Welcome To My Life.

get in loser we’re gonna try again despite it all

i support women's wrongs

Big and small henchmen for the villain in one of those secret-life-of-mice movies from the 80s

welcome to my new app, UberFeats. i will send heroes to your house to commit great Feats of strength and cunning

Will they do my dishes?

they will Slay your dishes

What about the laundry?

they will Slay your laundry

what about the minotaur harassing my cows

they will Have Sex with the minotaur

I'm tired of saying "Sneasels of both forms and Weaviles and also Sneaslers" all the time, there should be an umbrella term.

I just call em the Weasler family.

Pokemon Heritage Post

If a system needs to be abused for poor people to get the help they need, I don't think poor people are the problem.

Wile E. Coyote, two milliseconds before he lights a match only to reveal he's surrounded by flammable traps he himself has set and the whole website explodes

i'm trying to save money but oh my god. jesus christ

happy anniversary 

Oh, hey Charlie, sorry you didn’t make it to the 8 year anniversary

having your own money is fucking dangerous because the only person stopping me from buying whatever I want is myself. and myself has bad judgment sometimes