Bits and Bytes of Silly

i was like going to the downtown of my city and it was cool

i walked for a while and worried about my appearance

i went to a museum too

then i went home and tried not to get too overwhelmed because i managed to hide it for long enough outside

now my brother is rude to me because he thinks i was mean to him

i probably was, but he was being inconsiderate first

i wish i could get along with him

he’s like rude in a unique way that makes it so he really doesn’t want to get along with me

he just says mean things to me when i try and talk

tbf so do i i think

but i do recognize when i’m wrong and apologize if i say something out of hand

he just denies it happening and says i’m manipulative or something

i liked going out but i don’t think it was worth the stress at the end of the day

i don’t think it was all going out though, my brother sets me off in a very specific way that i don’t think anyone else does, because i haven’t met enough people to know another person who does the thing to me

i’m gonna stop talking about my brother now

i’ve got school soon

once i have my school work done i’ll be happy and not stressed

because the english stuff is the last thing

i got my science and maths done, so i’m nearly complete

i just have to read a book, and do a one-pager about it

i’m a little better at art, but i’m not good, so i’ll just try to do a couple pictures that fit it

i hope like the book

i really wish i didn’t have fifteen things to stress me out every day

it makes things even worse for me

because it’s that or be crushed by guilt for not doing something easy that i can’t get the energy to do

i wish i could start, and finish things

it’s really hard for me

i guess it’s part of whatever i have

good news is that i’m almost done with the hard work

bad news is that i’ve got two days to do an english assignment

better news is that i can see my friends in school again!!!

i’m very ready and excited

if it isn’t quite noticeable i care about my friends a little bit, and it might leak into my interactions outside of the internet

a thing i’ve noticed is that i have genuinely no issue with answering most questions, but no one seems to want to ask

like of course i’d love to help, but IM rather scared of bothering you, so i’ll wait and find out if you want to ask me

i guess that’s how i do most of my life

i’m too scared of losing people to take a risk

it’s mostly people honestly, but i do worry about other things

like forgetting something, or breaking an object

i get like an existential dread from knowing it won’t ever be the same and stuff

really makes the cold fear set in when you drop stuff

i wanna be a good friend, like my friends are to me

i love all of y’all so much

i wish i could say it better

i think that i wouldn’t mind being in a relationship with people when i think about it

like no one to my knowledge has expressed interest in me, but i am rather oblivious, and i doubt anyone would

i would be happy to be even closer with people i care about of course

eh, it’s just a weird thing i have i guess

hopefully i don’t turn into a grown adult baby thing, but at least i’m most likely not going to be a man-baby

that just haunted my thoughts for a second because grown adults with maturity issues concern me for whatever reason

i like the people around me to not be children

for my own evil reason of course

idk what that means actually (maybe i do i don’t really care too much)