WHERE THE 𝙎𝙆𝙄𝙀𝙎 END.

--- it was the truth.

As painful as it was to speak the words to young Sumiyoshi. The last of his family has departed this land, his beloved brother. The strongest man he had ever known, the greatest of the greats, his own personal hero, who he admired, cared for, loved with all of his heart and wanted to be, just like him in many ways, to be able to have the right to walk at his side, as two brothers, who wanted to help people like Sumiyoshi here, and his family.

“Thank you, young Sumiyoshi, that means a great deal.”

He remained as he was, not wanting to move, or speak too loudly or make a sound, as he felt like he was within a dream, this was everything. Wasn’t it, this was what life was all about, what was meant to be for him once and for his brother, both so close to having families and both through different means and ends, losing everything and being alone within the world. He was intruding, as much love and warmth as there was here.

This was Sumiyoshi family, it was not his own.

“He died, because of me. I was not there for him and I could not give him what he wanted more than his beloved wife and children, I tried so hard, to fill the holes within his heart, but I only made things worse.” As not once did he look at him, instead he remained focused to stare at the ceiling and not make eye contact with Sumiyoshi. “… that demon, that attacked you both.” As his eyes shifted to the side to Sumiyoshi sleeping wife.

“The only reason it was able to make it this far into the countryside, is because of me Sumiyoshi, I failed to kill it’s creator, you and your family, almost died because of me, I don’t deserve your kindness.”

dark  brows  furrow  over  kind  eyes.     again sumiyoshi shifts,  pushing himself into a seated position that causes the blanket to fall away & pool in wrinkles atop his lap ;    as much as his temper feels the need to flare at such sad,  sad words that thorn his gentle heart,  the charcoal—burner is still acutely aware of his wife,  blissfully at rest with their child upon her chest.     an unmitigated outburst of his anger would only wake them ...

so instead it comes out another way.

"  you can't believe that,  "    he almost hisses out as he leans over their companion,   an expression of both disbelief & confusion on his face.     "  you can't carry all of that weight,  tsugikuni—dono,  it will  kill  you  to do it.     you're not responsible for the demon that attacked me,  nor did you kill your brother :    you couldn't have!     you're ... you're far too kind a person to do anything like that.

"  i don't know about your brother,  but ... if he was as troubled as you say he was,  then surely ... nothing short of the heavens could have satisfied him.     perhaps what he sought was not something that you could give,  & that's  okay!     you are many things,  tsugikuni—dono,  but you are not a god.     you mustn't carry that burden of self—imposed perfection,  things that you cannot change ... you're just  one  man,   & one man cannot hold the weight of the entire world on his shoulders without collapsing beneath it!  "

realizing that his voice has become slightly raised,  the younger man stifles himself with a hand over his mouth as his gaze flits nervously over to his sleeping wife.     silence descends,  tense with emotions that threaten to boil over inside him —  but suyako doesn't stir, & his shoulders slowly drop with relief.

“You’re addicted to creating chaos and seeing where the chips fall, to hell with the consequences.” // from genya c;

[ ― ❝I am Kibutsuji Muzan.❞ Of course he's going to display demonic attributes. ❝I am the demon king. I'm going to show that every once in a while, even if I favor scientific endeavors.❞ His eyes flicker down, and then back up to stare Genya in the face.

❝It's time that you understand... that through it all, you, too, are a demon. You may say that you're not --❞ he reached out and ran his fingers through his hair, showing the sunset-colored hair... ❝But this is evidence to the contrary.❞

❝Now, tell me... your symptoms. You've ingested Kokushibo's blood this time? Or was it the unnamed human's--?❞ The deep blue is something new, of course. It must be his. ❝If you participate, you won't be fed any blood for the next week, and you'll be spending quite a bit of time with Tanjiro.❞

A chilling smile takes over his face.

FANGS  ARE  BARED  IN  DEFIANCE  as the gunman shies away from the demon king's touch.

"  'm  not  a demon.  "

it's strange to think that he's found himself here,  that somehow no one has thought to try to look for them.     tanjiro,  too,  has been held captive for weeks now to satisfy kibutsuji's curiosity,  but genya supposes that it's not the same sort of curiosity :    tanjiro has,  for the most part,  been  isolated  rather than  experimented  upon.

hm.     how is it any different than when  kocho—san  is documenting his condition ...?

there's a huff before genya's shifting awkwardly from foot to foot,  feeling entirely exposed beneath the demon king's critical gaze.     "  i've ingested  both  within the past week,  just as i've been instructed to,  "     he growls,  voice rougher than usual thanks to the quasi—demonic state that he's been trapped in ever since,  toeing the line between human & oni much more closely than usual.     "  upper  three  said there's been physical changes in me,  but i can't tell 'cuz i don't have a mirror to look into.  "

He had no right to teach his brother anything!

YES  I  AM !!     I  AM  A  DEMON  SLAYER !!  

Genya ..

He was a little bit taken back, not by the snarl, the fangs bared, the snap like any demon cornered, he had seen it too many times, pinned down on his back as they tried to claw and bite into him, getting there wish and regretting it almost instantly as his blood would do what it needed to do to give him the time he needed to finish them off, always better to get up and close, to these pricks when you had to end there sorry asses.

Yet even with the snap of jaws, his hand did not move, at all from the spot, dangerously close to losing the ends of his fingers as he just .. his eyes would widen for a moment as he stared at him, finally seeing, something there he supposed, finally something had clicked in and some passion was revealed and some fight.

“Tsh …” As he scoffed. Looking at him for the moment as he had never .. been spoken like that before, by any of his siblings. As he shifted his eyes away just for a moment. He didn’t like it. But then who was he to judge such a thing, when he had taken this path and done everything he could do to push Genya away, taking the only actions he had, to try and hurt his heart as much as possible to break it so he would break there connection towards one another and leave and find somewhere else to live, something else to do, something far better than this.

“Fine ..”

He just closed his eyes and would shake his head side to side, moving forward and bumping his shoulder into his own to nudge him and move him out of his way as he walked right past him, away from his training yard and towards the gate as he stopped and just stood there and raised his hand and pointed it down to his side for where he wanted him to be.

——WHAT?

is sanemi ... agreeing  with him?

all of that rage,  all of that  bite  instantly fizzles out & genya's left standing there,  his jaw dropped with surprise.     he merely watches as his brother shoulders past him & over to the gate,  brain still trying to catch up with the fact that  sanemi  had  agreed  with  him.     that he'd  actually  been  brave  stupid enough  to  snap  at  him.

"  ... o—oh.     oh!  "

suddenly he's back to that soft,  kindhearted boy who's just a little too tall & a little too broad,  his amethyst eyes wide & pupils dilated with the sheer amount of  dopamine  that's lighting up his nerve endings.     it takes him a moment to realize that sanemi  wants  him  to  follow,   but when it does genya eagerly trots after him,  his outburst forgotten,  his fangs neatly sheathed behind a smile.

a mission with his brother!     sort  of.     the gunman probably ought to be punished for mouthing off to a hashira,  brother or not,  but he'll face that when it comes around.     for now he's just utterly  chuffed  with himself,  but also with  his  aniki  for being willing to listen.     seems some things might be capable of change after all.

"  but aniki,  where are we going to find a demon around here?  "     genya tries not to sound too excited when he speaks.     "  none of them are stupid enough t' come close enough to all the wisteria around here.  "

the gunman's nose wrinkles a little at the smell.     it doesn't  bother  him,   not really ... but there's enough demon in him now that he doesn't find it quite as nice as he once did.

PATHETIC! A demon and a coward as well, fitting. As he just stared at him for the moment and delivered, his choice to him. If he wanted this, truly if he wanted this, he would have to fight him then, it was the only way he was going to know if Genya had it within himself to keep up with him and the pace he set, he was not dragging a sibling around with him and being like the others here, who fucking thought it was a bright idea, to join with sisters, brothers.

Then hold them in their arms as they get them killed.

“Yes you can! You said your weapons were enough! Then show me!” As he raised his voice to scream it into his fucking face. “YOU ARE NOT A DEMON SLAYER!”

This is what helped to kill the upper moon! He was not impressed with this display, not impressed at all. If Genya was getting carried along by others, he would be fucking even more pissed than he was. Too many demon slayers were like that, had no right to wear the uniform, got themselves killed and a whole lot of other people as well! He did not think, Genya would be that stupid, if his skills where so fucking great, if Genya had killed an upper moon, and he has not. Then Genya should be able to crush him and prove himself to him and then he would have no choice but to accept him.

“Tell him to fuck off! If you don’t have the balls to fight me, then look around you.” As he turned and showed him his training grounds. “Train here then! Let me see what you got!”

As he stomped his way forward and moved to stand around him and pushed him on the back, shoving him to get him moving a little bit onto the training grounds, little shit, little fucker, little brother. What a fucking mess this was, this little bastard was going to be the death of him if he did not give up and leave this place.

"  WAIT——!  "

soft voice,  soft resistance.     genya can't be  rude  to his mentor!     himejima has only been  good  to him after all!     sanemi's rage whittles him down like a tornado does a hillside,  making him hunch his shoulders as if he might protect himself from it ...

"  aniki——!  "

a bit louder now,  a bit firmer,  a bit more  panicked.     he doesn't want to be pushed,  to feel  cornered   (  has sanemi forgotten that caged animals often  attack?     even against their will?  )   by the last family member that he has.     but unfortunately sanemi has pushed a little too far when he's already on his last thread,  his nerves ridiculously high & adrenaline pumping & he's still  smelling  his  blood  so it's inevitable when——

"  YES  I  AM !!     I  AM  A  DEMON  SLAYER !!  "

it's snarled  viciously,   fangs bared & nose wrinkled like a damn  animal,   like the  WOLF  that he'd imagined had attacked his siblings that night.     for the first time in his entire career as a slayer,  genya's  snapped  & managed to overcome his discomfort & general  softness  to return what sanemi's dished to him ever since he's joined the demon slayers.     if sanemi thinks he's a demon,  then——!

those jaws  snap  shut  like  a  bear  trap  in a warning bite just close enough for the wind hashira's fingertips to  feel  the  breeze.     they've been around enough dogs in their shared childhood to know what that gesture means :    BACK  OFF  OR  I'LL  BITE.

"  ——no.     if  you  wanna  see  the  truth,   you've  gotta  go  fight  a  demon  with  me,  "      the younger shinazugawa growls,  lips still pulled away from his wicked teeth as a clawed hand hovers at his hip where his  gun  is.     but——     "  'm  not  pullin' a gun on a fuckin'  hashira :    i  could  blow  your  arm  off  before  you'd  even  be  able  to  blink.  "

He left him little to no choice now, he needed to show him now how out of his depth he truly was. Again, he had no idea how he had managed to stand before and upper moon and live. Crawl back here and heal his injuries and dare seek him out to confront him like this and put him on the spot. All this time and he truly thought Genya would be given the most useless and pointless tasks, to keep him out of harm's reach.

Instead, he was thrown into the deep end.

“No, you don’t know!”

What it was like! To be a demon slayer. He thought that he could have gotten strong enough to make a difference, but Masachika still died in his arms! It made no difference that he killed the lower moon demon afterwards! Masachika was dead, there was nothing that would bring him back! Then Kanae was killed, and where was he! When his friend needed him the most! Kyojuro - who he thought was the strongest of them all, was killed as well! There was a pattern here, death came for them all.

They could not escape it.

“In my eyes, all you idiots did, was survive and nothing more, those upper moons had to have been pathetic.” As he scoffed, as each step Genya would take towards him, he would take a step backwards away from him. “You continue on with this, you will die. I will not allow it.”

As he held his ground as his brother stepped closer to him, eyes narrowing at him for the moment. Compliments, he wished he could give them to him, praise as well for his efforts and work, but then that would only make him want to stay all the more, it would only make him feel like he has achieved something.

“My promise was to protect all of you, it still remains as long as you are alive, you will have a normal life, even if I have to drag you to one myself.”

A little shake of his head, side to side as he just glanced down raised his hand and shoved him back from him to create the necessary distance for what was about to happen now, if he thought he could remain, fight with the best, then so be it, he would see what he was made of himself.

A  YELP,   then genya's scrambling away from his furious brother as if his rage had suddenly become  palpable.     a fight?     right now?     surely sanemi has  lost  his  mind!     genya can't just  casually  fight  someone,   not when he primarily wields a fucking  GUN  in battle!     not only that,  but he hasn't had even a  bit  of demon flesh since  yesterday's  mission!

there  is  absolutely  no  way  he  can  fight  his  own  brother  with  nothing  but  claws,  fangs,  & his wakizashi!

"  i—i can't do that!  "     he squeaks,  frantically waving his arms around in front of himself.     "  it's  taboo  for demon slayers to fight each other,  isn't it ?!  "

not  that  it  matters :    sanemi will fight him whether it's bad or not.     the gunman flusters as he takes a few more shaky steps back,  a hand pulling the bulk of his unruly hair over one shoulder so he can fiddle with it & calm his nerves.     note how he still can't make eye contact with his older brother,  though,  so anxious at the mere  suggestion  of being put in a position where he'd have to  fight  the  hashira,   see his breathing style in action,  gods  forbid  he might accidentally  BITE  HIM ...

"  i—i'll just go!     himejima—san is waiting for me for target practice & meditation ...!     b—besides,  you'd  BEAT  MY  ASS  without breaking a sweat!  "

WHAT HAS HIS LITTLE BROTHER DONE TO HIMSELF. Or, what has he done to Genya. Pushing him away, trying to create distance between the two of them, all to gift Genya a chance, a chance at a normal life, but that was impossible with.

WHATEVER THE FUCK THIS WAS.

This was not strength, this was not power. This was wrong. Could Genya not see, how close to the line he was fucking dancing upon, how much further did he need to go, until there was no going back, until there was no humanity within him to revert back to.

He could not kill, another member of his family.

He didn’t have it in him. Not again, not after last time, not after the guilt and pain he felt. Of what he had done, of what had led up to it as well. A thousand different thoughts went through his head of what he could have changed. He could have done more messages, he could have done more work, he could have pushed himself harder, so their mother could have rested and not went out at night to work and provide for them all, he had no right to call himself, the elder brother, when he failed his entire family.

“Genya ..”

As he held his arms up to him, to pull the sleeves down to show him what this path demands, what the payment was to fight demons at this level. Countless scars, littered his arms, his torso, his back, his legs, every single part of him, had been damaged. Could he not see, that there was nothing for him, other than this, he would never be accepted into a village, a town, a community, not when he looked like this, not when he was so beaten, broken, scared. That everyone would look at him, as nothing more than a monster.

“Each one, is a demon killed, a person saved, a brother, a sister .. a mother. Who has the chance, we never had? You don’t want this Genya, this was not meant for you.”

He unbuttons his jacket to show him, the damage done, and the price he has paid, to kill as many demons as possible, to make sure that Genya could live and to ensure, no one lost what they had. He has never allowed, a human to die to a demon, not since that night. He refused and this would end with his own death one day, but it was worth it, if Genya lived.

“What would I have said.” As he shifted a little bit, uneasy on his footing for a moment, as he wanted to punch him right in the jaw for asking such a thing to him. “I would have said yes, you fucking idiot!” Only to show him, that this path .. was not meant for someone as kind, gentle, sweet, pure as heart for Genya.

OH.

the gunman shifts awkwardly from foot to foot to channel his nervous energy out in a way that isn't  rushing  to  his  brother  &  hugging  him.     this is the most productive conversation that they've had since  before  that  horrible  night,   & part of him is so ridiculously relieved to be getting this chance that he's almost  weak  in  the  knees.     but then sanemi unbuttons his uniform & the younger slayer's mouth goes dry,  fangs clicking against one another to stifle a sound of  protest.

genya's eyes might be starting to tear up a little when he looks at his brother's myriad scars.     he takes a hesitant step forward,  reaching out as if to  touch  one of those jagged marks ... only to stop & duck his gaze shamefully,  worrying his lower lip with sharp fangs.     this  is  the  life  of  a  demon  slayer,   it's impossible to ignore with the evidence flaunted so plainly in his face ... & yet ...

"  i know ... aniki.  "

he knows he's too soft—hearted,  too gentle,  too  unprepared  to continue on this path,  but the rainbow of colors in the tips of his hair,  his claws,  his fangs ... they're proof that he's  IN  TOO  DEEP  to quit.

"  i know i'm not ... a proper demon slayer.     i can't use breathing styles,  i don't wield a traditional sword,  i eat parts of demons to get by.  "     here he pauses to raise his head & meet sanemi's cold gaze,  a certain  desperation  in his voice when he continues ;     "  but i'm a  great  shot  with my gun,  i have really good stamina,  & even without total concentration breathing i can keep up with my friends!  "

friends  that  he's  only  just  come  to  believe  that  he  deserves.     again the gunman steps forward,  putting himself dangerously close to his brother's personal space,  so close that he could touch him if he raised a hand again ... but he doesn't,  instead just looking pleadingly into sanemi's eyes as he challenges him once more.

"  look  at  me,   aniki,  & tell me that i could quit now & go get that  NORMAL  LIFE  that you say i could have.  "

the gun on his hip,  the sword at his back,  his own scars,  his sharp claws,  his even  sharper  fangs ... he's not a homemaker.     he's  a  warrior  now,   & whether sanemi likes it or not,  genya is firm in his decision.

He was fully planning to chew this little shit out, spit him onto the floor, step on him a few times, pick his ass back up and chew him out all over again for his stupidity. “Yes, so I heard, you looked in every other fucking direction, except for the most obvious one!” To just, fucking ask him! He would have taught him, everything if he had just fucking asked instead of sneaking behind his back. “You want to be the best, you should have come to the best!”

Who else knew Genya better than him! He could have trained him, he could have given him the tools and secrets that he needed, but here he was, tip-toeing around him and going to every other slayer, except for him, and that pissed him off even more, that others have trained him, behind his back, knowing how he felt, about this. If they wanted their siblings to fight and die at there side, that was on them, for him, no. A brotherly duo fighting demons, seemed foolish.

It was time to see then, what this was before him.

A demon or a human, he wished to know before he made his choice. He was not soft, weak, like the others. He would do, what needed to be done, no matter how much it hurt, all that was before him, was a demon in his eyes, Genya .. what the fuck has he done to himself to try and gain power.

He just held his arm out, turned it over, letting the blood glisten under the moon light. All demons where the same, they could not deny the urges within themselves. He always got them, in the end, no matter how well they buried themselves, how perfect their bullshit disguises where, when this was offered to them, they revealed themselves for what they truly are.

“Go on, take it.”

If this demon came anywhere close to him, reached out he would let him have his fill, he would let him take just a taste and allow his blood to fuck him up every single way possible before he removed the head, kindness to demons, was a mercy he was no in the line of work to gifting them, he wished for them to die, always, even if it cost him a little bit of blood to make such a thing possible, then so be it.

“I said take it!”

A small movement as he splashed it on the ground, he has seen demons rush onto there hands and knees, licking it up like dogs, giving him all the time he needed to behead them as he just widened his eyes and waited for it to happen. To his shock .. nothing.

The fucker didn’t go for it.

He merely placed his sword away and approached and reached out, fingers clamping down on Genya face and jilting his head backwards a little it, turning his head, side to side for the moment as he looked him over, pushing down hard on his cheeks, to pop his mouth open as he leaned closer to look at those shark fangs that rested within his mouth before he just let his fingers free from his face, pushed the palm of his hand into his face to shove him back a little.

Not before grabbing his hand and turning it over to look at his fingers, those claws. As his eye twitched a little bit. His little brother, reduced to this .. thing that was before him. For what, to become a fucking slayer, to fight, why? The fuck was he trying to prove with this damage to himself, as he snatched his hand away from him and stepped back, he was beyond, fucking pissed. The hit list in his head of people who where going to get fucked up, was just growing and growing with each passing moment.

WHEN  SANEMI  ABRUPTLY  COMES  CLOSER,   genya's first instinct is to  balk.     he succeeds in taking one step back before the wind hashira is on him,  manhandling his face,  forcing his jaws apart to look at the manifestation of his guilt ...

touching one of his hands to inspect his claws.     claws that the caterpillar girls have painted  black  at a certain retired hashira's suggesting.     ugh.

his teeth click together when sanemi shoves him back,  a muffled sound of discontent in the back of his throat.     of course his brother can't accept this,  & genya finds himself a bit incredulous about the suggestion that he would  expect  him  to ...  or that the wind pillar would have  TAUGHT  HIM  HIS  BREATHING  STYLE  if he'd asked.

"  i—i know.     i don't ... want you to accept it.  "

a breath,  then genya's ducking his head & pulling a shock of multicolored hair over his shoulder to toy with the ends,  one of his nervous habits.     he can't manage to make eye contact with sanemi just yet,  though,  not when he's trying so hard not to  smile  at the notion of them being so close.

He felt like his head was about to fucking explode in rage.

He has never, stepped back from a demon, not since .. there mother, when he felt so scared, so terrified, so powerless and nothing he did seemed to slow the monster down, he just kept trying to keep her focused on him, let her claw and bite at him as long as he could keep her away from Genya then it would be worth it.

This had to be his eyes playing tricks on him.

“You could have tried harder! You could have worked for it!” As he snapped!

If he asked him, really fucking asked him, really cornered him and put him on the spot instead of going behind his fucking back and breaking his heart by walking this path without his permission.

He would have trained him!

“Look at you ..” Genya, wanted him to look at him, well here he fucking was, staring at a fucking demon that looked like his brother, sounded like him as well, and had not ripped him to fucking pieces again. As he just .. could not wrap his head around any of this bullshit.

“I don’t give a shit what she fucking has to say about this!” He would be paying her a fucking visit to remind her, do whatever the fuck she wants to do with her own sister, but when it comes to his brother, stay the fuck away!

HE  DOES  LOOK  AT  HIMSELF.     every  goddamn  night,   he looks at his reflection in a mirror to see  how  much  more  of  himself  has faded away,  lost in between demon & human.

genya shrinks away from his brother's rage,  ducking his head fearfully to demure up at him from beneath his lashes.     "  i promise ... i—i'm tellin' the truth,  aniki.     i  did  try.     i  did  look for another way ...  "     he trails off,  shame bright in his amethyst eyes when they flick back to the ground.     "  himejima—san ... tried to teach me stone—breathing.     i can't learn it ...  "

but the moment he hears his brother's sword slip free of its sheath he goes tense,  fangs bared on a sudden fear instinct that he tamps down & promptly covers with a hand over his jaws.     he's  not  a  demon!     why would sanemi  draw  his  fucking  sword  unless——?

"  ... oh.  "

OH  NO.

he's never reacted  badly  to human blood when not deep in the clutches of his demonic state,  so genya's  relieved  at first.     but he hadn't taken into account that his is  fucking  sanemi  that he's talking to :    a  fucking  marechi.

he clamps his hand down  hard  over his mouth to will his lips to close so he can  swallow  the  spit  that's suddenly accumulating in his mouth.     how  fucking  pathetic.     he's  HUMAN,   he doesn't need to drink blood like demons do ... but he can fucking  smell  it.     & it smells  great.

"  haah ... don't ... don't  do  that ...  "

a growl,  barely there,  rumbles in the back of his throat.     genya gives his head a firm shake,  animalistic,  his fangs pressing  hard  against his own flesh until it gives beneath the pressure & he starts to  bleed.     for a moment he vaguely recalls the story of tanjiro's sister overcoming exposure to his brother's blood & finds himself  hoping  that he begins to respond in a similar manner.     she's a full demon,  after all ... & he just  toes  that  line  a  bit  too  closely.

chanting the sutra that himejima had taught him in his mind is helping,  it seems,  so he continues on like that for a few tense moments while eyeing his brother as if he's about to  kill  him.

probably because he is.

"  ... please don't ... hurt yourself like that,  aniki ...  "

his voice comes out soft rather than deep & rough,  so that's good!     he's relieved to see & feel that none of his  other  demonic  traits  are manifesting at an inappropriate time,  not even with this level of exposure ... good.     genya hesitantly raises his head,  his eyes still clear,  still  purple,  & blinks a few times before he dares to drop his hand from his jaws.     he'd  bitten  deeply  into  his  own  hand  in an attempt to stop himself from salivating all over the place like some damned rabid beast,  blood dripping at an even pace onto the stones beneath them.

it's of no consequence — he'll heal in a few hours. since he seems to be calming down,  the gunman wipes his mouth on his sleeve & straightens his back to more evenly regard the wind pillar.

NOTHING MORE THAN A DEMON.

That night would remain with him, until he finally died himself. Maybe a demon would finally get him one day, maybe not. He didn’t know, but he fully intended to take down every single demon in his path before he died and if he could get to the one, who had turned his mother into a mindless monster, he could have his revenge, for her, for his brothers, for his sisters, who had never hurt anyone, said anything negative, for them he would destroy every single demon he came across.

“You spit on the memories of our siblings!”

He had to crack him, somehow, someway. He needed to get him to quit. If he had any sense within him, could he not actually listen and do what he was told for once, he wanted him, to be as far away from him and the demon slayers. To give him the chance, the chance his brothers and sisters never got, the chance that was no longer meant for him now, but for Genya, he had the fucking golden chance, to live. Find someone to love and care for, have a family, be happy as well. Live, if one of his siblings could just .. live, it meant that he had done, enough to dare call himself a big brother, that night, was a night of nothing other than failure, since then, he refused to ever allow a single demon, ever to kill someone again.

“Shut up, shut up, shut up! You don’t get to talk to me about that night!”

Again, some fucking balls this chump had on him, to dare mention anything about that night, he didn’t want to talk about it, to anyone, especially to him of all people!

As he turned around and looked up at him, eyes widening for a moment as he just stared at him, it has been, a very long time, since he had actually laid eyes on him, he refused to look at him, to meet with him, only reading reports and hearing from others, of his progress and getting more and more pissed, that he was pushing ahead to become a demon slayer and nothing he did to try and put blocks before him to stop him, seemed to work.

“The fuck have you done to yourself?” What kind of bullshit was this, he looked like ..

A demon?

Impossible! Fucking impossible! He went to hell and back to the point hell seemed cold without him being there, to not allow something like this to fucking happen to him and it was staring him right in the fucking face, his last family member, has done this .. to themselves.

IT'S  BEEN  SO  LONG  SINCE  SANEMI   HAS  LOOKED  AT  HIM  that the cruelty of his words goes unnoticed.     the gunman may even  relax  a little to see those familiar eyes,  even though the coldness within sanemi's gaze should be enough to freeze him in place.     genya's even tempted to tell him  'hello',  as if he hasn't been here talking to him this entire time.

one more patch in the rift between them ... right?

'  the  fuck  have  you  done  to  yourself?  '

ah ... maybe not.

it happens so quickly that he's  reeling.     genya's shrinking back,  his jaws parting to flash those  horrible  fangs  in a shocked grimace before he  realizes  what  he's  done  & claps a hand firmly over his traitorous maw.     suddenly he can feel the weight of the fangs in his jaws,   almost  taste  the rot & decay of demon flesh & blood from his last battle ...

a  demon,   nothing  more.

"  ... this ... was the only way t' get here since i can't use breathing styles,  "     he explains weakly,  taking a step back as that trembling hand falls from his mouth.     the sharpshooter attempts to speak without flashing his teeth,  but it's  really  damn  hard  to keep them hidden,  to  not  look  like  a  threat.     "  but it's okay,  i—i'm not a demon!     i  swear!     kocho—san says this is just a ...  SIDE  EFFECT ... of how i fight demons!     i'm  still  human!  "

MURDERER!

He was dazed for a moment, just staring down at his small hands, stained in the blood of his mother .. no. Something else. It wore her face, held her appearance, but it was not her, this he knew for certain. It was nothing more than a monster. He would have never have raised his hand to her, only to protect her, only to shield her from harm. Whatever this thing was, it was not there mother, nothing more than a brutal beast, that had tried to slaughter their entire family.

“Genya, Genya, Genya! Listen to me! We have to go, we have to go now!”

As dazed and in shock as he was, as hard as his heart was thudding in his chest, that the shock was starting to settle and take hold of him, he knew from the screams, the sounds, the damage caused, people would start to awaken and when they did, they would kill him for what he did. As he heard others starting to stir and come to see what was happening as he took a step back out of fear, looking at the blade he held as he quickly tossed it to the side, staring down at his hands, what .. what awful thing has he done.

******

He didn’t want to hear anything he had to say, he didn’t want to see him, know anything about him, nothing. Not a thing. They needed to be as far apart from one another as possible, this path he was on, was not for his little brother to walk with him, not when he went above and beyond, to slaughter as many demons as possible.

“Just, stop talking, you got nothing to tell me that I wanna hear from you.”

As he moved his hand back and forth, up and over his shoulder to shoo him away from him. There, he came, he said what he wanted, now he could just leave. Turn around and go and if Genya had any sense in him, he would keep going, he would start running as fast as his legs could carry him and get the fuck out of here, because nothing would come from him remaining and pretending to be a slayer.

“And .. when those are taken away, then what? Genya, you are too weak and pathetic, to be a slayer. Your breaking the rules by being near me, I don’t have to waste my time with a nobody like you.”

Did Genya need him to turn around and beat the shit out of him. He was starting to piss him off, really now.

He made it clear, from day one when he learned that Genya was trying to get into the demon slayer corps, and everyone just pissed all over him and denied his simple request, to refuse him!

A  DEMON.     it had all been because of a demon.

he can still remember it so vividly :    the sight of his brother standing there,  the scent of late summer in his nostrils,  the sound of his heart pounding in his ears,  the  pain  in his face where those claws had torn through his skin ... the taste of blood in his mouth.     a hand idly rises to touch the scar on his cheek to bring himself out of that memory,  his own fingertips warm & rough against the damaged skin.

it  had  been  a  demon.     a demon with  fangs  &  claws  &  dark  eyes.

a demon that he sees in the mirror when the nights are a bit too long & he's been fighting a bit  too  hard.

a demon that he sees whenever he opens his horrible,  wretched maw.

"  i'm ... i'm not leaving.  "

genya stands firmly in spite of his trembling limbs,  mentally preparing himself for the  ass—beating  of  a  lifetime  that his brother is about to deliver.     it will be  worth  it  if sanemi just  acknowledges  him,   even if this conversation is triple the amount of words that are usually exchanged between them.

"  i'm  not  leaving,   aniki.     i'm ... i'm a  DEMON  SLAYER!     & you can  kick  my  ass  if you want,  but ... but i'll keep coming back.     i'll never fail to come back 'cuz ... we're family.     & 'cuz you didn't fail to come back for me  that  night!  "

fragile determination shows in still—bared fangs as genya keeps his gaze trained on the form of his brother,  the most feared hashira in the entire demon slayer corps.     but  that's  not  the  sanemi  that  he  knows!     the sanemi from his childhood is the nicest ... kindest ... gentlest ... bravest  person he's ever met!     the gunman would do  anything  for the sanemi that he knows,  would  WALK  THROUGH  HELL  just to see him smile one more time ...

HE WISHED TO BE ALONE, HE NEEDED TO BE ALONE! He was not, pleased with everything that has happened. How his brother has passed final selection, going against his commands to him and everything he said and did, meant nothing to his little brother, as he constantly disobeyed him at every single chance he got!

He folded his arms over his chest and remained where he was. This little shit, coming here after his victory and now the slayers would flock around Genya even more and push him further and further, to his fucking death. Everything he has done, has been for nothing if the idiot fucking gets himself killed!

“Don’t call me that!”

As he snapped and took a step forward, to create more distance!

“There is nothing to look at!”

What did he wish for him to see, if he turned around! There was nothing worth his time behind him! Nothing at all!

“A family? I don’t have a fucking family!” As he snapped and swiped his arm across the air in annoyance. “Don’t you remember. I killed them!” His anger was growing the more Genya remained too close to him. “That’s what people say about me, that’s what the village claimed! That’s the story that has been told about me!” That he was nothing more than his father’s son.

Just a monster, a thug, a beast, a no-good rotten murderer.

“Quit Genya, I don’t know how the fuck, you survived a fight with an upper moon, but your no slayer!” Without breathing arts, he was just a fucking body, a slab of meat placed down, before a demon to feast on. He would get to the bottom of this, someone would break and sequel and tell him, everything that happened.

IT'S  ALL  HIS  FAULT.

it really is.     there's no sugarcoating it,  no hiding from the truth :    genya's  word  had  been  all  that  it  had  taken  for  the  village  to  turn  on  sanemi.

it's bitter on his tongue & settles in his gut like a  rock,   the truth behind those words.     genya wavers,  the soft amethyst of his eyes downcast as he sinks one fang into his lower lip,  using the pain to ground himself.     his right hand rises to touch the prayer beads that his mentor had wrapped around his left wrist,  a nervous habit that he's gotten into to assuage his own gloomy anxiety.

"  i ... that's ... i shouldn'ta said those things,  aniki ...     i was  wrong ...!  "

the fact that sanemi  SAYS  HIS  NAME  gives him pause,  makes his head snap up so quick that his hair falls,  messy,  into his eyes for a moment before he's pushing it back with a trembling hand.

"  ——no.     i'm not gonna  quit,   no way.     i can still  fight,   aniki ...!     even if i can't  breathe  like you can,  i can still be useful!     i've got my  gun  & my  sword ... that's all i need!  "

No tears to be shed, for someone so worthless. Their father, was a piece of shit, no other way to put it. Beating down on there mother and brothers and sisters, to make himself feel better, worthless. The only regret he had, was he was not the one holding the blade when his horrid actions finally caught up with him. The only problem was, without him, someone had to step up for the sake of there mother and the youths.

“Genya, I have every confidence in you.”

He needed help, to try and take more and more, of their mothers’ shoulders. She worked herself too hard. Pushing and pushing for all of them. Too many children, too many mouths to provide for, it was time to grow up and quickly, to repay her love and kindness. To help with the others, who needed to try and forget about their father and actually start to see, that things were only going to get better from here on out.

“Me and you, together. There is nothing we cannot do.”

******

Tsh! What a pain in the ass. Did this tit not know, how close he got to being killed. Not just one fucking upper moon, but two of the fuckers! Only good thing was, both of the bastards had been killed, but he was still beyond pissed his brother had been in the middle of it.

Whomever was putting the ideas into Genya head, that he could do this, was going to be beaten into the ground when he got his hands on them. He was going to go, to there master once more and ask him, to dismiss Genya. This – all of this, was never meant for someone like him.

“Did you get smacked around too much, I said get lost.”

Still he would not, turn around to look at him. He came here, to get away from everyone. All they where talking about, was what had happened, how Genya had stepped up and proved himself, but to him all Genya has done, is pick a small plot of land for his grave and step into it, all he had to do was fuck up once more, and it would all be over for his ass.

HE  REMEMBERS  EVERYTHING :    sanemi's smile,  his kind eyes,  his  belief  in  him.     genya's not so far gone in his  demonic  exposure  to have forgotten things like that :    the demon—eater knows his brother's true nature,  even if the wind pillar would wish that he didn't.

& he knows that  he's  the  one  who  had  ruined  all  of  that  himself.

genya fidgets some more,  not quite defeated enough to leave but also not brave enough to  stand  up  for  himself ;    at least his brother hasn't  raised  a  hand  to  him  yet,   so ... maybe that's a good thing?

"  aniki ...  "

a very,  very hesitant step forward.

"  why ... won't you look at me? "

wicked fangs are momentarily bared at the notion of the rift between them,  at the idea that it's  continuing  to  grow  in spite of his efforts to fix things.     it's not a gesture that he seems to notice himself doing,  something  instinctual  that overrides his desire to keep  that  side  of  his  life  SECRET  from his older brother.