Just Saying

Leadership has become something that many people strive for. If you type in “leadership” into Google, LinkedIn or your favorite podcast app, you’ll find thousands of articles and discussions about the topic.

We have to be careful who we follow as leaders. Too often we find someone who we align with. We like their thoughts and their philosophy. We start to listen to them more and it can feel like they are saying what we are thinking. WHOA….right?

The problem is that leaders are still people. They are going to make mistakes. They all have some dark corners that they want to keep out of the light - some thoughts, past mistakes. We are all flawed, no one is perfect.

We should listen to leaders. We should consider what they are saying, but live with discernment and never go “all-in” with one. If they are anyone but Jesus, they have made mistakes.

I tend to listen to many leaders, seeing them more as subject-matter experts. I listen and then think about it. I take it in and let it cook. Often one piece of their ideas will stick and will blend with other ideas I have kept. I couldn’t name a leader I follow because people often are untrustable and I’m not interested in their name, just their ideas.

FOMO - Fear Of Missing Out

The term is relatively recent, but the philosophy goes back to the dawn of man. We are always worried about missing out on something. I used to feel this way when I had to work on a Husker game day. I hated missing being a part of that experience.

The problem with FOMO is that it can lead us to do stupid things, be the person we don’t want to be and focus our energy on something usually less meaningful. It can cause us to bend our morals to be like everyone else. It can cause us to act and do things we know in our hearts are not who we truly are.

Doing what is right is not as easy as it sounds. It seems like common sense, but to be honest, common sense doesn’t exactly rule the world these days.

Doing the right thing, doing something with righteousness in mind, isn’t always doing something that is in step with the latest trend, movement or policy. Depending on your values, your beliefs, your faith, you could be on the outside of the group-think that is raging.

When we are few against many, we can easily be singled out and turned on. It’s not as easy to stand up for what you believe when it is going against trends. These days you can also add in close-minded people and a selfish mindset that their way is the only “right” way.

I don’t agree with some of the loud statements being said. My faith is stronger than it’s ever been and my values are set. I live by them and act by them. I’m ok with not fitting in. I’m ok with not falling into submission of the trends or modern way of thinking. I’m ok to be persecuted for my faith and belief in the Bible. You don’t have to like me. It’s fine.

But here’s the deal…also because of my faith, I will care about those who persecute me. I will care about those who I disagree with. I will care about anyone, even those who hate me.

I believe that the life we live now, however we choose to live it, will be reviewed some day…after it's all said and done. While life can be such an amazing time with so many wonderful experiences, we are also tested with hard times, ridicule, temptations and fear.

The character we choose to build (or not build) will determine many things for us, that’s what I believe. I don’t believe we pass into nothing. I don’t believe everyone's soul just leaves the body and starts floating around freely.

I believe that our soul will be released, but the film of our life will be reviewed just like an athlete reviews game film…I don’t think there will be another game.

Life is pretty short when you think of it and we all don’t start off in the same situation. We all don’t experience the same tragedy or hardship. Each of our lives is unique and how we handle it is up to us. Where we end up is up to us.

We can choose to live a life feeling sorry for ourselves, taking out our disappointment on others and crying why me. We can be spiteful or live for ourselves, putting ourselves first over everyone else. Focusing on always feeling good and ignoring the pain around us.

Or we can rise above it. We can be better, try harder, live to serve others and be there for others. We can choose to follow a higher standard of values and resist the temptations, the pitfalls of this world, so that in the end, when judgment day arrives, it won’t be such a hot situation.

Somewhere in between the macho and feminine.

I’m mainly talking to the fellas out there today. I’m no expert on you ladies. I’ve been around for 45 years and still can’t seem to understand, so I’ll stick to what I know.

As you read this, understand that my point of view is based on what I feel is the more visible perception of what we see in TV, movies and culture. I do believe there are many in the shadows who live silently, so keep that in mind.

Lately there seems to be a spotlight on two types of men. These types are highly divided and contrast each other. One is the macho man. This is the alpha-male who has something to prove. Many like to term it toxic masculinity. Strong egos, power-hungry and controlling. They want, they take. They often dictate without listening.

Then there is the feminine male. They are soft, meek. They tend to be good listeners, but hold no command. They follow and often worry about what others think. They need to be led. They are caring but discernment is not a characteristic they own. Many will voice an opinion, but fold when confronted.

I don’t think either of these are good for society. They both cause problems in different ways, yet the world seems like it’s forcing men to be one or the other.

I think true manliness lies in the middle.

I think back to some of the patriarchs of my family. Strong men who lived by codes, by honor and integrity. Giving the family leadership and guidance while also being loving and caring.

I think the place that most of us men should strive for is in the middle. Be strong enough to protect those we love. Be loving enough to understand how others feel and be compassionate to try to help. Be humble enough to continue to learn and better ourselves.

Understand what values are important in our life and stand true to them, even when they go against society. Listen to others, but take command when needed. Use discernment with empathy to help those who are oppressed and meek.

Being a man to me, means that at times we won’t be liked. Being a good man usually means the macho, alpha man and the feminine man are threatened and won’t like you, but yet you’ll find respect from many.

In my opinion Jesus was this man that we should model ourselves. He was strong, yet humble. He spoke against evil and brave when facing challenges of all sorts. I know being an Christian, God-fearing man isn’t the coolest thing, but when you walk in that faith, you find integrity, strength, boldness, discernment, empathy, humility, growth…I could keep going on.

The Choice Is Yours

Life is not always easy. Most of the time it’s challenging and we struggle on so many levels in the hopes to feel what we perceive as normal. It’s hard to find joy in everything.

I think the hardest part is it always seems like everyone else is happy. That everyone seems to be living their best life and we are on the struggle bus. Part of that is perception because I think we tend to notice only those who “seem” to be doing better than us and not really seeing those who struggle…but that’s not today’s thought.

Everyone else seems happy and we are struggling. That perception is an illusion. Everyone is facing challenges. We are not alone when it comes to that. The person with a $1million in the bank I guarantee has their own problems…just different.

The real key is to choose happiness. I could be upset that my 3 year old doesn’t listen to me all the time (ok that one frustrates me), but I didn’t think I would have a child as I got older, so I focus on the blessing of a child. I could be upset. I'm an “old” dad having kids later, but I have it when I thought that dream was over.

Happiness isn’t always easy to muster up, but if we really look at it in a lens of simplicity, if you woke up today, you’re kind of lucky. There are a lot of people who probably have it much worse than you.

I know I need to refocus and reframe my perception all the time. I’ve had hardships, still have many. I have lost people I felt was too soon and I’ve experienced heartbreaking events, but we still should refocus on joy. We mourn with all our might, but find happiness again.

It's much easier to write it than it is to do it. I know this. For me it comes down to my faith. My trust in God and trying hard to live a God-fearing life. I have decided to put my trust in God and give away my pain, stress and anxiety. It sounds crazy, but it's changed so much for me.

Give Up The Spotlight

The “all about me” movement has been going strong for quite some time. I feel like that message started in the late 90s, when we started to really make more noise about taking pride in who we are.

It’s about the same time that everyone started getting a trophy. The same time that parents would demand their kid’s grade be changed to passing despite failing the requirements. The same time red ink became too scary for the children.

These things along with many other examples have brought us to where we are today. A society where “I deserve the spotlight” and getting mine before you get yours… and I’m not just talking about Gin and Juice.

The current marketing plan for society could be titled “about me”. I have to be in the spotlight. I have to get the accolades. I have to be the first to be thanked. Even those who are supposed to be helping others develop, have this need to be in the spotlight.

A good coach doesn’t need excessive praise to feel like they are successful . A good teacher doesn’t need an award to feel self worth. A good manager doesn’t need to be employee of month. They should get satisfaction out of helping others.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate the spotlight. I don’t mind getting up in front of people, but I’ve noticed that as I get older, seeing people that I have helped or put in charge of something get accolades is much more rewarding.

I’m one of the founders of a great event. We’ve done it for 15 years and it for the most part is a well-oiled machine. We get lots of compliments on it and it feels good, but I know it’s not me. It’s the team. I’m part of that team and I do enter the spotlight more, but it feels good knowing that WE can do such a fabulous job. I love hearing them get compliments.

I don’t care if my name is written in a history book. I expect I will be forgotten after my daughter's generation, but I hope that along the way I can help others be more and grow. I hope that I can find a way to teach others to do things and be better than I ever did.

What’s at your core? What do you believe in? What do you value?

I saw this verse highlighted in my morning self-improvement time (aka the Bible), and it made me think about all the stories of places where people are just walking into stores, taking what they want and walking out. They aren’t even trying to hide the stealing. They are just doing it.

I despise stealing. There is no integrity in stealing. There is no honor in it. Even if someone owes you and you decide you’re going to just take something of theirs, it’s not right.

The US society has lost so many values these last years. I mean the decline of values has been happening for a long time, but it took a sharp drop more recently. We are so distracted by the wrong things, the wrong news headlines, the wrong messages on media and social media that we’ve lost track of what “right” is.

I feel like the bar has been lowered and expectation of what is acceptable behavior is diminishing. Which is so sad for our kids. I know I’ll have to work much harder than my parents did to make sure my daughter has values.

My values, my morals, they are centered around my faith, which teaches me to TRY to live by integrity, empathy and community. I am going to do my best not to live by the low standards of society, but at what is in my heart and my faith. I’m not going to be perfect every time…never have been, not even close, but I’ll try to do my part.

I hope that if you read this, that you’re a person who sees how important good, wholesome values are. I hope that you have some faith in your heart to live above the world’s benchmark and try to be an example for the next generation.

Doubt…it’s something that has held me back all my life.

I tend to be overly risk-aversed (not sure if that’s a real word…going against my doubt and using it.) I over-analyze and often take the safest route.

This kind of thinking will keep me safe and make me feel all warm and cozy for a moment, but often doesn’t move the needle very fast.

The times where I didn’t let doubt rule me, some amazing things have happened. We started an amazing event that helps people and brings in thousands of people together for a great cause every year. I had doubts about starting it, but I didn’t let them stop me.

But there were times I didn’t act on something because of doubt and it makes me wonder what if I would have just done this…said this…tried this. I didn’t like sushi till my mid-20s…I doubted it would be good…so foolish.

Doubt is a natural part of life. Sometimes it helps us survive, but often it holds us back. We need to learn to be more discerning rather than doubtful…allowing ourselves to take some calculated risks.

These days I’m actually more hopeful and trusting, than doubting. The more time I spend studying my Bible and thinking about what it teaches me, the more I’m feeling confident. I can look back and see things that God has done in my life to direct it. I’m gaining wisdom and confidence, but most of all trust. I have a purpose, not for my job or my personal desires…something else. Honestly I don’t know what it is, but I’m following the ques I’m getting and pushing back my doubts.

Discerning

I used to think that if you heard it on the news or read it in the paper, you could be pretty confident that it was true. There was a time where facts always out-weighed opinion and politics.

I’d like to think in my youthful years that was the case, but looking back and having a better ability to discern, I know that’s not the case.

Our world is full of opinions and individual angles. It’s full of agendas and schemes to alter our perception. It’s hard to know who to trust. We can’t trust the media to tell us the facts. We can’t trust the government and politicians to lay out the pros and cons. From what I’ve seen recently we can't even put full trust in many leaders of faith.

The world is more confusing than ever, so we have to be able to discern what is right. That’s not an easy task because the bar is always moving. In certain places you can steal without risk of punishment. Does that mean it's right? Does that mean we all should be able to just take what we want?

The best thing someone can do is continue to gain knowledge. To seek out the facts and look at different angles, listen to different stories and try to discern for yourself what is right.

I try to look at things with different lenses. I start with my faith. What Jesus taught us is where I start because it's about compassion and love, but also God-fearing. Then I take into account US laws, civility and community, and most of all history (the good and the bad).

Never Bend

Caving under pressure - it happens all the time. We feel the pressure of something and then we go against what we truly think is best or our morals.

This often happens because it goes against society, social media would not approve, or what we feel is a necessity.

Sometimes we feel there might be some justice in bending our beliefs and faith because a loved one is living outside whatever the law or command states. We bend our own morals, our own judgment, our own faith because we love that person.

If I speed to get to my niece’s softball game, is it ok since I love her and want to support her? I’m breaking the law but I don’t want to disappoint her. That means I should be forgiven when the trooper pulls me over? We all know what the truth is there.

Faith is something that is being bent under pressure all the time. We want to accept things that the world has now accepted. I’m a God-fearing Christian and there are things that I will never get in line with. It’s not because I hate certain people or want harm for anyone. It’s because I believe in what God taught us in the Bible. I try (I fail often) to live my life by my faith in God’s word.

It doesn't mean I can hate anyone for what they do. It’s the “hate the game not the player” attitude. I don’t want to see people in pain. I don’t want to see people hurt or feel left out, but I won’t bend my faith. I know we will face our wrong doings in the end and I want to say I tried.

There Is No Easy Button

We all have goals. We may not write them down or they may look like expectations or hopes, but we all have something that we want to happen in our lives.

Having hopes, dreams, wants and desires are great, but if you don’t want to work to accomplish them, all they will be is a dream in your head.

It takes work, toiling, suffering, sacrificing to truly be accomplished in anything. It takes discipline and focus to make changes happen and stick. Rarely is it easy. Rarely is ideal.

Most people stay on the wide path which is the easier path. We have these wants, but no desire to work as hard as it takes. We just follow along and accept that we are like the rest of the herd.

Those who take narrow gate are pushed harder, face more challenges, more exhaustion, more stress, more suffering, more sacrifice, but in the end, will see the real gains. Gains in life, gains in fitness, gains in knowledge, gains in relationship and most importantly gains in faith.

Too Much Stuff

I’ve always wanted more. More of almost everything. Never being content is one of my biggest faults. Sometimes its good, because when I’m in charge of something I’m really striving to make it better. I want more out of whatever and whoever it is.

But when it comes to stuff, it's not as healthy. I have a nice house, good car, running truck (the old Dodge isn’t so pretty anymore). We have enough to eat and clothes that fit and keep us comfortable.

Yet I want a building, more land, a different car, newer clothes…upgrade everything! And that’s the world pushing on me. Our current culture and society has created this desire to have more and we’re not happy till we get it…but once we get it, we just want more.

I’m trying hard to enjoy what I have and fight that desire to have more. First my budget doesn’t match my desires, but two, it never really fulfills me.

God blesses us with many things. Each morning I thank God for what I’ve got. I ask Him to calm my desire for new and to see how happy I can be with what I have.

If you look at what’s going on in the world, you’re going to see a place where it's hard to stay true to any faith. No matter if you’re religious or spiritual, the world is not going to be on your side unless you are going to bend your faith. And if you are willing to bend your faith, then you are more worldly than God-fearing.

If you are trying your hardest to stay true to your faith in this strange time of the world, keep going. I don’t agree with many of the things happening. At times I want to take my family to live somewhere which embraces faith and common sense, but I’m here now.

If you’re still reading after the first line, then you are not scared of being faithful to God. I encourage you to lean into your faith and not let the world infect you. I believe in the Bible and read it daily to help me center and guide me to being a better person. It used to guide more of us.

I do struggle with where society is going these days.

It brings up a lot of emotions - anger, fear, confusion, disappointment, embarrassment.

My faith in God is strong, but even if you’re not a God-fearing person, who has some common sense, my guess is you’re feeling many of the same things as I am.

I can connect with this verse. There is affliction all around us with so many foolish ideas and attitudes, but I’m being patient that life will calm down. That brings me hope, which is what allows any of us to keep going. Once hope is gone, that’s when we really start to fall.

And finally, most importantly, faithful in prayer. My prayers might not always come true, but I hit my knees every day. I do believe that there is a plan and reason for why things happen. I will continue to pray for this out-of-whack world and all of us in it.

Hardship Offers Lessons

Too many times I have been a “why me” person. When something went wrong I went straight to “why me”. The “why me” attitude doesn’t help you grow. It only made me weaker. I don’t believe in entitlement what-so-ever. It’s one of the most damaging and disrespectful traits.

The strongest of us are those who take affliction and learn from it. We deal with it and try to find a lesson from it. It doesn’t mean we will overcome the situation. It doesn’t mean that what happens after is an easy trip, but we will find strength.

I whole-heartedly believe God uses affliction in my life to make me stronger. Things are not and have never been easy for me, and I believe that is by design.

I think if people focused more on learning something from the hard times, rather than blaming or crying, we might have a better society. We might find more peace, more love, more acceptance, more collaboration.

Let’s Be Honest - About Yourself

When I was younger I wasn’t exactly honest with myself. When I looked in the mirror what I saw was manipulated by pride, arrogance and to be honest, fear.

I only saw the good and the less-than-perfect areas were either hidden, ignored or enhanced…like a SnapChat filter. I only saw what I wanted to see, which was stuff that made me feel good.

Sure I felt good, but it didn’t make me stronger. It didn’t drive me to be better. It made me feel like I was doing great and no need to improve.

The only way to be the best person you can be, to reach your potential, to find your purpose is to be honest about what you see in the mirror.

You have to see the ugly spots, the weird spots, the what-the-heck is that spots.

You have to quit making excuses for shortcomings…either accept them or work on them. We have to honestly look at ourselves in the mirror…seeing the amazing we all have and the rough that we all have.