skarskar

“My gran gran went to heaven.. I miss her” you told him, wiping your tears, he just smiled, flashing his crooked teeth.

“I hope she gets to meet my granny”

He told you, it made you smile for some reason, the thought of your granny having a friend. She didn't have many..

That's how you had come to know of Eric Draven, you were pretty much inseparable after that throughout the school. Until the junior high.

The first time Eric Draven told you he loved you, he had ketchup on his shirt.

You were thirteen, sitting cross legged on the hood of his mom Patricia's ancient Corrolla in the parking lot behind the bowling alley while summer thunderstorms rolled in overhead. The air smelled like rain and cigarette smoke from the mechanic shop next door. Eric was beside you, knees pulled to his chest, the thick braces flashing every time he smiled.

“I don’t mean like…” He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly while simultaneously adjusting his glasses to keep them over his nose “Like in a weird way”

You stared at him.

“There is no weird way to love, crow ” you had giggled. He frowned at the nickname as he always did. He remembered why you had come up with that in the first place. When he turned ten he wanted to look tougher than the jocks at the school so he often dressed up in black. He also had a habit of collecting shiny things, rocks, metals, anything that shined; he immediately picked it up to add it to his collection.

“Really, Rain? You should see Alex’s new girlfriend Tiara.. she sure loves him weirdly”

You laughed so hard soda nearly came out of your nose. His older brother Alex was the typical high school hottie, every popular girl wanted to be with him. Tiara was his new conquest.

Life was just simple and innocent then. Before high school, before the girls, before the rumours that ruined him and took him away from you.

You were like two peas in a pod. Just Crow and his Rain.

Back then he was just the boy who finished your assignment for you, the boy who climbed through your bedroom window whenever it rained, that's how he had come up with the name because he knew you absolutely adored watching the rain hit the pavement. He was also the boy who spent an entire weekend teaching himself how to dance just because you once said you loved the way Michael Jackson moved.

He had been absolutely terrible at it.

But some of the most treasured memories of your life were tangled up in those awful dance attempts. The two of you jumping around his bedroom to the song P.Y.T... laughing so hard your stomach hurt.

You remembered the exact moment the bed frame had snapped beneath all the stomping and flailing.

And you remembered laughing so hard you couldn’t breathe while Eric stared at the broken bed in horror.

Most of all, you remembered the look on Patricia’s face when she opened the bedroom door and found the two of you collapsed on the floor beside the wreckage.

He was lanky then. All elbows and knees and nervous energy. His dark hair constantly fell into his eyes because Patricia cut it herself with kitchen scissors. He wore oversized hoodies even in warm weather and slouched when he walked, like he hoped nobody would notice how tall he was becoming.

And nobody did. Not in school. Except you. He was invisible to them. That bothered him a lot. Especially because of how popular Alex was, he wanted to feel that feeling. He craved it even though you thought it was superficial.

You noticed everything about Eric Draven. Every little thing.

The way he chewed the inside of his cheek when he was anxious. The way he got embarrassed after making jokes as if he didn't think he was funny. The way his ears turned red when you hugged him unexpectedly.

You noticed how exceptionally kind he was which, in high school, was almost worse than being ugly. He got bullied often, he didn't stand up for himself, but you did, you stood in front of him like a shield when Crusty Connor began picking up on him.

“Why do you have to leave me alone this summer, Rain?” He had asked, voice mopey as ever as you both watched the twinkling stars in his backyard.

“I'm sorry crow crow, it's just three months though, I'll be back before you can blink” he had huffed at the thought. Three months without his best friend, that too before the beginning of junior high didn't just seem right to him..

“You know what I think?” you had asked then. Eric looked over at you. The thunder rumbled softly overhead.

“I think” you said carefully “We’d probably be good together.”

His entire face changed at that. You remembered that part most vividly after all these years. Not surprise exactly.

“You mean like dating?” he asked softly, his heart was thumping in his chest.

“Yeah” you had smiled, putting him at ease. His braces flashed again when he smiled.

It was small at first. Unbelieving. Then suddenly so big it made your chest ache.

“Really?” You rolled your eyes before you sat up a little and hovered over him. That's when the playfulness vanished completely.

That was the first time you had kissed Eric Draven. His glasses bumped into your nose so you took them off. That was the first your lips had touched any boy's and you couldn't have been happier that it was with him.

At first he was nervous and jittery, not moving, not responding but then his palms wrapped around your cheeks and he pulled you closer, kissing you with intensity you weren't really prepared for. You still remembered it, the softness of his lips, the taste of his skin. The little moan that left his throat at.

You never really got over it even though he did.

“Y/n your mom is here to pick you up”

You pulled away from him as Patricia's voice cut in. Luckily she hadn't seen you straddling her son in the open backyard.

“Are you okay, Rain?” he had asked then. Voice gentle, so sweet it made you melt. You had hummed before pecking his lips once.

“We could try after summer..you know really try” you said as you got up hurriedly.

“Summer yeah” he repeated, sitting up now. His skin was still red and flushed from the kissing. He still couldn't believe it. You both were just fifteen. He had never been kissed and he had never kissed anyone but he knew what he had felt that evening was magical.

You never really found out but Eric Draven had spent that whole summer thinking about you, touching himself even though he felt dirty, this was his best friend, his precious Rain, he always felt guilty but he couldn't help it, the hormones were raging and when they did his mind always went back to that kiss, the way you just melted right into him.

And you had spent the next three months thinking about it constantly.

About holding his hand at school. About kissing him again or how you wanted to call him your boyfriend instead of your best friend, let everyone know he was yours forever.

But then the summer ended and Eric Draven came back to school very different. You still remembered the first morning of junior year.

The cafeteria had gone strangely quiet when he walked in.

At first you genuinely didn’t recognize him. Three months was a long time and at the time your mom didn't really let you have access to Skype so all you could do was speak to him on the phone once in a while.

He had grown at least four inches over summer. Maybe more, he was tall enough as he was but now he towered over everyone. The braces were gone. Contacts replaced the glasses. Making his eyes look more intense than they had any right to be.

His shoulders had broadened, he had mentioned something about exercising but it didn't really register until you saw him. His face had sharpened into something unfairly beautiful. Dark hair falling over pale skin. Black jeans hanging low on long legs. A jacket slinging on his new broad frame. He smelled good too, the cologne was a gift from Alex.

People stared, actually stared, those who never noticed him before gave themselves whiplash trying to get a second look.

You remembered gripping your juice carton so tightly it crumpled in your hand. And Eric, well he looked terrified.

That was the part nobody else noticed.

Girls suddenly swarmed him before the first period even started. Seniors who’d never spoken to him before touched his arm while laughing too loudly at things that weren’t funny. Cheerleaders asked for his number. Someone from the basketball team invited him to a party that very weekend.

You waited for him to look at you, he did eventually. Across the cafeteria and for one second, relief crossed his face.

Like he wanted to come over, ofcourse he did. He hadn't seen you in three months. But then one of the girls looped her arm through his and pulled him away.

That was the beginning of the end. You could still recall the moment it shifted. At first he still called, still came over sometimes.

But his attention had changed. Restless now. Distracted. Like he kept hearing another room full of people waiting for him.

And he never mentioned that kiss under the starry night. Never brought up the promise you had made to each other.

“You should come Friday” he told you one evening over the phone.

“You hate parties, Crow”

“I know.”

“You sound scared.”

“I am scared” he had chuckled. You smiled a little on the other line.

“Then don’t go.. come here, ummm my parents aren't home” you were twirling with your hair, hoping he'd say yes. Hoping he wanted to kiss you again as much as you did.

There was silence on the line. Dreadful silence.

“I’ve never been invited before to a party like this, Rain”

That shut you up because you understood. Eric had spent his whole life invisible. And suddenly the world, or whatever the world was to you both at the time, was opening doors for him everywhere he turned.

How could he not want to walk through them? You understood even though it broke your heart.

Still, you hadn’t expected the distance to happen so quickly. You thought you had your best friend to say the very least.

But then calls went unanswered. He Canceled plans. You stopped studying together, eating together, hanging out together. Even the hallway conversations often got cut short because somebody prettier had appeared beside him.

And every time it happened, he looked guilty which somehow hurt more.

Then came the girls. Ohhh!!! the hoard of girls. Beautiful, popular girls with glossy lips, short skirts and loud laughs. Ashley Monroe was the first one he officially began dating, she was the head of the cheerleading squad. She had never gone out with anyone who wasn't popular or on her level but she became his first.

Yeah it wasn't you. Never you.

Then the rumors started. You heard the first one in chemistry class. At first you told yourself you didn’t care but how could you not? This was your best friend, your sweet crow, even if you weren't his anymore, you still cared for him and loved him as much as you always did.

“Oh my God” Ashley had laughed loudly behind you. “It was actually so embarrassing” Her friends burst into hysterics.

“What happened?”

“Ugghh he's just..I don’t know— he is such a noob in bed”

“Oh my god really?”

Ashley lowered her voice dramatically though not enough that people couldn’t hear.

“Like he was nervous or something. He kept asking if I was okay every five seconds.”

More laughter erupted. You thought it was sweet that he asked that. He was always so sweet, especially with girls.

“I’m serious” she kept going “I mean..God his dick is big..so much bigger than Matt” she put her hand in front of her mouth as if to quieten her voice but the whole class could hear her. “But he doesn't even know how to use it? Like that's a waste, I had to give him directions for real..so annoying and by the end of it I was like totally icked by him.. I dumped him that very night” she shivered as if just the thought of that night disgusted her.

“Which is insane because look at him.” a minion of her commented.

“Right? Like how are you that hot looking and that bad at sex? He doesn't even know how to kiss properly..ughhh”

The entire table erupted in laughter again. Your stomach dropped so hard it physically hurt. You turned slowly in your seat. Her friend Dana noticed you listening.

“Oh my God” she said, grinning cruelly. “His lover is here, I almost didn't see you there” she cackled like a witch so you turned back.

You looked away before they could see how much it got to you. But what stayed with you wasn’t their laughter.

It was how cruelly they had talked about him. And he didn't know. Not yet.

You should have told him, you just didn't know how to bring it up without hurting his ego. But high school was cruel, cruel as it can be.

Girls bewitched by his looks kept wanting to date him, then they tried to have sex with him and he didn't live up to their expectations.

By the end of the junior year, the rumors about Eric had become their own kind of mythology.

It was cruel how quickly people could reduce a person into a punchline. Especially someone so beautiful.

Because once Eric became attractive, everyone expected him to know how to be desirable. Confident. Smooth. Experienced. Like good looks were supposed to magically erase every trace of awkwardness he used to carry before.

But underneath the height and sharp jawline and enchanting eyes, he was still the same boy who got nervous ordering food at restaurants. Still the same Crow. Only now people laughed at him for it.

You started hearing the whispers everywhere. In locker rooms. In cafeterias. At parties. Girls giggling with their hands over their mouths whenever Eric walked by.

“Here comes the two pump chump”

“Two is being generous if he can find the entrance.”

“My friend said he kept asking if she was okay”

“He acts like it means something special”

Apparently that was embarrassing now. The worst part was that Eric never defended himself.

Not once. He’d hear people laughing and simply lower his eyes, shoulders tightening slightly before pretending not to notice. Like humiliation was something he thought he deserved as long as he had the popularity.

At the end of junior high, you ended up at a house party you hadn’t even wanted to attend, you did it because you wanted to see him. You barely got to see him anymore and he asked if you'd come so you said yes. Loud music rattled the walls while drunk teenagers spilled beer across expensive hardwood floors.

You were sitting on the floor, next to the kitchen counter when Ashley Monroe walked in with two other girls from the cheerleading team. They ignored your existence like they always did but you couldn't because one of the girls Katlyn was someone he had been seeing recently.

Your stomach immediately sank.

Ashley hopped onto the opposite counter dramatically while accepting a drink from someone.

“Oh my God” she laughed loudly “Tell us what happened.” The other girl Kaitlyn groaned theatrically into her cup.

“No..you made me suffer through that..you owe me two hundred bucks bitch”

Everyone cackled at that.

“Yes..but deets now” Ashley said.

“You’re evil”

You already knew where this conversation was going before Eric’s name was even mentioned.

“Fine” Kaitlyn sighed. “He just got so weird the moment I got on top of him”

“Weird how?” Ashley asked, smirking now.

“He overthinks everything.” The girls burst into laughter. “I’m serious,” she continued. “Like you can literally see him panicking.” Another girl snorted into her drink “He’s too into his head”

More laughter followed.

You felt heat crawl up your neck. Not because of what they were saying but because you suddenly remembered every small thing about Eric that these girls were probably mocking.

The way he paid attention too closely. The way he asked quiet questions nobody else bothered asking. The way he looked at people like their answers genuinely mattered. To girls expecting some effortlessly cocky fantasy, maybe that did seem strange.

But you couldn’t stop thinking about how vulnerable he must’ve been to let people close enough to hurt him like this.

“And after that hell?” Kaitlyn continued with another laugh. “He gets all awkward and quiet like he's waiting for you to grade him or something.. well you get a F from me”

Something inside your chest twisted painfully. Because that sounded exactly right. Exactly like Eric. A boy so terrified of disappointing people that he practically braced for rejection before it even arrived.

“You know what’s so crazy though?” Ashley said carefully. “He doesn’t seem like the type”

Kaitlyn gave a sharp little smile.

“That’s because he looks like that.”

They didn't know but he had heard everything that night, until now it has been all hearsay, he never really stumbled upon those girls disecting him so cruelly. You had watched him standing at the kitchen door, then he swiftly turned around..

“Eric—” you followed after him. Ofcourse you did.

“I’m fine.”

His voice came too fast. Flat. He kept walking.

You followed him out of the house. Drunk Teenagers moved around you in loud clusters

“Eric.”

He stopped this time but didn’t look at you. Up close, you could see how red the tips of his ears were.

“They're a bunch of idiots,” you said quietly.

“Yeah.” he chuckled.

“You know they are”

Another shrug came at the response. Too casual, and too practiced..You hated it instantly.

“Why do you care what they think?” you had asked. It was an insensitive question, asking the boy who cared too much why he cared too much.

He laughed once under his breath.

“You seriously asking me that?” You opened your mouth, then closed it.

Because of course he cared.

For years Eric had been ignored completely. Now people looked at him constantly, but it came with conditions. Expectations. Rules he didn’t understand. And apparently he was already failing them.

He leaned back against the hood of a car, eyes fixed somewhere over your shoulder.

“I thought it’d feel different,” he admitted quietly.

“What would?” He gestured vaguely around the hallway.

“All of this”

The noise. The attention. Being wanted.

“I thought if people liked me…” He swallowed hard. “I don’t know.”

You stared at him.

For a moment he looked like the old Eric again. The boy you grew up with. All nervous and soft around the edges. You were going to step forward, you were going to hug him, tell him that he didn't need the attention of those skanks, he had you. But then a group of girls walked by. One of them openly checked him out.

Another whispered something that made the others giggle. Eric immediately straightened away. Like he’d remembered he was being watched.

“Call me, handsome” one of the girls slipped her phone number in his pocket, not so discreetly.

“Uh…” he didn't finish his words. She touched his arm before leaving. You waited until they disappeared. He looked at you for a long second after that.

And there it was again, that strange restless look he had since summer ended. Like he was standing in front of a life he never imagined having and was terrified it might disappear if he stopped moving for even a second.

“I just…” He exhaled sharply. “I spent my whole life being a nobody.”

“You weren’t a nobody.” he never was to you. But that wasn't enough. Not for him.

“You know what I mean, Rain.”

Yeah. You did. A silence stretched between you. Awkward now in a way it had never been before. You remembered when being around Eric used to feel easy. Natural. It came like breathing.

Now every conversation felt slightly off balance. Like you were slowly and definitely losing him and both of you knew it.

“Do you still wanna…” you started quietly. His brows furrowed.

“What?” Your fingers tightened around the fabric of your skirt. You were putting your heart on the sleeve even though you knew it won't end well for you.

“The thing we said we would do last summer?”

Understanding flashed across his face immediately. Then guilt. Which told you everything before he even spoke.

“Oh.”

Just one word. That was everything that came out of him in that moment. Your stomach dropped.

“It’s okay” you said quickly, even though it absolutely wasn’t. “Forget it.”

“No, I just—”

“You don’t have to explain.”

“I do” he protested.

But he didn’t really have an explanation. Not really. Because what explanation could possibly make this hurt less?

Sorry, suddenly everyone wants me?

Sorry, I realized there are prettier girls than you?

Sorry, I only liked you because I had nobody else?

Eric glanced at you once then. You saw the exact moment he made the choice. He couldn’t meet your eyes after that. Not anymore.

“I’ll see you later” he said quietly.

But you already knew he wouldn’t. That was the last year you had spent at Mountain High. When your dad was relocated, you didn't make a fuss about it, you'd have if things were different. But you had nothing holding you back here.

You didn't even tell him before leaving, you did think he'd care. You didn't think he would be devastated by your absence because your presence didn't really matter to him anymore.

And now you were back fourteen years later. The reunion was being held in the gymnasium, though somebody had attempted to disguise it with dim lighting and rented cocktail tables.

You'd not have come, you didn't need to, you didn't even finish your senior year here. But then you found out from a Facebook group that he was coming as well and a part of you wanted to see the man you couldn't forget about even after all these years.

You walked into the gymnasium expecting to see how Eric had grown into himself over the years, how the awkward boy you once knew had settled into the man he became. You wondered what kind of life he’d built, whether time had been kind to him.

What you hadn’t expected was to discover that the same cruel rumors from high school still clung to him all these years later, even now, into his thirties, he was still known as the man who couldn't keep a woman satisfied in bed.

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