On the record

🤣🤣🤣

fake dating | bad PR | enemies to lovers (unfortunately)

«It’s all fun and games… until you catch feelings.»

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🪶 rage-writing gone viral

🎤 snarky interviews

❤️ staged hand-holding

🔥 slow burn feelings

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They were not supposed to start wanting each other.

PR stunt.

One very fake relationship.

Zero self-control.

And unfortunately…

they’re both very good at pretending.

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📖 Read on AO3:

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Draco Malfoy wakes up determined to behave like a reasonable adult in front of the nation.

This lasts, generously, twelve minutes.

Harry Potter arrives on time, in knitwear (which feels like a personal attack), and proceeds to be calm, composed, and deeply unhelpful to Draco’s sense of superiority.

There are cameras. There are rules. There is, allegedly, a plan.

Draco ignores most of it.

What follows is a series of increasingly questionable decisions, including but not limited to: speaking when silence would suffice,

probing when retreat would be wiser,

and accidentally turning a light fandom livestream into something resembling an interview no one asked for but everyone will now have opinions about.

Somewhere along the way, Draco stops reacting to Potter as a public phenomenon

and starts noticing him as a person.

This is, unfortunately, where things begin to go wrong.

Preview:

Harry Potter appeared in the kitchen.

Black coat. Black jeans.

Soft black knit sweater.

Not leather.

Knitwear.

Draco felt something inside him fail structurally. Possibly pride. Possibly identity.

Knitwear was his domain.

This was sabotage. Wool-based sabotage

If you enjoyed watching Draco Malfoy suffer aesthetically in Chapter 1, good news: Chapter 2 features

✔ emotional whiplash

✔ unwanted fame

✔ Harry Potter at his doorstep (literally)

✔ and Draco having the worst morning of his life on camera

I promise it’s funny (Draco disagrees) and things only get more unhinged from here.

Go read it so I’m not screaming into the void alone 💚

so uh. i accidentally wrote a fic where draco malfoy writes a drunk essay roasting harry potter, wins a national contest he didn’t mean to enter, and then harry shows up at his door on live TV like “congrats :)”

and draco (in pyjamas + emotional crisis mode) is like “this is my villain origin story.”

✨ vibes:

fleabag meets four weddings & a funeral

✨ why you should read:

because it’s about two men with too much history, too much chemistry, and no idea how to talk about either.

also: good kisses are inevitable, bad press is guaranteed.

Author’s note:

Writing: ❌

Procrastinating: ✅

Making unnecessary character visuals: extremely ✅

Anyway, here we are.

• Harry Potter kicks down doors for a living

• Draco Malfoy weaponizes paperwork

• They argue like it’s foreplay

• And the tension could power the Ministry

It’s casefic. It’s slow burn.

It’s “just do your job” while absolutely not doing your job.

Read if you enjoy:

✨ competent idiots in love

✨ sharp banter

✨ unresolved sexual tension as a lifestyle