花雨散诸天

Emperor save me

Hi everyone, I'm quite new to the Warhammer universe, and this is my illustration of Guilliman. I incorporated some of my own redesigns into the character's details. I've uploaded the high-res image to my ArtStation, so feel free to head over there for a closer look. Hope you all like it, and thanks for the support!

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Dilectissimo Domino Ultramaris

And like...that's wild to me? That anyone thinks emotional maturity is just a thing that happens if you wait long enough? Or that being hyper-intelligent guarantees emotional intelligence? Have you even met people before??

The Primarchs reached physical maturity at a rapid rate, I think the time frame spans anywhere between 1-10 years. So there were Primarchs being treated as infallible demi-god kings after only being alive for three years. They are not having anything CLOSE to a normal childhood.

With normal humans, there's a noted phenomenon where the emotional development of celebrities is often stunted at the age they became famous; if you skyrocketed to stardom at 16 years old, you'll likely be walking around in a 40 year old's body but functioning with a teenagers maturity level. It's because their ability to grow into healthy emotional maturity is disrupted by trauma, a lack of normal social development, intense pressure/responsibility, etc.

Most of the Primarchs grew into 9ft toddlers overnight and then no one had the balls to tell them "I think you're acting like a dumb bitch, actually" ever again. Most of them, from the jump, were taught the entire world revolved around them. That is TERRIBLE for you.

And then there's the fact that a fair share of them had traumatic, abusive childhoods. One of the hallmarks of a traumatized kid is a certain degree of age-inappropriate maturity, like a 12 year old who talks and operates like a grown ass adult. But what people tend to forget is that while traumatized kids are hyper-mature in some areas, they'll also be extremely immature in others.

As a former traumatized child, I had adults remarking on my precociousness all the time when I was a teen; I had a very world weary outlook, I understood and could converse about adult topics, I was extremely self-sufficient...but I'd also have fuckin tantrums over minor inconveniences. I couldn't regulate my emotions even if you'd paid me. I was self-centered and petty and volatile as hell.

Dang, sounds familiar.

The Primarchs who do have some semblance of emotional maturity? Guilliman, Dorn and Khan: three guys with stable, loving family units. Guilliman also had a mom there who'd call him out on his bullshit, he had someone to hold him accountable, he wasn't allowed to be an infallible demi-god. This makes a difference.

And cognitive intelligence really means fuck all when it comes to emotional intelligence. My mom's dad was a mathematics professor at Yale for a bit, but he quit his position because he could not fucking handle students correcting him sometimes. My mom had to grow up in poverty because her dad would have a massive self-destructive crashout and quit a job anytime someone said "Well actually--". He'd grown up being told he was a special infallible genius by a coddling mother and it fuckin destroyed him, it made him insufferable.

Once again: sounds familiar, yeah?

And I shouldn't even have to explain why "if you live long enough, you'll eventually become emotionally mature" is ridiculous, we all know boomers who act like annoying toddlers. That is...insanely common.

Primarch, and their opinion about tax/tax season.

Horus: Tought that like. Tax happened to other people. He was his dad favorite lil guy! You wouldn't tax a lil guy like him, right?? Was eventually hit wih many years of late fees and unpaid taxes, and the fallout that ensued may have helped in the start of the heresy.

Sanguinius: His forms are always, always flawless. Not a mistake in sight. What people don't see is the absolute panicked meltdown that those forms create evey years. By the end he's a disshevelled mess and his room is covered in feathers, tears and blood, but the forms are done.

Vulkan: Give a good, honest try every year. Somehow always end up with a small return, wich makes him very happy. He actually has been making small mistakes about it, but it's within he margin of errors and the Tax Organisation gives it to him anyway.

Perturabo: Libertarian. Refuse to give taxes to the Imperium, insist he has a provincial local systhem that work beter and that HE can manage the expense for his legions through it. Forrix had almost a mental breakdown trying to fill it.

Fulgrim: Super torn. On one hand, he UNDERSTAND why tax are important. On the other hand... What's a little creative accounting? Some light embezzelling? Surely this won't blow up in his face, right?

Ferrus: Did not know that tax were a thing until Fulgrim told him. Asked him if he could do them for his legions, and his boyfriend accepted. He pays him back by spending a few days a year with him. In bed. He LOVE tax season.

Jaghatai: Does his taxes, but grumble every years that they are VERY frustrating for not accepting horses as a valid payment form! He even offered to give extra, if they just let him pay in damn horses! The conversion rate gives him headaches. Somehow always just shy of being late.

Alpharius & Omegon: win at taxes. Somehow get a returns that is bigger than their entire spending and earning combined for a year. They just hacked into the systhem and gave it to themself. They are not ready for the Horrors that will soon follow (a full audit).

Magnus: Insist that divination is a valid way to get to your tax statement. When it was refused, tried numerology. His forms spontanuously combusted when completed. He then makes Ahriman do it.

Mortarion: tried the first year to pay in a percentage of a grain harvest. It was refused, and he threw quite a big tantrum. Make the process as long and as painful as possible for whichever poor soul is sent to talk about his tax with him. Contest everything.

Rogal: Oh he fill them so, so good. Actually enjoy the process, it pleass his brain so fucking much. Fuck yeah, give him more tax papers baby! Sometime, if he's feeling spicy, he will intentionally put in a mistakes to see if the tax agents catch it. One time they even sent him extra forms to fill once it was spotted, and he was shaking in excitment.

Angron: All tax forms of the WE are redirected to Lotara. She send them back with a red scribles "FUCK OFF" and a pile of teeth. It's marked as paid.

Lorgar: Does his tax very well! On time and everything!! But his papers keep having the most unlucky bullshit happen to them. One time they were literally dropped in a lake. Constantly has to redo them, and its stressing him out!!! The chaos god are in full effect to garante that hr never has an easy tax return.

Leman: is "conveniently" unreachable every tax season. Constantly on the move in random corner of the galaxy for it, and laugh nervously when tax are mentioned. Actually does not know what tax are and at this point he's too afraid to ask.

Konrad: Insist that he made proper payment, and that his tax are ABSOLUTELY exact, without a single fault or flaw, because that would be a Crime. The fact that he paid in humans skins and organs, corresponding to their exact monetary value, is disturbing.

Lion: Stare at the paper. Stare at whoever gave him the paper. Make a simple grunting noise, and slides all the paper toward Luther. This was the start of the deterioration of their relationship.

Corvus: Tax are good. Tax are greats. She love and respect an equal tax burden, and will publically respect a good tax burden. In private tho, she bitch and moan about her tax funding things she hates. Daydream about witholding them, but never do so.

... And Roboute: The one that instaured the tax systhem in the first place. Know every single rules, regulation, and how exactly to break them. Unwilling to admit that the entire database is staying on a house of card that are 3 excel sheets. He has one machnicus guy keeping it alive.

Bonus round:

Malcador: Has been doing the tax for Terra, some-fucking-how. He actually just imput bullshit numbers and people assume that he did the calculation correctly, because there is no way that they are doing the 3 millions page audit.