Sissy Dreams

I was going to write an article on edging today, as many new Mistresses and subs ask me about the art of edging…however I was too busy edging one of my pets to write. I will add some of my own ideas for you soon, but I came across this post which has some wonderful information and perspectives from some other amazing Tumblr bloggers. 

Please check out the blogs of @beautifulsecrets42 , @femdomdoneright & @herbodyonmymind 

How to Properly Edge Him

Clipped from: http://beautifulsecrets42.tumblr.com/

Original version by: FemdomDoneRight

Many sites on the internet talk about ruining a male orgasm but don’t actually discuss the more effective/efficient enslaving FemdomArt…

What most ladies are much more interested in I find, is routine & habitual “edging”. That’s playing with him, fondling him, and masturbating/stimulating him right to the “edge” of orgasm but not actually letting him cum…

The real art with edging is to learn exactly how to get him as close as possible to an explosion without actually allowing him to erupt. If you pay close attention while you fondle and play, you’ll learn precisely the clear warning signs of an imminent ejaculation. 

There’s nothing quite like edging for subliminally building a guys libido and desire. Not only will he cherish you more, thanks to neurochemistry, but within a short timeframe his vulnerable and exploitable mind will be totally under your feminine control…

Here are some powerful training tips:

1 - Make him always tell you exactly how close he is. Kind of obvious, but Insist that he tells you when to slow down and when to stop. Especially in the beginning while you’re learning how to read his body language. Keep talking to him, ask him how it feels, what is best. You’ll soon get the feel of it and he’ll love you even more for it…

2 - Feel for his body and muscles tensing, him holding his breath, arching his back or even tensing, all are signs he’s getting very close. Learn to read and understand the signs and don’t worry if you go over, you’re learning. Just be sure it’s a libido-building ruined orgasm…

3 - Move from strong to soft strokes, from his vein filled shaft up to his tip constantly. Change it up, take your time and make sure you get him ultra rock hard for maximum dopamine production in his vulnerable brain… I personally like lots of lube and oil and fast but not too tight of strokes, and then as he gets closer and closer, move to a looser grip and then focus on his hypersensitive head and frenulem (the strip underneath the head at the top where guys are most sensitive). Also take breaks frequently. It’s better to stop one second too early than one second too late, stroke - edge - deny - repeat…

4 - Make it ultimately his fault if he erupts. So again, if he does explode make sure you properly ruin it. Stop all rubbing and stimulation as soon as he starts to climax. Or if he’s tied down, you turn it into a post orgasm torture, after the ruined orgasm, where you use his slippery cum as lube to keep rubbing his hypersensitive Joystick, scolding him by saying: you’re so naughty, I didn’t give you permission to cum…

5 - When you do want to enjoy his pent up explosions, make that part of the tease too. When you’re planning to make him climax and erupt, this is a great time to also practice your edging techniques. Use it as an opportunity to see just how crazy you can make him, where you’re not worrying about accidently taking him over the edge…

6 - Oh and you can add a wonderfully sadistic element with this line: If you can hold on for just five minutes more my love, I won’t ruin it when you do cum, okay baby…

Thanks to FemdomDoneRight for this effective mindfuck and programming tool.

Extra notes by HerBodyOnMyMind:

1 - Routine is critical. Edge him every day. For best results: One short session (15 minutes) every other morning; one medium-length session (20-30 minutes) every evening before bed; and at least one long session (40+ minutes) every weekend. If this seems like a lot of time, consider how much time you spend alone doing things you wish he was interested in (like watching your favorite shows on Netflix). This is one activity he will eagerly join. Edging is addictive to male neurochemistry, and it very specifically addicts him to you, as long as you do it regularly. The more you do it, the more deeply he bonds to you, and the more he will crave spending time with you throughout the day. This feeds on itself, and before long, your nightly “quality time” together becomes perfectly natural for both of you. Even if you’re already in love, married, and devoted to each other, your connection can still go deeper - and the fire of wilder days can be rekindled. No more going to bed alone! Also, any time spent having sex or pleasuring you can count toward his edge time. (at your discretion) Daily orgasms for you, his heat beside you as you drift to sleep, and an eager, attentive lover totally addicted to your touch - what’s not to love? No matter how busy or tired you are, you both have the time for this, I promise. Do it for a week, and you will start making time for it.

2 - Edge him more than once. For most, this is obvious. But for some new to edging, it needs to be said. Don’t just edge him once and assume you’re done. Depending on his stamina (and how long it’s been since his last orgasm) it can take a while to build him up to his first edge of the night. It’s important to think of it that way: “first edge of the night.” Because once you’ve guided him to his edge - and stopped - he is still highly aroused, and edging him again becomes easy. All that build-up was time invested to get him to his most blissful state. Now “cash in” your investment and keep him there, by edging him over and over again. It should be easy. A single, slow, tight pump is sometimes enough. Watch his reaction and enjoy the show! (Women report that this is usually their favorite part - guiding their loved one from edge to edge with subtle touches, watching him, and knowing the exquisite gift he trusts only her to give.)

3 - Keep him guessing. Every single time you touch his cock, he should never know if you intend to edge him, ruin him, or give him a full orgasm. Lie to him. Tell him you’re going to stop, then don’t. Or tell him you’re going to ruin him, then give him a full orgasm. Or congratulate him on the orgasm you’re about to give him, then “change your mind” and stop for the night. This only works if you also sometimes tell the truth. Once he learns you are unpredictable, his body will naturally prepare for orgasm, (every time!) giving him the rush he craves - while his mind reels in fear of the alternatives. You are fucking his mind, in addition to his body - in a very good way! Watch how he reacts - from the curl of his toes to the flare in his eyes. It’s incredibly hot.

By Lion,

If the idea of locking your partner’s penis into a little cage seems strange to you, you aren’t alone…

Most of the time, the man discovers male chastity and something about it is very attractive and exciting to him. It may seem odd that forcibly preventing erection and orgasm would be arousing, but to many of us it is. Getting started with this can be difficult. Like a lot on the Internet, there is far more misinformation than fact.

In the case of forced male chastity the simple fact is that the vast majority of men who write about and practice it are actually single and have no partner to lock them up. As a result, most of what you will find on the Web are fantasies written by these lone males. Many women are turned off after reading these complicated and often bizarre  scenarios where they are required to spend endless hours “supervising” their partner’s chastity. This is unfortunate. In reality, many couples find that this kink enhances and enriches them both. The practice couldn’t be easier.

Getting Started Chances are good that your partner spent considerable time reading and dreaming about you caging his penis. This means that he has developed expectations about how it will be when you lock him up. He may have asked you to read this page because of his interest in male chastity play. In any case, the one thing that virtually all male fantasies about this have in common is surrendering some control to his partner or keyholder. Keyholder may be a new term to you. It simply refers to the person who has the key that will unlock the caged penis.

All too often the male will have spent so much time thinking about chastity and surrender that he has confused a big set of fantasies under the chastity umbrella. Most of these fantasies center around what happens after you lock him up. Let’s consider some of the popular scenarios about what happens next:

By the simple act of locking him up he will become submissive and spend all his waking moments as an obedient, willing puppy who lives for pleasing his keyholder. In the fantasies, something magical happens the moment you cage his penis. Maybe it does for some, but let’s face it, padlocking a penis is not likely to generate an instant personality change.  Be that as it may, underlying this fantasy is a desire to surrender enough control to the keyholder so that by pleasing her he can earn her attention and maybe temporary release for some sex. More simply, at the least, this is an expression of a desire for you to take the sexual initiative. Being locked up allows him to atone for some sin(s). Whether it was outright cheating or simply some secret masturbation or other domestic infraction, the fantasy has the male caged as atonement for his sin. By surrendering his penis, he is showing his devotion and wish to be forgiven. With his keyholder in control, he can “prove” his devotion. In turn, she can be sure his boy part won’t be going where it shouldn’t. In practice, this can actually work quite well. The key is that you have had to forgive him his transgression before you lock him up. Chastity shouldn’t be revenge, at least in this scenario. He gets locked up for being “bad”. In this case, the cage is punishment. He has to wear it continuously to serve out his time. In most of the fantasies around this, the amount of time served can be extended for even the slightest misbehavior. A lot of people actually play this way. A boy who isn’t very careful could end up waiting a very long time to be unlocked. His penis is Her toy. The keyholder declares ownership by locking him up. If and when it is unlocked or he gets to ejaculate are up to the whim of his keyholder. There are other possibilities, but one or more of these probably represents how he was thinking about  chastity. Does agreeing to lock him up also mean you are agreeing to play out his fantasies? That is the big question and also the primary reason many women don’t take the step to become keyholders. It’s just too much.

Making it real Now that you have  some idea of the kind of fantasies that may have driven your partner to approach you about male chastity, we can explore the reality. First of all, every chastity scenario involves surrendering sexual control at the least. That means he wants you to call the shots. Your first step should be thechastity conversation. This is where you discuss his wishes and agree on how it will or won’t work at the beginning. Some people go so far to create a chastity contract. This is a written agreement spelling out what chastity means to the relationship; how long between his releases, other things he has to do for you, your obligations as keyholder, etc.

While you may not want to create a document, it is very important that you and he understand each others expectations. It’s critical for your mental health that chastity not take over your relationship. You both have to agree on just how it fits in. Here are a few suggestions:

Start off gradually. Let him know that you (and he) need time to fit chastity into your lives. A good start might be: Shop with him for a chastity device if he doesn’t already have one.This will give you both a chance to select a cage that you both like. Part of this should include measuring him for a good fit. You can learn more about how to measure for a good fit here. When you find the one you both like, you place the order. The device is yours. Establish boundaries. This is the most critical agreement you will have. Discuss how long he will be locked before he gets a release. Many men will just say that they don’t want a release. Your man can’t possibly know that in the very beginning. Agree to some initial no-sex period. Discuss what else he must do to earn his orgasm. This is where you can let him know that the more he pleases you (not just in the bedroom) the more inclined you will be to let his little penis out for some exercise. Establish a “safeword”. This is a word or phrase that he can use to indicate he is in real distress – his cage may be hurting him badly, he has an emotional issue, anything urgent. If he uses his safeword, you agree to immediately release him, stop any activities and discuss the problem. Set limits on “chastity chat”. In the beginning it is very easy for you both to get a bit obsessive about this new activity. For both of your sanity, agree on how much he can discuss his cage. Set fixed times for discussions. Draw out his expectations. They will almost certainly be more than you will want, at least at first. This is the time to very explicitly agree on what will happen in the near future. Repeat this frequently as you both get more experience. Take care of your toy. His penis is under your control. You have the key. He can’t access it without your agreement. Pretty much every chastity cage will cause some physical issues, particularly in the beginning.  It’s a good idea to remove the cage every few days and inspect him. Look for sores and redness. If you see any, consider leaving him unlocked to give him a chance to heal. You may need to order a different device or send the one you have back for adjustment. This is a normal part of the process. Once things fit right, you will need to inspect less often and he won’t need to be uncaged unless you want him to be. Being unlocked does not mean he gets an orgasm. You may want to tease him and lock him up without release. Make sure he understands this. Take ownership of his penis. Once you lock it up, his penis is yours. One way to think about it is that it is your toy. He doesn’t own it. It’s just parked on his body. It exists for your pleasure and amusement. You can take it out and use it, then put it back safely in its cage whenever you want. If you think of it this way, you will find it much easier to incorporate chastity in your life. You aren’t locking something of his up. You are keeping your toy safe. You’ll be surprised how powerful this concept is. Don’t let him push you further than you want to go. If you are not used to being the “boss” that won’t change just because you cage him. The worst thing is to allow him to “top from the bottom”. This means that while you appear to be in control, he is actually manipulating you into doing what he wants. Learn to say “no”. You can do it in the nicest possible way, but you need to stand your ground. Male chastity is his desire to surrender control to you. You don’t have to turn into a dominatrix, but you do need to enforce the boundaries you set. Over time, if he is lucky, your self confidence will grow and you will take more control if you want to. Don’t quit too soon. Male chastity may not be easy for you, especially in the beginning. If he becomes difficult or cranky, or if he annoys you with endless chastity talk, the temptation is to just end it. Try not to let pushing your buttons end this prematurely. Remember, even though he wanted it, he has a lot of adjusting to do too. Agree to a minimum trial period. Don’t make it a year or a week, pick something in between. During that time if there are any issues, discuss them as equals. Talk, Talk, Talk Men are famous for not wanting to discuss their feelings. Males will try to turn any “feeling” conversation into something more “objective”. Use your authority as keyholder to force him to get to what is really going on. Help him learn to be a better boy. He may love the idea of being punished. That’s a very common fantasy. However, at least in the beginning, you don’t spank or punish him for topping from the bottom or otherwise breaking your agreement. You discuss it and let him know that you will unlock him and disregard chastity if it becomes something you dislike. The real punishment is ending chastity. As for the other kind of punishment, if you are so inclined by all means use it to enforce the behavior you want. Just be very aware of the difference between an infraction inside your chastity world and a real problem that affects you as a woman. Establishing a male chastity relationship isn’t mysterious or difficult. It does require a firm hold on the realities of the situation and the willingness to manage the keyholder role in a way that is comfortable for you and that at least, begins to satisfy the fantasies that drove him to starting this with you. Most importantly, have fun…

—- work in progress —-

—- last update 07/07/16 —-

if there’s a page or site you think should be on this list please drop me a message

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Traditional spousal roles include a dominant male and a submissive female. These roles have been changing so that men and women have a more egalitarian relationship. However, some couples enjoy a relationship in which the woman is more dominant than the man…

In order for this to work, both parties need to agree it’s what they want. The dominant female differs from a dominatrix as the role is expanded to include all areas of the relationship, not just the sexual aspects…

A basic guideline

Talk to your man about the role you want, or he wants you to take as a dominant woman. Some men suggest this role because they find it more alluring or comfortable; others are open to it as a way to add some spice to the relationship on a part-time or, in some cases, full-time basis. Find out what you both want from the relationship and what the comfort zones are as far as dominance. Make a list of the areas you want to dominate. This can include things like household chores, sexual relations or controlling how free time is spent. Approach your man with the list to see if these areas are agreeable to him. Take the initiative in these areas. Tell your man what chores to do and when to do them, how he will spend time on his days off and what you expect in the bedroom. Some dominant women expand the dominance in the bedroom to include submissive positions and things like bondage equipment, but this up to the comfort level of both parties…

Training your man to adapt to a female-led relationship

As mentioned above, in order to train your man you will need to establish an agreement of the things you want him to learn, the rules you want him to practice and eventually stick to. Unless your only ambition is part-time bedroom play, if you have no ‘female led relationship’ agreement or relationship strategy you are not ready for training or creating profound changes in your relationship.

Fact is, the more you demand, the more you will eventually receive.

Your regular and playful, but firm acknowledgement of him as the submissive party in your relationship will very quickly encourage your man to become far more service-oriented than you could ever have imagined.

It must be said that beginners to this lifestyle often struggle most with the following dilemma: what you want your man to learn in your female led relationship and what he wants to learn are very different. In all likelihood, you want him to learn to overcome his bad habits, work independently, take a little more initiative around the house, find fulfillment in growing, gain confidence in your leadership and participate as your supportive follower. He primarily wants to learn how to serve your body, obey your commands, please you sexually, humble himself and learn what it is like to surrender. Because of the difference and size of the task at hand you must choose your personal targets and accompanying rules for him wisely…

As with all things, the middle ground is often found through compromise. If you want his undivided attention, and pampering, then you’ll need to play into his fantasy. He will love it, and you will get better results. Make it your first goal to find out what motivates him, his innermost sexual fantasies,…and use this information to tease and arouse him, edging him on further towards serving you unconditionally and accepting a more female led relationship.

Chances are, he was the one who showed initial interest, and suggested to you a possible change in lifestyle, one that strokes his fantasies and is more than just bedroom play. In this particular fantasy of his you can safely assume that:

1) He wants you to exert power over him including humiliation and punishment of some sort. 2) He wants your interest and participation level to be high and for you to show confidence and make demands. 3) He wants you to control sex and his orgasm, often including fantasies of fetish sex, props and costumes. 4) He has a willingness to give up control to you. 5) He has a high interest in your body and in serving you as a woman.

Although no doubt overwhelming and possibly confusing at first, receiving such unbridled and enthusiastic attention from your man quickly becomes not only fun, but incredibly addictive. It is a fact that almost all women entering this lifestyle quickly see the rewards, and claim they would never choose to go back to the way things used to be in their relationships with their man. With a little variation and planning, you can enjoy rich personal pleasures from the man you love while playing into his fantasy.

The trick to training him and keeping him motivated consists of two elements; a degree of orgasm management on your behalf to ensure his masturbating doesn’t lock him into a constant state of sexual/emotional indifference, and a regular dose of teasing to keep his sexual energy’s flowing.

Let’s deal with the first point, orgasm management, often referred to or associated with chastity.

Chastity – An important key to a female-led relationship

It is a commonplace observation that men tend to be sexually wanton. Left to their own devices men will opt for multiple partners, spreading their “seed” as widely as possible. Sex is quick, often brutal, and focused on a single goal - ejaculation. Ejaculation leaves men depleted and often out of sorts. They lose their focus on their partner or the image that prompted their masturbatory fantasy. The biological and emotional signals seem to be for the male to leave after ejaculation and begin searching for his next sex partner. No wonder women are so often dissatisfied with their male partners…

Female-led relationships require the male to overcome this biological predisposition and the cultural conditioning that reinforces it. Female-led relationships require the male to find ultimate pleasure in his partner’s pleasure, rather than subordinating her pleasure to his own. This reorientation is a profound challenge for a male, one that no doubt accounts for the low (but growing) percentage of female-led relationships.

A program of chastity is the best way for men to reorient themselves so they are suitable for a female-led relationship. By chastity I mean that the male in a relationship does not have an orgasm unless it is in the presence and/or with the permission of his partner.

Some women and their partners prefer that the man maintain chastity through self-discipline. Others prefer the idea of using a chastity belt to enforce their chastity. There is no one right way to practice chastity, but most agree that a man who practices chastity is expressing profound respect for their partner and women generally. Many speak of their chastity as being a gift of their sex and their sexual energy to their female superior and the superior sex of which she is a part.

For a man who is used to unrestricted masturbation, chastity is a profound challenge. Yet, chastity is a challenge well worth undertaking because it can help lead to a transformation of a man’s relationship with his partner. Almost every account of a chastity regimen notes that the man becomes much more attentive to the needs of his partner, serving her better both sexually and in a myriad of other ways that are pleasing to her. The many religious traditions that use chastity/abstinence as a key element of their spiritual practice and service orientation are definitely onto something.

Resolve to restrict his orgasms to situations where he has first given you ample pleasure in some way, be it sexual or otherwise. If his need to masturbate is simply too overwhelming, as is often the case, encourage/command him to practice masturbating to the edge of orgasm and then stop.

In some female-led relationships the male may even be asked to occasionally provide sexual service with his penis while foregoing his own orgasm, a profound mental and physical challenge.

Other female-led relationships will be oriented so the chastised male will more often than not provide sexual service in every way except by using his penis. Ultimately, it is for you to decide how best to weave chastity into your relationship. What is important to understand, however, is that chastity is one great way to keep your submissive man feeling and expressing his submissiveness to you.

The importance of teasing

As touched upon before, a vital step to driving your man wild, and controlling or influencing his behavior lies in understanding and knowing what he envisions or wants in his fantasies. It really can’t be understated how crucial it is to have at least some notion about what your man fantasizes about sexually, so try not to shy away from discussing this as openly as possible with him. At this point, it’s fair to say he has an outspoken fantasy to be sexually dominated in some way by a confident, powerful female, but how, and in what way exactly? Hereunder are some of the more popular female domination themes your man may harbor spoken or unspoken fantasies about.

Popular ‘female domination’ themes:

Dominatrix (Also called a ‘domme’ – a women who takes the dominant role in bondage, discipline and sadomasochism (deriving of pleasure from submitting to physical or emotional abuse)) Flogging (Also called whipping or caning) T&D (‘Tease and denial’ - used to describe any technique that involves the sexual stimulation of a male to cause intense arousal without climax) Pegging (A sexual practice in which a woman penetrates a man’s anus with a strap-on dildo) Forced feminization (Also known as ‘sissification’ - the practice of switching the gender role of a male submissive, usually achieved through cross-dressing, where the male is dressed in female attire, ranging from just wearing female undergarments to being fully dressed in very feminine attire and make-up) Golden showers (A paraphilia in which sexual excitement is associated with the sight or thought of urine or urination) Cum curious (A fetish whereby the male is forced after orgasm to clean up and swallow his seminal fluid) Forced chastity (A beltlike device designed to prevent masturbation or sexual intercourse) Cuckolding (A fetish describing a man’s desire to observe his partner have sex with another man) Bondage (The state of one who is bound as a slave) Cock and ball torture (Also called ‘ball busting’ - a sexual activity involving torture of the male genitals) Face sitting (Also known as ‘queening’ – female sits on or over the males face, typically to allow or force oral-genital or oral-anal contact) Wax play (Hot wax usually dripped from candles or ladled onto a person’s naked skin) Ruined orgasm (Stimulation is provided to the moment orgasm is inevitable, and then stopped by breaking all physical contact with the genitals just as orgasm begins)

In any case, whether you choose to actually act out some of his fantasies or not is entirely up to you. Often merely suggesting to your man that his fantasies may one day become a reality is all that is needed to get the desired result. What is important to understand though, is that he will be far more fulfilled and far more eager to please your every desire if you are in on his ‘dirty little secrets’. Do not underestimate the value of being able to tap into what sexually arouses your man. Some of his fantasies may well be too personal or embarrassing for him to share with you, in that case, playfully invite or, when aroused, order him to write some of them down and send them to you. Perhaps you already know a few of his fantasies. Do not judge him for what he fantasizes about. He really can’t help it, it’s simply the way your man happens to be hardwired. What you want to do is inject yourself into his fantasies. You want to know what turns him on the most so that you can use that information to exercise even more control and influence over him.

The bottom line is if the sexual energy he derives from his sexual fantasies is not somehow channeled through you, he will find other ways to feed his curiosity or hunger so why not indulge and play along? It’s about not only learning to tease him physically, but mentally as well. It is after all through his mind that you will have the most influence in changing his attitude and behavior towards accepting and embracing a more female led relationship. Remember too that expressing the secrets in his soul is something painfully difficult to do without the assurance that the woman on the other side of the relationship will accept it and value it as a treasured gift. Value and cherish the trust he is willingly placing in your hands.

It’s all about who??

In closing, let me share with you one last thought. The foundation of female authority within a female-led-relationship calls for her to dominate the male, and for him to worship, serve and submit to her. However by definition, in order for the female to dominate, she must have someone over whom she can wield her authority. Think of a planet populated with dominant women only, and no submissive males. When everyone is dominant, no one is dominant; without worker bees, there can be no queen bee. The presence of a submissive male is what bestows upon the female her opportunity to dominate. Ultimately then, female domination can never be truly ALL about the female. Rather, it is about the female being dominant as seen through the eyes of a male who acknowledges her superiority and derives pleasure and a personal fulfilment by worshipping and submitting to her authority.

Both halves of a female-led-relationship are therefore equally important, with each empowering the other in their respective roles. Each experiences emotional and physical rewards that feed from the other. It is Yin and Yang. It is a classic symbiotic relationship for which Mother Nature is so well known…