vix 🪼

you've known mark lee for your entire life. he has been with you through every hair color, stupid girl, and the stupid aftermath of it. it was difficult to say that the relationship between the two of you was completely friendly. because it wasn't, but that was never something you could say to his face.  

was it still considered a friendship if your heart beat against his chest every time he pulled you close? or when your skin made contact with his? he barely noticed you staring when your thoughts were interrupted. 

"y/n, please pay attention. exams are coming up soon and everyone should be ready." your professor called out, making you melt into your seat. "everyone i will see you here tomorrow. get a good sleep tonight."

a sigh of relief left your lips as your professors icy gaze left you. the rustle and bustle of college kids packing up their materials was quickly tuned out.

"y/nnie, please pay attention!" mark mocked, ruffling your hair.

"shut up. i don't have to pay attention to pass that exam." you scoffed, blushing at his touch.

"cocky are we? i guess nobody can tell me the functions of a human mind better than you can. it's not like i got two questions correct that you didn't." he laughed at you, grabbing his backpack and slinging it over his shoulder. "coffee?"

"only if you're paying."

the two of you walked off towards a small coffee shop in the corner of campus. it was pleasing to the eye to say the least. vines and plants arching over the doorway, covered by the delicious scent of pastries and drinks. the aroma almost made you sleepy, suddenly aware of your droopy eyelids and tired body.

"what do you want. matcha latte and a muffin?" mark looked at you as you placed your items down on an empty table.

"you know me too well." your lips perked up into a lazy smile, feeling all the late night studying kick your ass.

"how could i forget anything about you?" he said suddenly before putting his backpack down on the back of a chair and walking into the line.

red tinted your cheeks when you sat down. mark's bold remarks were going to be the absolute death of you. was he even aware what he was doing to you?

you'd truly give anything in the world to be a little more than friends. whether that was wrong to say or not, you didn't know. but if it jeopardized the integrity of your relationship, you could ignore it for just a little longer.

you sat on your phone awaiting the blue headed boy to bring your snacks, but you didn't wait for long. mark sat in front of you and slid the green drink in your direction. 

"there you go. one iced matcha tea latte all for you." he took a sip of his own drink, “doesn’t it kind of taste like grass?”

“how would you know what grass tastes like? you haven’t touched it in the many years i’ve known you.” you tease, poking a straw into your drink and swiveling it around in the liquid.

“okay geez you’re too mean this early in the morning.” he faked a frown at you. “i guess i deserve it though.”

"and the muffin?" you tilted your head to the side a bit. your friendship was far past formalities, if he messed up your order, you'd kill him with an empty stomach.

"since i paid, we can share. muffins are pretty good and i'm not letting this go to waste." he grinned at you, pulling down the paper on both sides and biting down into the soft treat.

his lips wrapped around the corner of the baked good, making your eye twitch slightly upon the sight. deciding on playing it bold for the day, you bit into the opposite side almost immediately after him, your faces getting closer by the second.

"you're eager." he pulled away with a half full mouth, picking up a napkin and bringing it up to the side of your lips. his stare almost burned into your face as he wiped yours.

his touch was soft. you instinctively leaned your head into his hand when he nudged your glasses back onto your nose. it was a weird interaction, and the butterflies in your stomach almost fluttered their wings off.

"y/n?" he questioned you, not letting his hand leave your cheek.

"yes?" you mutter, feeling embarrassed at your failed attempt of making a move.

"you're really pretty." he brought his other hand up, practically cupping your face. "if you didn't want to punch me in the face every time i score higher than you, i'd almost want to take you out on a date sometime."

maybe your calculations were slightly incorrect, you should restart.

"me? go out on a date with me?" you let out a short breath after holding it in for what felt like forever. his eyes were so genuine. blinking unknowingly waiting for you to respond to his offer.

"of course i would. don't you feel it too?" his words were almost bittersweet. has he been waiting for you too? did it feel wrong on his end as well?

"but we're supposed to just be friends, it would ruin everything."

"it doesn't have to ruin everything okay? everyone can suck it up. you don't even know how long i've wanted to take you out, y/n." his gaze softened, "you make me laugh until our abs start to hurt, and i do basically almost everything with you. even johnny gets jealous sometimes and is always a little shit about it. but he knows how happy you make me."

mark said so many things like word vomit. you almost couldn't comprehend it. "our minds are really weird sometimes. i never would've thought you'd actually like me.

"who wouldn't? you're real."

"ha ha very funny. i'm just the only one who can keep up with you." you flicked his forehead.

"you wish"

OMI helloo this is really old HAHA i initially wrote this for a friend but decided it was cute and can leave the docs after rotting for almost 2 years.

it’s all in your head, a phrase you heard often. and maybe he was right when he sucker - punched you with these words, only making you reflect back to the crazy imagination you had as a kid. because that is what you felt like around him, vulnerable and childish, watching him put your thoughts to bed instead of the other way around. 

there were four unanswered calls in his inbox, as you waited impatiently in your shared room with an explosion of butterflies fluttering gracelessly in your stomach. you dialed a fifth time, listening to the sound of ringing be interrupted by the same voice.

your call has been forwarded to an automated voice message system, eight, two… is not available.

being left completely in the dark by leehan was not uncommon behavior, feeling the same familiar rush of frustration flooding through your veins. the silence in the room feels suffocating, amplified by the darkened walls and the faint hum of the ceiling fan above your head.

every sound outside makes you jump, hoping it's him finally coming home. your eyes dart to the clock on the nightstand, watching the minutes crawl by painfully slow. nothing holds your attention more than the itching feeling settling in your throat, pangs of anger mixing in your chest. 

when you finally hear the familiar creak of the front door and the heavy sound of the combat shoes you had just bought your boyfriend, you lack any feeling of relief; just the remaining negative emotions that made you feel like you were going to explode. clenching your hands at the sides of your body, you walk down the hallway to greet his tired expression.

as your eyes land on him fully in all of his glory, leehans eyebrows are furrowed and his lips puffy and red. he stares at you with an unreadable expression, almost as if he didn’t expect to see your figure standing at his feet so late in the night. you reached out to put a hand on his bare arm, lacking the leather jacket he had initially left the house wearing.

“what happened to your jacket?” you mumbled, looking up at him.

“don’t know, probably left it somewhere in my friends house.” he chewed on the inside of his cheek, moving his arm away from you to run a hand through the strands of his dark brown hair.

“is that where you were this whole time that you couldn’t even call me back? i’ve been waiting for you, you know.” you scoff, “and i bought that for you, how could you lose it?”

“please just stop nagging me, i had a long day, okay baby?” he almost rolled his eyes, pushing past you toward the bedroom.

a huff leaves your lips as he bumps your shoulder, “what friend was it anyways, i remember most of them being nice enough to at least let me know.” “you wouldn’t know her.” he says lightly, sending what feels like a rock dropping down into the abyss of your gut.

“her?”

“one of my friends friend, it’s nothing y/n.” he groaned, turning around to look at you. “what? do you want to hear that i cheated on you or something? don’t be conceited.”

his words hit you like a slap in the face, the insinuation burning a hole through your chest. "conceited?" you echo, your voice trembling with the sheer effort to contain yourself. 

the room seems to shrink around you, trapping you in another argument with him. you follow him as he strays away into the bedroom, your breath coming in sharp, uneven gasps. leehan flops onto the bed with a dismissive wave of his hand, his casual demeanor only fueling the fire inside your heart. 

“this happens every fucking time leehan i just don’t understand.” tears prick at the corner of your eyes, dripping down the sides of your face the harder you try not to let it.

he doesn’t meet your eyes, instead staring up at the ceiling, as if avoiding your gaze could somehow deflect your accusations. "i told you, i was just at a friend's place. nothing happened."

your hands curl into fists at your sides, knuckles white. "it doesn’t matter if nothing happened, you neglected me like i was nothing. all i do is care yet i can never get it through to you" 

"you’re blowing this out of proportion, y/n, this is all in your head. can we just drop it?" he groans, frustration etched on his face. the dismissiveness in his tone is like a dagger, twisting deeper into your already raw emotions.

"i’m supposed to just drop it? how am i supposed to trust you again when you treat me like this?" 

leehan finally looks at your crying eyes, “you can never be content without breathing down my neck, can you?” he stands up to peer over you, letting his hand creep up to grab your cheeks to squeeze your face together, “it is fucking suffocating.”

“no, i never knew what it meant to be content with you.” you seeth between your teeth, only making him squeeze harder.

“don’t be evil, you’re supposed to be my angel, remember?” he took his lies to the grave, playing pretend with the idea you were a picture perfect doll he could fiddle with.

words died on your tongue with your head titled up to face him, feeling his nails dig into the sides of your face. his look flicked from your tear stained skin and your mouth, leaning in to steal a kiss from you. heat rushed to your brain, instantaneously overwhelmed with his act of aggression on your lips.

before you could even think about it, you bit down as hard as you could on his lower lip. he flinched, immediately pulling away from you whilst the taste of metal snuck on his tongue. leehan was a bitter, corrosive thing that constantly left you standing there, feeling utterly alone, but this time you were ready to let go. the raw taste of blood lingers on your lips as you shove him away, your chest heaving with a mix of fear and defiance. he stares at you, shock and rage mingling in his eyes. he touches his lip, wincing as his fingers come away stained with crimson. the silence between you stretches, thick and suffocating, broken only by the ragged sound of your breathing.

“you need to get out leehan.”

"are you out of your mind?" he spits, his voice low and dangerous. the metallic tang of blood sharpens his tone, "you’re really going to do this?

“loving you was lethal, so i guess that makes me evil.” you stand your ground, “i’m not going to keep being mistreated by you.”

leehan’s eyes narrow, "you don’t know what you’re talking about," he snaps, "you’re the one always overreacting, always making something out of nothing."

“my life feels like nothing with you in it, so pack your shit and leave.”

he steps closer, his hands clenched into fists at his sides. "you think you can just kick me out? this is my place too."

your own hands were trembling with the intensity of your emotions. "i can’t keep doing this, leehan. i deserve better than living in constant fear and doubt."

the words hang between you as you watch his chest rising and falling with the effort to contain his own feelings. for a moment, you think he might lash out, try to force you back into submission with the sweet words he always strung around your heart. but then he scoffs before turning away from you.

"fine." he mutters, grabbing a bag from the closet and stuffing his belongings into it with sudden movements, "you want me gone? i’m gone. don’t come crying back to me when you realize how much you need me."

you watch in silence as he packs, your heart pounding in your chest. the room feels too small, too charged with the tension between you. he slams drawers and throws clothes into the bag, each angry movement reinforcing the end of your relationship.

when he finally storms out of the bedroom, his bag slung over his shoulder, he doesn’t look back. the front door flings shut behind him with a final, resounding crash, the sound echoing through the empty apartment. an empty aura swarms the room in an instant, everything feeling too real. 

the only sound that breaks the silence is the gentle, rhythmic hum of the fishtank filter, a soft whisper that fills the space with an odd sense of calmness. you turn your head toward the fishtank, the glow from its interior reflecting on the walls. the water’s surface ripples slightly, a result of the steady bubbles rising from the filter. the sound of the bubbling is like a distant memory, a constant that had once been a comforting backdrop to your shared life with leehan.

but it was never really a life if you weren’t sure what it felt like to live. this time, everything was going to be different.

OMI oh my days its been so long since i have actually sat down and written something. i do have a lot of plans but i've been a little caught up with other things. regardless, i'm actually going to go see the trilogy tour soon! so i plan on releasing some portals inspired fics to help me remember some of the songs, because i have been in such a bonedo rut. it feels like an annual summer thing at this point hehe. also not proofread since this is something i kinda just sprung out!