- to have him lift me up

- to not feel uncomfortable when people’s cameras come out

- to wear what the fuck i like and feel good in it

- to not have my legs rub against eachother when i walk

- to feel colder, rather than insulated by all this fat

- to lose all the horrible chin on my face and neck

- to show my collarbones

- to get rid of my heavy chest

- to not have any rolls when i sit forward

- to feel weightless

- to not feel like the fat girl

- to not have people say ‘but you’re not really fat though’

- to feel dainty again

- so people see me as attractive again

- to have thinner arms

- to look tiny

- to be tiny

i hate the pain of trying so hard and failing

i hate the pain of relapsing

i hate the pain of never being good enough for myself

me: *drinks water*

me: