Sink or Swim

it never stays the same

Like the atom and that bomb

that causes so much pain

So I came in from the cold

with nowhere left to go

And I gave away my freedom

and the calling of the wild

So that I could be with you,

I chose to be with you

So I came in from the cold

andI I chose to be with you

I chose

To be

With you ………

but I'm not going to vote!

I'm not going down with you bastards!

(From🦢 Closer Deadsouls in Japan)

【SNOW】

Deep beneath the cover of another perfect wonder

Where it's so white as snow

Privately divided by a world so undecided

And there's nowhere to go

There are those I hate

But they bear no guilt

Of course, I bear no guilt either

...Who bears the greatest guilt?

I still haven't found that one...

Throw It Away!!

Throw It Away!!

...I try... Gave Up...

🦢 Protect what's important to you

˚ 🦢₊✧ 【Untitled】

🦢 Good Morning, Good Afternoon and Good Evening！

I had AI generate a model-like image of Trent Reznor from the 90s 🥰

Is this actually okay? 😆

Honestly, Trent back then had such great style and was such a handsome young man he could've gone straight to Paris Fashion Week, so I just had to play around with it 🥰

Also, personally, the 90s version of him always looked like he was carrying the weight of the world's sins on his shoulders, which was kind of hard to watch...

So I thought, maybe something like this is nice for a change? ☺️

Original photo

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Processed photo

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🦢 Good Morning, Good Afternoon and Good Evening！

Following up from the other day, here's another one of my clumsy drawings💦🥰

I wanted an animal to pair with Trent, and a dog would have been nice,

but since I couldn't draw a dog well, I went with a cat instead😽🐱

But... no matter which photo I look at, this person is just so beautiful🩷🩷

🦢 Good Morning, Good Afternoon and Good Evening！

It's nearly 4 a.m. here in Japan... is it already early morning?

The day before yesterday, I bought three NIN vinyl records.

I wanted to show them all at once, but the photos turned out terrible again, so I thought I'd do it another time... but there's something really bothering me, so I'll just post this "Broken" one first.

Um... this... if you look closely at the jacket, doesn't it look like there's a baby's face on the left and a human hand in the center?

It's really bothering me...

Does anyone else see it the same way?

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🦢 Good Morning, Good Evening and Good Afternoon！

Good morning Japan time 😽

It's getting colder by the day—this is freezing!

But I'm heading out shopping now.

( Not to buy Christmas presents though 😆 )

Before leaving, I suddenly felt like drawing something gentle ☺️

Unlike Japan, Christmas season is a really important time overseas, right? Some countries might prioritize Easter more, but Christmas in Japan has basically become just another festival. No sentiment or tradition involved. It's been reduced to something extremely tacky...💧 That's why I'm so envious of how Christmas is celebrated overseas... I think Christmas abroad is so much more refined!

Wishing you all a wonderful day today too 🩷🧸𖤐⡱

Thank You ✨ XXXX

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...I wish Trent would say something like that to me with such a sweet smile...😽🥰

🦢 Good Morning, Good Evening and Good Afternoon！

It's Saturday afternoon Japan time.

My health still isn't great, but I'm not completely immobilized—I can manage shopping trips. Still, playing it safe, I'm staying home and resting quietly for now 😽

So earlier, I thought, "Jody White was the bassist on the With Teeth tour, right? He's so cool," and started looking him up. But nothing came up. Why?? I was puzzled, then realized: He went by Twiggy Lamirez, didn't he!" I searched that name, and wow, it came up! Plus, there were tons of kinda shady photos... It got interesting, so I decided to post about it on Tumblr (´>∀<｀)ゝ

But it's not entirely unrelated to NIN, and above all, he was with Manson, and Trent is Manson's creator... Is it okay to post this...? 💦😱

But he's so flashy, he feels more gothic than Manson himself...😂👻

Now I get why Japanese NIN fans often comment "Twiggy, why aren't you wearing a dress?!" on With Teeth tour videos ☺️

Dresses look cool too,

but I think he looks even cooler just wearing plain black clothes without makeup...

Well, Aaron North had more flashy moves and stood out more during the With Teeth tour, so personally, I hope Jody's popularity quietly avoids standing out too much...☺️🩷

So Jody White is his real name!

And he's the only bassist Trent hired without an interview, despite being "super strict about relationships."

Even with the Manson connection, he's a lucky guy...☺️

Gyaaaah!! What on earth is this pink dress...??😂😂 But it suits him strangely well ☺️🥰🩷

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Whaaat??? 😱😱😆😆

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This solo shot is so cool! 🩷🩷

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But really, it's this group photo, right! 🩷🩷

But Trent is the best, right? 🥰🥰🩷🩷

Of course he is! ☺️☺️

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【Dear Followers】

Thanks to you all, I found the comment section!

Sorry for the trouble. Thank you 🥰

As an apology, I'll leave this imitation of NIN Freak's unique sign—not a fist—that he often does during live shows ☺️😽

I really am such a scatterbrain...

Good Night✨🎧⚡️❄️💙🩷

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This is the kind of person I want to become…………💧💙

⸜🌷⸝ To my beloved Tumblr NIN freak！！

🦢 Good Morning, Good Evening, and Good Afternoon!!

(To my followers. My apologies.↓↓↓)

※ Um... To those who commented on my previous posts.

Do comments on Tumblr disappear after a certain amount of time? I tried to reply but couldn't find them anywhere...

So I'm using this space to apologize.

I'm sorry I couldn't reply!!

...Even though I've been on Tumblr for quite a while now, I still haven't figured out how to use it properly... I'm hopeless, huh? 💦😭

But! Thanks to all of you, I'm having fun posting.

Thank you so much! 🩷🩷XXXX

…………………………

This person's expressions are totally different in every photo, which is so interesting.

But they're all gorgeous and cool! ✨💙

Love you, Trent! 🥰🩷🩷🩷XXXX

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Trent... I'm sorry I never get you right...

I wish I could draw you better...💦

(From the lyrics of New Order's ”Here to Stay”)

I'll take your pain upon myself too.

If it makes you smile,

I'd be willing to die.

...If I said that seriously, I'd just be laughed at and called an idiot, but I actually think this way quite seriously, all the time. It's probably a very old-fashioned way of thinking, completely out of step with the times.

Still, I want to hold onto that resolve.

So, when I tried searching Google again to look up the lyrics to "Here to Stay" for posting this, I found another blogger on Tumblr who'd focused on "Here to Stay" besides me! It seems like a blog from 13 years ago... I wonder if this person is still active on Tumblr?………

"Here to Stay" is definitely a song that stirs the listener's emotions... My absolute favorite song. I love it just as much as Trent's cover of Joy Division's "Dead Souls"! My anthem!

Ian Curtis (Joy Division)

Trent……

Why do my drawings end up looking nothing like them at all………💦💦😭😂

I despair at my complete lack of artistic talent……😂😂💦💦

But……I truly love them so much……❤️❤️🥰

【It's precisely because my love runs so deep that I can't express it well...】

Oh no! 💦💦

It's been three days since my last blog post.

My physical condition hasn't been great, and while I'm not particularly down mentally, I find myself getting distracted by feeling unwell more often...

I'm resting for now, but tomorrow is my hospital appointment day.

But! I'm posting anyway 😆🥰

When I decided to blog today, the first thing that popped into my head wasn't NIN, but Joy Division. And this song, "Colony."

I wonder if this song is about the suffocating feeling of having no mental escape, likely stemming from Ian Curtis's own infidelity? Or rather, it almost sounds like it's just about the stifling nature of his marriage to his wife... Not that I'm personally experiencing such suffocation right now. I just love this song and it popped into my head... Nothing more to it. ☺️

Trent has also suffered from a sense of mental suffocation since he was young. It wasn't dissatisfaction with marriage like Ian's, but rather his own suffocating feeling. "Not being able to free my own heart, not being able to set myself free..." He seems to have been tormented by that pain... Perhaps Ian suffered from the same kind of anguish?

Trent's sense of stagnation is different in meaning from Ian's, but I feel like Trent could understand Ian's suffocating feeling. And if Ian were alive now, he would undoubtedly be very interested in such a Trent. They might have become good friends?

………Probably not 😆💦

Joy Division ”Colony ”

Don't you think NIN and Joy Division have a similar vibe? I wonder if cool things just naturally end up resembling each other?

(I tried translating the lyrics of "Living will " into English.)

(I've marked lyrics I consider important with ※.)

If I were to die suddenly one day without warning

You'd be overcome with grief and cry every night

The island we were meant to visit together, the slope with the beautiful night view

You'd blame yourself, looking at the map of tomorrows that will never be

I don't need a place to bury my bones

Burn everything I treasured—

Every single photo frame, without exception.

Then take this body turned to ashes in both hands

And send it back to that sea, carried by the wind

If something happened, and I became a patient without consciousness,

If even your kiss couldn't wake me, then please.

End it with your arms, gaze into my final face without looking away,

And gently close my wide-open eyes.

Then hold this body turned to ashes in both hands,

And send it back to that sea on the wind.

※ Someday, someone will seek you again. You will be loved.

When that happens, be happy.

But on my birthday alone, cry for me on that hill.

The sea where I swam naked—

Think of me...

LaLaLaLaLaLa…………

………………………………

The Japanese female artist "Cocco" I introduced before...

Her song "Last Will," considered a masterpiece among masterpieces...

At first glance, it seems like the content of someone contemplating suicide, but that's not actually the case.

It's said to mean:

"You never know when you might die in an accident or incident, or suffer damage severe enough to leave you in a vegetative state.

So, to prevent your partner from panicking when that time comes, you should write a 'last will' in advance and leave it behind."

I think so too.

But... especially the third line... the part I marked with ※...

It's not the day of death, but "I want you to cry on my birthday"...

Somehow, it feels like Trent would say the same thing...

My heart just starts pounding wildly on its own...

What do you all think?

hide, a member of X JAPAN—popular not just in Japan but worldwide—loved this song...

I use the past tense "was" because he took his own life. Whether hide's death was suicide or an accident remains unclear to this day. But this song undeniably draws in those with fragile minds with intense force. So it's hardly surprising if suicide was the reason hide passed away.

Anyway, it seems you need considerable resolve to listen to this "Last Will."

……………………

Cocco in the early 2000s?

Beautiful………

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With Cocco's son.

……To think she, who used to hurt herself, was raising a child so well……

Humans are surprisingly strong………

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hide of X JAPAN.

Somehow a sorrowful expression………

But how incredibly cool is he!!

Died 1998, aged 33…………💧💧

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Trent, always had such lonely before marriage……

Now, it's okay to feel at ease , right？

Please don't just disappear without a word...💧

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【Darkness always lurks beside Trent and his music……】

"Wondering if there's any fun videos out there?" I was browsing YouTube and stumbled upon another one from Trent's private studio! 🥰

"Looks like a bonus track from the DVD of the movie "The Social Network." Seems to show the scene during the movie soundtrack production... but there's a whole bunch of weird equipment again! 😱😱☺️😂

Atticus is there too. ☺️

And on top of the piano is a "skull"………!! 😱😱

Trent's tastes seem obscure, but actually feel surprisingly straightforward to me. He himself probably finds it hard for others to understand. But isn't that okay? Personally, I don't want people who know nothing about the creator Trent Reznor to easily decipher him either...

I don't know what Trent himself thinks about it...

But... no matter when or where, Trent is always such a photogenic guy...❤️❤️

Anyway, I want to live in a room crammed full of gear like this! I absolutely love spaces like this☺️❤️

Is this the photo from that time?

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Once again, I sincerely apologize for the unauthorized reposting and for the inconvenience caused...

I'm sorry.