please dont look at me its embarrassing

If I were god..

Which obviously isn't true. I would make a terrible god, I get jealous.. I'm controlling and condescending, I'm vengeful and not that bright. But, If i were god, i could change that..

I could be everything you want and more, i could be taller, prettier, smarter, more vulnerable.. I could be more valuable. I could change everything you hated about me.. I could be perfect, i would be perfect, everything i would be your everything. You would love your god, so you would love me.. You would have to.

That's how it works right? If im god then i am love so by extention i am your love.. That right there is an example of such selfishness. I could never be god, but maybe you could be god. Even if it didnt mean all knowing power and perfection, i wouldnt want you perfect then you wouldnt be you.

But if you were god.. You could change me to be exactly as you wish i could be your perfect somebody, I could worship you, build altars in your name.. Spread the love I hold for you. Every letter and memory bound into a book, that would be your scripture..

Written to thousands, I would never be seen as demented or frayed because everyone would understand how my love is true and built to last.. But this isnt about that.. You already know i would pray to you everyday until my fingers bind together and my knees bled and wept, how my tongue would bind from my prayers.

But if i were god.. I would make you love me. There would be no reason to deny me and my love, i would be perfect..

Your god, your one and only.

Im going to say this. Before i forget all train of thought and lose myself in my own sick mind, I love the essence of humans.. the thought of them, the skin, the eyes, the softness... everything. I especially love the hands the soft or firm ones that are perfect for grabbing or cupping, rubbing and comfort hell even choking, hands are just so perfect they are so pretty and i want to spend most of my day just drawing on them or pressing her palms against my face and my skin.. to feel the heat transfer from her hands to my skin, im not even cold but i want to be warmer then once before. I crave that warmth, hands are just so perfect and there is nothing like them. i could spend hours just staring and touching pressing my hands against her, even with how sensitive they are.. i can feel every ridge in my own hands and if i put them in my mouth i can feel your own reactions, they even taste good. Is there anything better? now of course i dont have a her to press against my own body but soon i will.. so very soon, but back to what i was saying hands i fucking love hands, they are just the best thing we could have possibly developed. they are even perfect to wrap around my own throat, the thumbs can press so i cant breath..