#1 sipsco lackey

the dynamics are like

sips has a plan but he got bored halfway through thinking about it so it's just a wavering "ehhh we'll figure that out later". orange has absolutely no plan besides bloodlust, but is barrelling through space at mach 10

sjin follows sips' lead because he is absolutely insane and obsessed with him. blue follows orange's lead because he doesn't have anything better to do.

sips appreciates sjin's insanity. blue is terrified by orange's insanity (in a thrilling risky roller coaster kind of way). sjin is adoring of sips' boredom. orange is at best amused by blue's sanity.

sips does nothing and is still somehow in charge. sjin is calculating and is still somehow incredibly incompetent. orange is obsessive and at the same time doesn't care about anything. blue has common sense but at the same time is totally messed up.

"let's ice these mothertruckers." "let's blow this popsicle stand." "oh shit, the shipping and receiving!" "girl guide corporation" "honeydinc" "this is sipsco, and this is not-co." "silkshirt and goggleboy over here..." "everyone down here is bad at chess" [the noise of the industrial alarm going off every time someone enters the sorting facility] "you can go blind from excessive maceration" "hey come check out our cool bunker guys. i promise there's no crazy wormhole thing continually killing us" "CUNTBLASTER" the giant head. "i was too busy thinking about pipes" "there's 13 secret herbs and spices" "what happens in the hovel stays in the hovel" "uranium. whose ranium? my-ranium. i-ranium. what are you doin' in tehran?"

and last but certainly not least

a public diary entry of sorts. coming back to this blog after... it has been some time. well, i started this blog when i was in middle school, and now i have graduated college and have started my first job out of it (i did it, mom!) 

aaand i am probably still just obsessed with yogscast as i was back then. i mean, it doesn’t consume my life as it did then, but i don’t know if you can really phrase it as “i moved on.” 

moving on suggests i don’t think about it anymore, which i do. i can talk and think about it just as eloquently and as in-depth as i did back then. the characters never died away, they still live in my head, and i can construct their dialogue and scenarios with them and everything. the personalities and the settings are so vivid to me. and i think they've even become more in-character, because i have had such distance from them.

i'm really making this post because yogscast tekkit turns 10 years old this month...

and i have begun a sort of one-man renaissance by watching all of the 2012-13 videos... i re-watched the apprentice: sipsco and some of main channel tekkit & sipsco tekkit. i’m going to make my way through sips plays skyrim, because why the hell not...?

because it’s weird not having a fandom. (i don’t even know who’s reading this. i still have my follower count, but i doubt everyone who followed me back then still checks their dashboard?) a fandom is a community of sorts. without a community, i can’t share that kind of exuberance, a feeling of belonging and shared knowledge and excitement. but without a community, i also can't be judged and i don't worry about pleasing others with my decisions.

but i still feel hate and guilt rewatching these series. why am i clinging to this time of naivety and foolishness? when i didn't know, or probably just denied the claims of, everything being so fucked up and wrong behind the scenes? i guess it's simple to understand why i want to go back to existing without that knowledge of who p-ul s-kes turned out to be (and t-rps, and c-ffcast...) but just knowing what we know turns my stomach.

at the same time, and this is what i feel hate and guilt for - the videos still make me smile and giggle all the same. how is that even possible? morally, it shouldn't be. but realistically, i'll never be able to distance myself from these memories and positive emotions. these series were everything to me. and i'm not exaggerating, they were so much of my waking moments. of course, i'm talking about the good stuff, like shadow of israphel, tekkit, voltz, and yeah honestly, also feed the world. moonquest and all the other stuff was good, but it wasn't what i fell in love with.

i suppose it's the nostalgia gripping me. because i'm adult now, not a teenager or a child... these videos are like personalities preserved in amber. the yogscast (as real-life people) were so distant to me then, i couldn't fathom how they came together, it didn't seem real. now i think i can understand it a little better. now i can realize that their friendships weren't unfathomable, impossible - though they were still unique - because friendships like that happen every day.

and it's just weird. i mentioned i was rewatching sips plays skyrim. and each episode, i just think to myself, "my god, 12 year-old me watched this rando on the internet talk about his "lizard wizard wh*re" character, and then i immediately think, "my god, this is fucking hilarious." but it's weird, because instead of being 12, i'm 21. and instead of watching with headphones and being terrified my mom would overhear sips saying "fuck", im watching it with the audio aloud getting ready for work in the morning. it's like... i'm finally the target audience for this, i guess? 9-10 years later? i can finally say "big money, big women, big fun" without cringing?

i think what's really bothering me is that i can see the real-life yogscast as somewhat like peers now, whereas when i was a child, they were rockstars. sips playing skyrim feels so normal to me, a guy providing video game commentary on youtube in 2013, instead of being like "this is so unique and hilarious" ... well, ok, i guess i still do think that.

but it feels less special, and because of that, paradoxically, it feels MORE special.