meadow

Part 1 In which Robin can't understand the gravitational pull towards Tammy and has her first small talk with her during the play audition

The novel starts with Tammy walking into the class and Robin immediately finding something in her, even though by that time they had known each other for 10 years. For some reason, Tammy is also described as looking like Vickie in the show with short, tousled, and red hair. But she has brown eyes, whereas Vickie has a lighter color. Chapter 1, September 6, 1983

Robin notices Tammy blush while singing and believes it is because Tam is looking at Steve. There are some mentions of time machines in the context of Robin wanting to go back in time to when she didn't notice Tammy; and a glitch in the space-time continuum is mentioned 2 times: one when Robin's favourite [and later revealed to be gay] teacher tries to give her advice and the other one at the last chapter, when Robin see Tammy dance with a guy.

"Kiss on my lips" is also an "anti-love song," which is very interesting in the context that Robin assumes Tammy has a crush on Steve.

Chapter 5, September 10, 1983

The way Robin talks about Tammy makes her friends think she is into Steve. Which is quite telling, bc Robin assumes Tammy is into Steve based on the same cues.

Robin made up a crush so people would finally stop asking her about it in 8th grade. It’s also exactly the age Mike would be around snow ball and the time he blurted out that he loved El to a room full of people 👀

This suspicious line

Chapter 8, September 12, 1983 Mr Hauser, Robin's favourite teacher asks Robin to stay after the class and join the school play "Our Town". He also learns about Robin's plan to run away to Europe and asks her to bring someone with her there. He gives her a pass for "Fixing a glitch in the space-time continuum." Chapter 10, September 16, 1983 The way Robin thinks about Tammy is so... sweet. At this point in the book, she fully believes that her attraction to Tam is friendly. But she is also very jealous that Tam's attention goes to Steve. There was a line, "because Tam is staring at Steve, all of a sudden I'm staring at Steve." Could it be because Robin herself stares at Steve all the time, and Tam has the exact same thoughts? Who knows.

Chapter 11, September 22, 1983 In which Robin goes to write her name into the play that Mr Hauser asked her to join. She sees Tammy's name in the list of participants and starts thinking about how nice and romantic Tam is as a person.

Chapter 12, September 23, 1983

We learn that Tammy was given the role of Emily because the teacher felt like Robin should use Emily's monologue as an outlet. Tam initiated the discussion, even when Robin thought she was focused on reading her part, and Tam was shy about Robin trying for that role. Is it because she was worried that Robin would take her part, or is it because she felt like maybe she and Robin had more things in common? Tam likely chose that part herself. Maybe she smiles as if Robin is a regular girl because she believes that Emily's part is not important to Robin? Let's not forget Robin's own words: I ask out the wrong girl and bam! I'm a town pariah.

We also don't know if Tammy would ever sleep on the floor or a hospital chair for Robin, but we know that she volunteered to step in so Robin has time to prepare for that role. Tammy also added singing to Emily's part, something that sounded like a church. Emily's role was important for Tammy; she wanted to express it, and she thought about how to portray it. Singing was likely her way to escape and to express feelings.

Once Robin starts to do that part, she thinks about running away with Tammy and blacks out.

Part 2 In which Robin realizes what her feelings are and that she has a crush on Tammy. And a part where Tammy is definitely interested in chatting with Robin.

Chapter 18, November 10, 1983 In which Robin and Tammy bond in the bathroom. It is important that Tammy saw Robin's monologue and the way Robin (who was eyeing Steve in Tam's class!) talked about Steve; She opened up, she flirted, she invited Robin to the play. We also know that Tammy thinks fondly of Robin's favorite teacher, who is basically Robin's gay mentor (but Robin doesn't understand it yet). Don’t try to convince me that there is no hidden symbolism in Tammy staying with Robin and taking makeup off when Robin, who is clearly still trying to blend in, has her makeup on.

Chapter 19, November 12, 1983 In which Robin finds herself in Hawkins Rink-o-Mania and thinks about Tammy as she skates with her best friend, whom her friends tried to set up a date with for her.

Chapter 20, November 18, 1983 After Tammy, per Robin's words, "asked me to come - specifically made sure I was coming - I couldn't imagine skipping it." We learn that the band members get some extra points for attending the play. Robin’s friends didn’t let Robin talk to Tammy. Now it looks like Robin was there for points. Also… Robin wanted to gift her flowers but came empty-handed. She didn't speak to Tam at all. With how attentive Tam is to Robin, she likely noticed that Robin was in the audience. 😭

Chapter 21, November 18, 1983 Robin's best friend Milton likely clocked that Robin liked Tammy. Unfortunately, we have an interruption trope.

Chapter 23, November 21, 1983 Mr Hauser does his best to subtly guide Robin to what she is feeling. Is he a mentor for other students? Who knows.

“I’m getting a job,” I blurt out. “Good for you,” he says. “Still dreaming about Europe?” “More than dreaming.” I clutch my composition notebook. He nods briskly. “We might never have an easy road to what we want, Robin. But that doesn’t mean we stop wanting.”

“Heading for the door, one more question stops me cold. “Mr. Hauser, why are you doing this? Letting me come to your class whenever I want and invade your free time?” “I wish a teacher had done it for me.” He doesn’t look up from the stack of papers, just grades the one on the top with a swift hand and keeps going.”

Chapter 27, November 25, 1983

Robin's band debuts a song that Robin chose. At this point, Robin is 15, and she can’t really understand her feelings for Tammy; she just wants to do these nice things. The band even creates a heart shape and a crescent moon.

It is Tam's favourite song, and wow, how happy Tammy is. Once again, she tries to have a sweet conversation with Robin.

She knew where Robin was likely bc she was eyeing her previously. Also… Did Robin have a “Tam voice” lmao? And she stared at her mouth?

"And then it’s over, and Jennifer is dragging Tam away to the bleachers and talking about how unfortunate my hair looks because it’s been under the shako all day. Tam doesn’t laugh. She doesn’t pile on. She just looks back at me and shrugs. Like she’s not sure what to do with all of this normal, either." Chapter 28, December 22, 1983 It's been a month since the play. Robin starts to reflect on things and thinks that maybe singing is Tammy's escape, maybe they are more similar than Robin used to think. I am not sure how much of the information Robin shared with the teacher, but he likely knows.

"Nearly a month later, I’m in Miss Click’s classroom waiting for a test on the Industrial Revolution to hit my desk, but my mind is wandering along the French Riviera. And I’m imagining Tam at my side. Mr. Hauser has asked me, more than once, if I have a travel companion in mind for Operation Croissant. I go to his classroom nearly every day now, either during lunch or free period. I mostly read while he grades tests, but sometimes we talk. Eventually, our conversations end up where my mind always goes these days. In Europe. Or with Tam. Or both."

"And ever since Tam opened her purple lips and sang right in front of me like we were the only two people who mattered, I’ve been wondering if maybe she’s like me. A weirdo who’s been lying low—with the occasional episode of bursting into song—just waiting for the opportunity to escape." Robin finally starts to think that maybe she was projecting. "It’s laughable, really, to think that a girl as smart and ambitious and talented as she is would waste all of her glances on him. (Especially after she cried over him in the bathroom and vowed to be done with him forever.) But what if she only stares at him because she thinks she’s supposed to? What if it’s part of her cover, the way that being a perfect band nerd is part of mine?" But then she... decides for Tam, never asking Tam's opinion: "Tam would never go to Europe with me. (The truth is, I would never ask her. I’d be too afraid she’d say no.) (I’d also be slightly afraid she’d say yes.)" Also, Tammy walks away as soon as her friends discuss romance; is she also not interested in all that straight stuff? Previously, Robin lost her best friend Kate because she was pushing Robin to date, and Robin felt not seen and not understood.

"I have a crush on Tam. I think I’ve had a crush on her since she walked into Miss Click’s class the first day of school."

Chapter 29, December 22, 1983 Robin tries to solve the equation and understands that she previously had no context to understand her feelings. Interesting note: she used math, and we see Mike behind Max when she is targeted by Vecna during a math test. Mike is also a nerd who tries to explain everything. "I get through the rest of the day—the last one before winter break—in an utter fog, and when I come out, I’m on the other side of the big, gay woods. I like Tam. I like girls. Weirdly enough, the thing that still bothers me about this is that I couldn’t see it sooner. I couldn’t see it at all. I’m supposed to be smart, and yet I wasn’t doing the most basic possible math. Robin + Tam + Staring + Feelings = Enormous Crush. That wasn’t so hard, was it? But somehow, it was. Of course, there’s the whole “I had no context to understand my feelings for what they actually are” factor. But on further examination, there’s something else at play. They really might revoke my nerd card over this one. All year, I’ve been so certain that I understand everybody around me, but I haven’t been looking at my own feelings with any kind of real scrutiny. Doesn’t knowing things presuppose that you know things about yourself?"

Chapter 31, January 3, 1984 Robin learns that Mr Hauser is gay and comes out to him as well. She learns that there are more gay people in Hawkins. He also said, "Maybe 1984 would be a better year for gays of Hawkins". Maybe he wanted to hint to her that she would be happy, but how would he know it? Unless... "There are gay people everywhere, Robin". Unfortunately, Mr Hauser wasn't careful, and someone spotted him with his partner. Which is why he has to leave so he can keep the opportunity to work with kids and help them. We understand that he would not out any other kid he possibly mentors, but are there any other students he helps in school? We can only guess. From the book's podcast, we can guess that Barb was talking to him before she disappeared, likely about Nancy. During their conversation, it was revealed that Barb had talked to Mr. Hauser relatively recently before her disappearance. He claimed it was just to discuss an essay assignment on George Orwell’s 1984, but Robin pointed out that Barb, a sophomore, wouldn’t have been assigned that essay yet, as only Juniors read 1984.

"I’d have to give up the job that I love for some indefinable reason. I’d have to give up students like you.” “But you are giving me up,” I say. And he’s leaving at the exact moment when I need him most. He’s abandoning me to this place. “You’ll be all right.” He revises the thought swiftly. “You’ll be better than that. You’ll be Robin."

Part 3 In which Robin ruined everything by deciding for Tam, never asking her things and growing distant until Tam became her Tammy.

Chapter 32, May 7, 1984 Robin ruins everything. She becomes more distant from Tammy, even after their last conversation was so sweet and Tammy was so touched. "I still dream about asking Tam, but that’s all it is—a dream. Not even a daydream anymore, because I’m too scared to air it during the daylight hours. I think about it late at night, but I’ve gotten farther and farther away from talking to her at school. I’m terrified that I’ll slip and somehow give something away. About liking girls. About liking her."

Also in this chapter, Robin says "honest-to-God pearls," and their tether with Mike grows stronger.

Chapter 35, June 8, 1984 Robin decides to go all in. She is tired of her own camouflage (ironically, the outfit Mike wears the most in vol 2 and 3 of season 5, as he gets distant with Will). She gets her own style, cuts her perm off, cuts her purple dress to have some stars on it (oh, Will the Wise outfit tether), and although she can't stand up in the middle of the cafeteria and declare that she wants to kiss girls (starting with Tam), she can start being herself again.

Chapter 36, June 8, 1984

Robin decides to go to prom and even hypes herself up to dance with Tammy. It is important to note that only boy-girl couples can get to prom, and Robin is there as Milton's +1. Chapter 38, June 8, 1984

Robin wants Tammy to see her without the camouflage. She repeats Emily's words from "Our Town" like a mantra. A role Tammy also auditioned for. Chapter 39, June 8, 1984 Robin finds Tammy dancing with someone.

Maybe the glitch in the space-time continuum exists because Robin ruined what Mr Hauser was fixing. "Tammy. She was never Tam, except in my head. She’s absolutely glowing. Which is kind of strange because, well, she’s dancing with Craig Whitestone. But she really does look happy. He’s got his hands splayed awkwardly on her waist, his gaze on her lips like a laser. Her lipstick is dark pink, and it makes for such a contrast with her hair, which is freshly trimmed and redder than ever, redder than a broken heart." Both Tammy and Robin cut their hair before prom. We don't know what was going on with Tammy for all this time, since it was Robin who became more distant over the rest of the year. She decided what Tam would do, and eventually her Tam became... her Tammy. Tammy broke up with the boy shortly, and eventually, she moved out of Hawkins. She dreamed the same dreams of escaping as Robin was. Tammy also likely saw Robin dance with another girl at the prom. Did she know Robin was into her? We will never know.

As a summary : Robin notices Tammy blush while singing and believes it is because Tam is looking at Steve. At the same time, Tam has this gift of noticing Robin in the crowd and catching Robin's glances when Robin doesn’t notice that Tam is looking at her. Robin’s teacher/mentor asks Robin to play Emily in Our Town. For some coincidence, Tammy also auditions for that role and seems to love that teacher. Later, he tells Robin she should find a partner for the Eurotrip and pushes her to believe there are more queer people in Hawkins.

Did he also mentor Tammy that way? Who knows. Tammy may have had a thing for Steve, or maybe she used Steve as a beard crush, the same way Robin did in 8th grade with some random guy. She seemed to move on from him very fast, though, maybe he really was just her crush in class lol. Tammy definitely enjoyed Robin’s attention. She stayed with her longer in the bathroom, complimented her, they made little inside jokes, she seemed stunned, Robin noticed things about her, she blushed constantly, and she invited Robin to watch her play.

Robin didn't go to talk to Tammy after the play. Who knows if Tammy assumed Robin was only there for points? Tammy likely saw Robin in the room and noticed she never came over. Tammy was excited that Robin knew her fave song, she blushed and giggled and sang for her in public!

Tam didn’t care about the romantic note her friend got and never learned Robin’s true intentions. The last time they talked was November 1983, prom - June 1984. Tam was dancing with a guy at prom, like half a year later after Robin never made a move, and she quickly broke up with him anyway.

From the show, we know Tammy eventually moved away from Hawkins, which was Robin’s dream too and something she related to in Emily’s monologue. So in the end, we never actually know what kind of person Tammy was. Was she trying to fit in too? Was she into Robin? Robin spent so much time camouflaging herself that she never really paid attention to Tammy in a way that would tell what Tammy herself may have been going through.