The knights of the square table had been summoned via Bdubs texting them about it in the groupchat like fifteen minutes ago. Cleo, Joe, Scar, Iskall, and Cub gathered at the door of the meeting room, complaining to each other.
“This better be damn important, I was on vacation.” Iskall grouched, taking a sip of his martini.
“Wish I could go on a vacation. I’ve been doing pinball machine wiring all afternoon, and I was just about to finish it when Bdubs texted.” Joe muttered, polishing his blue sunglasses on his shirt.
“I’m so fucking high right now.” Cub said, but Bdubs threw open the doors before anyone could respond to that.
“Knights! Hello! Please, come in.” Bdubs bowed them in. “Oh also,” Bdubs staged whispered as they passed him, “the king is in a very, uh, interesting mood.”
“Oh god.” Scar murmured, arming himself.
Ren the king was sat at the head of the table, looking thoughtfully at the map of the shopping district. When everyone was settled in their chairs, he spoke.
“Good day, my dudes, and might I just say you are all looking rather ravishing this evening.” Ren winked at them all individually. “I wish I could come-”and here Ren paused and sighed for an unnecessarily long time and stroked the Impulse head he kept on him at all times, “with good news, but I’m afraid I can not. The kingdom is throbbing with discontent. Our citizens are in a rut, and can’t afford to buy anything. Even worse, rumors of rebellion have been thrust upon us. The soup group continues to try to dominate me, which has caused me many pains in the backside.”
Iskall’s mouth was hanging open, but not because of the server’s financial crisis.
“But fear not, my knights, for I, as your bodacious king, have devised a plan that will put us on top! Now, it may be true that not all of my plans have gone down on the hermits as well as I’d like them to have. But, I have spent the last few days within my private chamber, thinking long and hard of a plan that will delight the server and save our kingdom!”
Joe was nodding along, his face as red as a beet, holding in a laugh.
“What our citizens lust for are diamonds. They need to see that shine, those blue balls they love so much. So, we paint all of the royal emeralds blue! That way, the hermits will see the color and quiver with delight, as their brains trick then into thinking that they’re holding real diamonds! This will send them into an ecstasy that is sure to provide joyous relief. What do you guys think?”
There was a long silence. Then Cleo spoke.
“I’d rather you just say fuck, honestly.”