Tired

I need a fresh start, but those are too expensive in the US

i need to just rip out my whole stomach ive lost stomach privledges

No I dont have an ed, yes i bodycheck all the time, yes i restrict, yes i fast, yes i hate the feeling of food in my stomach, yes i feel the fat, yes i check the bmi of my gws even tho i already know it, yes i check the calories of stuff that arent even food, yes i think that if i smell or touch food the cals will seep into my body, yes I used laxatives, yes i made myself throw up, yes i sometimes do 20k-30k steps a day on purpose, yes I am afraid yet impatient of weighing myself next day, yes my body disgust me and i blame hating myself on being fat, yes I think all my problems will be solved when ill lose the weight, yes I isolate to focus on wl, yes I cried bc I had to eat, yet I also ate the whole fucking house in one sitting, yes I fake dirty plate or throw food to make it seem like I ate, yes I am mad when my parents tell me i need to eat cus i didnt eat today, yes I despise the "what did u eat today" question, yes I say no to any snacks my friends offer me, yes I omad, yes I have had these behavior for a couple of years, yes my parents tell me "You're gonna get obese if you don't pay attention to your weight" or makes comments on my body, yes im on edtwt, yes im on edblr BUT I DONT HAVE AN ED because I must fake it cus idk it just doesnt feel like I have one

It’s truly a wake up call when your baggy clothes aren’t baggy anymore