under corsican stars,

offhandedly the topic came up the day before and I didn't know how to say well if I was hard of hearing and I was in a social setting, I'd be pretty fucking miffed sitting there being unable to engage in a conversation or the world thinking lipreading is an exact, easy science.

there's this local sharing about being 35 up and single and man. man. it's real. I've learned to be so content with my solitude. I bumped into my prof at a friend's wedding and he asked what's new. idk how to respond to that. nothing is new. yet everything is new. I'm still in the same stage of life, struggling through the system and trying to carve my own place to live in a land scarce country. I've jumped a bunch of companies and struggling with the uncertainty. I have an amazing support system of friends. friends beyond the past 4 years are a little hazy these days because we're low maintenance. I'm not any closer to being married than I was before. life doesn't have crazy updates the way I wish they could be.

this weekend I craved the company of someone who would give me undivided attention. or could celebrate the little ups and downs that life has been tossing my way. everyone is off being a main character in their own lives, and it makes me think how nice it would be to be indulged without feeling like I'm imposing on friends who have their own lives outside of me.