dragonborns journal

whoevers sending these cultists to hunt my ass down count ur fucking days cause i accidentally killed a chicken trying to fight them off and now the riverwood guards are chasing me halfway to whiterun

"let me guess someone stole your sweetroll" bro if u dont BACK UP. im gonna fus ro dah you across the riften market.

some cat named j'zargo gave me some experimental scrolls. gonna test these bad boys out with lydia. just gotta find some draugr....

its crazy how many cheese wheels you can stuff into your pack before people notice in this province. i walk around smelling like straight eidar cheese and my pack is round and incredibly heavy. no one says anything.

delphine wanted to see me kill a dragon up close and personal. didnt know she wasnt gonna help! im getting my ass beat over here! i thought you were sworn to protect my ass!!

decided to visit the mages college in winterhold. and all i gotta say is. you would think theyd fix up the place by now. the great collapse was literally forever ago. enough thief and warrior guilds. skyrim needs like a safety guild or something. this is nuts!

guys delphine is soooooo boring. "its my duty to protect the dragonborn" ok loser i dont need you. i have never needed you. i will never need you. go back to ur inn girliepop.

theres a main quest!?!?

tried to rizz up the nord baddie at the bannered mare last night and she supplexed me into the floorboards so hard i had face splinters. plus she called me soft gut which arguably hurt worse.

been getting really into cheese lately.

im so embarrassed. last night at the cistern i was telling vex a story about brynjolf fumbling a job but that guy moves surprisingly quiet for a giant and she was pointing behind me but in my defense it was a really involved story okay. anyways i said "hes right behind me isnt he?" and no one even laughed. NO ONE. i hate the thieves guild.

my stupid traveling companion asked me "whats the move tonight" and i got so mad cause man we are in morthal. there is no move.

i hate when youre fighting a dragon and its like. hes up in the air. hes down on the ground. hes up in the air again. hes up the stairs. hes in the courtyard. hes on a building. like chill out man ive been neglecting stamina training...

guys im gonna be honest. black briar mead is like okay at best.

new thieves guild drinking game: take a shot whenever brynjolf walks past you and puts a cheeky little hand on your waist like you dont notice. take a shot whenever delvin flirts with vex. two shots if she punches him. take a shot for every missed arrow in the training yard. hard mode: take a shot every time mercer frey glares at you for no reason.

vex stole my journal and read it OUT LOUD to the entire cistern and then threw it into the water. took me weeks to fish it out...

everytime i go see jarl balgruuf im like OKAY DIVA I SEE U. he doesnt get it. no one does.