4:30 a. m.
i had a dream about you again last night. you were your old self with long hair and the diffident grin. it was awkward and strange to be shopping with you in the garden center. you were acting the same way the night we had our first date, you had so much to say but you kept your hands in your pockets and said as little as possible, chit-chat. that night you gave me the feeling that you wanted me to feel comfortable with you. you were kind and considerate.
in my dream, we walked past a garden fountain. i wanted to put my hands in the water. there was a bloody napkin submerged in the water caught in the undertow of the flowing water. you didn’t say anything to warn me about the napkin but you gave me a look to warn me it was there.
we sat down on a garden tea set and tried to talk as if we knew each other. but it was more like we reported to one another about the trivial things going on in our lives. but then you said, that you wanted to quit your job because all you ever did was work. i bit my tongue and said nothing. that was one of the resentments i had while we were together, you were always working. what i needed from you was typically placed on the back shelf so that you could do your boss a favor, or make money, or cover a shift. i said nothing just like i did back then in real life. i figured it was your decision and you will always do what you will do.
i woke up at 4:30 a.m. weepy. i guess it’s just my mind letting all of it go.
