eternally tortured by kodaka

tessa feels unloved in her marriage and almost never sees john. she says she's usually in bed by 7, hours before he even gets home, and he works double shifts. and "he doesn't see how much I'm hurting / how is this not disconcerting?" is so sad,,, she had such a loving husband, and he IS loving, just not in the way she needs. but they don't communicate that, they can't, because john's working prevents it. and he thinks things are okay, it seems, because nothing's changing until something happens to make tessa take control of her life.

it's not GOOD, but it's not crazy to think someone like tessa would keep visiting randy. he gives full attention to her and even says "you're all i've wanted", among many other things in Read to Me. she's lonely, and he's offering to make her a priority. he probably reminds her of john when he was younger! ("my husband would dedicate every day to me / every night he would say to me / 'things would stay just where they're at' / he once was good" + "i wanna feel like i'm gorgeous / and I can see how randy's heart scorches" + "the man that used to cut it loose / is drinking diet soda")

but it's not like john no longer cares! this is why i love Balancing (I Am A Woman is my favorite song, but john is my favorite character). he gets to talk (sing?) about how he WANTS to do all the things he used to do, especially with tessa. but he has no time, because he has to provide for her and all the things she wants. she has a cozy life, with the ability to watch Royal Crackers and visit the library all day, because he works extra hard. and he wouldn't let her have all that if he didn't love her!!

and it's just a shame that they both have the idea to take control of their lives and get what they want in life at the same time, in opposite ways. tessa decides if john can't provide the emotions, someone else will. but john decides if he if he isn't providing the emotions, what's the point?

you'd think that tessa should just explain the issue, but she did! but john tried to be dismissive, and tessa lies (saying she was at The Office:tm: when she was watching Royal Crackers all day) instead of acknowledging his life is hard too.

and then after tessa "meets" randy, john shows that he still absolutely cares for her and her interests!! he can reference her favorite show!! even without Balancing he clearly still cares. there was always time to save their relationship. but tessa couldnt see that path because of john's previous ignorance and dismissal :(