zamazenta did nothing wrong

“Then why can’t you just forgive me? Is my very existence so offensive to you?”

She notices his fists. It makes her heart beat heavily, the same way she gets before a major battle. Not for the first time, she curses her misfortune at being born at the same time as him, in the same region as him. This ridiculous competition – as trainers, as rivals, as siblings both wanting their elder brother’s attention.

It seems like no matter what she tries, it always comes back to Leon.

“I don’t want to fight you!” Dee shouts, even as she puts up her own fists. “But it looks like I have to!”

Hop wants to say something, to scream something back at Bede. His tongue is knotted, though, and heavy in his throat. His nails gnash into his skin, tearing at flesh almost helplessly. None of the words in his head made sense, and if they did, he didn’t want to say them aloud.

He was jealous, of course, and that made it impossible to forgive her. Leon always seemed to look to everyone other than Hop. Wynne had been his champion, a rival to him where Hop couldn’t be. And Bede -- despite everything she’d done to Hop, Leon still wanted to take her under his wing.

As if Hop didn’t matter.

“He jus’ pities ye. Thinks yer so sad ye need him tae take care’a ye.” The words tumble from his lips. Guilt twists his gut, and he almost wants to punch her, just to chase the feeling away.

She kneejerk response of How can you talk about your brother like that? dies on her lips.

    You’ll never be good enough to deserve your life now. Everything you have is because someone felt pity for you. You didn’t earn it.

   No matter how much you pretend, you’ll never be good.

    “And you think you are?”

    She steps forward, moving into his space. She lowers her voice: “Let me tell you something. You’re right. Your brother doesn’t know what’s good for him. That’s why he loves me so much. That’s why he ignores you. I’m the one who’s familiar. I’m the one who treats him like he wants to be treated.”

    “If I’m so horrible, then your brother loves me for it. How does that feel, Hop?”

“Ken tha’ ahm good. ‘zenta wouldnae’ve chose me if ah weren’t.” He clings to that idea like a life time. More than once, as resentment has coiled within his chest and wrapped its fetid tendrils around his heart, he’s whispered that he still is, still has to be good. 

Even if he does doubt Zamazenta’s decision at every waking moment. 

He hasn’t the time to dwell on that thought. It’ll fester and rot in his mind later, but now all he can think of is Leon’s honor. Hop has tried, agonizingly so, to make a name of himself. His goal has always been to act on his lonesome. 

But it always comes back to Lee.