cock tonight, baby?" you fake pouted at him. he nodded up at you, making a smile form on your lips instead, "then you're gonna listen to me, be the good boy i know you can be."

"y/n, i-" sunghoon is about to reject but you grip his jaw harder, a strict expression on your face making him shut up.

""you want my mouth, right baby?" he nodded, making you tsk at him.

"you need to speak, hoonie."

"yes." he nodded again, letting himself bask in your new nickname for him. you smirked down at him, your hand dropping from his jaw to his crotch, feeling the almost hard bulge in his pants. you started to massage his cock through his sweatpants, making his hips buck up at the sudden feeling.

"take your shirt off." sunghoon almost whined at the loss of your hand on him, but nonetheless, leaned back and slipped off his white shirt, revealing his pale, muscular chest. you got down on your knees, pulling down his sweatpants and boxers. his cock slapped against his thigh once it hit the air of his bedroom. his tip was turning red, the promienent vein on it's side was popping out.

"so pretty, hoonie." you took his cock in your hand, jerking it softly to harden it up more. you kissed the tip of it, making a soft inhale come from him in response.

sunghoon had pictured you sucking him off multiple times before, even when the two of you weren't hooking up. he never imagined that you'd take control over him as you did it.

you spit on his dick, a giant glob landing on the tip like you knew he liked. your fingers dipping into your spit, jerking his cock with your saliva now.

"fuck." sunghoon let out under his breath queitly.

"too much already, baby?"

"n-no, please keep going." you smiled up at him, taking his tip into your mouth, circling your tongue around it.

you caught the way sunghoon gripped his blanket underneath him at the feeling. you jerked your hand faster on the parts your mouth and tongue couldn't reach. he subconsciously jerked his hips upwards and into your mouth, making his dick reach further into your mouth.

your other hand started to roll his balls into your palm, making sunghoon bite down on his lip to keep quiet, knowing his parents were just down the hall. you smiled around his tip, your tongue tracing his sensitive slit.

"oh my god." he shook his head, liking the way that your saliva pooled at the corners of your mouth before you sucked it back up and sunk down on his cock again.

"you're being such a good boy, hoonie. so quiet, so obedient." you hummed around his tip, the vibrations from your voice echoing down his cock.

"oh god." sunghoon's face scrunched up, his hand coming to hold onto your hair. "c-close fuck." he whispered to you. your hand movements sped up on his cock and balls.

"please cum for me, baby, wanna taste your cum."

sunghoon threw his head back as he came. your sucking not stopping as you milked him through his high, wanting to swallow every drop of his cum and taste him fully. you didn't stop until he was pushing you off from the oversensitivity you were giving him.

"fuck y/n, stop. please. t-too much." he moaned quietly, looking down at you. you placed one last kiss on the tip of his pretty cock before standing up and plopping down on his bed beside him. you watched him bend over and slide his boxers and sweatpants back over his legs, before turning and smirking at you. "fuck you."

you smiled cheesily at him, "told you you were a sub."

"i am not." he defended himself quietly, pushing you back onto your back so he could lay beside you, one of his arms draping over your stomach. you could feel him catching his breath beside you, still coming down from his high as he rested his head on your shoulder.

"what're you doing, hoonie?" you asked him in a hushed tone.

"'m tired now, no one's ever called me a good boy before."

you laughed into your hand, loving this rare side of sunghoon- almost as if he was being clingy. you realized soon that his breaths had evened out onto your skin, him having fallen asleep from a stressful day and a hard orgasm.

his quiet breaths and the quiet night lulled you to sleep quickly before you had a chance to prevent it, only realizing what you had done when you woke up beside him in the morning. you didn't know what time it was, but you could hear his family awake downstairs and the smell of food wafting upstairs.

"sunghoon." you shook his arm that was still draped over you,"sunghoon!" he rolled off of you with a confused expression on his face, stretching his arm out as he looked around him.

"fuck." he looked at you with wide eyes once reality had set into his sleepy mind.

"sunghoon? are you awake?" his mother's voice called from the stairs, "you're going to be late for school."

"y-yeah! i am! give me a second!" sunghoon called out, ushering for you to get up and out the balcony doors. you felt your heart in your chest as you tiptoed around his room, wanting to get out of there quickly and quietly.

"sunghoon! what are you doing? you're never this late to be downstairs!" his mother's voice was closer this time, her foot steps being heard coming down the hall.

"shit! go go!" sunghoon held the door open for you, making sure that you got onto your balcony safely before he closed it and the curtains shut.

"sunghoon!" his mother opened the door, she scanned his room cautiously, staring at her shirtless son, "hurry up and get dressed, school starts in twenty minutes."

"yes, mom, sorry." he smiled at her, earning a suspicious smile from her before she closed his door again, a giant sigh leaving his mouth once she was gone.

sunghoon opened his curtain, peaking out to see you waving at him from your bedroom, he smiled at you and rolled his eyes, mentally cursing himself for not setting an alarm to wake up to.

one of your biggest regrets is not staying in bed with sunghoon for longer.

the days following when you gave sunghoon a blowjob were miserable. you cursed yourself for thinking that sunghoon would ever see you as anything more than a girl to hook up with. you cursed yourself for actually liking the cold hearted park sunghoon that kept everything to himself- hidden away from everyone.

you walk into school an hour after leaving sunghoon's house that morning, a happy feeling that you wish you could've felt for the rst of life, in your chest. you gleamed at everyone in the hallways- thoughts of sunghoon running through your mind.

you didn't notice until lunch hour that sunghoon hadn't shown up to school. when you walked up to the cafeteria table that your friends usually all sat at, your smile finally dropped at the lack of presence of park sunghoon. the boys had also thought it was weird that sunghoon had shown up, or event exted them beforehand saying that he wouldn't be at school for the day.

sunghoon's curtains were closed when you got home from school, and you could see that his lights were on through the cracks of the curtains. you texted him to ask if he was okay, but ultimately got no answer.

by the end of the night, when you were laying in bed for the night, you figured that sunghoon was probably tired from having a late night last night. and that everything was fine, and that you'd see your neighbour in the morning.

but of course, things with park sunghoon were never just fine.

for the rest of the week, it seemed that sunghoon had gone back to ignoring your presence, even worse than the times before. and it wasn't just affecting you now, but you're whole friend group. as soon as the two of you were even near each other, the whole rooom could feel the tension between you. you pretended like you didn't notice the awkward glances thrown to eachother as you stood in the hallway with your friends and sunghoon.

you had texted sunghoon again, asking if you had done anything, only for it to be unresponded to like before. you would see him come home after skating practice at the same time, his usual cold and calm composure resting on his face as he walked up to his house. sunghoon kept his curtains tightly shut, not once letting the sun in during the day, or the moonlight invading his room while he did late night homework.

on friday night, everytime you'd enter a room at the party house of the night, sunghoon would leave if he was in that room as well. he ignored every glance of yours, every eyebrow quirk until you couldn't take it anymore and drank more than you should've. but drinking was the only thing you could do to forget the horrible week that you were having because of your neighbour.

as you kept drinking, you imagined sunghoon coming over and stopping you. admiting that he's an asshole for everything he's done recently and taking you back to his house, where'd you lay together in his bed again- and this time you'd wake up together and lay there for hours with soft smiles on your faces. but sunghoon didn't stop you.

you hadn't noticed that sunghoon had even left the party until heeseung and chaehyun were helping you get into the back of dayeon's car. you layed in the back of the cold leather seats as dayeon and chaehyun were in the front. the memory of how heeseung stayed with chae in the back a few months ago when she was too dunk replayed in your mind and made you sob outloud. you wished that sunghoon was in the back with you, letting you rest your drunk head on his lap as he brushes your hair out of your face until you get home.

dayeon and chaehyun didn't know what to do. they had never seen you drink so much to the point where you cry. they had never even seen you just cry before either. you wree usually their shoulder to lean on, you were the strong friend, the friend that always helped everyone with their problems because you never had any of your own.

they had seen you crack more and more everyday since you had been hooking up with sunghoon. they realized as soon as you told them about sunghoon that he was the first boy that you chased, rather than the other way around. they realized that sunghoon was different for you, whether you realized it or not.

park sunghoon wasn't just some boy you wanted to hook up, he wasn't just your friend or neighbour- he was the boy you fell in love with.

and it scared you to think that you had fallen for someone who didn't love you back- that couldn't love you back.

you remember chaehyun and dayeon putting you to bed quietly, trying to soothe your cries. they knew if they asked why you were crying that you wouldn't tell them. you were stubborn and private and it was those characteristics of yourself that you saw in sunghoon- and you hated them. you wished that sunghoon would open up to you- comminucate to you about how he was feeling and why he was doing the things he was doing to you. but you couldn't blame him, because you don't tell him how you're feeling either.

you go to a party the next night, after waking up that morning with swollen eyes and lips from crying yourself to sleep. chaehyun and dayeon kept an eye on you for the first half of the party- obviously aware that you weren't doing too well mentally. they figured that it had something to do with sunghoon, by the glances you had been giving him all week- and crying when you realized he had left without you the night before.

you felt bad at first when you realized that your friends were babysitting you at the party, seeing the way heeseung and chaehyun obviously wanted to be alone with each other and that dayeon didn't want to come to a party tonight anyways.

you drank more when you realized that sunghoon wasn't even coming to the party tonight. with each drink you wondered more about who you were becoming- going to parties for a specfic boy and drinking to forget him.

you ended up leaving the party before anyone else, taking a cab home and texting dayeon that you were fine as you left, finally escaping from the overprotective care of your friends.

you smiled politely at eth cab driver as he dropped you off, wishing a good night before you closed the door and watched him drive off again. when you turned to head up your driveway, a body standing on the porch next door caught your eye.

sunghoon was standing there, his back turned to you as he started to unlock his front door.

"where have you been?" you called out to him, taking in his outfit of jeans and a tshirt. he turned at the sound of your voice, lettting his hand of keys drop to the side as he took in your own appearance.

"skating." sunghoon shrugged, "where have you been?"

you took a few steps towards his house, stopping at the bottom of his porch steps to look up at the pretty boy, "a party, i thought you'd be there, but of course i was wrong."

sunghoon realized as the way you slurred your words that you were drunk, "what do you mean?"

you shrugged, kicking your feet on the pavement, "im always wrong when it comes to you." his silence after your statement made you talk more, "i never know what's going on with you. one second you're calling me yours and complimenting me and getting mad when other guys touch me, but the next second you're ignoring me and pretending you don't know me!" you held back a sob as you finally told sunghoon how you had been feeling this entire time, "and if you don't want to do this," your finger pointing between both your bodies, "then just tell me! because i'm tired of guessing what you want and ending up wrong!"

sunghoon feels his chest tighten at your confession, not realizing just how much he had been hurting you. he never realized that you could be hurt, always walking around so strong and smiling and making everyone's day with your humour and outgoingness. but he was wrong about you.

"fine, let's break this up."

sunghoon's words split your cracked heart into two separete pieces, "r-really?" you prayed that you. heard him wrong- that your drunk mind was playing tricks on you.

"yeah, you're right this time y/n. i don't want this anymore." he looked down at your small figure in your pretty party dress, your cheeks pink from the alcohol and night breeze. he so badly wanted to wrap you up in his jacket, keep you warm beside him, but he knew this was for the best as he still saw a little bit of hope in your glossy eyes, "i don't want you anymore."

and then your glossy eyes that he's looked into so many times weren't looking at him anymore, and it made him wonder if they'd ever look at him again.

"fuck you, sunghoon." were your final words to him as you stomped over his lawn and into your house, managing to hold back your tears until you got to your bedroom.

your curtains were open, letting the moonlight in and hope that sunghoon would be at the balcony, waiting for you. the thought made you slam your curtains closed, never wanting to open them again.

you didn't have enough energy to change out of your dress, too devasted that you had allowed yourself to be played by park sunghoon- the quiet, shy dorky boy that sat in the back of the class in your freshman year- the boy that everyone asumed was an innocent virgin that would never do anything to hurt anyone. you were so wrong about him and about everything, that you wanted to sleep until you didn't think about him anymore. you only wanted to wake up once your mind and body had forgotten about park sunghoon. when no longer knew the way his lips tasted, the way his cheeks get puffy when he wakes up and the way his laugh sounds when he throws his head back.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

sunghoon wasn't too surprised when he found out you weren't at school on monday. guilt and sadness were the only things he could feel at the way he had been treating you- at the memory of your last words to each other.

he wasn't too surprised when chaehyun and dayeon had started giving him dirty looks in the hallways on tuesday. he figured that you would tell them what had happened sooner rather than later. hopefully, chaehyun didn't hate him too much though, because it would be kinda of awkward at heeseung's parties if his girlfriend- or whatever they were- hated his best friend.

sunghoon wasn't surprised when it had been thursday night and he hadn't received one text form you all week. when he hadn't seen your smile, or heard your laugh in the hallways, or caught you staring at him through your windows as he changed for school. he had figured that he had hurt you enough for you to get over him quickly- at least that's what he hoped.

it had only shocked sunghoon when you hadn't shown up to the party on friday night.

dayeon and chaehyun cursed sunghoon for looking so held together throughout the week at school- as if he hadn't just told their best friend that he didn't want her anymore. he had to have known that he meant something more than a fuck buddy to you, especially after you had just confessed to hm about how he had been making you feel for months.

chae and dayeon made a pact to not tell you how well sunghoon had been looking, while you were surrounded with used tissues in your bed. you had told your parents that you were sick, which wasn't too hard to believe since you looked and sounded sick from the amount of crying you had been doing.

it was all too much for you. you feel like you had lost yourself complettely over the past months and you had no idea until it was too late. your past self would have never let you get so caught up on one boy- no matter how good he smelt, how wonderful he tasted and how hard he made you laugh.

whether sunghoon liked it or not, you had chipped away at his cold, shy exteriror within those months that you two were fuck buddies. you realized how kind and caring he was, how well he took care of his little sister and friends, how protective he was over you and made sure you were okay. those memories you had of him did nothing to make you remember last saturday night. those awful words he said to you only rang loosely in your mind as his soft whispers on early mornings were louder.

it hit sunghoon the moment chaehyun and dayeon had walked in together friday night, you no where to be seen.

"what's that look for?" dayeon popped her hip and crossed her arms as she looked at sunghoon with an annoyed face.

"y/n's not here?"

chaehyun scoffed beside dayeon, "why the hell would she be here?"

"what does that mean?" jake chimed in from the couch, confused as to why there was so much tension between the three of them at the mention of you. "i thought y/n was sick."

chaehyun scoffed again as she sat down beside heeseung who looked as equally as confused.

"didn't your bro sunghoon tell you what he did to y/n?" dayeon hissed to jake, her cold eyes not leaving sunghoon as she spoke.

"no?" jake shook his head slowly, "what the hell did you do?"

"oh y'know, just broke her heart." chaehyun said with a scowl on her face. heeseung grabbed her hand at the tone of her voice, trying to calm her down gently.

"what?" jake asked, "you guys- were dating?"

"no!" sunghoon said immediately, "we weren't!"

dayeon scoffed again, "god sunghoon, you are so clueless!"

"what do you mean?"

"it was so obvious that y/n liked you! she wanted to be with you! and all you do is tell her that you don't want her! like she's some pest!"

the cold stares from dayeon and chaehyun and the confused stares from his friends were becoming too much for him. the party music becoming too loud for him to process any words to say, only scoffing himself and turning on his heel away from them. he grabbed a bottle of vodka and pushed open the backdoor, needing some fresh air away from it all.

sunghoon had been beating himself up ever since you had agreed to become fuck buddies with him. he knew that you didn't deserve to be in a relationhip like that with him- or to even be in a bed with him. he thinks he was counting down the days until you realized that and left him to the side, alone.

there hadn't been a day that sunghoon hadn't thought of you since the beginning of the school year. he wishes that he could've been more open with you about his feelings- but he's sure wasted it now. the way your friends had confronted him was pure evidence about the way you were feeling about him the past week.

sunghoon had tried to persuade himself that he had done the right thing by breaking it all off with you. you didn't deseve to be with a guy like him. he was shy, cold, and private and quiet, sometimes too afraid to make eyecontact with people. while you were pretty, and outgoing, confident, and strong and so nice to everyone that you ever meet.

he knew that if anyone would see the two of you together that it would be a nightmare. no one would believe that the two of you were dating from the different worlds that you come from- the different reputations that surrounded your names.

sunghoon wanted to be with you, wanted to hold your hand as you walk down the halls, leave hickeys down your neck so everyone would know you were his, wanted to just spend time with you and learn everything about you and more. sunghoon curses himself for being too insecure about himself- knowing that if you ever found out about the way he thinks of himself that you would turn your nose up in disgust.

you were out of his league in every aspect, and he knew it from the start.

sunghoon didn't realize just how much he had drank of the vodka until his sight had become blurry. he rested his head on the porch railing, trying to center himself.

"hoon?" heeseung's voice called out from the back door, "are you okay?"

as soon as sunghoon turned his head to look at him, heeseung could tell that sunghoon was drunk, and he had never seen sunghoon drunk before.

"okay, let's sit, hoon." heeseung took hurried steps toward his friend, ushering him over to a chair. "are you okay?"

"no." sunghoon admitted, not being able to look at his friend. he's known heeseung since they were little, they met in grade one and had become best friends since then.

over the years, they had gotten to know each other so well. they knew each other's deepest secrets that not even jake or jay knew. sunghoon has not only been feeling guilty for what he had done and said to you, but for what he's been doing to heeseung recently.

sunghoon has been so caught up in skating and you that he's abandonned his friends. he could tell that everytime he left a party early to go back home with you, heeseung would get a certain look on his face. an expression that sunghoon knew meant heeseung was disappointed.

sunghoon knew that heeseung liked going to parties that sunghoon was at. jake and jay were the extraverts in their little friend group. they liked to get up on tables and dance, they liked to play beer pong with anyone and everyone, they liked to talk as many girls as they could during the night.

meanwhile, sunghoon and heeseung would sit back on the couch, enjoying watching their friends make fools of themselves. they liked listening to the shitty music together and picking out the hottest girl at the party that night. sunghoon always knew that heeseung thought chaehyun was the hottest, and would always smirk to himself when heeseung would pick some other girl while his eyes were still glued to chae.

sunghoon's been too caught up on his own shit, that he doesn't even know if heeseung and the girl that he's liked fo ryears are dating. he's known that he should ask him, chae and hee are always together now a day, but he never finds the energy or motivation to ask.

"what's been bothering you, hoon?" heeseung asked gently, never knowing how sunghoon is going to react when you try to pry into his personal life. when sunghoon stays silent heeseung's not surprised, even if sunghoon is drunk- he's still self aware to not just spill whatever he's feeling. "i didn't know that you and y/n had been hooking up, i'm sorry about that. i should've asked."

sunghoon scoffs at how nice his best friend is- he's too nice that he won't even admit that sunghoon has been hurting him for months too. "i should've asked about you and chae. i'm sorry, i just-" sunghoon pauses, leaning his forehead onto his palm, trying ot process his feelings into words- something that he's never been good at.

"it's fine, i knew you wanted to ask." heeseung shrugs, taking a sip out of the almost empty bottle of vodka that sunghoon had brought out. "when you first told us that you had hooked up with y/n, was the the first time, or?"

sunghoon nodded, "yeah, it was." sunghoon almost smiles as he remembers the guys all gasping and asking him how it was.

"and then, the last time was last week?"

"yeah, last tuesday."

"what made you want to stop?"

sunghoon sighed, "i never wanted to stop- but we had to." he took heeseung's silence as a sign to continue carefully, "you know how we both are hee, it wouldn't have worked out."

"i think it would've." sunghoon quirks an eyebrow up at heeseung in confusion making heeseung laugh, "well, you both liked eachother and spent time together, right?" sunghoon sits up straight at the mention of liking each other- trying to plaster a disgusted look on his face. "hoon," heeseung stated seriously, "it's okay that you like y/n, we all kinda knew anyways."

"you could tell?" sunghoon's eyes widened.

"yeah," heeseung shrugged, "i mean, we didn't know you were hooking up all the time, but just by the way you'd look around the room until you found y/n, and then you'd always stare at her until you disappeared with her somewhere."

"oh." sunghoon nodded, thinking about it.

"plus that time you almost shot lazers with your eyes at yeonjun when he was sitting with y/n." heeseung caught the way sunghoon smiled gently at the mention of that party. "i know you still like y/n, hoon. and we both know how nice and understanding she is. so i think, if you go and tell her how you feel- how you really feel- she'll probably forgive you."

sunghoon turned his head to the side, a scoff leaving his mouth, "i can't, hee, it's embarrassing to talk about that shit."

"it's not. especially if it it's y/n it's not- and you know that."

"i still can't hee. it's better we aren't together. she deserves to be with someone else- someone like jake or jay- someone like her." sunghoon is still adament to forget everything he ever had with you- everything he's ever felt for you.

"but i think you're like her." heeseung can see that sunghoon is about to defend his statement again, "you're both realistic, and strong and understanding- you're both funny and extra warm to the people close to you. i know how you can be towards yourself, hoon, and it shouldn't stop what's between you and y/n."

sunghoon nods gently, playing with his fingers in his lap. "she's still out of my league, heeseung." sunghoon speaks softly now, the verbal mention of his self insecurity wrapping around his body and vocal cords.

"she's not- that's something society has created and you can't let it affect you. just talk to her, hoon, you'll see it'll all be okay. trust me."

chaehyun explaining to you what heeseung had talked to sunghoon about at the party only made you feel worse.

it made you feel like sunghoon didn't trust you like you had thought he did. it made you angry that sunghoon cared so much about what others thought about him and you and a relationship between you two. it made you want to crawl away into a world where there was no one else except for you and sunghoon where maybe then you could be together happily.

you had gone to school the next week, keeping to yourself and dayeon and chaehyun. you kept your curtains closed, wondering if sunghoon would notice it. you thought that maybe heeseung had talked some sense into sunghoon- quietly thinking that any second now, sunghoon is going to text you to come over, and he'll confess everything to you. or that maybe he'll knock on your balcony doors, push you on your bed and tell you to listen to him explain himself. in whatever the case would be- you knew that you would cave in and forgive him- because you knew that sunghoon was complicated- you knew that everything he said or did was carefully calculated.

but there was nothing from him all week. just the same radiosilence you had been dealing with for the past three weeks.

so you were pissed. and you were feeling more like yourself again even though sunghoon's name was still carved into your heart. so, you went out to party with your friends on friday night.

it had been two weeks since you had caught up with all of your friends. all of them happy to see you back in the atmohpshere that you belonged in. almost instantly, you were back to what you had always done- to what you had done before you started hooking up with sunghoon.

you danced with jake and jay and played beer pong with them. you gossipped with all the girls and took shots with them. you had almost completely forgotten about sunghoon for the night.

when intak, a boy from your grade who you had talked to a few times at a couple of parties, joined behind you to dance, you didn't think much of it. he was cute, and he his strong hands on your hips distracted you from everything else- only trying to following his movements to the beat of the music.

of course, that scene wasn't something sunghoon wanted to first walk into the party and see.

"fuck." jake groaned from beside sunghoon, obviously seeing the scene as well and knowing that sunghoon was going to be pissed.

all day, jake, jay and heeseung were persuading sunghoon to come out and party with them tonight. they could tell that sunghoon was still caught up with how he ended things with you and wanted him to have fun tonight. his friends had barely seen him since last weekend's party where he got completely shit faced. sunghoon spent his entire week at the skating rink- practicing every jump and spin and trick he could think of until his whole body was bruised from falling and musicles were strained.

his friends were happy when he finally caved in and told them that he would come, if only for twenty minutes even. the party had only started an hour ago, and walking in to find you with a red solo cup in your hand and your ass grinding against intak was something that made him almost punch every wall in the house and storm out.

heeseung caught the way sunghoon's hands clenched into fists at his side, "sunghoon, don't." but it was too late for a warning, sunghoon was making his way right towards you and intak. "sunghoon!" jake and jay had joined heeseung into calling for their friend to come back.

even through the music and intak's whispered voice in your ear, you heard the calls of your neighbours name. your eyes opened and turned towrds the sound, finding sunghoon's angry eyes in a second.

"hoon?" his nickname rolled off your tongue for the first time in week before his hand was wrapped around your wrist, pulling you away from intak. "sunghoon what the fuck?" your head turned back to intak, giving him an apologetic look as you were pulled away from him. sunghoon ignored your questions until he had pushed you into the bathroom, locking the door once both of you were inside.

"what the fuck are you doing, sunghoon?" you looked pissed as you leaned against the bathroom counter- and sunghoon had to push the thoughts away of how hot you looked when you were pissed.

"what the fuck are you doing?" sunghoon repeated to you.

"having fun." you raised your eyebrows and spoke in an obvious tone. sunghoon brushed his fingers through his hair to get his bangs out of his face, you could tell from his expression that he had a lot on his mind.

"with intak?" he paused to speak with his hand still in his hair.

"yeah, didn't you see it?"

sunghoon chuckled at your brattyness, walking over to you then, dropping his hand from his hair to place on the counter behind you, trapping you in. "so you were you planning on leaving with him?"

you could hear the dominance growing in sunghoon's voice, and if you weren't so weak for sunghoon then maybe you would've lasted longer standing up for yourself. "if he wanted to." you saw his eyes look behind your head into the mirror, grin growing on his lips before returning his gaze back to you. his hands meet your hips and turn you around.

"look at that." sunghoon's deep voice is in your ear as he speak, "look in the mirror, little one." you do as he demands, your gaze meeting the way his body is pushed up against your own. the two of you look so perfectily dirty with each other, the type of way that makes you drool without realize it.

sunghoon's thigh is placed inbetween your thighs, feeling the way your cunt grinds down onto it at the sight of you two pushed together. "you see how pretty you are, baby? pretty just for me, right?"

"y-yes, sir." you nod, not being able to take your eyes off of the mischievius look he's giving you in the mirror.

"i haven't fucked you in a while, i think i need to show you who you belong to, again." you only nod in response, reaching behind you to grip onto his shirt, pulling him closer if possible. you're sure that if sunghoon and you were in the middle of a 'fight' then he would've spanked you for not answering and for touching him without permission. but the both of you just need each other, the both of you are too caught up in eachother's gaze.

"please fuck me, sir."

sunghoon's hand grips onto your jaw, holding your head up so he can kiss down your neck, his eyes never leaving yours as he bites harshly, surely leaving a mark this time- the feeling leaving you feeling as if you're floating. "such a good girl now, huh? using your manners to ask to be fucked. maybe if i leave few marks on your skin you'll remember that you're mine."

your core continues to grind against his thigh as he continues to bite into your skin, leaving red and purple marks- marking you as his for you, him and everyone else to know.

when he decides that you have enough on your skin, he's pulling away from you, a whine leaving your throat before he's pushing up your dress and yanking your panties down your legs. you can see your bare core in the mirror, and the way sunghoon's face is a mix of awe and adoration as he looks at your bare skin, before meeting your eyes with a soft smile- contrasting so well compared to everything else the two of you had been doing for the past minutes.

"please, sunghoon," his name leaving your mouth makes his heart swell, realizing then how bad he's missed you and how bad he needs you.

"okay, baby, okay." he presses a kiss into your head, smelling your perfume and shampoo as he unbuckles his belt, and pulls his cock out of his pants. he's already fully hard and red as he pumps his cock. youmove your hips out so he can line his cock up with your core easier.

sunghoon slips easily into you, making you think that you were made for him, fitting together like puzzle pieces although the two of you are so physically and personally different.

you almost cry outloud when you see how wet his cock is with your juices when he pulls out, the light from the bathroom making his cock shiny in the mirror's reflection.

"fuck, i missed you." sunghoon groaned into your shoulder from behind you. you nod in response, agreeing with him with more than anything.

you know that you'd be knocked down over the bathroom's counter if sunghoon wasn't holding your body up and close to him. his cock was stuffing you full to your hilt, too face. sunghoon doesn't give you a chance to breathe, wanting you to feel right here, right now, just how much he has missed you. sunghoon's enjoying the time with you, enjoying your moans and gazes in the mirror.

you find yourself growing close to your orgasm faster than ever as you watch the two of you fall apart in the mirror.

"fuck, hoon, so close."

sunghoon nods into your hair, his gaze remaining soft as he kisses your head and pounds into you harder. "that's okay, baby, wet my cock with your cum, wanna feel you tighten around me so bad."

your body starts to arch in his hold, your orgasm finally hitting you. his cock starts to hammer into you, wanting to cum right after you. the way his speed and tip of his cock keeps hitting your gspot makes your eyes roll to the back of your head. sunghoon groans at the sight of you in the mirror from the unintentional overstimulation.

it's too much but you can't speak- can't tell him to stop- just want to take it for him because you missed being so close to him- missed hearing his groans in your ear and feeling his warm hands on your hips.

sunghoon bites down onto your shoulder hard when he comes, covering his moan and leaving a final mark on your body from his teeth. a whimper of your name leaves his mouth as he pulls out of you, his cock limp and wet and aching to be back inside of you already.

both of you lean against eachother and the bathroom counter, pressing lazy kisses into eachother skin. "i meant it, y/n." sunghoon speaks after a while, his voice still sounding breathless.

"meant what?" you raised an eyebrow at him.

"that you're mine, that i missed you." your gazes lock in the mirror again, sweat lining your hairlines.

"i missed you, too, sunghoon." you nod at him with a soft smile.

"yeah?" he turns his face into your hair, closing his eyes to relish in the moment for longer.

"yeah," your head comes up to rest in his hair, "let's go home, now."

you felt sunghoon nod against your head, grabbing towel paper to clean both of you up before you're taking a cab together back to your houses.

it remains silent between you and sunghoon for majority of the time it takes to get back into his bedroom, quietly to not wake his parents like usual. though nothing is said, you're attached to eachother by holding hands in the back of the cab ride, staring out opposite windows, watching you drive through the late, night city together.

you whisper to eachother as you get dressed into his sweatpants and shirt to sleep in, watching him get dressed in his own pair in the moonlight in his room.

you continue to whisper hushed confessions to eachother as you lay in his bed, facing eachother under his blanket, your heads meshed together on one pillow like they were a few weeks ago in the house next door.

sunghoon's pale fingers are tracing shapes onto your arms as he tells you how he feels about you. tells you that you're the prettiest girl he's ever met- that you're the only girl he's ever wanted to be with- that you're the only person he sees himself with in the future.

sunghoon struggles to keep eye contact with you as he tells you everything- how he's been beating himself up ever since he agreed to be friends with benefits with you. how he pushed you away because he was scared you were going to realize he was no good for you.

he mumbles his apologizes against your lips as you kiss him, hoping to take some of his pain away when his voice cracks. you wrap your arms around him in his bed when a tear rolls down his cheek when he confesses his insecurities to you- how you help take them away from him when he's with you.

you fall asleep wrapped in eachothers arms, lips swollen from kissing, eyes bloodshot from drinking and crying together, hearts full with nothing but eachother.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

you wake up saturday morning to soft snores in your ear and a warm arm draped over your waist. you realize that you're still in sunghoon's bedroom. you see the dozens of skating medals hung on his walls, next to pictures of him and heeseung from when they were younger.

you don't realize that sunghoon woke up from your subtle movements until his arm is tightening around you and pulling you closer.

"you awake?" sunghoon's deep voice asks, placing a kiss on the back of your neck when you nod your head against his pillow.

his hold of you loosens when you turn over so that you're now facing him. his arm going back into place and pushing your bodies together again. you're both still naked, and a little sweaty as you greet each other.

you're sure if anyone were to walk into his bedroom that they would be faced with the smell of alcohol, sex, sweat and sunghoon's cologne.

sunghoon moves his head down to press a kiss onto your forehead, mumbling a soft, "i'm sorry." against your skin.

"i know." you smile at him, "it's okay."

a subtle frown grows on sunghoon's face at how quick you are to forgive, "it's not, i want to tell you how i feel- but it's hard."

your hand moves from inbetween your bodies to his cheek, your thumb brushing under his eye, "it's okay, you can take your time," you reassure him, "plus heeseung already told chaehyun what you said."

"oh god." sunghoon groans, turning his head away from you to mush it into his pillow, "he didn't."

"he did." you giggle, your hand carding through his black hair. "i'm not out of your league, hoon. really. i love you for you, even if you are a little stubborn sometimes."

"just a little?" he moves his head so you could see his eye looking at you.

"ok, maybe a lot. but i still love you."

sunghoon pulls you into him then, so your upper body is resting on his chest as he lays on your back. you let out a quiet squeal at the sudden motion. "i love you, too y/n. i'm still sorry, i'm going to show you how sorry i am for the rest of my life."

you shake your head with a smile, "it's really okay, hoon. we'll just talk about how we feel rather than you pretend i don't exist, yeah?"

"yeah, ok." sunghoon scrunches his nose playfully.

you lean down and place a kiss onto his lips, his grip on your hips tightening as he kisses you back. it's a kiss with no tongue and passion and you feel both of your worries floating off of your skin as it feels like it's only the two of you in the world- in sunghoon's bed.

sunghoon pulls away with a disgusted look on his face, "ew, morning breath."

"sunghoon!" you gasp, grabbing a pillow from beside him and throwing it at him.

"i'm kidding! i'm kidding!" sunghoon laughs and throws the pillow away so he can look at you again, "i love even your awful morning breath!"

"oh my god!" you try to push up and away from him, a playful gasp coming from your mouth. your movements don't go very far until sunghoon is pushing you onto your back, kissing all over your face while you laugh. "sunghoon!" you whine out to him until he stops.

he looks down at you with a serious look then, "you're mine, right?"

your chest is heaving from laughing so hard, "of course. and you're mine?"

"of course. only yours." sunghoon nods firmly, before a smirk grows on his face and he's leaning down to kiss you again, not pulling away for a few minutes, both of you wanting to enjoy being each others for as long as possible.

or until yewon starts knocking on his bedroom door asking for him to play dolls with her.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

walking into school holding hands with sunghoon on the monday after you two started dating, wasn't as bad as the both of you thought it would be.

there were no stares from other students, there was no teasing from your friends as sunghoon kissed you on the cheek before heading to class, and when both of you shared your lunch in the cafeteria no one batted an eye.

it was as if the whole school had thought you were dating even before you had been.

"i told you," heeseung said as he sat down beside sunghoon in the cafeteria, "everyone already kinda knew." shrugging his shoulders playfully before wrapping an arm around chaehyun.

"shut it, heeseung." sunghoon rolled his eyes, biting into his red apple, making everyone at the table laugh.

during the last class of the day, shen xiaoting made her way to your desk before the class started.

"so is it true, y/n? did you take park sunghoon's virginity?"

@ taeghi, 2022. do not repost or reuse in anyway.

PLEASE REBLOG IF YOU ENJOY, AS LIKES MAKE IT HARD FOR WORK TO BE SPREAD AND ENJOYED BY OTHERS :)

“took you guys long enough.” heeseung smacks his palm against the plastic table in the middle of the mall food court, where he sits to await you and your boyfriend’s presence. his teasing eyebrows raise up high above his eyes as he watches you and your boyfriend jake approach his lonesome figure.

you give the boy a teasing glare, clutching your plastic bags full of clothes in your firm grip. “hey,” you hear your boyfriend beside you, an amused grin spread across his pearly teeth. he slips his palm out of the back pocket of your denim shorts. “you can’t say anything, you spent like two hours in the lego store.”

heeseung snorts, watching the two of you pull out the metal chairs in front of him. “okay, but i bought like one thing. y/n, how much money have you spent so far?” heeseung asks you amusingly, leaning his back against the chair and draping his arm over the top of the seat beside him.

your cheeks heat up as you snag the handles of your bags over the edge of your chair, scooting your seat further up to the table. “uh, i don’t know. not that much, heeseung.” you tell the boy, a teasing smile curving up your lips.

“what’d you buy at the lego store?” jake nods beside you, furrowing his eyebrows in heeseung’s direction. you watch your boyfriend as he adjusts the black beanie thrown over his chocolate curls, the edge of his lip ticking up his cheek slightly.

“do you want to see?” heeseung asks him with an excited grin spreading across his face, his chain earrings dangling against his jawline. you groan and roll your eyes at the boy’s childish interest, watching as heeseung leans over in his chair to fetch his lego store bag placed onto the floor.

“hell yeah, i do.”

you lean over into the table, placing your chin into the center of your palm. you watch mindlessly as heeseung begins talking about the lego bat-mobile set he’s placed on the table, your mind in a devious, far away place. as you sit there and gaze at heeseung’s toy, you can’t help but wonder if jake’s noticed. he’s had his palm hooked into your back pocket the whole time you were inside the clothing stores, hoping, even praying for maybe a little realization from your boyfriend.

maybe a little, y/n… are you wearing underwear? or, y/n…. are you wearing a — thong? with that dopey, red, flustered expression across his structured face. but no. you thought for sure with the shortness of your shorts and just how tight they clung to all the right places in your thighs, that he would have noticed. he should have noticed the absence of lining beyond the denim. with his hand basically pressed to your bare asscheek, he completely disregarded any curious thoughts to your wardrobe and gazed aimlessly at the variety of anime t-shirts that littered the walls. great. amazing. awesome, even. you were disappointed, that’s for sure, your mind even toying with a little, maybe he’s not in the mood. but you mentally laugh at that conclusion, knowing your boyfriend was always in the mood. so what could it possibly be?

so as you drift off into an aisle inside your next clothing store stop, you make sure no one else is beside you as you turn towards your boyfriend. “oh, jake,” you begin in a hushed tone, averting your attention towards the circular rack of clearance clothes in front of you. you pluck out a long sleeved crop top, holding up the piece of clothing in front of you. “is this cute?”

you watch as your boyfriend rests his elbow on top of the rounder, his eyebrows raised into his forehead. “it’s cute.” he mumbles to you with a slight curve to his plush lips, his eyes subtly rolling down your figure. “i think it would look cute with these shorts.” he follows right after, leaning over to you to pull the waistband of your shorts slowly, letting it softly snap back against your hip.

you look down at your shorts hesitantly, a slight heat creeping up your neck. “oh, do you?” you ask him innocently, turning around so he’s exposed to your ass. “these shorts are kinda…. a little tight on me. don’t you think?”

“yeah but,” jake begins with a pretty, wide grin to his tan cheeks. “they look good on you.” he softy shrugs, further leaning his side into the rounder. “so it doesn’t matter.” you blink at your boyfriend a couple times to really study him, wondering if there’s any sort of lustful attraction hidden behind those glossy, brown orbs. when he snaps his gaze back up at your face, lifting his eyebrows in reply to your devilish stare, your heart sinks when you notice he’s not phased.

he lets out a breathy chuckle. “what?”

“nothing.” you slump your shoulders and slip the crop top back onto the rack, wedging it between two other shirts. “i’m gonna go find heeseung.” you tell him through a long, dramatic sigh, slipping your palms into the back pockets of your shorts. you turn on your heel and ease your way through the various clothing racks of jiyan’s thredz, your disappointed gaze roaming eagerly around the vicinity of the small, mall store. once you’ve spotted him by the men’s pants wall, you hurry your way over towards him.

“hello.” you greet him softly, watching as he snaps his head over towards you. he stuffs a pair of cargo pants back onto the shelf, his hand slipping into his pocket as he averts his gaze to your face.

“hey,” he begins with furrowed brows, running a hand through his black hair. “where’s jake?”

“jake is….. getting on my nerves.” you begin amusingly, lacing your arms over your chest. “so i left him in the aisle.” heeseung snorts and averts his gaze over to his right, tilting his chin up to peer over at the aisles on the other side of the store.

“what’d he do, y/n?”

“he didn’t do anything. that is the problem.” you sigh over towards your friend, following his gaze in search of your brown-haired boyfriend.

“huh?” heeseung mumbles, confused by your words. he then quickly shakes his head and peers back over at the jean wall. “you know what… i don’t even wanna know. can you just tell me which pair of jeans looks better? i have to pee and i want to get this over with.”

“sure,” you chuckle, veering your head back over towards the tall boy. “i have to pee too, now that i think about it. anyway, which pair of jeans are we talking about?”

you clutch your bags firmly by your side as you make your way across the tiled floor of the mall and towards the restrooms. somewhere behind you, heeseung and jake shortly follow on your tail, probably conversing about more geeky boy stuff. you try your hardest not to let frustration overtake you, but you can’t help it when you’ve elicited absolutely no reaction from your boyfriend.

it hurts just a little bit, anxiety blooming inside your chest. you thought it was quite obvious by the thin material of the snug denim cupping your ass, checking yourself out in your bedroom mirror to make sure it was obvious, before even agreeing to go out. so you huff and puff as you finally head inside the girl’s open restroom, gloomily setting your clothing bags by the entrance. it’s awfully quiet, you conclude, noticing the way all of the bathroom stalls had their doors creaked ajar. you let out an echoey sigh of relief at the vacancy, turning towards the full length mirror mounted onto the tiled wall.

you stood there gazing at your reflection, wondering how in the world your boyfriend hasn’t noticed. hasn’t felt it, even. trapped in your insecure thoughts, you suddenly flinch slightly at the sudden wall slap that echoes across the bathroom, jake’s hand placed firmly beside the mirror.

“y/n.” his hushed voice bellows, his body closely leaned into yours. your eyes widen slowly, snapping your head over towards him as heat spreads into your cheeks.

“jake,” you hiss, slightly pushing on his chest. “that scared me. get out, someone might come in and see you.”

“no.” he grumbles with an amused curve to his lips, his eyes examining your disgruntled features. “heeseung just told me you’re angry with me. he said because i’m, ‘not doing anything.’ what does that mean?” he lets a quick chuckle spill past his lips as you eye him through the mirror, lacing your arms over your chest.

“jake, get out. i have to pee.”

“no,” he whines, grabbing your arm with both of his hands as he shakes you slightly. “i don’t want you to be mad at me. tell me, what am i not doing, y/n?”

“fine.” you groan, slipping your arm out of jake’s grip. you take a few steps back away from him, placing your hands on your hips as you spin around slowly. “do you notice… anything… about me?”

you watch as jake leans his side into the wall, his arms crossing over his chest. he quirks an eyebrow at you playfully, an amused smile tilting his lips. “um, no,” he briefly chuckles, eyeing the pout of your lips. “um… you.. are wearing new lip gloss?”

“no, dummy.” you mumble solemnly in reply. “just forget it. seriously though, i have to pee, please get out.”

“y/n.” jake whines again, throwing his palms up to cover his face. “i’m gonna start sobbing into my hands if you don’t tell me right now.” a tingly feeling spreads throughout your chest as you reach your hand out towards him, lightly swiping at the curls peeking out from under his beanie.

“jake,” you sigh, a slight flame to your cheeks. “you haven’t noticed that there’s no underwear on my ass?” you thread your arms over your chest once again, noticing he’s peeking at you through the cracks of his fingers.

“what?” he mumbles, “what did you just say?”

“you’re an idiot. i thought it was obvious. you had your hand against my ass like, all day.”

“y/n.” jake begins, removing his hands from his face, a slight red tint presenting itself across his cheeks. “you’re not wearing … underwear?”

you let out a teasing sigh, turning your gaze back to the mirror to start messing with your hair. “i… am wearing underwear. it’s just,” you begin, glancing over at his doe eyed expression in the mirror. you let a small curve hike up your lip. “hidden underwear.”

“hidden underwear?” jake exclaims through a firm whisper, his eyebrows lifting in frustration and curiosity. he stuffs his hands firmly into his pockets, leaning his side back into the wall as his eyes trail down your figure again. “can i see?” he whispers to you, causing you to snort through your nose.

“no. get out.”

“y/n.” jake whines, turning his torso to slap his chest flat against the wall, his arms spread out on either side of him. “y/n, please, i can’t take this torment.” you let a breathy giggle burst passed your lips as you continue touching at your hair, relishing in the high-pitched groans emitting obnoxiously from your boyfriend.

“maybe if you’d noticed beforehand, i’d show you. but you didn’t. so suck it up.”

“that is not fair. like, at all.” jake replies lowly, an amused lilt to his voice. you bat your eyelashes over at him as you gaze at his cheek that’s squished against the wall, his glossy eyes planted on you. “you’re just a mean person. you hate me so bad. why do you enjoy teasing me?”

you do nothing but chuckle under your breath, leaning over towards him to begin pushing at his side. “jake, leave.” you groan, his body squeaking as he slides against the wall, struggling to push him off. “i need to pee.”

“are you ever going to show me?” he quietly whines, lifting himself off to the wall to let you push him easily out of the bathroom.

“no. go find heeseung and build your little cat woman car.”

“um… it’s a bat-mobile. get it right. i can’t believe you. what is happening right now?”

“same thing, jake… stop.”

“hey, heeseung?” you had sat yourself on top of heeseung’s leather couch, jake on one side of you, and heeseung’s friend hyejin on the other. you were tired from all of the aimless walking done inside the mall, your shopping bags resting at your feet. “is there anywhere i can try these clothes on?”

your eyes train on the tall boy in the kitchen, who opens up a bag of dried fruit in his grip as he leans over his kitchen counter. “uh, the guest room at the end of the hall. it’s got a,” he pops a dried strawberry into his mouth and furrows his eyebrows. “a wall mirror. or you can use the bathroom.”

you nod at heeseung’s suggestion, going to stand to your feet. you slowly rise up from your spot, bending down slightly to pick up the bags placed against the couch. you feel a slight smack to your ass as you slowly throw your head back to widen your eyes bashfully at jake. “can i come with?” he whispers through a lazy, amused grin, adjusting the beanie draped over his curls. you quickly straighten up and swivel your bag over to smack jake in his knees, causing him to wince and lean over.

“no. that didn’t even hurt.” you scoff to him playfully, watching as he dramatically begins rubbing his knee. you then step around him to head towards the hallway, going over heeseung’s directions in your head. okay, it’s at the end of the hall… end of the hall…

your eyes immediately fall onto the door just a few feet away, the bottoms of your black platform boots thudding softly against the brown, decorative carpet. you hum a pretty tune under your breath as you softly turn the doorknob, heading swiftly inside the air conditioned room.

you seemed to be lost inside your own little world as you tried on all of your clothes, modeling them teasingly in the large mirror that covered the expanse of the wall. garments ranging from crop tops, lacy tank-tops, cargo shorts, furry, cropped jackets. you had just stripped out of your frilly, denim skirt when a soft knock on the door makes you jump inside your skin.

your tone is hesitant when you part your lips, slowly peeling off your cream colored cropped sweater. “yes..?” you call out hesitantly, your heart beating up inside your ears at the long, ticking seconds of no response.

“y/n,” you hear jake outside of the door, your cheeks immediately flushing with rosace shades. “could i please come in? i’m sorry.. don’t break-up with me. let me make it up to you.” you immediately roll your eyes at his cheesy statements, now aware that you’re only in your bra and the lace embroidered thong you’ve been sporting all day.

you let out an exhausted sigh, crossing your arms over your chest as you flutter your eyelids shut for a mere second. “fine… come in.” the door slowly opens, as reds creep up your neck. jake peeks his head into the crack of the opening door, pulling his soft black beanie up away from his forehead to peer out through his chocolate fringe.

once his eyes fall onto your appearance, his mouth immediately falls open. he swings the door open, his hand still on the doorknob as his eyes rake your figure up and down, his plain, black hoodie embracing his lean torso admiringly. “y/n.” he whispers, his eyebrows shooting up into his forehead. “i fucking hate you.”

you can’t help but a let a soft chuckle spill past your lips, watching as jake strides over towards you and immediately pulls you into him, his warm hands quickly fitting into the bare curve of your hips. his lips quickly find yours, his pace already fast and messy and you can’t keep up with it.

“i’m so fucking stupid.” he breathes into your mouth as you wrap your arms around his neck, letting him push you softly into the foot of the bed. his lips move down your chin where he cocks his head to press soft, quick kisses into your neck, his hand traveling down your hip to slowly cup the curve of your ass. “i’m not gonna lie,” he rasps against the skin of your neck, sending goosebumps across your throat. he slightly nibbles on the skin there. “i kind of really want to fuck you in this, right now.”

“maybe you should close the door first.” you whisper into his mouth teasingly, before he mutters a short ‘fuck.’ you take a seat on the foot of the bed as you watch him quickly slam the door shut, wincing at the loud volume. you giggle softly as he frantically reaches the bottom of his hoodie to peel it off of his heated figure, tossing it somewhere over onto the floor. he pulls his beanie off of his head and discards of it too, immediately going back to approach you.

his lips find yours again as he leans forward to push you back onto the bed, now hovering over your figure. his mouth is wet and desperate against your own and he’s leaving small whines into the warmth of your mouth, his hands traveling down the sides of your waist to softly prod at the lace straps that hug your hips. “jake,” you breathe into him, your fingers brushing against the sweaty skin of his nape. “i wanna ride you….”

he whines again into your mouth, his breath heavy through his nostrils. “please, y/n,” he’s whimpering against your lips, his hands traveling further down to cup both of your asscheeks, which fit exceptionally well in his big hands. he lifts your hips up slightly as he presses himself into you, your legs wrapped around his waist. “please… i want that more than anything.”

“do you deserve it, though?” you whisper into his mouth, pulling his bottom lip out between your teeth. “you didn’t even realize i was wearing it at the mall…”

“no, no,” the boy pleads, and your heart leaps at just how desperate your boyfriend is being. he then presses his nose into your cheek, leaving wet kisses into the warm skin as he murmurs into it. “no, i, just, i won’t even— i won’t even move. you can— you can use me. just please.”

an immediate pulsing sensation is sent down your body, your mind suddenly clouded with need. “okay.” is all you mumble into his mouth before he climbs up off of you, immediately going to fumble with the belt looped around his low-set jeans that sit perfectly below his v-line. drool practically drips from your chin just drinking in his sight, his body gleaming with sweat and his biceps flexing as he swiftly and smoothly snakes his belt out of its loops. he peels his pants off of his legs before hiking down his boxers, a ring lined hand pushing back the dangling, matted locks of his dark hair.

he then hovers back over you and locks his lips back onto yours, his fists dug into the mattress on either side of your head to prop his body up. you push up on your elbows, following his lips, to push back on his chest, pushing him onto his back. you immediately begin straddling his thighs, just the sight of his hardened dick enough to make lust cloud every fiber of your being. his hands stay latched to your hips as his lips continue moving against yours, fast, messy and desperate. “please, y/n,” he whispers, slowly dragging your bottom lip out with his teeth. “show me how much i don’t deserve it.”

fuck. you separate from his lips to lift yourself up against him, lining his dick up with your entrance. his long, slender fingers help you push the front part of your thong to the side. “oh my god,” he pants, his hair falling into his eyes as he examines your underwear. “your pussy looks so pretty in this thong,” he mumbles, bringing a jolt to your core. he fixates his hands to settle on your hips, peering up at you under his eyelashes and through his dark, matted fringe. his skin looks delectably tan under the lamp lights, you think to yourself. a wide smirk stretches up the sides of his lips as he eyes you, his eyebrows raising high into his forehead. “wear this for me more often.”

you roll your eyes at him as you grip his shoulders, slowly going to sink down on his big, hardened dick. “shit,” the boy whimpers, his eyebrows tightening above his eyes as he watches himself sink inside you. “aw, shit.”

you make sure to sink down on him painfully slow, feeling the twitch of his thighs and the increasing pace of his breath. you wince because it hurts, regretting not preparing yourself beforehand. but soon, the warmth fills you up rather deliciously as you accidentally let out a soft moan. you can feel jake slightly buck up inside you, followed by a displeased whine. you stifle in the groan that presses behind your lips at his action, sinking your nails into the skin of his shoulders. “no.” you mumble, peering down at him teasingly through your eyelids. “you can’t move, remember?”

“sorry,” jake whispers, eyeing you through his eyelashes. his knuckles are white against your hips and his thighs are twitching. “i’m sorry.. sorry.” satisfied with his reply you slowly pull yourself up off of his thighs, his dick dragging up against the wet warmth of your walls. you both simultaneously let out an airy groan, your lips fallen ajar at the satisfyingly painful stretch of your core.

“shit, jake,” you gasp for breath, his nails digging into your hips. “did you get bigger?” you watch as another slow, wide grin stretches along his lips and reveal slivers of his pearly teeth, his eyebrows low-set above his glossed over eyes as he gazes up at you.

“dunno, sit on it some more and tell me.” his tone is deep and scratchy as his chest heaves heavily up and down, his hands sliding up and down the sides of your waist. he bites his lip harshly as his eyes dart back down, watching you slowly sink back down onto him. “y/n…” he whimpers, squeezing his eyes shut as his fingernails dig into your hips again. “y/n… dammit..”

“yeah?” you whine, beginning to pull up off of him faster this time. you know your pace is absolutely agonizing for him, but it’s fun on your end. you like watching him unravel below you. “what is it, baby?”

“please go faster.” he whimpers, leaning forward and ticks his chin up, lips pressing into the side of your neck. he peppers kisses into it that barely make contact, lips frantic and warm. “please… for the love of god, go faster… i beg you.”

“maybe if you tell me i’m pretty.” you slur through a breathy moan, slowly sinking back onto his dick. you hear jake mumble a deep, fuck, into your neck, biting into the skin at the pleasure. his breath is shaky and erratic through the tunnels of his nostrils.

“you’re my pretty girl.” jake whispers shakily into your neck, followed by a stifled whine as you start circling your hips with his dick buried inside you. “fuck, my pretty fucking girl and—and her pretty fucking pussy. all decorated for me.” you feel his thighs twitch below you with approaching desperation, a string of whimpers tickling at the junction of your neck as you feel the cold metal of his earrings brush against your collarbone. “if my pretty girl doesn’t pick up the pace in five fucking seconds though, i’m pulling out.”

a sudden knock on the door behind you completely jostles the sense out of the both of you. jake immediately leans back to widen his eyes at you, color draining from both of your faces. jake suddenly whispers a string of fucks, before attempting to hold in his quiet laughs, lips tightening into a line. you clear your throat, trying to sound as coherent as you can. “y-yes?” you call out a little shakily, not breaking eye contact with your boyfriend. jake slams his palm over his mouth.

“uh.. me and hyejin are going out for smoothies.” you hear heeseung declare from outside of the door. “i was gonna ask if you wanted to come. is jake in there too?” a sudden thrust against your g-spot unintentionally throws you out of the loop, gulping an immediate, loud gasp of air that you were pretty sure heeseung could hear.

your cheeks immediately bloom with heat, your eyes not tearing from jake’s. the boy has a big, idiotic grin spread out along his pearly teeth as he begins vibrating with silent giggles, strands of his soaked hair against his eyelashes. you glare at him hard, making sure to sink your nails hard into his shoulders as he winces.

“uh… guys..?”

“no, we’re good.” you immediately chirp, eyes staring daggers into the obnoxious grin on your boyfriend’s face. “jake is also—” another buck of jake’s hips sends a suppressed whimper to the back of your lips, one that you knew heeseung could probably hear too. “….in here.”

“um… okay. i don’t know what’s happening in there, but i’m just gonna leave now. i’ll see you guys later.” once you hear his footsteps disappear down the hallway, you immediately start slapping jake hard in the chest. he scrunches his shoulders and tries covering his chest with his arms, breathy giggles erupting from his lips as he winces at your smacks.

“hey… stop hitting me.”

“you’re a fucking prick.” you mumble as you quickly push yourself up onto your knees, jake’s dick sliding out of you. jake’s laughter suddenly dissipates as he realizes you’re climbing off of him. he immediately shoots up, his hand swiftly grabbing your arm.

“hey, hey, no, no, what’re you doing?” he pleads in a whine, pulling on your arm. “hey, stop. stop. i’m sorry, wait.”

“no,” you whine as you start slapping his hand, trying to resist his pulling, but he’s a lot stronger than you. he quickly jerks you back as you continue to protest, practically throwing your back against the bed. you gasp lightly at the impact as he immediately hovers over you, caging your head between his toned arms. he lifts a hand up to swipe stray, matted hair away from your forehead. you swat his hand away. “stop.” you whine, but you have no intention of stopping him. “get off of me.”

the corner of his lip is hiked up into a lazy smirk and his cheeks are flushed, his silver chain earrings dangling up against your jawline. “let me make you cum and then i’ll get off of you.” he mumbles under his breath, glossy eyes flickering among your features. “yeah?”

“i don’t wanna cum anymore.” you mumble back, your eyebrows furrowed teasingly. “i’m done. i wanna be done. you’re an asshole.” you cup your hands around his warm, sweaty neck and pull his face into yours, your lips connecting softly. you thread your fingers up through his damp, disheveled locks.

“yeah, you do.” he whispers into your mouth. you can feel the tip of his dick brush up against your sensitive entrance, a quiet gasp bleeding into the warm cave of his mouth. “don’t lie to me.”

“please.” you slur into his mouth, trying to press your pussy further onto his dick as it brushes softly against you. you hear jake chuckle airily into your ear, before pushing his cock slowly inside you. a loud desperate groan slips past your lips as you dig your nails into the nape of his neck.

“you’re a little fucking brat.” he whispers into your cheek, a low whine muffled into the skin as he begins bucking his hips inside you. his lips travel back to your lips shakily, immediately molding them with your own. his pace slowly gets faster, the warmth building up inside you as pleasurable sensations prickle up your spine. you wrap your arms tighter around his neck, brain going cloudy at how much he’s stretching you out.

jake groans as he slips his tongue inside your mouth, separating sloppily to dip his head down, biceps flexed as he hoists himself up a little more. he watches himself pound into you for a quick second. “god, that— that pretty little thing can take a fuckin’ beating, huh?” he slurs as he whips his head back up to you, teeth nibbling down the line of your jaw. you can’t say anything but let out whines in reply to his deep, rasped question, feeling his thrusts getting faster with his approaching climax. you’re on the edge too, you’re core tightening with pressure. “why is your pussy so good for me, y/n?” his words are shaky and his chest heaves up and down with heavy breaths, your back arching off of the sheets deliciously. you squeeze your eyelids shut, your teeth tightly clamping down on your lip as the pressure in your core grows.

“i think you just love getting your brains fucked out of you, y/n. look at— look at how you take me so good, and i’m— i’m fucking the absolute shit out of y—you. my pretty, fucked-out baby is being such a good girl for me.”

his words add instant heat to your belly. your legs begin to shiver as they tighten hard around jake’s slim waist, your arms tight around his neck. you lift your head up to lift it into the warm, damp juncture of his neck, knowing you’re on the edge. “jake, fuck….” you moan desperately into his ear as you finally reach your high, your body being jostled against the bed with each quick, sharp thrust. you bite down into his fragile skin as you begin to see stars, feeling wetness bloom all over your thighs and on jake’s hips.

at the feeling of your cum soaking every inch of his dick, he immediately stops his thrusts. he keeps himself buried inside you and hangs his head low above your chest, letting out frantic, intense breaths. once you finally come down from your high, you slowly lean back from his neck and thread your fingers up his scalp, your eyebrows furrowing tiredly. “why’d you stop?” you breathe into his face, watching as his forehead sweat drips onto your breast.

“said i’d make you cum, didn’t i?” he finally replies in a deep mumble, the edges of his lips quirking up. he peppers your face in swift, short kisses before slowly pulling his dick out of you, whispered fuck’s slipping past gritted teeth. his dick immediately drips your juices onto the mattress, and you suddenly feel bad for whoever washes these bedsheets.

“but,” you furrow your brows and jut your lip out into a pout, lifting yourself up onto your elbows. you watch as his figure straightens up from the bed, his body gleaming with sweat as he searches for his boxers among the floor. “but you’re still hard, and you didn’t get to cum. why didn’t you just—”

“well,” he sighs teasingly, hiking his boxers carefully up over his hard dick. he looks over at you under half lidded eyes before swiping his sweaty hair back from his forehead. “i felt bad about the heeseung thing. so i.. revoked my cumming privileges.”

you let out a teasing scoff, a short chuckle leaving your bitten lips. “that’s the dumbest thing i’ve ever heard. you just like torturing yourself.” you let your back fall flat onto the mattress with an exhausted sigh. “let me make it up to you later.”

a breathy giggle spills from jake’s lips as he begins hiking his jeans up over his hips, his head tilting back for a quick second. he then eyes you through his lashes and let’s a smirk curve to his lips again, fastening his belt across his his low waist band. “next time, i’m pulling the thong off with my teeth.” he raises his eyebrows teasingly as your cheeks flush with reds.

“okay, jake,” you say with a curve of your lip. “whatever you say. now, are you gonna leave me just laying here, or are you gonna come hold me? they won’t be back for a while.”

“i’m coming, i’m coming,” jake mumbles, struggling to zip the fly up on his jeans. you watch as he begins walking over to you, cursing under his breath as he continues toying with his zipper.

“you didn’t, though.” you tease as you outstretch your arms in his direction, watching his face contort with cringe at your joke. you giggle at his reaction, the boy falling right into your open arms. you immediately wrap your arms around his neck as his arms wrap around the expanse of your upper back, his thighs caging your own. he immediately buries his head into the nook of your neck and presses soft, slow kisses down the line of it.

and as if he read your mind in that moment, picking up on your secret need for affirmation and validation, he starts mumbling into your neck. “my pretty, pretty girl… soo fucking good. you’re so fucking good at taking me. no one could ever take me as good as you.” your cheeks bloom crimson as his switches his lips back and forth from your neck to your cheek. “i love making you cum, you’re the only girl in the world who deserves it.” his whispers tickle your neck and you giggle slightly at the sensation. jake notices and blows a raspberry right into your neck.

you flinch and let out a teasing gasp, jerking away from his face. “my turn.” jake whispers as he presses his nose into your cheek, huffing out air into your skin.

“your turn for what?”

“compliment me.”

“your dick is enormously big. good job.”

jake blinks down at you, before immediately straightening up to his feet. he ignores your teasing giggles before mumbling, “….. i hate you.”

"Jake?"

"Yeah, darling?"

She didn't know why she called out to him. Y/N looked away, biting her bottom lip and staring at the never-ending carpet of grass, clear skies towering over them as though they were being trapped. She wondered if there would be scenery different from what they saw now. Perhaps driving a few more miles would bring a road to sight or a store to buy food in. She wasn't sure whether they were lost or blessed to be driving down a path of ignorance. Perhaps they would never be found this way, by not knowing where they were themselves. Perhaps they could ask a pedestrian about their whereabouts, but there were none to be seen, seeming as though they were the only live souls around. It was scary, really- but with Jake by her side, despite his silence, was enough to rid her of fear.

"Y/N?"

She turned back to him, eyes widening in curiosity, telling him to continue with a hum. She faintly nodded, looking past his shoulder in hopes of finding a living creature, any form of a living creature. A crane, or maybe even a duck but the only living being they say, apart from themselves, would be a single mosquito, buzzing away the second Jake stepped on the exhilaration.

"We'll be okay," he whispered, brown eyes finally softening as he squeezed her hand.

"You don't know where you're taking us, do you?"

Jake looked away, clicking his tongue against the roof of his mouth as the gruff returned to his eyes. Though he wanted to take his hand away from hers, he wouldn't. Willing himself to face as the pain of reality set in him as well and he found himself holding her hand tighter, cursing her father as he did so.

You see, Jake and Y/N were from completely different levels of the hierarchy of society. Y/N was the daughter of a wealthy man, living her days in the halls of a chateau in dresses made of divine cloth. Her house had pillars and statues, maybe fifty rooms and sixty hallways altogether. In the house lived her, her family, her extended family and the families of her extended family. There wasn't a moment where she ever felt lonely, having so many people that loved and cherished her for simply existing. Though her father was strict, everyone else wasn't and they all loved the sounds of her laughter filled in every hallway and corner of their house. Jake, on the other hand, didn't grow up going to a private school or living in a house with fifty rooms. He lived in a rather small house with two loving parents, a big brother and a dog. His father worked an average government job and his brother was studying to get into the Navy. Jake studied in a public school, just like all the other kids that lived in his neighbourhood. He went to school on his bicycle and he would spend his free playing basketball, unlike Y/N who would go to expensive tuitions or learn Greek and Latin, having little to no time for her nonexistent friends.

In other words, Y/N was expected to grow up like a princess and Jake was... normal.

Jake was too simple for the complexities of Y/N.

That was what her father said, at least.

When her family found out about the naive relationship between the two kids, they deemed it inappropriate, banishing Jake from ever entering the confines of their home ever again. "You can never bring him home or meet him outside ever again, Y/N. He shall not see her ever again," her father exclaimed with a finger pointing to the centre of Jake's chest. "For he is unworthy of my daughter."

It was almost cinematic, a dramatic orchestra playing in the background as Jake walked out the doors of the chateau with his head hanging low. Y/N was crying to her father and beloved aunt about her love for him but nothing thawed their cold decision. That night, when all the lights were turned off and everyone was asleep, Jake snuck into her room through the window and they planned an abscond together.

Thus, they found themselves in a stolen convertible a week later.

Jake didn't understand what drove her to run away from a family so affectionate, wealth so fulfilling and a closet full of clothes and shoes that most girls drooled over. He would never understand that when a girl was in love, her priorities would change and he would never understand that she was willing to walk to the ends of Hell if she was with him- as long as she was with him. All he knew was that he couldn't be happier to be with the love of his life, the definition of perfection, right by his side as he drove aimlessly, determined to treat her like a queen no matter where they were.

"I know this house we could live in," Y/N mumbled, almost scared to lift her head as her gaze stayed on her thighs. "It's this small house with a huge garden. It's been abandoned..."

"And how do you know of this house?"

She almost grinned. "So, you know how my dad gives me like huge amounts of money for every birthday?"

"Oh, yeah," Jake chuckled, lightly shaking his head.

"A few years ago, I found this house online and the pictures looked cute so-"

"So, you bought it?" He raised his brows. "Because you thought it was cute?"

"Listen!" She whined, brushing off the teasing smile on her lover's face. "So The house has like many paintings on its walls and flowers on its balcony... a pretty kitchen and even a huge garden. It's right by the sea shore, I'm pretty sure there even is a beach! We have all the money, Jake, to survive for a few months-"

"Y/N, did you buy it or not?"

Sheepishly she nodded. "Yes..."

"And you don't even know if it's legit?! Y/N, how old were you-"

"Jake!" She laughed, covering her smile with her hand and her head threw back in laughter. "I was a child! You can't blame me!"

"How much did you spend?"

"I'd rather not answer that question."

Jake laughed with her this time, gripping the steering wheel tighter so as to not lose his control. It was a beautiful sound really, his laugh. Y/N could listen to it all day if she were asked to, admire the way his lips pulled back and teeth displayed and eyes squinted with wrinkles. If she could record his laugh in a tape record, she would. She would bottle it up and carry it in her pocket to listen to whenever she was down because seemingly, he was the only thing that could make her happy without any effort.

"Y/N?" he cooed, almost playfully. "Do you have any proof that this house actually exists?"

"No," she whispered, embarrassed by her innocent and naive actions. "But," she started, with a raised finger and confident voice. "We'll never know until we see for ourselves."

"Fine," he nodded with a smirk. "Do you know where it is, at least?"

"Actually, yeah," she confirmed with pride and Jake was pleasantly surprised. "We'll ask the next person we see where exactly we are and then I think I can take it from there."

"We haven't seen a living soul for the past three hours."

"Well then keep driving, honey!"

"This better not be a scam."

◦ ◦ ◦

Turns out, there was a house.

The plants on the balcony Y/N had mentioned were dead and shrivelled and hung in a treacherous colour of brown but the garden was intact enough to work in and everything else was in perfect condition. The paintings, the leftover books on the shelves and a few clothes that fit Jake but not Y/N. The paint was chipping and there was mould on the doors but the pair decided that they could fix it on their own with a little effort. The kitchen would definitely need professional care but they decided that could be taken care of too.

The house was in a small farming village with people that were friendly enough to guide them to the house on top of the hill. There were people that worked in the plumbing and fixing electrical wires and there was a small pre-school, a building with wildly colourful paintings. There were many flower and fish shops and a bakery owned by their mayor's daughter-in-law. Everyone seemed to know each other like they were all part of a family- a very welcoming family.

A small boy had led them to the house. He was about twelve, maybe thirteen. He told them that another couple, similar to them, had lived in the house on top of the hill. This couple, like Y/N and Jake, were running away from their families because they weren't accepting their request to get married. They had hurried into town in a car and asked around the village until the mayor agreed to sell the house to them for a cheap price. Three years later, when they could afford to live in one of the big cities, they moved out and sold the house online.

"So it was madam that bought the house, huh?" The boy said, looking at Y/N.

Y/N and Jake looked at each, an astonished gasp on their faces.

"The coincidence is too uncanny, don't you think?"

The boy continued telling them stories about the couple that previously lived in the house on top of the hill. He told them that they were extremely friendly, easily becoming a part of the village. One worked as a secretary for the mayor and the other taught at the pre-school. They got married in the small church standing at the border of the village and a year before they left, they had a precious little boy who the town picked his name for. Jake felt chills run down his smile, feeling as though he was living the life of someone else. Y/N even went on a whole rant about the couple once they were left to explore their house alone.

"Don't you think this is weird?" She asked.

"Very," Jake nodded. "But isn't it kinda cool too?"

Y/N, too, nodded. "You think I should get a job at the pre-school?"

"Oh, you are no good with children, Y/N. Just work at the bakery or the flower shop."

Offended, Y/N threw a worn-out pillow at Jake which burst into a thousand feathers. Jake fell further into the couch he sat on, deciding in between their laughter that it was best to buy new furniture as well.

"You should be a farmer then!"

The couple went into town that night. With Y/N in a white sundress and Jake in a straw hat he had found lying around in one of the spare rooms, they were guided by the mayor himself as he introduced and acquainted them with everyone. They had dinner with, literally, the entire town. A few grilled fish and others made cakes or pasta or red meat- it was the best social night they've ever had! There was hearty laughter, lights strung on trees, children playing with fireflies and making flower crowns for the new couple in town- it was a scene recreated from Disney princess movies.

"I could live like this forever," Y/N hummed as Jake hugged her from the back, both swaying back and forth while admiring the sky and the table full of people they would call their new family.

"Then we should," Jake hugged her tighter, kissing the side of her head.

"Do you think the previous couple thought the same?"

You should be used to it by now— the voices that constantly haunt your self-esteem. It has been five whole years and yet you hear the exact same words. Second place. It seems like it’s all you could ever get no matter how hard you try and how long you practice for. You hate how you could feel your tears in the corner of your eyes, though the rain masks it up. You take a deep breath as you sink yourself, the water engulfing your body a whole. You come up to catch your breath and just like magic, the rain seems to stop. 

You pushed yourself off the edge of the pool as you grabbed your towel, heading to the locker rooms to rinse the chemical infused water off your body. A deep sigh leaving your lips as you swung your towel around your neck. It had been a while since the competition had ended, paying no mind to whether people were still here. It was better this way, since you didn’t want anyone to question why you were still hanging around the pool after everything ended. 

Tossing your towel on the seats you head for the shower room to rinse yourself, the shower quickly warms up your body from the rain. You quickly got changed and grabbed your belongings from your locker before heading out— till the sound of chatter heightened your senses.

From the corner of your eye, you see a young male with the coach who you seemed to recognise from the male swim team. The male appears to be looking at the floor, as the coach constantly pokes his shoulder. It’s definitely not a heartwarming scene, but it’s something that she’s familiar with. 

“At this rate, you won’t go to nationals.” You could hear the coach speak, and somehow it feels like he’s taking a jab at you. 

“Second place! Is that all you could do?” Second place. It hits way too close to home. And you felt like if you continued to listen any longer, you would fall into the void of your thoughts once again. You pretend like you heard nothing, and quickly turned away from the pair as you left the building. 

There are little to no stars above and the glow of the moon is blurred behind the fog of clouds. Cars are driving past you as you sit underneath the shade of the bus stop, sighing for what felt like the nth time. Thinking back to your conversation with your coach— were dreams always so hard to achieve? 

Ever since you were little you loved the feeling of water against your skin, whether it was freezing cold or lukewarm— you had always enjoyed the way it embraced you whole. When you thought you couldn’t love being in the water even more— you learnt to swim, loving the speed, the resistance and the freedom it gave you to travel amongst the waves. You love swimming, and you want to make this a part of your life— to be remembered by something you are passionate about.

But now, just like the moon above— the vision of your dreams seem to be unclear. Like the stars in the sky, your goal seems to be so out of reach. 

Always one step behind, and always trailing behind. 

You suddenly felt a presence next to you. Usually you wouldn’t pay no mind, but somehow an unknown force brought your eyes to face the person. A male wearing the same uniform as you— instantly recognising him from the swim team, bangs still wet and a solemn expression painted on his face. You watch him as he looks up at the sky and sighs— a sense of deja vu hitting you as he’s acting the exact way you did prior. You’re drawn to him, and you realise he must be the boy you accidentally overheard in the hallway of the locker room.

And although you did not know his name, nor anything about him— you could somehow understand how he feels. 

“It’s so far, isn’t it?” You didn’t realise you had said it out loud, though the male doesn’t seem to be fazed by a stranger talking to him unexpectedly. 

The both of you look up at the skies. You have seen brighter stars before, but today— it just seemed like a speck of dust amongst the vastness of darkness. 

“Will we ever get there?” The boy wonders and you’re surprised that his voice is a lot more soft spoken than you thought. Though it sounds soothing, complimenting the crisp air of the Autumn breeze. 

You didn’t know how to reply. Personally you’re not so sure what your future lies ahead and you’re afraid to give him an answer. 

So you hum in response, and yet he doesn’t question any further. A comfortable feeling of tranquility between the two of you, as you watch the vehicles run past. 

The male stands up from his seat next to you, catching your attention as you look up at him. Spotting the bus halting at the station you’re at, you realise that it must be his ride home. He leaves you as he joins the line to get on, but just before he gets too far from your sight— he turns around to look at you.

“I’m Jake, by the way.” He smiles at you and which leaves a strange feeling in your heart. You realised, you haven’t had anyone genuinely smile at you for such a long time. Your team had never spared any glances your way, your coach was always so angry with you— and even your parents don’t seem to look at you the way he does. A sudden burst of energy, you return him with a smile of your own, your first smile of the day.

“I’m Y/N.”

-

There’s a line between you and the rest of your team. Sometimes you wonder whether you were really lacking, or was it because they were too good at the sport. Either way, you set yourself expectations every practice— hoping that you’ll cross the hurdle between first and second place. 

After your last competition, your coach made you swim extra laps after practice. You tried to think positively, treating this a chance to practice and improve yourself more. Though, sometimes you wished you were as good as the rest of your team. You didn’t understand how your team always managed to get first in every category, and then there was you who grabbed second place every competition you participated in. 

After the last lap, you decided to stay in the water a little longer. You had always preferred the water while you were alone. You watched the ripples of the pool, your fingers playing with the water droplets as you took your mind off things. When was the last time you had fun?

But your fun was short lived, hearing the faint footsteps entering the pool. Perhaps you have overstayed your welcome, you quickly swim to the edge of the pool. Pushing yourself up on the ledge, you stand up to grab a towel and leave. Your franticness makes you bump into an unknown figure, causing you to bow repeatedly. 

“Sorry, I’m leaving now-”

“Y/N…?” 

You look up to see the familiar boy you met at the bus stop, shirtless from waist up making you step back in shock— almost causing you to slip till he reached for your arm to maintain your balance. 

“Thank you…Jake.” You sigh in relief as you stand back up, the feeling of his wrist around yours still linger.

“It’s no problem, what are you doing here?” 

“Had to do extra laps.” You sound defeated in comparison to the look on your face. You seem way too happy to be doing extra laps, but perhaps it’s because of the boy standing in front of you.

The silence was a little awkward between the two of you, and before it could get any worse— you decided to take your leave, bowing once more before walking past him. 

“Do you-” His voice made you turn to look at him, almost a little too quickly. “…want to watch me practice?” 

You didn’t hesitate to give him a slight nod, and you swore you could see the slight brightness in his features and the small smile that prints on his lips. He quickly does his warm ups on the side of the pool while you make yourself home on the bench. 

He steps onto the platform, his toes curling inwards at the edge of the pool before pushing himself for a dive. You watched him as he spreads his arms out wide, his broad back along with the length of his arms resisting against the water. You assume he specialises in Butterfly, with the way his form is straight as he forces himself up with the movement of his arms. The splash against the water was minimal and he’s going at a steady speed— it almost makes you wonder why his coach was so hard on him when he’s doing such a difficult swim style so effortlessly. You had never watched the male swim team, but if he was always second place— how good were the other players? 

Watching him swim was an eye opener— you think that the distance between him and the stars should be a lot closer than you. Everything about him was flawless, and that he did not deserve to be told like he couldn’t pursue his dream. 

Just the sounds of water splashing against the kicks of Jake’s feet, and the catches of breath you could hear when Jake’s head comes up to leave the water. You wonder what thoughts are going through his head? The more you watch him swim, the more interested in him.

“Do you want to race?” You don’t realise that Jake had just finished his laps. He places his arms on the edge of the pool to look at you. You realise he looks like a puppy in water, and your heart couldn’t help but feel warm at the sight. You quickly toss your towel next to you as you begin your warm ups. 

“Bring it on.”

-

Jake won.

And even so, it didn’t feel as bad as the races you did. Not because it wasn’t a real competition, but maybe because your mind was at ease with him around. It was like a reminder to you of why you enjoyed being in water so much, you have not had this much fun in a long time. Though, all fun things come to an end.

“Do you think this is the time to play around?” You suddenly hear a shout coming from the entrance of the pool, you turn your head to see your coach and he does not look happy the slightest.

You quickly pushed yourself off the pool and stumbled towards him. Refusing to look at him as your head held low. 

“At this rate, you’re going to be second place forever!” The volume of his voice is enough to attack your emotions, feeling the familiar burn in your throat. You’re mustering the courage to say something until you see Jake stand in front of you.

“We were practising together.” Jake looks up at your coach sternly.

You peek up to see your coach looking at you, then at Jake before looking back at you. 

“As you both should, since the both of you are bringing your own teams down with your second places…” It hurts more than it should, and suddenly the vision of your dreams began to shatter. 

“We will go to nationals.” You look up at Jake in surprise, you never thought that he could say such words with confidence. And somehow, your admiration for him grew even more. Even with such hurtful words coming from your coach, he doesn’t seem to falter at all.

“We’ll see about that.” And your coach walks away from the both of you. Once he was out of sight, you could see Jake lose his balance as he let out a sigh of relief. His stumble causing your reflexes to hold him and he gives you a smile. 

“Let’s prove him wrong.”

-

You remember the first day of your school year. Excited to dip your feet in the large waters of your school’s swimming pool. The main reason you joined Belift High was because of its alumni, as well as the countless prodigies they have supported. In its history, there was not a single time where Belift High swimmers had gotten anything below first place. And you thought that you could walk in the same shoes as them.

You knew it wasn’t a walk in the park, but you didn’t know how competitive it would be. 

You had admiration for your current coach, the very person who brought golden trophies to Belift each year. You respected him— you still did, but his words had always brought a knife to your heart one stab at a time. 

“What is your future goal?” You remember he asked each student after the first swimming heats of the semester. You remember the expressions on your team’s faces, all sporting bright smiles and eyes glistening with their dreams in mind. You could see your coach acknowledging and nodding at their goals too. So you did the same, your innocence showing and stars in your eyes as your coach asked you the very question he asked his team.

“I want to go to nationals. I want to swim for the country.” And it was then you watched your coach’s expression turn sour, his smile wiped off his face instantly and with a deep breath he gave you the words you least wanted to hear.

“What place did you get today?” His voice is stern and his expression is unreadable. Though with your own instincts, you could tell your coach was not happy in the slightest.

“Second.”

“At this rate, nationals isn’t even close.” 

You could feel your throat burn as tears started reaching at the corner of your eyes. The fact that your team was snickering at you doesn’t help your emotions either. Though you wiped your tears with the back of your hand, hoping you could control your broken heart as well as the dimming fire within you.

And even years later when your coach asks the same question, you tell him the very, and he replies with the same.

Today, your coach bumped into you in the hallways mentioning how he wanted to talk to you and the rest of the swim team after school. Usually in situations like these, it either meant two things: you were probably going to be scolded again or there is a competition coming up soon.

And though you should have been used to it by now, you always dread every meeting with your team. 

As you made your way to the swimming pool, you took notice of a group of boys coming out of the locker rooms. And there you spotted the boy that you had been slowly but surely, growing a friendship with. 

“Hey!” He pants.

“Hey.” You smile back at him as you watched him catch his breath. And you stopped to stare at him a little longer, his hair wet from practice, you could even smell the chlorine mixed with whatever shampoo he uses. 

“Did you hear about the upcoming competition?” 

You assume that’s what your coach was going to talk to you about today and you could feel your heartbeat out of your chest. It’s no surprise to have competitions once in a while, but this always meant that your coach will train you harsher than before, especially with your coach’s distaste in your skills anyway.

“I think it’s what I’m here for anyway.” You smiled at Jake and you watched him as he gave you a pat on the back. 

“You can do it!” He smiles at you with a little fist bump before his friends pull him away. You gave him a wave and waved back before turning back to his friends, you could see them tease Jake as he pushed them away in laughter. 

At least Jake and his team get along well.

-

And as expected, a competition was coming up soon and your practice is scheduled to be a lot more tougher than usual. You were told there may be a couple of scouts and recruiters during this competition and it would be a good chance for the team to get noticed if they ever wanted to be in the national team. The news gave you a burst of confidence, and even though your coach kept looking at you as if he didn’t expect much— you wanted to see the look on his eyes when he realises the potential you could carry.

To do this, you decided that you needed to train a little more and a little harder around your current training regime. You would’ve wanted to ask your team to practice with you but seeing as they do not care about you in any way, you’ve thought about asking your only swim friend. 

Speaking of the devil, you watched the classroom window as he walked right past. You quickly got up from your seat, the friction causing a sudden screech alerting the entire room— you ran out of the door to catch up with Jake who was just heading to his own homeroom next to you.

“Jake!” You called for him and he turned around, a big smile on his face as if he was happy to see you.

“I wanted to ask you something, I’m not sure if you’re up for it though…” For some reason you felt your confidence diminish by the way he’s looking at you, he’s staring right into your eyes and that alone left your blood rushing up to your cheeks in embarrassment. 

God, he is beautiful.

“What is it?” He tilts his head. And his voice sounds so nice too.

“Ah-” Your admiration interrupted as you went back on topic, “I wanted to ask if you want to do morning swim practice with me for the upcoming competition?” 

You refuse to look at him, afraid that he’ll laugh at you for some reason or even question why you’re trying so hard. You slowly take a peek at him and you see him checking his phone, leaving you confused.

“Sure! I have nothing in the mornings.” He then gives his phone towards you, “Give me your number I’ll call you!” 

The whole ordeal is happening too fast and way too well for you to imagine. You almost couldn’t believe what you had just heard. You slowly take his phone with both hands and insert your digits. And with a smile on Jake’s face he places his phone in his pocket and waves you goodbye. You wave back though you stood at the same spot, dumbfounded at how smoothly it had just gone. As he’s out of sight you feel a smile slowly creep up, the excitement building up for what’s about to come.

-

It’s early in the morning, the sun has yet to greet you and the school was filled with nothing but rustling leaves dancing across the field. You had arrived slightly before your meeting time with Jake and you thought to let the security know about your morning practices.

You’re waiting for Jake at your school’s swimming pool. The guard was nice enough to open up the area for you before school starts. You had gotten changed and did your warm up beforehand, leaving you to dip your legs into the water as you waited for the boy. You suddenly hear the frantic footsteps coming from the pool entrance and you see Jake panting with his swim gear. 

“I’m so sorry! Let’s begin.” Jake laughs and you laugh along with him, walking towards the diving platform as you wait for him to get ready. 

As Jake steps onto the platform next to you, he pushes his goggles against his nose bridge and he gives you a little smirk. You smile at him as you do the same, pulling your swim cap down before gripping your toes against the edge of the platform. Your arms pointed towards the pool as you took a deep breath. 

“See you at the finish line Jake.” You spoke quietly but enough for him to hear and he counted down. 

“3…2…1…”

“Go!” You both push yourself off the ledge as you begin your freestyle race, your arms flicking towards the air before striking down, turning your head sideways to get a breath in your system. You kick against the water and you could hear the muted splashes against your feet. With the corner of your eye you could see Jake was just in level with you. You turn forward, watching the finish line grow closer and closer as you reach your fingertips as far as you can as you touch the end of the pool. You rose from the water to catch your breath, watching as you see Jake right next to you. You take a look at the timer on the board, and you were only off by three seconds. 

“So close!” You removed your goggles, massaging your nose bridge from the pressure. 

“You did better than last time! You’re definitely going to do well.” The words that come out of Jake’s mouth reassured you, and you hoped you would hear it again from him on the day of the competition. You quickly pushed yourself off the water and grabbed your towel and stopwatch in the process. 

“Alright, let's start with your practice first. Then we could do mine.” You suggested and Jake nodded as he began to swim back to the platforms. 

Jake swims as if the water rides along with him, he spreads his arms as wide as he could, the stretch accentuating his broad back and he lifts himself up so effortlessly. It does not make sense that Jake would come in second with skills like this. He truly resembled a butterfly rising through water, his arms as his wings and the water completing the art that he creates through the way he swims. It’s beautiful, and he is everything you wish to be in the eyes of others. 

With each lap Jake does, his time decreases little by little. To you, such improvement could only be because he was such a good swimmer. Yet again, how could his coach not see the beauty that is in the way he swims? What was it that Jake lacks in the eyes of his teacher? You look at Jake with glowing eyes and you don’t even notice that he does the same. He has stopped his practice and he’s staring at you. And even without saying, all he does is gives you a smile and it’s like he’s telling you that you could do the same.

-

You have been practising with Jake for almost a week now, and you do see the improvements in both Jake and yourself as well. 

Jake gives you the best comments and feedback in the way you swim, he gives you exceptional pointers on what you could improve and you were always thankful for Jake in allowing you to change the way you swim and yet focus on your usual form. 

You wanted to thank him so you had decided to ask him whether he was available for breakfast before school which he agreed to.

You chose a tiny coffee shop close to the school. The coffee shop was hidden in the main street, different potted plants decorate the window sills and the aroma of coffee scented around the entrance door. You’re quite happy that you’ve found such a gem as none of the students in your school seem to visit this shop despite it being so close to your school. 

“Sorry, I’m late! I never realised there was a coffee shop around here.” Jake pulls out his chair sitting before you.

“It’s alright. Not a lot of people know about this place.” 

“Ooh…then it’ll be our own secret location then.” He gives you a little wink which causes your cheeks to heat up. You could tell that Jake is no beginner in flirtatious acts. He was definitely suave in more ways than you thought and even the wink was natural to him. You tried to put it behind you, even though you could feel your cheeks blush.

“I’ll take an iced latte, you?” You questioned.

“Iced Americano.” 

The waiter takes both of your orders with a smile before heading back to the counter. You fiddled your fingers whilst trying to think of what to say to the boy in front of you.

“I just want to thank you for practising with me.” You shy away slightly. Jake’s presence makes you slightly nervous. 

“No! I want to thank you for asking me. The sessions really do help me out a lot!” Jake smiles at you before the waiter interrupts your conversation with both of your drinks. You both thank the waiter before sipping your drinks, feeling refreshed at the sudden coolness.

The silence starts to grow comfortable, and you’re no longer nervous in front of Jake after a while of sitting in front of him. You both had been talking about things other than swimming as well as what you’re both up to in school. 

Though as you both reveal more about each other, you start to delve into the sport you both shared.

“Why do you swim Jake?” The air grows a little solemn, but you’re curious. Ever since you eavesdropped on the conversation between Jake and his coach, you wonder what keeps him going. 

“Because I feel free.” You nodded at his words, completely understanding what he meant. It was the exact same reason as to why you began to swim for the first place, and the same reason why you wanted to pursue a career in swimming. 

“Then, what are your goals?” 

“Nationals. It would be nice to represent Korea as well.” You looked at him in surprise. Your dreams were the exact same as his, and you suddenly grow a little too excited.

“Me too. Though, it’s hard when you're in second place all the time.” You sound a little dejected and Jake takes notice of him. With your head looking down you suddenly feel Jake’s warm palm on top of your head and you look up at him, slowly— so that he wouldn’t remove his hand away from you. 

“We can do it, I’m sure.” 

It felt like a sudden surge of energy rushed through you. Never would you have thought just simple words would leave you feeling motivated. He lets go and with the same hand, he gives you his pinky.

“Promise me you’ll make it to nationals.” 

You stared at his pinky for a while, a little afraid to make such a big promise with him. You’ve always doubted your abilities, and you hate to make a promise that you can’t keep. You stare at his pinky for a while, and you could tell that Jake could sense your hesitancy.

“Come on, my hand is tired!” He encourages you, and you look at him. He’s still smiling, and with the look on his face he’s still coaxing you to make this promise with him. He has so much hope in you, and you vow to not disappoint him. But that is, if he is willing to walk the same path as you.

 “Only if we both make it together.” You give in and interlock his pinky with yours. It’s like you could feel the faintest spark between your intertwined fingers. A symbolised promise between the two of you, and you’re hoping that it’ll come true. 

-

You’ve been practising with Jake for almost a month now, and you have about another week left till the competition begins. Just like the usual routine, you arrive at the pool a little early, Jake runs in apologising for being late, and the both of you start with a race. This time, Jake suggested doing races for the full session so that the both of you are prepared for the real thing. 

It’s also a good change of pace between constant sessions of timing each other.

“Loser gets splashed.” Jake speaks up next to you.

“You’re so on.” 

The both of you count to one and like you’re most familiar with, you dive into the pool with ease. With multiple practice sessions with Jake, you began to find your own comfort and style while swimming freestyle. Your stamina was a lot better, and you felt a lot lighter in the water. And just a few centimetres away, your fingertips touch the wall and you see Jake trailing just slightly behind you.

“Yes!” Your fist punches the water in excitement and Jake applauds you. You take a look at him and in just a split second he begins to swim away as you push the water against him. You watched as he used his hands to shield the water splashing towards his face, but you gave him no mercy as you continued to chase after him. You caught up to him and in defence he grabs onto your wrists pinning you against the corner of the pool.

The sounds of the water splashing stops and the pool is silent. The laughter shared between the both of you dies down as you realise your compromising position. You think Jake was going to let go but instead he does nothing but, though his grip softens a little bit. You try to avoid his eye contact but it was no use, so you stare back at him and you watch as the droplets on his face drips down to water below you. You watch him focus on your eyes, then now to your lips then back towards your vision once again.

“C-Can I kiss you?” It’s the first time you see Jake so shy to the point that he even stutters on his words. Right now, you would like to believe you were in a dream. Jake was only centimetres away from you, the sunlight from the window behind you shining as if the spotlight was on him. He’s glowing in front of you, and the outline is so bright he doesn’t seem real. So much that you closed your eyes and open them again to just to see if you would wake up from the dream you believe that you are in.

But he’s still standing before you, waiting for your response and he’s quivering— anxious but yet hopeful that you’ll allow him to place his lips on yours. So you nod and you close your eyes once again, and then you feel the cushion of his lips pressed against yours. His soft lips taste like chlorine but you didn’t mind, all you knew was that the boy that you’ve been trying to reach is right in your arms. He lets go of your wrists and holds your cheeks in the warmth of his palms and you wrap your arms around his neck as you cherished the moment. 

“I really like you.” 

You felt like you were on cloud nine. 

-

There is an unspeakable feeling between you and Jake. After your rendezvous with him, the both of you continued practising with smiles on your faces. No words exchanged but just a newfound understanding between each other. The feeling of being with Jake could not be explained in detail, and yet you feel yourself grow to like him more each day. You’re starting to believe you cannot live a day without seeing him at least once.

There is no label that describes your relationship with him. And you’re aware that in the opinions of others it may be a bother— unsure of what line they are treading across. But you’re quite content with what you and Jake are now. You like to emphasise that it’s more of a relationship between two people who are beginning to learn the feeling of love. 

Even without saying it directly, Jake seems to feel the same way. And it’s clear to the both of you that it’s your first time experiencing such an emotion between you. And it’ll likely take some time for the both of you to accept each other as two people who are in love. 

You’ve always imagined falling in love to be a magical thing, a slow process between two people and a rare occasion for one to reciprocate feelings for another. But after your shared kiss with Jake, your perception had shifted drastically. Not only has it been less than a few months since you’ve met Jake, but your feelings for him developed so quick that you almost didn’t notice it until he asked to kiss you. And with that, it seemed like he has taken an interest in you too.

Though, you couldn’t dwell on your feelings any longer than now that your competition is only a day away. It sucks, but the both of you have to focus on what’s ahead of you. As the hours go by, you start to feel distressed and worried for what the future holds.

You’re wiping your palms against your uniform as you start to think of all the possible scenarios that could happen at the competition when you accidentally bumped into Jake who had just sent off his friends. 

“Oh Y/N!” 

You were a bit shy to look at Jake, memories of the morning flashing through your mind. You look away towards the window next to you, but Jake couldn’t help but move his face in line with your vision.

“Now, don’t be shy. You weren’t so shy with me when we-” Your eyes quickly widened and reached for Jake’s mouth to prevent him from teasing you any further, turning your head left and right to see if anyone heard the conversation. Making sure the coast is clear you let go of his mouth with a sigh and Jake chuckled.

“Good luck on the competition tomorrow.” He quickly sneaks in a quick peck on your cheek before running away, shouting a ‘Bye Y/N!’ loud enough for everyone in the hallway to hear his voice. Usually you would want to hide in a corner in embarrassment, but you were too caught up on the sudden peck to dawn on what had just happened. 

He’s a sneaky one, isn’t he?

-

And soon the day of the competition arrives. You were doing stretches in your changing room, while the rest of your team chatter amongst themselves. You plugged in your earbuds, listening to some acoustic music to calm your nerves down. Even so, you could still hear the loud cheers from the crowd outside and you hoped to not disappoint them with another second place.

Your competition was one of the firsts of many races today. The sun was blaring from above, the noises from the thunder sticks hitting against each other along with the chants from the bleachers could be heard in the sidelines. The atmosphere was intense and it gave you the adrenaline rush that you needed.

Passing the heats of your swimming competition was easy but you knew that the finals was what always set you back. The opponents you faced were nothing like the heats nor the players back in middle school. Seeing so many incredible swimmers made you realise that your goal was definitely not an easy ride. Mentally giving yourself a pep talk, you did your final stretch before stepping onto the platform. The sounds of the crowd now tuned out and all you could focus on was the rapid thumps of your heart against your chest.

“On your marks, get set…” 

The siren blares through and in reflex you push yourself off the ledge of the diving board. The tips of your fingers pierce through the water as you perform two butterfly kicks before fluttering your feet against the water. You swim past the resistance of the tide, your arms stretching as far as you can to get the most out of your strides. You try to limit the amount of times to catch your breath, hoping to use your stamina to the fullest till you reach the finish line.

With each kick you splash against the water, the closer you see yourself to the end of the pool. So with one final push you stretch your fingertips to the wall, touching it fully before taking your head out of the water. 

You hear the crowd cheer and you’re nervous to look at the scoreboard in front of you, it’s only when you notice your coach in the end of the pool with his jaw dropped you look at the board above you.

You did it.

You had made first place, and with the fastest record out of your team.

Then the emotions got the best of you. The tears began to fall nonstop, it’s almost as if your team began to cry with you. As you pushed yourself out of the water, your team immediately ran to hug you— even though they never treated you well and they were also your rivals, you had always felt like they somehow understood your predicament. No matter how skillful one is, everyone has had a journey to get to where they are.

You wrap yourself with your towel as you head to the locker rooms, only to see Jake waiting for you at the entrance. And without thinking you ran up to him and he took you in his arms, crying on his shoulder more. He pats your back in comfort and gives you tiny pecks on your forehead, and if you weren’t too busy crying you would see the slightly watery eyes he has. 

“You did so well.” 

You pulled back with a smile as you wiped your tears and patted your puffiness down, “Good luck.”

Jake waved you goodbye and you quickly went to get changed so that you could make it in time for his race. You were nervous for him to say the least, but yet you were confident he was going to do well. 

Once you were warmed up, you sat on the sidelines to cheer for Jake. He was warming up in the centre lane, and you took a look at his opponents while you were at it. He steps on the platform, realising that he was about to start his race any minute now. You look at him closely, your fists balled in your lap as you silently cheer for him in your heart.

The siren sounds the entire pool and the swimmers dive into the water. Your eyes never leave Jake as he swims just like you have witnessed many times before. He’s still as beautiful as ever, just like a butterfly in his element as he flies across the water. You see him taking the lead and everything seems to go smoothly so far.

Wait.

You stood up from your seat as you took notice of Jake holding onto his arm right for a split second, but yet he acts like nothing has happened and he continues to swim. You begin the worry now, and you could see he’s trailing behind a couple of swimmers right next to him. You quickly walk towards the end of the pool, hoping to catch him at the finish line. You could tell that he’s hurting and even so, he does not give up, and he manages to snatch himself a second place after all. Though with the way he’s looking at the scoreboard he does not look pleased, and neither does the coach who is staring him down. He pushes himself off the water wincing at the pressure he places on his arm and walks away from his team as well as from you.

You would like to believe that he may have not noticed you standing there, but you thought you should leave him alone for now.

You hope that he’s okay.

-

“Y/N congratulations! It seems like the Seoul swim team has taken an interest in you.” Your coach lets you in on the big news and you stood in front of him mindlessly, trying to take in your coach’s sudden change of attitude as well as what you had just heard from him.

“Seoul?”

“Yes, they are inviting you for tryouts after your senior year ends.” The coach gives you a pat on the back, “I knew you could do it, I was just trying to give you that push.” 

You watched as your coach walked away, though you are really happy that one of the biggest swim teams are interested in you— you couldn’t help but worry about Jake.

You had not spoken or seen him ever since the competition, and you thought to give him a few days for him to rest. But as a week goes by, you begin to worry for his well-being. You asked his team his whereabouts and they tell you that he hasn’t been showing up to practice as well as his classes. You tried calling and messaging him a couple of times to no response, so you asked his team for his address.

You’re standing in front of his door and you start to think of the multiple things to say once he opens the door— or maybe he won’t open the door at all. You were about to walk away when you suddenly hear the door open and Jake peeks out to look at you.

“My friends told me you were coming.”

“Ah.” Well this is slightly embarrassing.

“Come on in.” He opens the door further and lets you inside. You proceed to take off your shoes and walk in his apartment. His place was clean, decorated with wooden furniture and potted plants, a couple of medals and trophies from the bookshelf as well as family pictures on the drawers. 

“Drink?” You hear Jake ask you from behind, you turn around to face him with a smile.

“Water is fine.” 

You made yourself comfortable on his couch, staring at Jake as he prepared your water. Usually he would be happy to see you, he would even be the one to initiate conversation— but today his face shows no emotion, just sadness behind his eyes. Instinctively you walk up behind him, wrapping your arms around his waist from behind and he stops everything that he’s doing.

“Tell me what’s on your mind.” You could feel Jake’s shaking up and you take a peek to see his tears rolling down his cheeks. You let go instantly and made him turn towards you, wiping his sadness away.

“Why is it so hard to achieve your dreams?” You could hear the crack in Jake’s voice and you began to embrace him once again, hoping you could comfort him in some way. He looks at the trophies and medals on his shelf, reminiscing the time when he felt happy in the water. 

“Every time I see the finish line, it only goes further and further away.” He lets out an exhale, the words hesitantly coming out of his mouth.

“I’m tired Y/N, should I just…give up?” You look at him immediately and shake your head, refusing to hear any longer. You grabbed onto his shoulder to bring his attention to you, and you watched as his eyes widened. You were furious, you could not believe what you had just heard from him.

“What the fuck do you think you’re saying?” It was rare for you to use such language, nevertheless use a tone towards anyone. But you could not bear to hear Jake demean himself any longer. 

“I see you looking at your achievements Jake, how did you think you got to where you are now?” Jake stays silent, letting you continue on. “It’s you. You worked hard to get here, are you really going to let all that go down the drain?”

“But Y/N I just feel like I don’t have a reason to swim anymore-”

“Me!” You cut him off and he looks at you, “I want to see you reach your dreams, I want to see it happen.” Jake softens up at your words. 

“I thought of the same thing, I wanted to give up…that was until I met you. You told them you wanted to prove that we can do it right? You taught me to hold on, I don’t understand why you couldn’t do the same.” 

“We still have one more competition left, and I want to see you reach the finish line. Whatever place you get, I want to see you swim.” And at this moment you felt yourself get pulled into Jake’s arms, this time a lot tighter than usual. It feels like he does not want to let you go, so you stay still for him to hold you a little longer. 

“I’m sorry Y/N…I’m sorry. I’ll promise you, I’ll make it there.” And you wrap yourself around him once again, whispering reassurances to him that it was okay. You’re glad that you’ve managed to talk some sense to him, and you’re hoping he’ll reach for the same star that you’ve managed to get ahold of.

-

Ever since your win, you had been grabbing first place constantly and even your competition just now, you had just managed to get yourself a gold.

You knew that Jake was coming up soon and you prayed to yourself that he would swim through his laps without trouble. Sitting underneath the shade of the pool, you watched as he did his warm ups.

He was in good condition today, and deep inside you knew that he’ll make it to the finish line. 

Like he always has.

You watched as Jake stepped onto the diving board, taking deep breaths, pulling his swimming cap and tightening his goggles in the process. He touches his toes and bends his knees in a position, his toes preparing himself for the push. You could hear the standby lines, and your heartbeat quickens in response. On three, the siren alarms and he pushes himself into the pool, his butterfly kicks smooth underneath the water, his arms stretches and his chest lifting himself out of the water to dive right back in. He’s quick with his arms and you could see him catch minimal breaths before resuming back in the blue. He’s reaching the halfway mark and he’s taking the lead, though you could not be relieved yet as his opponents are only a few strokes behind. Your eyes never left him, you’re holding your breath as he grows closer to the opposite end of the pool and he touches the wall. You immediately look up to the scoreboard and you see his time placed on the first row of the board. 

He fulfilled his promise.

You quickly jump up and run to where he was. And you could see him punch the water in excitement as he raises his fists in the air in victory. Ignoring all the warnings of ‘no running around the pool’, you watched Jake leave the water and run up to you.

“I did it!” 

“You did it!” 

You both laugh in each others arms, ignoring the amount of people who were looking at the both of you. You could see his team cooing on the sidelines, even his coach seems relieved at Jake’s achievement. But Jake’s eyes were only on you and you had never ever been happier for him. 

You notice that Jake’s coach is waiting for him, so you insinuate him to go to his team. Though he refuses to let go of his arm, you push him to go— not wanting him to get into trouble.

Everything is going well for the both of you.

-

You meet Jake at the rooftop of your school. It’s late at night, the moon shaped like a crescent, glows above you. And the stars shined a lot brighter than usual. The wind was crisp but not cold enough for an extra layer, and the air was quiet. You and Jake laid down, appreciating the glitters decorating the night. 

“How are you feeling?” You break the silence as you turn around to look at him. Even at night Jake glows brighter than the stars in the sky, you could say that Jake is the star himself. 

“Out of this world.” He replies as he turns to face you, his smile never leaving his face and he looks at you with loving eyes. “It’s all because of you.”

“No, it’s all you.” 

You both stare at each other for a little longer before turning back to the sky, commenting on which star was the brightest, pointing towards different directions of the darkness. Daydreaming as you stare up at the sky, you could feel Jake intertwining his fingers along with yours, taking your attention away.

“Busan wants me.” Jake breaks the news and suddenly the air is tense, your face drops and you turn to look at Jake who is already looking straight at you.

“I know, Seoul asked for you right?” He continues on. You never had the chance to tell him ever since the incident, and you’re mad at yourself for not being able to tell him yourself. 

“That’s good! We’re both one step closer, right?” You feign sadness, refusing to accept the reality that has been shoved right to your face.

“But…what about us?” You did not want to answer his question, nor did you want to face the reality that is your separation. You already swore to yourself you could not live without him, but who were you to stop him from chasing his dream?

“Jake…” You smile at him and he does too. Neither of you wanted to face the truth, and neither of you are ready to move on with your lives. The both of you would be too busy for each other, with training, practice and even your lives— deep inside you both knew that maintaining a long distance relationship would not last. 

“You should go to Busan.” 

“Y/N!” 

“I can’t stop you from going to your dream.” You both stayed in silence. Jake understood you and he thought the same. He can’t bring you with him either and that you both had to accept the harsh reality. You don’t have a lot of time left together, and you did not want to leave Jake in an argument or even sadness.

“Then…let’s just cherish…what we have now, okay?” You nod at his words and he pulls you closer to him. You sniffle against his chest, hoping to treasure the moment with you in his arms.

Just a little longer.

-

Then senior year comes to a close. You’re wearing your graduation gown, taking pictures with your classmates and your team. Now that your school year has ended, you’ve grown to put all your bad blood and unwanted memories behind and appreciate the new friendships you’ve developed along the way. 

No matter how many ups and downs you had with your team, you had always appreciated them in some way. Even though they never treated you well, you thought of them as a motivation to do better. And it took graduation to forgive and forget, and that even such experiences are memories you wished you keep.

However, there was only one person you wanted to see at the moment. 

You ran to where his classroom is, peeking at the window hoping to catch a glimpse of where he could be. There you could see him taking pictures with his friends, and for a split second you spot him looking at you, gesturing you to come towards him.

You walk up to him and he passes his phone to his friends. “Hey, can you help me take a picture?”

He pulls you next to him and wraps his arm around you, his friends taking multiple pictures of the both of you in different poses. He takes his phone back and turns to face you, removing the strand of hair and tucking it behind your ear.

“Ah!” You reach for your pocket as you hand him an envelope, a ‘To Jake’ written on top of it. “Don’t read it now! Read it when you’re on the way to Busan.” He takes the letter from you and smiles at your handwriting before tucking it in his pocket.

You only have a few hours to spare before you both have to go your separate ways, and you’ve decided for your last time together the both of you would hang around your shared home.

The pool.

The both of you took your shoes off, dipping your feet into the water as you sat side by side. None of you shared any words, just trying to live the moment as much as you can with each other. You focus on the way the water ripples beneath your feet as Jake does the same, laughing at his antics as he kicks a little water to your side.

You hear his phone buzz indicating that it was time for him to go and suddenly everything hits you. Jake was about to leave you, and the both of you are about to take the next step towards your dream. 

You send him off at the bus stop and he gives you one last hug. You did not want your separation to be a sad one, so you held your tears back and smiled at him as he let go. Though you’re still in his arms, you look up at him one last time and he returns you with a smile as well.

“Goodbye Y/N.” 

“Goodbye, Jake.” 

You watch him as he walks away further away from you, waving at him as he looks at you for a final time. 

In your eyes, Jake was a star that you desired to reach. He stood by your side through the journey towards your dreams. You both relied and gave each other a reason to continue forth and without each other you wouldn’t be able to get to where you both are today. Though the moment between the both of you was brief, you knew you will always love Jake no matter how far he goes. 

He was a part of your youth and you hope someday in the future, he could be more. 

And that was a different story to be told.

Dear Jake,

By the time you’re reading this, you’re probably on the bus to Busan. Though Seoul and Busan are still part of South Korea it still seems so far away. 

Do you miss me yet? Because I for sure, miss you.

I remember when we first met at the bus stop, I didn’t even know what came over me but I began talking to you. To be honest, I overheard your coach scolding you. I thought you were just like me— getting second place all the time, getting told off by the coach. So I began asking you, whether dreams were all so hard to reach.

And you questioned the same thing as I did, even though you never gave me a solid answer. But yet again, I couldn’t give you one either.

I thought it would be the last time I’ll ever see you.

But no, we saw each other again at school. And you stood up for me against the coach. It was then I realised you were a lot different than I was. I was so close to giving up, but you were always so positive. You were always so confident that you and I could make it to Nationals— even our coaches couldn’t see that kind of future. But you assured me that we will, you wanted to prove them wrong and you wanted to show them what you were made of. That alone had me motivated everyday, you inspire me to be better and not to give up on chasing my dreams.

And I hope you continued to do the same.

It took me a lot of courage to ask you to practice with me by the way. And bless, that you did. The practice sessions not only improved my swimming overall but I also got to know you even more. It was also then when we realised our feelings for each other. I never knew you felt the same way, and honestly it was slightly overwhelming too. To me, you were someone who was so out of reach, I did not deserve your feelings.

When I won my first competition, I knew I had to see you. You were my motivation, the reason for my win and you helped me so much to improve and find myself. I will forever be thankful for everything that you did for me. Don’t say it was all me, because without you I probably will not be entering Seoul tryouts right now. 

Our chapter is coming to a close, but I hope you won’t be too upset. I just want to remind you not to give up, and that you will always get to where you are. It’s just the matter of time that you’ll touch the stars you desire to reach. I hope that Busan treats you well and perhaps in the future, we’ll swim at the same pool. 

Actually, I know we’ll definitely see each other again. 

Thank you for being a part of this journey with me. I know it sounds dramatic, but my youth was built around you. My final year of highschool ended perfectly with you, and maybe in the future we’ll share the same goal, just as we once did. I hope you take care of yourself, and I wish that you continue to be free. 

And Jake, thank you for being my first love.