Sinteresting World

Be careful what you wish for. It might just be a little too intense.

My husband wants nothing more than for me to be pleasured each and every time no matter who I am with. He wants it to be the BEST every single time. Now having said all of this, no matter how good it is with our third, no matter how many orgasms I have, no matter how much he may make me squirt, it still cannot measure up to what it feels like once my husband reclaims me afterwards. The reason for this is because the reclaiming sex is about so much more than sex, it is about the love and the trust my husband and I share. It is about the raw desire we have for each other.

It's been ten years since my husband and I began our sexual exploration, which has resulted in me having a long term sexual relationship with two other men. I know a lot of couples read this blog and are curious. I get your questions. I'll try here to explain a little, as briefly as possible, to answer the question: "Why do you have sex with other men? What do you get out of it after 10 years?"

First, I'll say that the reason has changed. At first, it was almost entirely because it turned my husband on. Turned me on too, of course, but...if it hadn't been a turn on for him, no way it happens.

Once I realized that the way we approached it strengthened our marriage, our communication bonds, and once I understood that I could have sex with another man without "falling in love" with him, then I began doing it for "us", but also for "me".

So, I find myself now ten years in and I can reflect on why I still do it. I love lists, so I'll make a list. It does not have a particular order. I'd place all of these as equal to each other.

Sex is healthy, and having this situation at hand leads to more overall sex.

It makes sex more interesting. Not that sexually monogamous sex can't be interesting, but it really can't be as interesting as when there's a third person involved. AndI don't mean just the physical. The mental/psychological aspect is even more important.

I love the attention from more than one male. I love guys. I love masculinity. The "friendship" I have with Ben and Colin are, outside of my marriage, my favorite relationships. I love talking to guys, getting in their brain. Having sex with them, especially when they know the boundaries, enhances that friendship beyond anything you could have non-sexually. Also, does it need to be said that it's just really super hot to get whisked away for a night or three with a hot man as his "date" or "girlfriend", and escape the reality of life for just a bit? Everyone has an escape--I think this is a very healthy escape. Being in their presence brings out the sensual femininity in me.

It gives me even more motivation to stay in good shape, physically, emotionally, spiritually.

It necessitates better and more communication with my husband. That's what this entire blog is about.

This is a hard one to quantify, but in my experience it makes me look at the world and my existence differently. I see the beauty and sexual appeal in a lot more. Almost like the difference between watching a black and white TV vs. super high def 4k. Even the curves in furniture can be sensual.

Did I mention the sex is good? It's better with my husband, it's better with Ben, than ever before. By that I mean the actual feeling of sex. The orgasm. It's better.

I enjoy giving to Ben (and before, Colin). Giving of my time, my talents, my ears, advice, and of course, my body. I feel like I'm a positive influence and a good friend.

As a follow up to my last post, I had asked my husband to write a few notes about why he "lets" me do it. I don't mean to seem like he controls me, because he doesn't. However, if he told me tomorrow he'd like me to stop having sex with Ben, I would. Because in the end it is about our marriage. So here's what he wrote, again, all points are equal to each other. These are his words, unedited. Keep in mind, he did not know what I wrote. Interesting to see the two sides.

Because it absolutely makes our communication stronger. There are no secrets, and that is super sexy and hot. Even when we're out and you say something like, "that guy is super hot". Every woman thinks it, but few have the freedoms to say it because of their own insecurity, or the insecurity of their husband, which comes out as jealousy.

Sex was always good with you of course, but it's way better since it started. Way better. It's more erotic, even ten years in. It never fails either--when you've been with Ben, our sex after is more passionate. I can feel it.

I see your confidence and the fun that you're having. It doesn't take away from us, it adds to us, and to you. I love seeing how erotic you are, and I love it when you describe an encounter with Ben. Most men would be threatened, I am not. I love it.

I like my/our friendship with Colin and Ben. A lot. It's really very cool.

Likewise, I love surprising you by planning a date for you with Ben. I love how it brings out the femininity in you.

I love the not knowing. I go to work, and I don't know if you're having sex with Ben. That makes every single day erotic in a hard-to-define way. In the times that I "catch" you in the act? Super freaking hot.

There are so many hot picture captions/memes on Tumblr about hotwifing, cuckolding, the stag and vixen lifestyles, and all the other forms of alternative relationship arrangements we get out perverted and kinky selves into.

But you know what bothers me sometimes? 

How our perceptions and expectations about these arrangements can get skewed without us even recognizing it. 

Expectations for what it’s all like, what it should be like, how it happens, how often it happens, why it happens…all those expectations get influenced by the things we immerse ourselves in. 

This is especially the case for people who are new to the lifestyles or who are looking to get into the lifestyles.

Simply put, the eroticism and sexiness of hotwifing images/memes we see on Tumblr notwithstanding, they leave out some of the realities to it all. 

Sometimes though, it’s good to be reminded of the realities, and that’s what this post is all about. 

For example, you’ll never come across a picture like this…

…with a caption on it that says something like, “ “Honey I just got back from my date with another man, and he was a TERRIBLE kisser. I didn’t enjoy it at all.”

Or perhaps one like this…

Or how about one that conveys just how common it is to get all ready and excited for your first in-person meet, only to have the guy be a faker or flake…

We don’t see things like this because it’s not sexy to see or think about. We only reblog things that stoke our desires. And that’s normal for the most part. After all, sex isn’t the only thing that “sells”…SEXY does too. 

Don’t get me wrong though. I’m not saying the hotwifing lifestyle can’t be enjoyable or sexy or pleasurable beyond your wildest imagination, because it can. It can one of the most fulfilling journeys a couple can take together in their entire life. 

It just sometimes helps to be reminded every now and again that if it all doesn’t go down or happen like you read about in most online hotwifing stories or see in the hotwife pictures/memes,…DON’T WORRY…IT’S ALL NORMAL!

Nothing is wrong with you, or your partner, or your relationship, or your experience. You’re most likely not doing anything wrong. Navigating the lifestyle can be difficult and frustrating at times, and it comes with tons of challenges. 

So if at any point, you run into a challenge or a setback or have a negative experience along the way, remember that it comes with the territory and you shouldn’t fret too much about it. But most importantly…

Don’t be afraid to share your “negative” experiences with the online community! It can help you and it can help others to know that living out this lifestyle in reality is a bit different than living it out in fantasy. That’s why…