BELLE ÂME

𝐋𝐎𝐂𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍   ⟿   LONE PALM

he didn’t know what else to say, so he though that he would stick with honesty. ❝ I don’t know, I guess I would write ——- ❞  he takes a brief pause as he tried to put his words together ❝ dear diary, today I convinced myself it’s ok to give up. Stick with the status quo, now just isn’t the time. But my reasons aren’t reasons, they’re excuses and the truth is, I’m scared . I’m scared that if I let myself be happy for one minute, that the my world’s going to come crashing down and I don’t know if I’ll be able to survive that. ❞  he looks at the other &. shakes his head ❝ I don’t know if I can take another heart break. ❞ 

x

...

Cerulean hues shifted from the crowd that continued to pour out of the venue to the woman in the drivers seat as she went about starting his truck. Without even thinking he tapped the center consul, as he watched her. “If we get stuck, I have another gun in here, I’ll hold them off as best I can. But just in case, you keep driving and you don’t look back.” He mused, though his tone was tired as if fatigued from the events that had transpired. If anything, there was no way he could allow another innocent to die on his watch. And while leaving the scene of the fight wasn’t usually his style, in the moment he knew deep down that it was all he could do. Especially if it mean keeping the woman behind the steering wheel safe. 

“You have no idea.“ He corrected with a shake of his head as he raised a hand to scratch at his forehead. Though he didn’t interrupt as she began to speak, instead he listening and offered a gentle nod in response. “You know this isn’t how it’s supposed to be right, the rolls are supposed to be reversed.“ He explained, the smallest hints of amusement evident in his voice as he watched the driveway appear ahead, others around them following suit as they leapt into their vehicles and headed for the exit. Hearing sirens in the distance Ryan knew it was only a matter of time before the police and emergency services descended on the scene. And what a blood bath they would find. ”Thank you.” He remarked, cutting through the momentary silence as he stole a glance in her direction. “For this — for the offer. I’m sure you’re aware more than anyone that talking about shit has never been my strong suit.“

...

Skylar glanced down towards the center consul when his finger tapped against it, giving him a little nod that indicated she understood what he meant and if the time came she would reach into that consul, pull out the gun and shoot their way out of it together if she had to. Her hands gripped the steering wheel as her green hues flickered up towards the rearview mirror, noticing all of the bodies pouring out of the door of the venue they had just left a moment ago. She turned out of the parking lot and drove down the road towards his apartment, knowing it was going to take a little longer since the farm was on the edge of town. 

Usually the man was awfully calculative in nature, he thought things through before he said them, thought through his next moves before acting on them. And yet all that had gone out the window that evening. His stead strong walls crumbling down around him in a matter of minuets. Nodding in response as she affirmed she was unharmed, the male looked from the blonde to his truck they now stood beside as if searching for the will to fish out his keys and climb into the drivers seat. Ryan. How was it that even more than a decade later the sound of his name on her lips still had such an affect on him as green hues found hers. Looking at the blonde and still feeling something only made that pit of guilt in his stomach increase in size, especially after his conversation with Kate all but a few hours prior. 

The former Navy SEAL however, couldn’t bring himself to answer her question. At least not with so many people loitering about the premises. Thus instead he hung his head, shaking it slowly as his jaw tensed in place. “I’ve dragged you into enough bullshit in my time, you don’t need to take the weight of this too.” He mused, tone uncharacteristically soft before he offered a nod as she took his car keys from him and proceeded to move to the drivers door. Ryan had no energy to argue, the weight of loss and failure weighing him down as he puled open the passenger door and slipped inside. Careful to keep the safety on he settled his gun on his thigh, hand ready at the hilt in case they had any trouble getting out. “I don’t deserve this you know, your help.” He mused as the engine roared to life.  

...

Putting the key in the ignition as she sat in the driver’s seat, the blonde knew by now how to have patience with the man next to her. That entire summer was all about patience, letting herself lay there in the silence as he thought out how to let her know what was on his mind. Maybe the last few months she hadn’t held onto that patience she used to have but now that her mind was more clear instead of clouded by the substances she had been taking on a daily, it was easier to understand that a lot had changed the last decade and he had seen a lot more intense things than she could ever imagine and the way he was dazed only moments prior proved to her how easy it was for him to get lost in things like this.

Grief was a complicated and complex emotion. Presenting in various different stages for different people, Ryan was no stranger to such a feeling. And while last time he lost his comrade it left him bitter and angry at the world, this time he felt nothing but numb. Or so that was all he felt in that moment, having blacked out moments prior. It almost felt as if he had failed again, failed himself and his therapist for the leaps and bounds he had made in his progress through working on his PTSD only to relapse into those fits of rage that occasionally took him and left him with nothing but a blank memory. “Isaak Volkov isn’t safe here.“ The words escaped him before he could even consider the weight of his words, words that all but muttered under his breath as he shifting to haul himself to his feet. 

Taking her hand in his, Ryan did his best to navigate the fleeing crowd as he drew his glock that had been previously concealed in his jacket. Was it wrong, that despite the fact he had just witnessed his partners death his only thoughts and concerns in that moment were for the blonde that he towed along behind him. As it once was, as it would always be it seemed. Skylar Owens was a shadow he simply couldn’t seem to shake, or maybe it was more so that he didn’t want to shake her. Even with the pain that came every time he thought back to that night in her apartment. Gunshots continued around them, screams echoing about the room but that one blood curdling scream that he recognized from the bride was enough to make the weight in his chest feel as though it was crushing down on his ability to breathe. Kate really was gone. Fresh air was a welcomed relief as they stepped out into the cool spring air only Ryan didn’t stop there, this time he pulled the blonde forward, releasing her hand to settle upon the small of her back as he lead the way through the running guests toward his vehicle that was parked alongside the remaining guests vehicles. All he could do was but assume Elizabeth too had made it out alive. “Are you okay, are you hurt anywhere?” He breathed, though still in something of a daze as he turned to the blonde, fumbling for his keys in his pocket as he spoke. 

...

Isaak Volkov isn’t safe here.

Those were five words she didn’t know how to handle coming from the soldier, the man who had been so damn vague about all of the personal things in his life. As the two of them slipped their way around the chaos, the sound of the screams echoing inside of her head and if she was honest she knew she put a target on her head tonight leading Carmen straight into Irina’s arms, knowing her desperate need to prove to herself that just because Ryan Marshall was in Oceanside didn’t mean she wasn’t capable of taking care of herself and now she knew she was going to have constantly be looking over her shoulder from this moment forward. As the two of them slipped out of the exit and his hand settled on the small of her back, her head turned to look over at him as if she was trying to read the expression on his features. The male turned to look at her, somewhat dazed as he spit questions at her. 

“I’m fine,” her voice was soft as she glanced down to look at his hands fumbling for his keys in his pockets. She took a step closer to him, reaching out and taking his wrist to pull his hand out of his pocket. “Ryan,” all she could do was keep her voice soft as she reached into his pocket and took out his car keys as she lifted her eyes up towards his face. “What happened?” She asked. Maybe it was her overstepping but the look on his face was a rare one, a glimpse of the look in his eyes screamed. “I’ll drive. We’ll go to your place, okay?” She said as she moved to open the driver’s side door, gesturing her head for him to go over to the passenger side, letting him know by her body language that she wasn’t going anywhere.

Peter couldn’t avoid the low grunt that puffed past his lips at the hug. He hadn’t been expecting it even though, realistically, he probably should’ve been. Not only that, but one of her arms pressed up against where his newest stitches were, drawing that painful knee jerk reaction out of him even though he made sure to drain his face from any unpleasant emotions by the time she pulled back and their eyes met. He hoped she hadn’t noticed the limp he has been strutting as she graced her hands down his arms until they settled on a spot just above the bent of his elbows. “Are you sure?” He knew she was going through a lot because even though she knew what was happening and helped with it, some things were hard for any human to see. And Peter was worried, especially after he finally got a hold of his phone and saw her texts and voicemails. He gave her a nod when she mentioned him getting hurt. Not only had he gone into the wedding reception with fresh stitches, but the fight Gerard put up left him without a pint or so of blood and more stitches. Like many Vipers, Peter’s body was covered with scars. Some bigger than others, and some which were faded to a soft white while others were more fresh and raw. “I’ll be okay.” He reassured her. “I’m actually here to get your report on what happened.” They both knew that official Viper business was only a cover up for him to check on a not just a friend, but someone he’d grown to care about.  

...

“Yeah, I’m sure.” Maybe a part of her wondered if he would be able to let her in the way she had let him in the last few months. Somehow the two of them had gotten closer and it was a foundation she had found herself leaning against more recently. Her eyes dropped down towards a spot on his shirt, noticing the hint of a crimson color starting to stain it when he had asked her about her report on what happened. Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion for a spilt second as her green hues lifted up towards the shady blonde male in front of her. “Peter, you’re bleeding.” It was in a spot where she remembered hugging him, her head shaking as she took his hand to lead him over towards the couch. “You should have told me that you were hurt.” She walked over towards the kitchen, reaching into her cabinet to grab her first aid kit. She should have known better than to try and hug him when he was healing up from an injury but the relief from seeing him, the emotions from the last few days. She inhaled as she walked over towards him, putting the first aid kit down and the wet cloth. “Let me clean it up. It’s the least I can do since I’m pretty sure I’m the reason it leaking.” She sat down on the coffee table. “Do you... need help with your shirt?”

Lost. Ryan Marshall was lost, trapped under the weight of his own nightmarish memories. Just when it felt like there was a reprieve, like things were getting better he was suddenly banished back to the land of blackouts and night terrors. He had lost his Crawford and now Kate. He had failed his best friend, partner and now even the operation at hand. The fallout was going to be catastrophic and yet he couldn’t even begin to care let alone contemplate what that meant for his job, for the other four members of their task force. They too would be cast into grief as they mourned Kate and everything she brought to their team, to their lives. To Ryan’s life. 

Guilt, it was the only thing he could feel as he sunk to his knees. He could have done something, or made some attempt to protect his partner. Or so he believed, but deep down Ryan knew better. Because to have acted out against Isaak would have been to destroy everything the duo had spent the last four years working toward. And beyond their own safety, the mission was of the utmost importance. Ryan. He could have sworn someone was calling his name.  Look at me, Ryan. And there it was again, that voice. Her voice. “Owens?” He quipped, shaking his head as if finally snapping out of his daze. “You’re not safe here.” He quipped, slowly coming too as green hues drunk in their surroundings. Why was it that he couldn’t remember anything after watching Kate hit the ground. Nevertheless, the sounds of fighting between the gangs continued as others ran for safety. Suddenly alert and aware of the danger he was putting the woman before him at risk, Ryan hauled himself to his feet before grabbing her hand as he drew his gun in the other and began pushing through the crowd. “Whatever you do, don’t let go.” He called out, attention locked on the exit. 

...

Skylar let her eyes focus on the male sank down onto the ground, waiting for the look in his eyes to come back to life. He seemed so lost and all she could do was her extend her hand out in hopes that he would be able to reach out and take her hand so she could bring him back to the light... back to her. It was something she didn’t think she wanted when the whole reception had started after their conversation in this very area. “Yeah,” it was all she could say when he mumbled her last name out loud. She watched as his green eyes got color back to them and the fact he had seemed to pull himself back together when it dawned him the hell that was breaking loose behind them. “Neither are you.” She kept her gaze on him, trying to stand on the ground she had laid out for them earlier when it came to informing him that she was more than capable of taking care of herself. 

Whatever you do, don’t let go. 

location: skylar’s apartment who: @skylarowcns​ — closed. 

A lot had transpired in the course of a few days. His family and the Vipers paid the Scorpions a visit where someone died, many were injured, and more were traumatized. Casualties and collateral damage were always part of their world despite making constant attempts at omitting civilians from their more sinister affairs. Peter was aware of how much help Skylar had been and he wanted to check in on her, but the doctor who treated him wanted him to wait at least a week before he went out, but Peter wasn’t going to lock himself up when he was needed at the Viper compound and elsewhere with their President, his uncle. The pain medication he was under didn’t keep him from limping around and it always seemed to wear off when he least wanted it to. Like now that he walked up to Skylar’s apartment, annoyed at how slow he had to take the stairs before he knocked on the door. “It’s Peter.” He called through the door when he heard her feet shuffle on the other side, and he walked inside when she opened the barrier between them. He waited until the door was locked and he could lean against the wall before saying anything to her. “How are you doing?” A question as loaded as the gun he kept with him. 

...

As soon as the shot ran out and the sounds of screams echoed around her, her green hues searched the venue for the one person her heart gravitated towards. Finding him in the crowd, ripping through whoever was in his way, her eyes focused on him for a few moments only to realize that look on his face. It was the same one he wore when he was throwing punches at Zane months prior. She pushed through the crowd, being bumped here and there by the fear struck civilians who had attended the wedding not knowing what the hell was happening. None of the chaos around her mattered and if there was one thing she should have done was head in the opposite direction but she couldn’t do it. She physically couldn’t bring herself to walk in the opposite direction.

The most irritating thing was, Skylar Owens was right. Whoever had been her biggest enables and influencers, was and would forever be none of his business. Because it seemed when no one else had been there for her when she needed it most, Peter Volkov had filled such a void. Offering her safety and help in whatever she needed. Or so that was what he had assumed, in the way the other had stuck by her bedside after her short admission in hospital. It was clear that she was moving on with her life, bettering herself and while he had tried to do the same it seemed that there was always something drawing him back to his past and off the track forward. The eldest Marshall had very quickly learnt his lesson. He couldn’t keep doing this, reaching out for the past when that door had been well and truly closed and by himself even. The chapter that included Skyler Owens had closed and he simply needed to accept it. Nevertheless, the last thing he was about to do was allow the other male to land a hand upon the woman for a second time. Thus before he could even calculate his next move he had shifted into action, sidestepping the blonde as he slipped in front of her to block the other’s blow. Only to hit back with a serious of his own punches, landing not one but three blows to the males gut and an uppercut to his jaw, before stepping back to watch him double over. Footsteps approaching, alerted him to the presence of others, security more than likely. “Go. Leave Owens. You were never here.” He commanded, not even looking back at her before he turned back to the security team. “My friend here seems to have an issue holding his alcohol, probably best he’s sent home now.” He drawled, offering his best knowing grin as shifted to allow the others access to haul the now grumbling Greg from the gravel. Turning back he expected to see the blonde hesitating in place, only to see the empty space where she had been a few moments prior. 

He took a large sip of his favorite liquor, raising his eyebrows up at her as she spoke up at him. Skylar had somehow gotten into this mess with Ivan but luckily, she seemed to be rolling with his antics. He liked that about her considering most couldn’t keep up with his shenanigans. He let out a light laugh with his vodka laced breath. “Consider yourself lucky,” he told her, bringing the chilled glass to his lips again. As her arms remained around him, he held on to her lightly as he gave awkward half smiles to the strangers passing by them. He needed to look as natural as possible until he finished out his duties. 

“I hope the real party is away from this barn,” he mused and let out a chuckle. As she said what she said, he tilted his head, bringing his beverage to his mouth again. He didn’t know if she knew how he really was but he wasn’t going to harp about his past at this moment. It was the one time he found himself not thinking about the bullshit of his life. “Well, aren’t you lucky to be the only one hearing it right now?” He asked and winked at her. 

“Do you know anybody here?” He inquired.

...

Skylar laughed. “Will do.” The blonde considered Ivan the best company right now. Someone who wasn’t going to constantly baby her or worry about what she was doing. It was like the man in front of her was a fresh start and it was something she felt desperate for at this moment regardless of how difficult it would be with the smell of vodka on his breath. Her head turned when she noticed the awkward smile on his features. “Are you not someone who likes to socialize?” She questioned, glancing back in his direction.

“Could always make it one.” She smirked as she arched her eyebrow up. She knew there was one thing she had to do before they even considered leaving the venue but if that was something he wanted to do she knew she’d follow him simply to create distance between her and her own past. She gave him a smile as she nodded her head, wanting him to know she understood exactly what it meant to want to leave the past in the past. “I think I can handle being in the right now.” She told him. 

Her hand extended towards the bearded male not to far away from them. “That’s my brother and my friend Sybil is here... but other than that.” The last thing she wanted to do was bring up Ryan. “What about you?”

“That’s the worst argument in the world, and that’s because you know I’m right.” Steve continued to tease his little sister as they danced. It made him think of the old times- before his faked death, before his involvement with the Vipers- when the two of them were actually acting more like brother and sister. He desperately wanted to hold on to that, to make those memories a reality once more, and if that started with a dance and poking fun at him, then so be it.

“Wait, you had actual sleepovers where girls talked about me?” He questioned Skylar, a grin appearing on his face. “And you never told me about that? That’s so many missed opportunities!” He joked.

...

“It is not the worst argument in the world. You just can’t stand to lose.” Skylar teased as she swayed to the beat of the music with her brother. Somehow this event was going to be what brought them back together because in this moment she couldn’t figure out why she had been so damn mad in the first place. He was alive. That was all that mattered. She wondered if he was feeling the same way Ryan was about what was happening at this event or if he was just enjoying himself like she was. 

“Of course I did,” she rolled her eyes. “Why would I tell you about it? The last thing I ever wanted was to see any of my friends leave your bedroom.” She scrunched up her nose. “Plus you were the hot older brother according to them... Apparently that’s a huge dream for some girls.”

Carmen had made the mistake of trying to keep up with the very much younger bride and bridesmaids and their shenanigans. While she liked to think she could keep up like she used to, she just didn’t. Her life didn’t prioritize things like this anymore. When the liquor began tasing like water is when she became aware herself that she could be in trouble. Everything felt like it was spinning and she had lost her capabilities to some degree. Stumbling over herself, Carmen used the blond girl for balance and she let out a little laugh. “Holy fuck,” she said. “I’m drunk….” she slurred and looked around the reception. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!”

...

Skylar held onto the older woman. “It’s okay,” a laugh left her. “We all tend to get a little too drunk at these things. We always think we knows our pace or our limits.” She started to walk her towards the destination where the Volkovs had asked her to take Carmen. She knew whatever they had plan she was a playing card they were going to need. She slowly walked. “Do you need a bathroom or a trash can? We can find you somewhere to sit.”

Oh, when you see me talk to strangers No, don't you let it get the best of you You let me slip right through your fingers And now his fingers running down me too

I can hear the blood rush through your veins I can feel the heartbreak on your face I'm onto the next you, hope you got a good view Watch me while I talk to

“Just calling it like I see it, Owens.“ Ryan was quick to counter, shoulders rising and falling in a shrug of indifference. How was it that despite everything between them, from the pain and betrayal to the years of history that lingered for the once young lovers, there remained a seed of jealousy that came with the thought of the blonde with another. That had only been made evident to the man, when he had laid eyes on the blonde whom he probably realized had been far from sober at the time. How was it possible that one person could cause such profound differential of emotions in another. “I don’t suppose that was because he was one of your enablers?” The soldier questioned, given he was no stranger to the goings on within The Emerald Club. Between the drugs, sex and other illegal dealings there wasn’t much left to the imagination and who was at the top of that business food chain but none other than the youngest Volkov. He could see it now clear as day, the strength in the woman as she stood her ground, previously hidden behind by whatever drug induced high she had once been chasing. And it was by his own fault that he found himself withholding an answer, because he didn’t know what she was or if she was anything other than a ghost from his past. At least that was what she should have been and Ryan should have let sleeping dogs lie, but doing things by the book had also never been his forte. And then he was moving, footsteps falling several paces behind hers only for his gaze to narrow as another walked right into the blonde. “Not this bastard again.” He muttered under his breath, only this time he came to a stop behind the blonde. “You heard her, unless you want that banged up nose of yours broken a second time?”

...

Scoffing, the blonde turned her head to look away from him for a second before looking back at him. “Well, you don’t see it!” Her voice raised and it was the first time since he came back into her life that she was standing here in front of him willing to keep her feet planted on the ground instead of chasing after the feeling he had given her and the fact he could easily push her back to where she had been almost two months prior it was a terrifying feeling. There were many choices she had made the last three years that she wasn’t proud of and even more she had made in the last few months. She wasn’t proud of the fact she had done anything to get a rise out of him simply because her mind had been clouded with the substances she had let run through her mind. “That’s none of your business,” the voice that left her didn’t even feel like hers because she never imagined herself even speaking to the male in front of her like this and maybe it was a way of protecting herself on more than one level but she gave her apologizes and of course there would never been anything she could to fix what she had destroyed but the back and forth, it was so painful. His voice behind her only had her breathing out as her eyes remained on Greg who only began to smirk and the next thing she knew her knuckles were throbbing and the male in front of her was yelling and holding his nose, muttering and hissing about what a fucking bitch she was. Her eyes stared at the male in shock mostly because she never thought she would throw a punch but the next thing she knew Greg was lunging himself in her direction.

“Funny, because your actions at the Palooza speak more than your words do now. Either way, you’re playing with fire dancing with any Volkov and you ought to check yourself before you get burnt.“ Ryan countered, tone somewhat clipped as a small level of jealousy crept into his tone. The same one he had yet to shake over the years when it came to the blonde girl next door that his parents still spoke so fondly of. Though he very quickly noted the error in his ways and took a step back from the woman, raising a hand to rub against the back of his neck as an exasperated sigh parted his lips. He had no right, nor had he expected to still feel such a need to look out for his once best friends little sister, after the situation he had walked in on with her and Zane. And yet that need, or perhaps desire lingered like a shadow he couldn’t quite shake. Her own tone quickly changed, and green hues stared back at her as she spoke with a certain assertiveness he had not seen in some time from Skylar. “You’re joking right? You’ve never just been Steve’s little sister to me.” He was quick to counter, his own tone remaining quiet and yet steadfast. “And I’ve never meant to baby you Skylar, all I ever wanted was to protect you. But maybe that was my first mistake in thinking you needed the protection of others.” He mused, with careful regard as his gaze fell from hers. “Yeah, thanks.” It was all he could offer given he wasn’t sure he would ever find said happiness, not so long as he was leading two lives anyway. It just wasn’t his time. Her next words however felt like a punch to the gut and his gaze very quickly narrowed, watching her walk away before he could even get a word in edgeways. “You don’t mean that.” He called out after her, although her footsteps didn’t stop. Not until she neared the reception door which was suddenly thrust open and a strangely familiar face left blocking her path. Greg. Without even thinking Ryan was suddenly following her, moving toward the pair at pace.

...

“You don’t get to do that.” Skylar didn’t know what it was about this conversation but it was infuriating even though she had no room act the way she was towards him. She had ultimately been the one to ruin things between them and now all she wanted to do was lie in it. It was a struggle enough to keep herself from taking steps backwards but seeing him every where she went now was creating an ache in her chest that made impossible to breathe sometimes. “If it makes you feel any better I haven’t seen him since I got sober.” As if that word would give him even a hint of what exactly her connection to Vasili was even though the day of Palooza she had only acted like that to help him make someone jealous but she didn’t know how to even say those words out loud without making it seem like she was the worst person in the world. She already did the worst thing a person could do and now that she was more vulnerable than ever she had to keep him at a distance because at the end of the day Ryan Marshall was the only person in this damn town to make her and break her. Closing her eyes for a second when his voice softly confirmed what had happened between them was way beyond what she was trying to pile it into. “Then what am I?” She paused, shaking her head. “Wait... Don’t answer that.” Her tone went softer to hide the crack that almost rippled through it. “Maybe it was.” Even though she knew the last few months his protection had saved her life quite literally. As soon as she spun around and started to walk away, it took everything in her not to yell back that she had meant it even though the tears that left her eyes proved otherwise. As her hands lifted up to furiously wipe the tears off of her cheeks, the door was thrusted open causing her to jump back slightly. “Jesus,” she hissed as his hand reached out to grab her, her hand pulled back away from him. “Don’t touch me.”