SinnerVirtue

I taught my cat some of my words, but we kinda settled on a mutual understanding that wasn't my original intention. I wanted to teach him to come where I point my finger when I say his name. At first I gave him treats for it, but he always knew if I didn't have a treat and would not come without one. I realized that he must think that means "if you come here I'll give you a treat" and I seem like a scammer if I do it without one.

That's when I realized he would communicate with me, but I don't think he'd ever tolerate being commanded. I managed to reestablish the meaning as "If you come here I will pet you."

We both understood quickly that I couldn't use it when he needed to move for his own safety. He's not allowed in the laundry room because he might get trapped. I needed to keep the definition of the point and name clear, so I never use it if I plan to come grab him if he doesn't come. I will always just grab him if it's for his own safety and not that I just want to pet him.

I think that honesty has brought us much closer. He's begun to trust me when I pick him up, and he hasn't clawed me on purpose in a long time. He also claws me on accident a lot less. Now he's pretty chill when I just grab him.

One day I heard what his mow meant. He had been very vocal and I couldn't figure out why. Eventually I just sat there and listened to him scream, but eventually I understood one. It started out big and suddenly dropped off, as if he couldn't get it all out. I thought at first he hurt his voice, but he screamed much longer and louder a year ago when we had a gas leak, and he spent nearly 2 hours outside in my arms.

Then I realized what it was, because I did the same thing as a kid. He gave up on crying. I was neglected as a kid, like clinically. As a little kid I would beg for attention and be ignored. Eventually I only begged for help when I was hurt. Around 12 or 13 I gave up on ever asking for help. This is probably projection, but his mow communicated something really similar to that feeling of helplessness.

I cried and grabbed him to hug him and tell him that I'm sorry I couldn't figure out what he needed. He snuggled into me and purred, and that's when I learned my first word in his language. Standing still and mowing, not leading me away anywhere, means he wants affection. That made so much more sense, because he'd known what "show me where" means perfectly for a long time. He's been saying, "here, it's me, I'm the reason I want your attention."

Today I learned a third word, then realized it's actually my fourth. He flicks his ears when he's overstimulated, especially by something too loud. That's what I learned today. When I turned my fan down and my audio book off, he gave me wide eyes. I've known a long time that wide eyes, especially with slow blinks, means I love you. Every time he does it I tell him "I love you buddy" outloud. I know he knows what I'm saying.

Idk how to end this. He's my special guy and I love him. His name is Stolas.

I've been so into breath of the wild lately. I've been getting deep into the roleplay aspect and tapping into my inner noble lady knight. Yeah, Link gets called he and sir, but that also happens to me all the time. I guess I kinda forgot at some point the character was written for cis men and not trans women.